Now that another movie is upon us, get ready for another round of 
Disney merchandising! Unfortunately, not all products make it
through to market. Here are some of the things you
probably won't be seeing on the shelves:

=======
*Books*
=======

Nuka's Autobiography
--------------------
* Released due to popular demand
* Fills in the gaps where the film leaves you hanging
* Learn what drives him, and explore his inner motivations
* Read about his childhood and his tragic quests for recognition.
* $29.95. Paperback, 2 pages. Disney Press.

"Single, With Children" by Zira
-------------------------------
* Over 300 pages of time-tested advice for the modern single parent
* Includes special chapter on basic methods of combat instruction
* Forward by Lisa Marie Presley
* Hardcover, $24.95

"The Urban Meerket" - by Timon
------------------------------
* Over 250 recipes for your favourite insects
* Safe! Kids can cook them without parental supervision
* $9.95. (6 and under)

==============
*Other Items:*
==============

Rafiki's 'Upendi' tablets
-------------------------
* Sold under special license from Viagra Pharmenueticals
* Tablets shaped just like Rafiki, for hours of fun!
* Now, you can 'Up' your 'Endi'!
* NO PRESCIPTION NECESSARY!! (Limited time offer)
* $102.95 (5 tablets)

Zira-Brand Cigarettes
---------------------
* Special blend for chain-smokers has extra tar!
* Guaranteed to give your voice that rich sounding*, bassy edge! 
  (*After years of heavy use)
* Call for special deal with purchase of Rafiki's 'Upendi' tablets
 
Vitani Lighter
--------------
* Picture of Vitani and Nuka on sides
* Perfect for those Zira Cigarettes, or random acts of arson
* $6.99 non-refillable (5 pack)

Pumba Butt-Blaster Gun
----------------------
* Quality injection-molded plastic casing
* Pull the trigger, and it lights up and makes sound
* Hours of entertainment!
* $9.95 (Batteries not included)

Talking Timon Figurine
----------------------
* New, artificial intelligence!
* Automatically senses tense or intimate moments, or when things
  are just too quiet
* Lights up and makes a wisecrack joke, every time!
* $69.95

Zira's Rapid-Inflato-Raft
-------------------------
* Can't swim? Now you can!
* Ultra-light fabric straps around waist. You won't know it's there!
* Smile, with the knowledge that you can fall into river rapids unharmed
* $259.95 (includes compressed air canister)

Simba's Home Plastic Surgery Kit
--------------------------------
* You have the shaving kit. Now take the next step!
* Includes 'Guide to Chin and Facial Reconstruction', knife, duct tape.
* Be the first on your block to own one!
* Unbeatable price - $6.95

Nala's 'Visual Edge' Lenses
---------------------------
* Contact lenses instantly change your eye colour
* Available in green, blue, or one of each!
* Special deal! Order now, and don't pay a cent till they're approved
  by the FDA!
* $29.95

Kiara 'Joke Leg'
----------------
* Fool your friends!
* Attaches easily
* Quality, life-like canvas material
* $19.95

Kiara-Beep 2000
---------------
* Do you know where you're children are?
* With this electronic device, never loose track of them!
* Conveniently clips into outer ear and CANNOT be removed!
* $79.99, includes 1 ear tag and 1 base receiver.


Steve Hanov
smhanov@undergrad.math.uwaterloo.ca
http://www.undergrad.math.uwaterloo.ca/~smhanov/guide/

... "Silflay hraka, u embleer rah," replied Bigwig. -Watership Down