A "Winds of Change" Story

By Bryan Derksen

Maxine looked back and forth between the two of us, a stricken expression on her face. "What!?" She demanded incredulously. My duplicate asked the same thing. "You're Jon," I repeated. "I remember what happened, I made you believe you were Bryan."

"But he is Bryan," Maxine objected. "Jon, stop this. Let me change you back. You're confused, something's gone wrong..." I shook my head and took a step back as she reached for me. "No, wait. I'm sorry, Maxine, I... wait, let me think..." I rubbed my muzzle, trying to sort everything out in my head. I remembered telling Maxine to turn Jon into Bryan, but for a moment I was having a heck of a time remembering who was on the receiving end of that. Was I the real Jon after all? No, that wasn't it...

"Everyone freeze!" Brian commanded, breaking me from my thoughts. "Nobody change anyone in any way until we've figured this out," Brian continued firmly. "Tim, if anyone tries anything, block them, okay? Even Maxine. Bryan may have got to her." I glanced at Tim, still poised to hit me if necessary. He looked almost as confused as I was, but nodded grimly.

"I'll be good," I said meekly. My double nodded agreement.

"Brian, what's going on here?" Maxine demanded.

Brian sighed and shook his head. "I don't know. Something weird must have happened while you three were out there, and for whatever reason Bryan convinced you that he was actually the real Jon."

"But... after they butted heads, it was obvious who the real Jon was," Maxine objected. "It was that one, there." She gestured to me I groaned inwardly.

I had done a number on her thought processes, just as Brian had accused. My double's horns were still glowing, plainly marking him as the real Jon, yet Maxine remained convinced that I was the one. "It's no good, Brian," I told him. "You can't reason with-"

"Tim!" Brian shouted, cutting me off, and I cringed in alarm as Tim grabbed one of my horns. "Don't let him speak!" I didn't resist, holding up my hands in a mute gesture of submission as I was forced to my knees by Tim's grip. I didn't know if Tim's nullification power could affect mine or not, but I knew with absolute certainty that his fist power could. I was extremely glad that he hesitated before using it.

"Wait," I heard my double shout, "don't...!" Everyone stopped and looked at him. "I still say that's really Jon," my double continued quietly after a moment. "But, hypothetically, if he is me... I wouldn't use my power on you like that. Not if we can still talk things through rationally."

Brian exhaled and thought for a moment. "If he is you, then you are Jon," he said carefully. "In which case, how would you know whether you'd use your power on me or not?" My double and I managed to follow his convoluted logic and grammar, but I could tell the others were more than a little confused by now.

My double shrugged unhappily. "All I know is what I think I know," he said, "and I think I know myself. I have my memories. Canada, Edmonton, things like that. Would I have them if I were Jon?"

Brian rubbed his beak, obviously also unhappy with his reply. "You think you have his memories," he countered warily.

I raised my hand. Brian looked at me and I could tell he was upset that I was complicating things with my request to speak. But before he could decide, Maxine took it out of his hands and said "Let him speak, Tim. We should hear his side of this too." Brian sighed but reluctantly nodded.

I nervously cleared my throat, and then took the moment to get back up off my knees. Tim still held tightly onto my horn, but it was more comfortable and dignified standing on my own two hooves. "I think I remember what happened," I said slowly. "Can I try to explain? Tim can nullify me while I do it so nobody will think I'm pulling anything."

"Test it, first," my double suggested. I looked at him with a hurt expression, pained and annoyed that he didn't trust me. He responded with an shrug.

"Okay then," I said, "nullify me. I'll try convincing someone of some obvious lie, okay?" Brian nodded, and Tim turned on his power. I felt an odd buzzing in my head but I couldn't tell if it was psychosomatic or not. It was irrelevant, so I ignored it and pointed at a cluster of four small trees standing nearby. "Brian, there are five trees in that grove. No more, no less. How many trees are there?" Brian counted carefully, and then replied with some relief that he only saw four. I smiled weakly, glad that I seemed to be regaining some measure of trust yet feeling rather guilty at the same time.

I had not, in fact, tried to use my Power at all just then. I couldn't afford their suspicion, not with my double's identity on the line; I hoped I'd be able to make it up later.

Satisfied that I couldn't twist his minds with my words, Brian allowed me to continue with my explanation of what I remembered. The details were still rather confusing for me; I knew with a fair degree of certainty what I had done, but I had a hard time getting a handle on why. I hadn't been myself at the time, and if I had in fact been Jon during that period it was a version of Jon that went nuts when he found out that he wasn't who he thought he was. After I concluded my speech, I was left with Maxine glaring angrily at me.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I wasn't in my right mind."

