48 Reasons You Know You’re a Hyenaholic…

By Loa

~~~

The first entries that start with (...) are The Next Step - used only by the seriously Addicted. The second entries to start with (...) are The Final Step. If you can tick these ones off, or if you are even seriously thinking about doing them, you are an Ultra-Addict, and in need of serious therapy. Any further, and you must be an Fanatic-Addict, your initials are probably LOA, and may Malign herself help you.

1.You believe beyond a doubt that Shenzi and Banzai were destined to be together…

... you’re prepared to go to (flame) war over it…

... and you know the exact terminology for your belief,

2.You know at least three reasons why Shenzi and Banzai can’t be brother and sister…

… they’re not just technical…

… and they’re Official Disney reasons too,

3.You know what drugs Ed must be on, just from the side effects he gets,

... and you're on them

4.You spent three days drawing a hyena picture…

… then took it to a tattoo parlour,

... and that tattoo is somewhere that cannot be legally displayed

5.You had your hair cut to look like Shenzi, Banzai or Ed…

… even if it meant having eyebrows shaved off (or implanted, in Banzai's case),

6.You spent more than $100 on new clothes, just to look like your drawings,

7.You failed at least one A level (or could have improved your grades by at least two letters), because you were too busy writing hyena fanfics to do coursework...

... or revise,

8.For three months you pretended that your pillow was Shenzi, Banzai or Ed…

… because your girl/boyfriend dumped you when you shouted out one of their names during sex,

9.You found another girl/boyfriend who doesn’t mind…

… provided you let her/him call you Shenzi, Banzai or Ed…

… and you don’t mind either,

10.When you watch TLK, you fast-forward to the hyena scenes…

… and you watch them 17 times in a row, to catch every possible sexual suggestion or moment together that Shenzi and Banzai have…

11.You know what all three of the lead hyenas’ names mean (thanks, Tiger of www.lionkingorg/~tiger),

12.Happiness is eating a bar of chocolate twice the size of your head and watching the TLK video,

13.Your home printer runs out of paper and ink because of all the fanfics and fan-art you printed out…

… the college printer runs out of paper and ink because of all the fanfics and fan-art you printed out…

… the college threatens to ban you from their PCs because of all the fanfics and fan-art you printed out…

… you ignore them…

… and they do,

14.You bought yourself a $300 scanner, just to send your fan-art in to the Internet,

15.You ‘hyenise’ yourself in your drawings,

16.You know what ‘hyenise’ means,

17.You have more than 100 hyena fanfics downloaded or typed up onto your PC…

… they’re in a special folder…

… and it’s password protected because you don’t want your mum/boy/girlfriend to find out that at least half of them are NC-17,

18.You have all 80 of the ‘TLK nature fun and learn series’…

… and you traced every single picture of Shenzi, Banzai or Ed in the entire series…

… even the ones the size of your thumbnail,

19.You seriously wonder if Shenzi is pregnant by the end of TLK (she doesn’t look very thin, does she?),

20.You seriously wonder if Scar is gay,

21.Your room is so wallpapered with hyena fan-art that you can’t see the walls…

… or the door…

… and at least two-thirds of it is yours,

22.You believe that TLK is based on Hamlet…

… and that Shenzi is based on Queen Gertrude,

23.Your laugh sounds more like a hyena’s than a human’s,

24.You pay two friends $20 to cuddle, kiss, or all out snog, just to get the positions right in your drawings,

25.You draw hyenas in your A-level Advanced Art exam…

… and you pass,

26.You watch Scar’s death scene 17 times and try to see as much as possible,

27.You admire Harley Quinn out of DC comics because she sees ‘the good side’ of hyenas,

28.Thinking about your favourite hyena makes you hyperventilate,

29.You rewrote CYFTLT for ‘duet by Shenzi and Banzai’…

… and you taught yourself to play it on your [insert instrument of choice],

30.You bought the Special Edition Lion King Soundtrack CD…

… the only ‘track you listen to is ‘Be Prepared’…

… and you can sing it backwards as well as forwards,

31.Your mobile phone’s ring tone is the entire backing music to ‘Be Prepared’...

... you like to let it play the whole way through before you answer it...

... and you warned your friends,

32.Your mobile phone’s cover has Shenzi, Banzai, Ed or all three on it,

33.You got Sky, just to watch T&P, for the sole reason of seeing Shenzi, Banzai and Ed in it,

34.You start saying ‘paw’ instead of ‘hand’,

35.You start saying ‘mane’ instead of ‘hair’,

36. You start saying 'fur' instead of 'skin',

37. Every time someone puts down hyenas, you want to kick them in the [insert area of choice],

38.You rewrote the script for TLK so that the hyenas won,

39.You rewrote the script for SP so that the hyenas had a main role in it (and won),

40.You’ve watched TLK and SP so many times that you’ve drawn an accurate map of the Pride Lands, the Elephant Graveyard and the Outlands,

41.You have a 5’ poster of Shenzi, Banzai and Ed on your bedroom door,

42.You’ve studied hundreds of hyena pictures, just to get the legs right in your drawings,

43.Your greatest ambition is to become a hyena…

… just so as you can get off with one of them,

44.You started going to yoga classes, just to learn how to scratch your ear with your hind leg,

45.You learnt how to make web sites for the sole purpose of constructing a site dedicated to the hyenas.

46.You have more than 20 books specifically on hyenas,

          47.You’re typing these lists and ticking them off…

          48. Or you’re marking them down as ‘things to do’.

You can email me and tell me how wonderful I am at harleyquinn4eva@yahoo.com

 



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