No one has wanted to discuss 'the incident'. Today, Timon breaks his silence. Here's the story ... in the meerkat's own words!
Pumbaa and I were staying with Nala and Simba. Suddenly I heard a scream. "Finally! This is what I was born to do." Nala ran out of the room. Checking the computer screen I read an e-mail message. It seems they were having tryouts for TLK in Toronto at Shea's Theatre tomorrow. An ancestor once did a burlesque act there. They got a lot of wild and crazy guys and gals in that town. And they have that Czech goaltender too. I roused Pumbaa from his slumber. "Pumbaa, you have to hold down the fort here!" Huh, what? Oh no! The British are here! They're going to burn the city down!" "No Pumbaa, its 1999, not 1814. Remember to turn the computer off and when Simba comes back lie." "Timon, you know I not good at that." "Improvise!" I jumped out an open window. Luckily Nala has a convertible. The lioness hit the gas and burned rubber.
Here we are flying down the highway dowing 100 MPH. Should use a seat belt but I want to make this trip incognito. Laying on the car floor, hands against the back seat, feet against the front. Do sea sick pills work for car passengers? The way things were going I figured neither of us would survive. Then I heard a whining sound. A police car! "Hey, where the fire?" I think he was startled when he saw the driver. "Sorry officer but I have an audition I can't afford to be late for!" "That's different. You can go ahead." Nala speeds off. Reading lips, I think the officer said, "I thought Nala would recognize sarcasm when she heard it!"
I thought we got lucky. The car blew a tire. Nala had to pull to the side of the road. Lionesses have trouble changing tires you know. Nala got out and laid against the car. She got an idea. Nala gave a passing auto 'the look'. The vehicle sped up, shot off an embankment and burst into flames. That was embarrassing. The next time she toned it down. A Porsche pulled over. Nala went over to the driver's window. "I got a flat ... Matthew! Fancy that you drive by. Loved you in "Godizalla". Face it Nala ... Poor scripting and dialog, nonsensical plot, pathetic acting ... the film was a BOMB! But I think my next film will be a box office smash." "Think you could change my tire?" "Disney let me keep some of the gadgets!" Pipes shot out of his arms, claws attached and spun the lug nuts off. Less than five minutes Matt finished the job. Thankful, Nala kissed him. Something deployed from the actor's head. Kaboom! The Porsche expoded. "I told Disney to fix that!" "Sorry Matthew, got to run." Peering out from the back seat I saw Matt fly away.
We finally reached our destination. "I'm here," Nala cried. "Where
are the auditions?" "Sorry, said the director, "but we're all finish."
"No! I'm perfect for the part of Nala." She shot him 'the look'. This
had a strange effect on the man. He grabbed a piece of paper and
feverishly wrote. "The theatre's closed but you can do this." Nala's
facial muscles tighten. She wacked the director halfway across the room.
"What do you think I am, some kind of bimbo?" I read the first line.
Climbing a trellis I entered the room through the open window. Nala
came through the door looking dejected. "Finally back from getting
cigarettes?" Nala looked confused because neither she nor Simba smoked.
"How irresponsible are you? Leaving your computer on. Do you know what
web sites that warthog accessed and what he bought using my credit card?
The bill is coming out of your residuals!" "Simba, I don't get resid...
unless..." "Nala, put that plate down!" Those things started flying
around the room like frisbees! "Not the lamp!" So many police cars came
you think Scar was holed up here. The cops didn't do anything because
Simba claimed an earthquake hit the place.
I paid a visit to the hospital. Lying in the bed, Simba opened his
eyes. "Meerkat, this is your fault." "Simba, shouldn't you take
responsibility for your actions?" "But it was your idea," the lion said.
"I may have said some things but you still have free will." Then Nala
entered the room. "Come to pull out my IV?" "Simba, though I decided to
stay with you, I'm retained something to manage my finances. This is
John from Nashville. He has everything I'm looking for." "And some
things I can only see with x-ray eyes. I wouldn't trust him to write my
story." "You'll have to from now on," Nala sighed contentedly.