A "Winds of Change" Story
It was times like this when I thought about how much I wished I could wiggle my toes again. I would just stare at my feet, with their digitigrade shape and their cloven hooves, remember what they used to be like, how strange they still felt even after two months...
I shook my head and rubbed the bridge of my muzzle. I had no time for this sort of pointless introspection right now, no matter how much stress was piling up. Jon had hit pretty close to home with some of those accusations, and it had put me in a bit of a bad mood; How dare he, after what he had almost done with the earthquake? Accusing me of lacking control felt like a definite case of the pot calling the kettle black. And as he had said, he had his own problems too; I couldn't imagine why he felt responsible for the Change, for example, I didn't even think I had anything to do with the choice of my own. It was pure chance that had made me a sheep, and Jon a whitetail, and... well, I guess it seemed a bit too serendipitous that Jack had become a mule to be chance. But coincidences could happen. Chances were that Bob wasn't a horse, and I grinned slightly as I thought about how frustrated he must be about that...
I realized that I was drifting again and tried to refocus my train of thought; this was no time for me to go to pieces.
Jon was much more comfortable with his animal half than I, I admitted, and I doubted that he really understood my fear. I looked out the car window at the rocky hills and shivered. I knew the fear was irrational, literally millions of people had adapted to their changes as well as he had and I should be no different... I sighed. I had always liked to think of myself as a rational person. It was embarrassing and ironic how the Change had wound up bringing out my all-too-human flaws like this.
But as the trip continued and I watched Jon sitting silently up front with the scanner, I slowly began to realize that he was frightened, too. He was doing his best to hide it, but as a fellow ruminant I suppose I could subconsciously read the signals well enough for it to come through. I began to realize I might have been a little unfair. Considering all that had happened today, we were all frightened of ourselves right now. Except perhaps Jack, of course. Whatever the case, I felt just a little bit better knowing that. Just a little.
"What are we going to do when we catch up with Brian?" Jack asked, thankfully interrupting my troubled thoughts.
"We've got to get him touching Maxine," Jon replied.
"Maxine?"
"Yeah, I should be able to change him back," she explained hesitantly. "I changed him into his norm form in the first place, it's my Power. But he shouldn't have gotten lost like that!"
"You can change people into their norm form? Even if they can't themselves?" Jack asked, suddenly fascinated. He definitely didn't fear his animal side, I realized...
"Yeah, but I'd better not try it now. At least until I know what went wrong," she said unhappily. "Sorry." Jack nodded reluctantly, and returned his attention to driving. The road was getting a bit rough and twisty, we had travelled well away from the city by now and were getting into real wilderness. Jon said we were getting close now, so I joined the others in peering out the windows on the lookout for an eagle. My eyes weren't all that good, but it kept my mind off of other things.
"We're getting farther away from the transmitter again," Jon reported. "He's close!" Jack put the car in reverse and began slowly backing up the way we had come. After a moment, there was a sudden motion in a nearby tree and a large bird burst from the foliage.
"There he is!" Jack slammed on the brakes and we all poured out of the car as the bird climbed rapidly. The others began calling out to him while I took a moment to finally get some space between myself and Maxine again. I was ashamed of how I was behaving toward her, it was exactly the sort of reaction to her power that I was afraid people would have to me if they knew what my Power was. But I didn't have time to dwell on that. Brian seemed to have taken up some sort of holding pattern high overhead, but he could fly off at any moment; I had to do whatever I could to bring him back.
"Brian! We're trying to help you! Come down here!" I shouted at the speck in the sky, putting all the power I could behind the words. I would need it to punch through any instinctive behavioral overrides he might be suffering from, as I had learned while attempting to treat the many unfortunate Morrisville folk locked in norm form by Reimer. But Brian was either unable to hear my words or unable to understand them; a command of that strength should have produced and instant reaction, and there was none evident in his flight. Jack, however, clapped his hands to his ears and winced in pain.
"Hay! turn down the volume a bit, willya?" He groaned.
"Sorry," I apologized, then abruptly realized it hadn't been the sound he was complaining about. Oh no, now he knows too!
Relax, I won't tell if you don't want me to, I heard Jack's voice clearly speak in my head. I can't break through the clouds around his mind, and he's too far away too. But you're very strong, did you succeed?
I took a moment to get over the surprise of Jack's contact, then carefully tried to reply in the same way. If he can't understand what I said out loud vocalized, it doesn't work sorry, and I've never talked telepathically before either... I clamped a lid down on my rambling stream of consciousness before it got out of hand. This could very easily get too personal for comfort.
Jack nodded subtly, but still winced at the sound of my 'voice'. Oh, well. You're not bad, but you're a bit loud and blurry, okay?
Sorry. I tried to whisper the thought, though I really had no idea what I was doing or how I was doing it. I'd never been able to convey meaning with my power like this before. It must be because Jack was a true telepath; he already knew how to translate my mental signals or something. I hoped I could block his power if the need ever arose.
