A "Winds of Change" Story

By Jon Sleeper

On the road again. And my cervid self again. It'd taken almost an hour to convince Maxine to change me back.

When we stopped for meal and rest breaks (very briefly, knowing how odd thing seem to happen to our particular group) and everyone else was talking, I remained silent. Thinking. I barely remember seeing Chicago as it passed by us at seventy five miles an hour, and stopping for some $10.00 per gallon gas (just how rich was Maxine, anyway?). So given my mood it was understandable when I blurted, "Maxine, why don't you have this thing converted to a fuel cell? You could have more power and twice the range."

"For your information, our parents gave her that car about two months before they died!" Tim said irately.

"Tim! Don't! Things have been hard enough without you shooting your muzzle off!" Maxine replied. That silenced her brother. Their relationship was changing all the time, it seemed. "Besides, the story of our parents is something I want to tell him when the time is right. Just, not right now."

I apologized, of course. And said no more that day.

I knew what was bothering me, that was the worst part. I still remembered Bryan's copy. It disturbed me at night, I had strange dreams. Thoughts that didn't seem like my own, but in many ways similar. Bryan and I had known each other for over a year by the time of the Change. I'd posted a story to the list that ended up being my first attempt at a story, and that turned into a universe in it's own right. And he among others had been the first to give me the proper encouragement. I met Brian not long after, and then introduced the two of them to each other. And so our little circle of three, for people who'd never met face to face, became quite close friends.

So I found myself unable to ask Bryan to eliminate the remnants of his other self fully. For all that he'd been a copy, copy or no I thought he'd still been a person. A person with his own will. What disturbed me was the apparent fact that he'd had the will to commit mental suicide, just to bring me back.

But when I thought about it, I wasn't sure I'd do the same for him. Taking into account of my own double's reaction when he'd realized that he wasn't the real me, I was totally sure that I'd act selfish and keep Bryan "dead".

And that was why I couldn't bear to face him.

That night, about two days and twelve hundred miles since the incident in North Dakota, we'd stopped in Buffalo, New York for the night. With one more day's driving we'd be in Boston. As I'd done for the past few nights I got my own room at a Motel 6. Bryan, Brian, and Kim got a room to themselves (since they offered a room with a nice perch and bed for less than two beds), Tim and Maxine took another. I thought about arriving in Boston in the evening or late the next day, and realized two things.

One: because I'd been a bird at the time, I'd left several things back at my apartment in Carlsbad. Among them, certain necessary items like my hoof scrubber and spray on GripKote for slippery floors. And two: My camera. Why I'd forgotten that, I'd no idea.

I had one out, though. I picked up the phone and dialed. Nick answered. "Hiya, Nick. It's Jon." I said calmly, knowing the time of year.

"Jon? Really? Wow! I've not heard from you in weeks! Where are you?" I told him. "Wow! Ummm... look. No hard feelings about the other day, okay? Just to you know. I just let my instincts get the better of me."

His apologetic attitude snapped me out of my melancholia temporarily. "Well, I do seem to remember kicking your tail," I said in a jocular tone.

"Yep, you did," Nick admitted. "But I've been practicing. So maybe next time..." He let it hang a moment. "Next time I want to know how you did that antler twist! Heh." He paused. "Somehow I think you didn't call just to talk to me."

"Well, I did." That was no lie. I considered him a family member of sorts. And over the months since the Change we'd gotten to know each other very well. I'd realized how much I needed to talk to someone who would have a more objective viewpoint about what happen. "But there is something else, herd-brother. Would you mind going by my apartment and picking up a few things for me? I'll give you exact coordinates for this place."

"Sure, I can hoof that," Nick replied, a grin in his voice. "Just give me a few seconds. Just tell me what you need."

I told him, and once I hung up the phone I counted. "Eight... nine... ten... eleven..." A knock on the door, and I opened it. "You're late, you know." I said with the first smile I'd really had in days.

"Gimme a break, I overshot on the first try. Did you know that Paris is beautiful in the fall?" He ear-grinned. An expression quite obvious to anybody with his huge ears.

I looked outside at the trees in the light of the parking lot lamps. Even in their yellow light, the leaves glinted a color a bit more intense. Fall was here in the east, and I felt it here in more ways than one. October had just started. And with it, one of the more intense times of the Rut. My first Rut, and I was quite unsure what to expect.

But considering Nick and I weren't bent on killing each other, there was at least one thing I wouldn't have to worry about yet. The air wafting in was slightly chilly, so I waved him in and closed the door. "Thanks a lot, by the way. I don't know what possessed me to leave without my camera," I said.

"Well, whatever made you leave town that fast for the Captain to give you leave. Oh! I have something to tell you about that. All us draftees aren't needed anymore, so we were let go last week. They left you an option to attend the police academy, though. Since you did so well," Nick said. I smelled a bit of jealously there. He went on. "So instead I got a job at the Space Theatre."

