Coming to Terms

A "Winds of Change" Story

By Jon Sleeper

Never has the term "bird brain" been more appropriate in this world. Though no longer a derogatory term, it nevertheless applied. Applied to *me* that is.

I knew I was simply unprepared for the consequences of wings and a beak. Not the least of which was the fact that I couldn't hear or smell anything. Or rather, compared to what I could as a deer. So, with no other choice available to me, I was adapting to my new body and senses.

I was learning that eyesight was of course my most important sense. Although I got headaches from trying to follow several things at once, I discovered that if I focused enough I could block out a lot of distractions. Like when someone blinks. And blinks and blinks and blinks... What a headache.

At the moment we had just crossed the border into Oregon. Instead of going through San Francisco, we'd gone east through Oakland, then up the Central Valley northward into the Cascades. Nice country. And for some reason I almost felt more at home here. I'd read a few books on golden eagles in the past few days (those that I could find, that is. Not much this soon after the Change) to know that they--I--are supposed to prefer mountain habitats. "What are you thinking about, Jon?" Asked Kim. Brian was in norm, in a sort of "nest" we'd built up for both him and Kim. He looked quite comfortable.

"Nothing much, really. Just talons, feathers, beaks, etc., etc.. Now that I have them..."

"I know how you feel. Last June... last June I was at the station early to do some editing on a just completed story project about that new solar power satellite they were supposed to have launched. I remember... about five thirty or so I got a *huge* pain in my shoes. They split open into these talons. Then I saw Red with those antlers and I almost lost it. I did not panic long, though. What about you?"

"Tail," I said. "I sat on it. I have to admit, though. I spent a *lot* of time just getting used to walking on hooves instead of toes. And even longer to my ability to Shift. But I really have to admit I was pretty well adjusted to being a prey animal." At that, I looked at my taloned, yellow-scaled hands and looked down at my *hugely* taloned feet. "But I guess I have no choice but to get used to this..."

Brian nodded from his nest emphatically. "He says that's what he's been trying to say for the past few days, Jon. You're *not* what you were, so you might as well get used to it, since you don't know how long you'll be that way." Jack said from the front. "That's what you were thinking, right Brian?"

He nodded. Kim smiled. Among the things I'd quickly learned was that I could more easily tell the expressions that other bird morphs were making. At one of our stops I'd actually met and talked to a flighted red-tailed hawk morph. Female (I could tell *that* too somehow). We must have talked for an hour during a rest break about (what else?) flying.

About midday we stopped in some small Oregon town just south of Salem. I don't recall the name, but what I *do* recall is a *very* strange feeling when we stopped at a 7-11 for some snacks and to refill the cooler. A lioness-morph and a dolphin-morph walked in with two children, a boy and a girl. The boy seemed intent on pulling his mom's tail. The strange feeling got even stranger when the dolphin said, "Now Tommy! Quit pulling your mother's tail right now!"

Right then I turned to Brian and said, "Can we go? This town makes me feel kinda strange..." He and I had actually been discussing my strange feelings over the past few days. And to tell the truth, they disturbed me more than they did him.

"Oh really? How so? For some reason this town feels like a nice place to start a practice in." He smirked.

"I can't place it, but I have a feeling that that kid is going to have saurian tendencies. Don't ask me how, but I know. I guess it's a teen thing." I did not mention that I felt that he *was* going to open a practice here.

"Um... yeah." Brian seemed to have a bit of that strange feeling himself, though not as strong as me.

I took a moment to glare a bit at Bryan before Brian, Kim, and I were going to get into the back. "I'll Shift to norm first," Kim said.

"No, you do that enough. *I'll* do it."

I sensed a small argument coming, so I interjected, "Guys, backwing a bit. *I'll* change to norm so you two can talk."

"Why didn't you tell us you could do that?" Brian said.

