(INTERNET:TLK-Lnwoca.ohio.gov)d Please note: The Grand Pumbaa and I will be loading up the Winnebago and driving out to the west coast on Monday in a holy quest for beer. We expect this expedition to take aproximately two weeks, so any email adressed to myself or the First Church may go unanswered during that time. I say *may* go unanswered because I have enough nerdy family and friends out there that I should be able to check my email a couple of times during that span (depends upon the severity of the withdrawl symptoms). I have one final FCOS bulletin to release prior to embarking on this holy geas: First Church of Simba --------------------- Newsflash: Camp Zazu Revival (over 90% revived!) From: FCOS Corporate Head Office Winnipeg, Manitoba Date: August 31, 1996 GOH: Dr. Peter Principle, OAC, OBE, QED Keynote sermon: "The Lion King - Homosexuality, Voodooism, Paganism, Cthuluism, Egotism, Astrology, Proc- tology, and a whole bunch of other big words I don't really under- stand." Beer: Not Budweiser. (SIMBA PRESS): The first annual Camp Zazu Revival was held this weekend at an undisclosed location near Spuzzum, British Columbia. An FCOS executive, who asked to remain anonymous, declared it to be a "big whacking success with almost no casualties." The weekend was opened by The Grand Pumbaa, who delivered a brief welcome speech and then led the ceremonial pilgrimage to the "Water Hole Canteen" where camp goers engaged in the ritual pounding back of the temple beer. A fun time was had by all as the temple inquisitor led the revellers in a ribald rendition of "Let Us Drink The Holy Beer Until Even Shenzi Looks Good". This was followed by the early evening bazooka barf. Many of the activities planned for the morning of day two had to be postponed pending the resuscitation of the temple BOD. The Shenzi Glee Club provided lunchtime entertainment with their famous rhythmic interpretations of The Book of Simba, wherein they read passages from the holy texts to the accompaniment of a tympani played with a reggae beat. Dr. Principle held an early afternoon seminar on milkweed floss reading and divination, followed by pouncing lessons. Fortunately this year's casualties were FAR below last year's distressing total, a statistic that temple lawyers suggest is likely due to the lessons being held prior to the sacred wine tasting this year. Games were organized for the children, with the favorites being "pin the tail on the hyena" and "toss the gopher". Campers then gathered around the firepit to sing "Pumbayaa" and pound back the sacred wine. Following the mid-afternoon detoxification break came the craft hour where campers were divided into teams and given one hour to try and build a useful, Lion King related device out of a crate of "scavenged" materials. Team Banzai won when they managed to build a fully-functional wildebeest catapult. Runners up were Team Sarabi's Pride Rock spinner and Team Timon's dialysis machine. Dinner was delayed when KFC lost the address of the campsite and the campers had to fend for themselves at the nearby corner convenience store. A scuffle broke out when some campers discovered that the store still had a few Series I Lion King Collector cards in stock, but personal and property damage was kept to a minimum. After din- ner, Dr. Principle delivered his keynote sermon to ceremonial jeers, and only the hurried intervention of The Grand Pumbaa prevented him from becoming the first test subject of the wildebeest catapult. The catapult later proved very useful in ridding the campsite of un- sightly empty wine tins and beer bottles. The only damper on the weekend was the raid by police in riot gear after complaints by res- idents in a neighboring project. The weekend concluded with a re-enactment of the legendary "disappearing wildebeest" stampede when the pride dispersed from the camp locale without paying the rent. Unlike last year, we managed to match up most of the children with their parents before breaking camp. The First Church would like to extend its thanks to all those who attended this revival, and es- pecially to those who managed to leave under their own power. d braun - simba@icenter.net fcos website - http://www.icenter.net/~simba/fcos.html