After a long period of useless shouting, our efforts petered out. Brian must have noticed us, if that was indeed Brian up there; he was circling us. Perhaps he retained enough of his mind to recognize us, though not enough to know we were trying to help. "I guess we're going to have to wait for him to land somewhere," Jon sighed. "Perhaps we can get close enough to him then..." There was a heavy silence as we all tried to come up with something more.
"Look!" Maxine pointed up, and I saw another large bird flying toward Brian from the distance. It looked about the same size and shape as him; I realized that it might be Kim.
"She's his friend," Jack confirmed. "I can feel her concern from down here. She recognizes him, I think." The two birds briefly wheeled around each other, and I lost track of who was which; Kim was probably trying to get Brian to come down to us. But after several aborted attempts, it appeared that Brian was still too reluctant. I wished I could tell what they were thinking, like Jack probably could.
Finally one of the two broke away and dove down to us, wings flaring to bring her to a halt just above the ground and transforming into Kim's more familiar humanoid form even as she touched down. "I think he's scared, and really confused." she reported worriedly. "Do you really think that's Brian? I can barely even communicate with him, he's reacting just like a natural eagle would. You said your power didn't affect the mind!"
Maxine shook her head helplessly. "I have no idea. I'm sorry!"
"Where's Janet?" Jon asked, relieving Maxine of the spotlight for the moment.
"I left her back at the restaurant. She doesn't have a scanner, so she couldn't follow you; she filled me in and then I flew in this direction to look for you. Are you sure that's Brian?"
Jon began to double-check the scanner, but Jack beat him to it; "It's hard to read his thoughts right now, what with the distance and... well, the way he's thinking, but he definitely recognized you when you flew close. He's very worried about you right now, in fact. You came down here, and I don't think he recognizes you as the same person when you're in this form. I think he thinks you've vanished somehow, hard to say."
"Wait a minute, Kim. You were able to communicate with him?" I tried to interject, the conversation moving too rapidly for me to keep up with. I knew that even natural animals had simple nonverbal signals they used to communicate with each other, to convey intents...
"I have an idea," Jack continued urgently, ignoring my interruption. "I think we could get him to come closer if we use you as bait. Kim, if you could get back into norm form, perhaps we could..."
I wasn't paying attention any more. It had all clicked together after Kim had revealed that one piece of information; I suddenly saw the only way I could rescue Brian. Kim could communicate with Brian in norm form. If I could communicate with Brian, even on a rudimentary level, I could use my power to force him to come down here and let Maxine restore him.
Maxine could give me Kim's norm form.
My heart started pounding loudly in my ears. I could save Brian... if I could let Maxine do that. I glanced around; Kim transformed and jumped onto Jon's arm, and then everyone's attention was glued to the sky, watching Brian's reaction to Kim's 'reappearance'. They didn't see me beginning to pant. "Just a little closer," Jack muttered under his breath.
I had to do it. I had to let Maxine change me into an animal, exactly as had been done to Brian, or Brian might be lost forever. I could do it right now; Kim and Maxine were right here in front of me. All I needed to do was overcome a little fear. Just a little fear. I took a deep breath and...
"Got 'im!" Jack exclaimed, and my attention snapped back to the sky. Brian was struggling in midair, fighting to flap harder and gain altitude, but some invisible force was slowly dragging him downward. I saw the look of concentration on Jack's mulish face, and I suddenly realized what was happening; Jack had mentioned having telekinesis as well as telepathy. He had Brian in a tractor beam. My help wasn't needed after all.
I shuddered as I let out the breath and my emotions collapsed into a black pit. I had been so close to doing it! Fate must have had conspired to set this up, to force me to finally overcome my fear and prove to all that I could do it... but now even I didn't know if I really would have done it. I might have let the fear win instead, and I would never know for sure. I turned and began walking away from the others, I couldn't bear to face them. They didn't notice, all eyes were on the slowly descending eagle. After I got some distance up the hill and into the trees, I began to run.
I ran through the woods for a long time, I don't know exactly how long. The ground became increasingly rough and the trees became increasingly thick as I went, and I was probably getting thoroughly lost. I didn't care; I just had to get away from the others, where they wouldn't see me. I stumbled over some deadfall, catching myself with my hands, then scrambled onward. It wasn't until I finally came to an exhausted stop in a clearing some time later that I realized I had shifted to norm form in the process, and with a final burst of strength borne of sudden near- panic I forced myself to shift back. Then I lay there in the clearing, panting and clenching my fists, completely burned out.
I could lie there forever, I thought wearily. It was a nice day. The woods smelled thick and fresh, and considering what I was there was probably no shortage of food in the area. My clothing was ruined, it hadn't been designed to take the abuse I had given it during my wild flight, but I hardly needed it considering my thick fur and this warm climate. There was no one around to see me, no one for me to accidentally control with my damned power, no one to be hurt or to fear me if my grip on it should slip. Ever so slowly, I relaxed.
I think I knew deep down that I had finally lost it, but it didn't seem so bad after all. I could finally take that vacation...
Copyright 1997, Bryan Derksen
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