"I don't know... For some reason I've been a bit hesitant. I'm a bit of a Hiddie in my mental aspect, I think. So I wasn't sure that I could control it. I guess I've decided that I need to deal with it. Just like Bryan."

"What? And 'Hiddie?'" Bryan said.

I looked at him a bit sideways. "You heard me. I just... well I think I know how you've felt a bit. It's just that... well. Like I was telling Kim. I was *so* used to being a deer I guess being an eagle really hadn't hit me yet... but now. You've seen me *attempt* to implement Brian's suggestions. Admittedly I've made *lots* of mistakes. But... jeez, I don't know what to say. I need to think a moment, excuse me." With that I sprang into the air.

I usually do that when I need to think. Flying... flying makes up for most of the new inconveniences I have to endure (that soda was hell to get out of my feathers). The utter *solitude* of riding thermals. I really have not had time yet to really do any long distance soaring, but what I have done I hardly have to move a wing. It's a feeling like nothing else in the world. Before the Change I'd taken a couple of flight lessons, but *nothing* compares to doing it yourself.

Unfortunately when I fly (as Brian warned) the bird is in greater control. Little movements on the ground tended to distract me. I knew from my reading that golden eagles prefer small mammals, birds, and sometimes snakes (which was being borne out by my taste for *rare* rabbit. I eat rabbit like Brian does fish when he's in his favorite bald eagle morph). Which made it less surprising then it might have been when I saw one bounding along the ground below me... -FOOD!!! PREY!!!- The Voice said inside me.

::Damn it! Not *you* again! Why can't you leave me alone?:: I thought.

-(???)- Unfortunately all It knows is basic needs. Like hunting, flight (which actually keeps me from crashing) and other things. -HUNT!! FOOD! *NOW!!*- It said again, more forcibly.

Unfortunately it seemed that my negotiated peace with my deer Instincts did not really apply as much to my eagle ones. I'd had a light breakfast (I *hate* having a gizzard!) and I'm a big bird, so... But what disturbed me really was that the bunch of hares down below *did* look like food to me. I found myself staring at them, a hot taste in my mouth. Strangely, I did not feel sick when I thought about swooping down and... and...

::Damn it!:: I thought. ::Brian's right! I'm *not* an herbivore anymore! I'm a raptor and I should start *using* my Instincts to help me like I did when I was a deer! I'm running (or is that *flying*?) away from it just like Bryan was! It's time to hit this nail on the head.:: In response, I Shifted into norm-shape. I felt the eagle Instincts grow within me.

=**HUNT!** **FOOD!!**= It said. But I managed to keep control somehow. How, I'll *never* know. But I had suspicions.

::Listen you!:: I thought. ::You might be a part of me but *damned* if I'm going to give into your compulsions! You are here for *my* benefit and NOT the other way around! You hear me? I'll let you direct me, because I think I need to do this. To make you shut up if nothing else! So you direct me and I'll make the decisions. Got that?::

I felt a grudging assent. But the argument was not over. Not by a long shot.

I did not have much (none, really) experience with the norm-shape bird. And having only wings and feet was rather strange (it's actually pretty easy to get used to another pair of limbs). But with the Voice's direction I focused on a likely hare. I was briefly nervous that it might be someone else like Brian had encountered near San Fran, but the animal's behavior had *no* hint of intelligence behind it. I locked on. And then felt strange all over again.

All emotions left me. My only thoughts were that those hares were *food.* And why should I feel any kind of attachment to them? It was either eat or be eaten in the animal world. Just before I dove, I briefly noted a couple of bald eagles above me (one of which seemed to be holding something in it's talons). All I knew was that they might to *steal* my food when I caught it.

I decided I was going to do this no matter what (or who) was around. So, with the Voice giving me non-verbal directions, I dove for it.

Like I said, it's not *flying* I'm afraid of, it's *falling.* I dropped like a rock, my wings against my sides, directing myself with my tail feathers.. Golden eagles are not as fast as peregrine falcons, but they're close enough for me. The hares did not sense me coming, I must have been up a couple thousand feet (I'd had *no* trouble seeing them, though).