"You obviously weren't in Jon's right mind either, were you?" She spat. "How could you do that to me?" I grimaced. I actually had no idea how accurately I had adsorbed Jon's identity; for all I knew he would crack like I had under those circumstances. But that would have been undiplomatic of me to suggest, and I couldn't deny the possibility that my own neurotic mental processes had been at work either. I remained silent.

"It's okay, Maxine," my double touched her arm and tried to assure her soothingly. "Things are under control now." Maxine turned and tried to slap him. His kinetic shield flared briefly, adsorbing the impact and startling both himself and Maxine. Then Maxine's anger crumbled, and she walked away from both of us.

I felt a surge of shame and tried to go after her, but I was held back by Tim's firm grip on my horn. "Maxine!" I called after her, "Please! I'm sorry!" But she ignored me and continued walking. Kim glanced at me reproachfully and headed off to intercept her; Tim's grip on my horn strengthened slightly. I crumbled a bit, too. "Oh, hell," I mumbled quietly. "I screwed her up pretty badly, I hope she'll forgive me."

"You're taking this like Jon would," my double accused under his breath. I glared at him, my sadness momentarily replaced with anger; how dare he suggest my feelings for Maxine weren't genuine? And then my anger just as quickly replaced with confusion. He was right, damn him, I wasn't supposed to feel this close to her. I put a hand on my forehead and wondered what else didn't belong in there. I had really made a mess of my mind with that link...

I renewed my glare at my double. "I may still be a little fuzzy on a few things, but didn't give him any memories when I remade him," I declared haughtily. "I just made him think he's me."

He glared back. "Fine. Let's put this to the test once and for all. We'll compare our memories, then I'll prove you're the imposter."

"And if the results are valid objective, and significant, you'll accept the verdict?" I countered. He nodded firmly. I grinned, and my double glared harder.

"What are you grinning at?" He demanded.

"This reminds me of what we did when we were both Jon," I replied. "I'm glad you don't want to butt heads; the last time I did that..." I trailed off, remembering. It had been with Reimer. Ramming an opponent with kinetic shield and blast powers would have actually been preferable.

A memory test should be a piece of cake.

Kim and Maxine came up with most of the questions, Kim being an expert at interviewing people and Maxine having lived in Edmonton until after I had already left for Morrisville. The questions were delivered in the rest stop's bathroom, which was the best isolation chamber we could come up with at the time. Tim stayed solidly latched to my horn throughout the ordeal. I still didn't know if he could block me, but despite my nervousness I knew I wouldn't be trying to influence the test with my Power; it seemed fair, and I really wanted to make up for my deception.

Kim wrote down all the answers I gave, her fast shorthand slowed only slightly by her tender arm, and then it was my double's turn. I smiled confidently at him as we passed each other. He looked just as nervous going into the interrogation as I had been when I went in myself.

When his turn was over, however, he lacked the confidence that I'd felt coming out; instead he looked almost sick with worry. I felt a pang of shame over my earlier cockiness. Whether this person was a fake or not, his identity was on the line and he felt real fear over the possibility of losing it.

Since Maxine was still feeling the aftereffects of my suggestion that I was the real Jon, Kim's notes were labeled only with "Bryan A" and "Bryan B". She went through them extremely carefully. Finally she cast her vote. Brian also looked them over, checking personal details that Maxine was less likely to know about me. But since he knew pretty much the same stuff about me that Jon had, his vote didn't count for much.

Kim announced the verdict. "Bryan B is the genuine article," she declared with finality. My double sagged visibly. He was Bryan A.

Tim let go of my horn, and I emitted a sigh as I finally straightened my back again. Tim was strong. Then there was a long moment of silence. I could tell they were eyeing the glow on my double's horns; they were worried he might make a fight for his Bryanness. "Stay calm everyone," I muttered, and then gently asked my double "Bryan? Are you okay?"

My double straightened and glared at me. "What do you think? Lemme see those notes." Kim gave them to him, and he silently began skimming through the answers I'd given. He winced at several of them, obviously questions he'd done poorly on.

Finally he looked back up at me, clearly more than a little frightened. I shook my head reassuringly. "Not until permitted," I told him.

My double snorted. "After this?" he gestured with the pages of notes.

"We're like that," I replied solemnly. A hint of a nervous grin flickered momentarily on his face.

"Excuse me?" Tim asked. "Have you two suddenly gone telepathic again, or will you let us in on your code?"