"You lucky buck!" I said, smiling. "You get all the good jobs! I would've given anything to be in the dispatch office, you know."

"With your Power? I'd like to be immune to bullets, myself! What with hunting season just around the corner..." He stopped talking and looked at me. Nostrils pulsing, head and ears cocked. "But you didn't call me here just to act as delivery buck, did you?"

I should've known that there was no way I could fool someone with senses so close to mine. So, with nothing else to do, I told him what had happened in the past month or so. A month. It didn't seem like that long, but time could be strange in this universe. "So first you're an eagle, then you're yourself again. Then you got your instincts boosted in norm, who was then brought back by a dall sheep who was changed into a physical double of you, who then convinced you that you were a double and he was the real thing. Then you were made into a copy of the sheep, who when turned back into a sheep, so you were a double of him. Now you say that you still have his memories... I'm confused."

"YOU'RE confused!" I blurted. "It's been giving me migraines for days! I'm just glad that Bryan seemed to have solved most of the problem..."

"Most of the problem," Nick said matter-of-factly. "So what is your problem?"

I sighed. "The problem, herdbro, is that I don't seem to really remember anything specific. Bryan erased enough that he thought would make me comfortable, but left enough to satisfy the wish of his double's last request. But all I find are shadows of his memories. If I try to look at them directly, they seem to vanish. I feel like I'm always being watched by someone. And you know what that does to people like us."

Nick nodded, understanding. "Well, why don't you ask him to remove what's left, then? I mean, I think you've more than fulfilled your obligations by at least considering keeping his shadows alive. But at what cost to you? How long can you go on living like this? I mean, I can see you wanting to remember him. But nobody should remember a person in such detail. Especially if it causes more pain than you can take. Besides, I don't think Bryan would want to hurt you like that. Copy or no."

Not much longer, I thought to myself. Every time I tried to relax, those shadows would creep up into the edge of my perception, putting me instantly on alert, like they were really there. I couldn't sleep at night. I had to be rid of them. I looked at the clock. Six a.m. We'd been talking all night. "I guess you're right," I admitted. "And it's late enough that I don't mind waking him..."

Just then, there was a knock on the door. I got up and opened it. It was Maxine. She saw my haggard look (I probably smelled worse) and then saw Nick sitting on the bed. "Umm... Good morning, Jon. Who's this?"

I smiled, an expression that had been lacking in me lately. It seemed to cheer her up a bit. Looking around for Tim, I brought her inside. "Maxine, meet my herd-brother, Nick. Nick, this is Maxine, the love of my life..." I said. For the first time I said it aloud. And I was very pleased to note that I could just make out the insides of Maxine's ears turn red. I nuzzled her on her neck a bit and turned to face Nick.

I guess the only reason why we didn't have it out then and there was the fact that we were all different species of deer. If we'd all been whitetails...

"How'd he get here so fast?" Maxine asked. I explained his "warp-teleport" Power. "Not a bad Power at all. Better than mine..." Her voice became tense.

"Let's not start that again, Maxi. You just need to find some others with the same Power you have," I said, "I'm sure they're out there."

"But until then, I swear I'll never use it again. Too many bad things have happened because of it," she said resolutely.

I sighed. "Well, that's your choice." I nuzzled her again in reassurance. "As for you, Nick. Don't you have work today?"

"Oh! Yeah..." He said, surprised. Seemed a bit of possessiveness had leaked into my tone of voice. "And it's three in the morning on my coast. Umm... just give me a call if you need anything else." He moved towards the door. Before he shifted to norm and vanished, I heard him say, "That's quite a doe you have there!" Then we was gone.

Maxine blushed again. "What is it?" I asked, concerned.

"Well... it's just that I'm a caribou. We aren't as graceful as you whitetails, or even mule deer..."

"You have a grace all you own, my dear."

"Hah! Not in this universe!" She replied mysteriously. "Sorry, I don't know where that came from..." She glared at me a moment for some reason.

I took care of certain needs (no shower, though), then we went and got Bryan up. They were already getting ready to leave. Tim was at the restaurant across the road. Apparently bulls eat a lot, and they had an "all you can eat" bar. Not many of those anymore (what with elephant morphs and all). And after Tim was finished there'd be one less.

"You're looking better this morning," Brian said. Bryan and Kim echoed his comment.

"I’m glad you think so," I said. I looked at the sheep. "But Bryan, I have a favor to ask you..."

Five minutes later the shadows were gone. And with it, the remnants of what might have been a real person.

Breakfast was a quick affair. The breakfast bar was pretty much empty, so we all ordered from the regular menu. Tim glared at me when I put my arm around Maxine's shoulders. I ignored him.

"I called Eric last night before I went to bed," Brian said. "He knows we're coming. We're supposed to meet him in someplace called Braintree, near the T station. From there we can get into Boston."

Boston. Finally.

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