About two hundred feet above the ground I opened my wings a little, hardly slowing. Closer and closer to the ground I got; and I leveled off a bit. Still locked on to my target... I lowered my feet, spread my talons, and... missed.

::-Damn!!-:: My thoughts and Instinct's were the same. I immediately pulled up back into the sky, and looked for another target. But then those annoying bald eagles appeared again! I flapped a couple times to chase them away from *my* territory. Then one got bigger all of a sudden... and I suddenly realized what I'd been thinking. I tore myself away from It, and Shifted back.

I flapped a few more times, and Kim and Brian turned around towards my Toyota. "Better luck next time!" Brian said cheerfully.

"You mean you've hunted like this yourself?" I yelled back.

"Of course! I've not *quite* had a chance to hunt rodents and such yet, but I've gotten quite adept at snatching fish. Right Kim?"

She nodded. For a moment I felt a bit nauseated over the prospect of hunting, killing, and *eating* some small animal. But when I thought about it I guess it was one of those things I was going to have to get used to. ::Oh, well. Food is food,:: I thought. ::Even if it isn't green.::

While we were circling down back to the car at that 7-11, I thought a bit about Brian and Kim. In many ways I was jealous. But when I thought about it I realize my attraction was probably instinctual. Even though she wasn't a GE like me, she was still a bird-of-prey morph like I was and, well... I kept that little thing to myself though. I did not know what Brian would think about it.

When we landed on the block the store had set out in front, I found myself face to face with that kid I'd seen earlier. Apparently his parents had let him watch the three of us fly around up there. His mother extended her paw-like hand. "Hi, I'm Leona Boxhall. This is my son Tommy. He's a bit speechless right now, I'm afraid. He says he wants to be a bird when he gets bigger. Which because of what seems to be happening to teens just might happen."

I shook her hand. "Nice to meet you. I'm just passing through I'm afraid. But don't you have others like me in town here?"

"Yes, but you're the first Tommy here has seen up close. He says he wants to be a raptor when he grows up."

"Raptor?"

"What did I say? Oh yeah. That means 'bird-of-prey' anyway doesn't it? I don't know where that came from. Huh."

With that, I carefully mussed the boy's hair, and said, "Don't worry Tommy. I'm sure that you'll be a raptor." Just not the kind his mother was thinking about.

Before we got into the car, Brian, Kim, and I played a few games of "Talon, Paper, Rock" to see who'd get to remain in norm shape for the next hour or so. I won, so got in and Shifted. Then I settled into the "nest" with my feet tucked underneath.

My failed hunt had made me really tired, though. But just before I fell asleep, I heard Jack say in my mind, ::You know there's something really strange about you. I can't really put my hoof on it, but I don't think it really matters anyway. Is there anything you want me to tell anyone before you go beddy by?::

::Funny, Jack. Haha. Yeah. Tell Brian that he was even more right about coping with this. Tell Bryan I *understand* now why he's been so reluctant to use his norm shape. And that I partially forgive him for running away. *Partially.*:: For some reason I did not even think that there was anything wrong with speaking to Jack like that. ::I'm probably a latent telepath,:: I thought. Jack nodded.

One more thought almost brought me back to full wakefulness. I now remembered that when Maxine had changed me into Brian's double I'd almost lost my mind to my altered senses. What's more, I did not almost lose them *again* when *this* had happened. I remembered Bryan had done something. I figured that he must have done his thing on me, but in a way I was *grateful.* Without his help a bad situation might have become worse. (KABOOM!! Worse.)

I fluffed out my feathers a bit, tucked my head under a wing, and directed one last thought at Jack. ::Could you tell Bryan one more thing for me? Just tell him 'thank you.':: With that, I fell asleep into dreams of soaring among the clouds.

Copyright 1997, Jon Sleeper

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