"Under the Cold, Dark Moon"

A Winds of Change Story

By: Brian Eirik Coe

I sat in my room and stared at the wall, the same place that I'd been since I got back from practicing with the guys three hours ago.

Well, the guys and Mana.

I shut my eyes again as tightly as I could and cursed silently. How could I have been so stupid! Drawing those pictures, then being so big an idiot as to let Mana see it!

I rocked back on my tail and laid down, staring at the ceiling now. I still didn't know for sure that she'd seen them, but the way she'd acted earlier was pretty clear. The look in her deep, golden eyes had burned through me. I'd accidentally shoved the notebook back into her bag when it burst open. Somehow, I'd known that since I realized it was gone.

How could I have been so stupid?

I couldn't even think of how to ask for the notebook back. "Excuse me, can I have the nude pictures I drew of you?" Mano had been one of my best friends for years, how could I even think of her this way? How could I even think of my old friends as a she?

The answer to that seemed strangely obvious. She was one of my closest friends, and she was beautiful. More beautiful than any other girl that I ever had a hope of meeting. I knew Mano as well as anyone I ever had. Mano had always been a good friend, and as a young woman she was warm and wonderful.

I closed my eyes again and cursed myself. How could it feel so wrong and so right at the same time?

The phone knocked me out of my funk. I reached over and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Todd," asked my father on the other end of the line, "can you come down to the store for a couple hours and cover the register? I've got to fly up to Portland for a little while."

I nodded, then cleared my throat. "Yeah, dad. I'll be down in a little bit. Bye." I hung up the phone and laid on my bed a couple more seconds. Maybe being down at the store would help me a bit, keep my mind off of things.

I got off the bed and walked to the closet, slipping off my shorts over my furred legs. My change had finally made everything raccoon that was going to be raccoon the other day. I pulled on a clean shirt and buttoned it up, barely thinking about it as I raced up the front of the shirt. I pulled up my new jeans and buttoned them up...

The cuff was below my heel.

My gaze slowly fell down to the floor and my thoughts came slowly and surely. My pants were too short, too loose. They were only a couple days old. My mother and I had gone shopping for them right after I got out of the hospital. I was shrinking. I was still changing.

Good God, I was still changing.

The forest was a quiet, lonely place as you neared midnight. Only the crickets were out to keep me company.

A few months ago, I hadn't been a night owl. I could barely keep my eyes open past eleven or so. Now, though, the darkness of the forest seemed strangely comforting. The trees were only dimly lit by the quarter moon and bands of stars in the sky, but I could still see like it was merely dusk. The cool moist air barely penetrated my fur, even in the winter Oregon night. The damp smell of pine filled the air.

I'd filled in for my father until he returned from Portland, then told him that I wanted to think a little. He didn't know that I was still changing. I didn't know how to tell him or mom. They were so happy when things seemed to end the other day. I looked around the forest. It could be my home someday, someday not so far off anymore.

Somewhere deep in the core of my increasingly raccoon mind, I felt a tingle of warning. Something else was in the forest, and coming closer. Somehow, I could tell that it wasn't trying to be stealthy, but it was in its nature. The animal part of my brain wanted me to climb a tree to be perfectly safe, but I just didn't feel like doing it. It was probably just someone on a night hike, after all. There hadn't been any real wolves in these woods since before I was born.

I could see the glowing eyes in the distance, flicking like a will-o-wisp in the darkness. The would appear, then disappear, then appear again, bouncing up and down. Finally they focused straight onto me and started coming closer. "Todd?"

I tensed now, the voice cut through me. "Hi, Mana."

She was silent as she walked up then sat next to me on the log. She was dressed in a set of jogging clothes that seemed surprisingly revealing. Her chest was encased in a jogging top, her midriff was bare and she had on a pair of dark jogging shorts. "Nice night." she said finally.

I nodded. "Yeah. I haven't been out here much at night yet. I guess I should get used to it."

"Probably," she agreed. Her voice trailed off, and we fell into the silence of the forest. I was about to say something when she took a deep breath. "I've been coming out here for the last few nights, to run. Helps to clear your mind. You should give it a try." She paused, "If your leg is feeling better, that is."

"My leg's fine, so maybe I will," I said lamely. "You're definately dressing a little different, lately," I commented, almost cursing myself for it as I said it.

To my surprise, she chuckled. "Thanks for noticing. I tried one of my old jogging suits and it was just too damned hot. Ran for a couple nights like that and came home soaked. My mother picked this up for me this morning." She shook her head. "I think she always wanted a girl."

I wasn't sure exactly what to say. I somehow could only think of her jogging bra, and I just couldn't bring myself to mention it. "How'd the end of practice go?" I asked finally.

She shrugged. "Fine. You left before we got that far into things, though."

We fell into a long silence. I couldn't think of anything else, and had to bring it up. "I'm sorry," I said finally.

Mana sighed, "You're a good artist."

I didn't smile at the compliment, "Thanks."

Even though I wasn't looking at her, I could hear her nod. "I'm not sure if I should be flattered or mad." She was quiet for a second, "Maybe a little of both."

I finally turned my head and looked at her in the dim evening light. Even here, her silhouette was stunning. She had the makings of one of the most beautiful women in the world. "I don't know what I can say to make things right," I said as my voice choked. "We've been friends for so long, and I've destroyed it."

Mana sat silently, smiling thinly. "Todd, if I can be as confused as I am right now, then so can you. I don't know what to think about all of this, either. But no matter what happens, we're still friends."

I felt some of the load off my shoulders, but not all of it. "I'm glad you said that," I said. "I was afraid that I'd gone too far."

She looked at her feet, never glancing at me. I could hear her tail flick a bit in the thick underbrush. "No, not too far. Not too far," she repeated.

I felt my heart race. "Is there hope for us beyond that?"

She turned on me, anger glinting briefly in her eye that softened almost instantly. Mana looked right into my eyes for the first time since she sat down, and her expression changed. "Todd, what is it? This isn't about the pictures, or me."

I didn't want to cry, but I felt the tears well up in my eyes, and my nose started to run. "Nothing," I said quickly, then started to stand up. I felt Mana grab my arm and pull me back down to the fallen log we were sitting on. "Hey!" I said through a sob. "Leave me alone."

"Todd, what is it?" she asked, suddenly much more concerned. "What's wrong?"

I looked her in the eye and it flowed out. "I'm going to be gone in a few weeks, Mana. Gone forever."

The answer took her by surprise. "What? What are you talking about?"

"I'm still Changing, I'm still changing," I sobbed.

A stunned expression went across her face, then looked me up and down, her eyes focusing on my cuffed jeans. "You're getting smaller now?" she said in a whisper. We both knew the implications of that. She reached over and touched my hand. "Why didn't you say something?"

I tried to respond, but the words were drowned out by my sobs. I felt the energy drain out of me and the fur on my face get wet from the tears. She reached over and hugged me tightly, "It's okay, Todd. It'll be okay." All I could do was sob and feel the warmth of her body on mine.

The more I sobbed, the more tightly she held me, her muzzle pressed deeply into my left cheek. With a gentleness that Mano never had, she stroked the bare fur on the back of my neck. I could feel her fingers caress around the base of my ears. My eyes started to clear, and my gaze lifted to hers. Mana caressed my head once more, then slowly and deliberately pulled me closer.

Our muzzles came together in a long, lingering, unmistakable kiss.

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