From: "Mr. Bananabeak" To: TLK-L@lionking.org Subject: It's parody time again ! Date: Sat, 14 Nov 1998 00:46:11 CET Reply-To: TLK-L@lionking.org Haaaa listers, the bird is stepping out of Rindimo's shadows once again. Read and enjoy! *** PPS *** Ever wonder why Zazu had no serious things to do in SP? Because he got competition! For years everyone considered him the messenger, the mailman and the gossip-spreader all rolled into one. But that changed a couple of months ago........ Rafiki made his weekly walk through the pridelands looking for his herbs. He was in a bad mood, 'cause Kiara had snuck in to his tree and taken his entire stock of catnip. That evening a loud spanking sound could be heared together with Nala's furious voice while Kovu sang the whole Woodstock-repertoire at the top of his voice. After searching for some hours, he noticed a small shack at the border of the Pridelands. He walked up to the shack and saw a paper leaf on the door saying "Soon to be opened here: Priderock Postal Services". He had no idea what to think of it, but since no-one was inside he was left wondering while he walked back to his tree. The word spread quickly and Zazu flew by the shack each day to see if it had already opened. He had mixed feelings about the whole thing. Relieved because now someone could take over some of his heavy responsibilities, but weary at the same time because it felt like someone was invading HIS territory. Then one day the door was open. He flew in straight away and saw nothing more than a big counter, a till and some posters about "Express Delivery" and "Help Wanted". But still no-one could be seen. Zazu then noticed a small bell on the counter. He pecked at it with his beak and a few seconds later someone appeared. Another hornbill dressed in a brown uniform and a hat saying "PPS". "Yes, how may I help you?", the new bird said. Zazu ruffled his feathers and said "Well, first of all you can tell me what the bleep you're doing here!" "Isn't it obvious? I'm taking my services to a new market! You must be the current postman. It looks like you didn't take any customer surveys or thought of an effective marketing-mix." "I beg your pardon, Mister.....?" "Bananabeak. But you can call me Mr. B." "Humph, Mr. Bananabeak. I don't know if YOU know, but I've been the royal families' Majordomo for generations!" "But it's obvious to me you've failed to keep up with the latest technologies. Can you offer guaranteed delivery in 24 hours all over he world? Do you equip your packages with GPS-microchips? I don't think so!" "Do I what ? Listen you....you..you intruder! I don't know what you're talking about, but I've never had any complaints so far. I spread news, I keep track of all the gossips and everyone stays happy. And now you come barging in and tell me I'm oldfashioned? The outrage!" "No offence, gramps, but sit back and watch the demonstration." Mr. B. pressed a button under the counter and behind him a sign appeared with a buzzing sound. "Number one please !" Without Zazu noticing it, quite a line of animals had gathered inside the shack. Timon was the first to walk up to the counter. "Ah, Mr. Timon. Your package is right here. One long range beeper with rechargable batteries. That'll be 13 spicy red grubs and 3 fat grainworms please." "Sheesh, do you know how long I've been waiting for that thing? Kiara's harder to follow than a chameleon at night!" Timon reached for a big bag and paid Mr. B. *buzzzz* "Number 2 please! Ah, Zira isn't it ? This is yours I believe: One copy of War and Peace and one of Hostile Takeovers For Dummies. Eight Fieldmice please..... Thank you!" Zazu stayed inside to see nearly all of the Pridelands' animals walk in and out with packages, letters and telegrams. He was astonished. And then his whole world fell apart when Simba walked in to collect his first copy of "The Daily Underground". Everything Zazu worked for, everything he built up, was useless now. Tears formed in his eyes while he flew out in no particular direction. All he wanted was to fly as far away as possible from that infernal shack. Mr. B's day had been extremely busy. He earned back his investment in one day! And furthermore he had more worms than he could eat in a week. With a big smile he closed the till and was about to turn off the light when he heared some soft knocks on the backdoor. He looked through the spyglass and saw a lion with a dark mane looking around nervously. Mr. B. opened the door: "Yes? Can I help you?" The lion kept looking around while he softly said: "I'm here to collect a package. The name's Kovu." "Ah, Mr. Kovu! No, I'm sorry. Your Viagra pills haven't arrived yet........." ************** Rob, on his way to become Rindimo the Second ;) <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> * "There's one in every family, Sire. TWO in mine actually......." - Zazu "........I'm one of them ;)" - Mr. Bananabeak * Honorable member of the Pride Keepers "One thing nothing can destroy is our pride deep inside, we are one" ------- Begin TLK Code 1.51 ------- TLK+++ A B+ D+ C L++ M Pzs+++ W++ S++++ Tzsr+++ RLBM>RB a21 cdnw+++ e+>++ h+ iw+++ lcmntxz p- sm# ------- End TLK Code -------