Ugas at the Christmas party.

    I thought I would share one of our warm yuletide memories with you.  At
our Thanksgiving Day party this year, we let Ugas play Santa Claus.  The
cubs responded well to this right jolly old elf, and everthing was going
well.  Too well, actually.

	Isha wasn't going to let her-ahem-condition prevent her from enjoying
herself at the
party.  She had been hitting the egg nog rather heavy, something we have to
watch out for because it wipes out what few inhibitions she has.

	She got in line with the cubs, something that I should have spotted as a
danger sign.  I
offered her to come with me to get a nice black coffee, but she would hear
nothing of it.  Indeed when her turn came, she slinked into Ugas' lap, slid
her paws around his neck as she curled her tail around his leg to give him a
long, lingering lick.  "I've been nice and naughty this year," she said in a
sultry voice.  "So I have a long list of goodies I want."

	"Oh boy," Ugas said-his eyes, how they twinkled, his dimples, how merry.
"I can see
I'm coming down YOUR chimney tonight!"  He giggled and shoved her with a paw
and said, "Madam, your tongue is in my ear."

	She began to rub her paw down inside the front of his coat.  "Does it
really shake when you laugh like a bowl full of jelly?"

	His eyes widened.  "Ho Ho HOOOOW!!"

	"So whatcha going to put in my stocking, Honey Tree?"

	"As if you didn't know, babe!" he said breathlessly.

	The little cubs watched them fascinated.  You could have heard a pin drop.
In fact, I
think I did.  Or maybe it was a needle....

	Ugas slid out from under her, then put out the "BACK 15 MINUTES" sign.
"Just a
moment, kiddies," he said in a trembly voice, "Rudolph's nose is REALLY
glowing, so it's time for Missus Claus and I.to feed the reindeer."  He
quickly whisked her into the broom closet.

	One of the cubs asked me, "How did he get them all in there?"  I said I had
no idea.

	The door slammed.  They were in there with a whole host of cleaning
supplies, but
ironically they would get down and dirty.  Isha giggled, a very drunk, very
high-pitched twitter like a mockingbird tying one on.

	Ugas boomed, "On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen!"

	She giggled wildly.

	"On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen!"

	"Yes!" she shrieked, "To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall!"

	He answered, "Now dash away, dash away, dash away...ALL RIGHT!"

	A moment passed in deadly silence as the cubs shifted uncomfortably in
line.  And then the door to the broom closet swung open.

I was furious....

	Isha was on her back grinning tiredly.  One of the cubs said, "Are you ok?"

	She smiled.  "Feeding the reindeer is hard work-but satisfying."

	Ugas stumbled with a dopey grin back toward the big gold-leaf chair.  "Wow,
I got MY
Christmas wish!"

	I could barely contain my anger.  "Feeding the reindeer?" I asked.  "So how
was their
little roll in the hay?"

	He smiled sheepishly.  "Their needs are met, if that's what you meant."

	Isha panted.  "With a little old driver so lively and quick..  I knew in a
moment it must be his...."

"Don't say it!!" I boomed.  I looked around at the stunned little faces
standing in line.  "Didn't you think one time about--cubs?"  I asked.

	"Oh my gods!" Ugas gasped, looking genuinely contrite.  "I forgot to bring
my protection!"

	With all that's said and done, I think this is the last year we'll serve
egg nog at our party.


==============================
John Burkitt  --  Pridekeepers SOotPK
FCOS Our Lady of the Golden Fur
www.lionking.org/~tgk
==============================


Continued by Panthera Leo Persida
(WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY PEOPLE TACKING ONTO OTHER'S
STORIES WITHOUT PERMISSION)


 Recently Ugas and Isha were not the only lions in the broom closet. I
rate the following exchange H (for humorous - I hope).

 Zira prepared to consummate her amourous act with the handsome lion
doctor when the broom closet door suddenly open. A ray of light
penetrated the darkness and fell on her. "Ugas," Zira cried "get out of
here - there not enough in here for all of us! Get your toothbrush out
of my eye - I hope you brought some protection for it. You didn't . Wait
- here a rubber. No Ugas - don't eat it. Oh no -  HE
CHOKING! I'll have to perform the Heimlich maneuver. (From Ugas mouth
the rubber popped out - plus a character from Disney's "A Bug's Life")
"Heimlich,
what were you doing inside Ugas," Zira asked. "The apple he had was
de-licious,"
Heimlich replied. "We have to get you out of here before The National
Enquirer finds
out!" Zira screamed. She opened the door and noticed all the cubs
looking at her.
Hey everybody, look! It Heimlich from "A Bug's Life". She pushed the
caterpillar out the door. 
 "Yeeah, let's all hug Heimlich!" the cub screamed. The caterpillar
tried to make a quick getaway but couldn't. Suddenly, a bird swooped
down and rescued Heimlich. (Correction: A bird swooped down and ATE
Heimlich.) The cubs were taken away by their mothers to receive
counseling for the horrorible thing they saw. "I hope Disney doesn't
find out,"Zira said. "They'll probably throw me over a cliff into a
raging river." 
 " Well at least I have my morning after pills. Wait - these are mints!
Kramer must have my pills. I wonder what effect they would have on a
man?"     
  (Kramer: Jerry, let' make fun of that fat guy over there that's being
carjacket - I bet it would be real fun.)
 Suddenly the door opened again. "Hi Zira," said Rindimo. " Do you like
my picture of Scar?" "Very nice," Zira said.
"But it looks like he's been attacked by hyenas." "Zira," Rindimo
replied, "Scar was killed by hyenas." "He was not," Zira retorted. "He
was killed by Simba! Now get out of here and don't come back until you
wash you mouth with soap." "Yes, Zira!" Rindimo replied excitely.
 The door opened again. "We can do it in here," said Timon. "Timon?"
said Zira. "Zira!" said Timon. "Pumbaa?" said "Zira!"
said Pumbaa. "What are you doing in my
broom closet," Zira asked. "Actually this is a communal broom closet,"
Timon replied.
"As long as I have claws to slash you, it's
MY broom closet!" "Well ...," Timon replied, "Kiara been coughing up
these hair ball and we ned something to clean up the mess. Zira, is
there anyone else in here?" "Only Ugas, Isha, and a handsome doctor
whose name I don't know." "There's
a doctor in here? Could he prescribe some syrup for Kiara," Timon said.
(The lion doctor sprays Timon). " Auggh, I been marked for life!" Timon
exclaimed. "Stop whining like some Broadway actor. I had enough - I'm
leaving this broom closet. Goodbye everybody."  

 And Zira became the first lion to step out of closet.

THE END