I turned to the others. "I'm not going to just zap him," I declared. "It would be wrong. He's a fake me, but a real person. I can't just wipe him out."

"Not... without my permission, at least," my double sighed. "Damn my morality, he's going to make this hard on me."

"Would you prefer an ambush?" I asked. If he said yes, I would have done it. But he shook his head. "That's the same question, though."

"But you're Jon," Maxine objected. "We've got to bring him back, or he's the one who's gone." I could tell she was getting worried that might happen, but I held my reassurances and looked expectantly to my double. I hoped he really did think like I did, or at least like I hoped I would under these circumstances...

My double sighed and closed his eyes. "I'll do it. To bring Jon back." I smiled, proud of him, and the others seemed to sigh in relief too. "But... just give me a moment, okay?" He drew a shaky breath. "I want... I want..." I felt a wrench in my gut as I saw that he was on the verge of tears; I went over and put my hand on his arm to try to reassure him. He took a couple of deep breaths and then continued. "Geeze, this is awkward. I hate good-byes. Brian, Tim, Maxine, Kim... I... can't think of anything to say."

Realizing my double's trouble, I spoke up. "Guys, I think we'd like to be alone for this." My double nodded agreement; he wanted his death to be a private affair.

The others hesitated for a moment, and then Brian grudgingly agreed. "Thanks for trusting me," I muttered.

Brian looked hurt. "But I do trust you, now. I'm sorry I had to be so paranoid earlier, but consider how things looked from my side of things..."

I nodded. "It's okay," I sighed, "I understand. No hard feelings. Just because you're paranoid..." Brian grinned at that, even with his beak. I glanced at Tim. "No hard feelings for you either, Tim." Tim tilted his head slightly in acknowledgement.

My double and I turned and walked away, headed for the far side of the rest stop's main structure where we could have some privacy. Once we got there, we stopped and faced each other. A long moment of silence passed.

"You'd better get rid of that glow," I reminded him at last. "I don't know what effect a kinetic charge might have on this."

My double nodded, looked puzzled for a moment, and then faced out into the wilderness and lowered his head. "Heeya!" He fired a yellow blast of energy from his horns, blasting splinters from a distant tree. He grinned. "That's a feeling I'm taking with me," he said smugly.

I grinned back, and then I became sober again. "Alright. I assume you don't want to prolong this; I know I wouldn't. Is there anything else you'd like to ask before..."

My double nodded. "Yes. You said you've still got a bit of Jon in you, like a memory of when you were him. I want Jon to remember being me, too. I don't want to just... vanish, like I never was."

"I will," I promised solemnly.

"And... there's one other thing I want you to do for me." My double hesitated, and I prompted him gently. "I want you to... let go. Get on with your life. You're going to be all that's left of me after Jon comes back, at least as a distinct entity, and I want you to have a good life. Your regret, your pain... let it go."

"I will," I repeated hoarsely.

My double smiled. "Good. In that case, I'm ready. Be gentle."

I nodded and we took each other's hands, touching our horns together. It took a moment to swallow the lump in my throat; I was pretty choked up about this all of a sudden. "Don't be afraid," I began. "Everything will be alright. Just relax and believe what I tell you, and it will all be over before you know it." My double relaxed, my Power carrying my words deep into his mind.

I began pushing back the identity I had forced upon it, bringing back Jon's suppressed thoughts and memories to the surface. I went slowly and carefully, but even so it took just a few minutes to change who he was. Yet another thing to fear about my own Power...

When I was finished, the other Dall's Sheep and myself faced each other silently. "Jon Sleeper, I presume?" I asked at last.

He nodded. "Yes. Bryan, I remember what you did... before, and just now."

"And you also know how I feel," I said.

Jon nodded again. "Yes."

"Do you want me to erase the rest of myself now?" I asked. I had promised to leave Jon with the memory of my double, but it was Jon's mind now and his rights took precedence over the rights of the dead.

But Jon flinched. "No... I think I'd like to keep that. If you don't mind."

"I'd be honored." And it was only fair, after all, considering the bit of Jon that was still with me. We stood silently for a moment longer. "Let's get back to the others," I said at last. "Maxine'll be pleased to see you again, and we need her to get you back in your old body."

Jon nodded, touching his horns with a wry grin. "Sounds good. I'm feeling disoriented enough already without these curled... uh, no offence, of course."

I grinned back. "Your antlers were no picnic either, you know." Continuing to joke lightheartedly about each other's head adornment, the two of us headed back to the others together. In honor of my double's last request, I resolved to simply be happy that Jon existed again and let the rest go. At least for now, that was enough.

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