Subject: Join the FCOS Junior Marines! was:Re: KILL HIM!! Re: Identification of artwork Date: Thu, 21 May 1998 00:48:36 -0500 From: Rindimo Reply-To: TLK-L-private@lionking.org Organization: L.O.S.T.-- C.A.U.S.E. To: TLK-L-private@lionking.org Jeff Dearman wrote: > > > > >> I thought so, but the fact that it was just part of it that > he'd > >> clipped out threw me off. Thanks for catching it... > > > > Aw, yer welcome. Of course... if I didn't catch it... then that'd > mean > >it'dbe time to visit the optometrist. > > > >> Not that I know of-- but he does have an e-mail address. > >> llqk@cyberway.com.sg > >> > >> > >> > >> Brian > > > > Hey, thanks, Brian! Don't > >worry... I'm over it a little... but still, I'm gonna give this person > a > >little bit o' my two cents' worth. Now where'd I put the fertilizer > >warhead?... > > Hey Snowy! Got a spare furburner 2000? > > Heh I bet the FCOS has some contraptions that woudl do the job :P > I get most of my merchandise from F.C.O.S. > including the custom made UGAS T-Shirt :) > merchandising merchandising !!! :) > --Kurabi -- Hey... I think you're onto something there! About contraptions that is... It's got my brain a-thinkin': Narrator: Say there, little tyke, has the summer turned out less fun than anticipated? N: Well not today! Today is your lucky day! The First Church of Simba realizes that not all cubs have fun the entire summer... and started up this wonderful summer program: "The FCOS Junior Marines!" Yes, little cub, you can experience the thrill of firing off your first round with an M-16... Learn important decision making skills in battle strategy, Make incendary explosives out of household chemicals, throw bayonets, and other militia skills that you will treasure forever. Experience the pride in being a guard of the FCOS treasury... where at any time, you might get the chance to pick off some IRS agents trying to audit our beloved clergy. If marksmenship is something you lack... not to worry! The Junior Marines are in need of grenade throwers constantly. Yes, little cub... the Junior Marines is everything the real Army can't be, because we weren't stupid. We never signed a load of worthless treaties promising peace! So, what do you think? Cub: I wanna drive the tank!! Narrator: Well now! Aren't we eager! There's nothing to it, my friend. All you have to do, is sign this contract swearing loyalty to your Church, and what it stands for-- for life. Do that, and you get to do everything, and be a part of the FCOS Knew Whirled Oder started by our loving leaders!! Hail Der Feur Grand Pumbaa! Cub: Allright!!! Hey mister, can I give it a spin? Rindimo: Not just yet, kiddo, I gotta get this old diesel motor workin'. Lucky for me, I found some parts in the basement. Seems we weren't the first to attempt starting a new country... cub: Well... can it still shoot? R: Oh sure! ...As soon as i break the lock on the storage compartment... Cub: Awww.... R: Cheer up, little guy! This'll only take a couple more minutes! Here, you can go put on your new uniform, and have Plonq over there teach you how to use the Furburner 2000. C: YEAH! Narrator: Yes, kids! It's the FCOS Junior Marines! where the only thing fake, are the targets! (most of the time) Make this summer a summer that not only you, but the whole earth won't forget! R: what's this? Ray-dee-oh ac-tive. HMMMM! The Grand Pumbaa will be pleased.... A nuclear warhead! What luck! And here I bought this thing at a flea market! Mechanically reclined, -Rindimo --  The Tiger is made to kill and hunt, The Lion too, but more towards fight. The Leopards and Jaguars were made to climb, And Cheetahs made for earthly flight. But there is one creature of forgotten lore: Shrouded in mystery, be that it's trade, Of other virtues, it has all four- Respect the Puma, and what God made. -Rindimo E-mail Address: Rindimo@bellsouth.net *If you can read this, then I am still an eligible bachelor!*  Founder (and only member) of: The L.O.S.T.- C.A.U.S.E. (League Of Simplistic Technology- Causing All Unforseen Solutions Evident) K.I.S.S.: Keep It Simple, Stupid. (Long neglected scientific principle) FIRST ASSAULT OF THE FCOS JUNIOR MARINES: BY: The infamous Rindimo "Okay, troops, fall in!" The cubs quickly got into a straight, well organized line in front of the drill master. "My name is RIndimo, and I'll be your senior officer for today. Well you yellow ear wax globs, today's your lucky day! 'Seems the big guys up in the belfrey need your help." "I told you not to play with that glue," whispered one cub to another. "What was that, SOldier??!!" "Nothing! Nothing!" "Yeah, right. GIve me twenty pushups! Now, for the rest of you. 'Seems there have been some offenders that have been going un-punished lately in the congregation. Now it's our mission to exterminate the lowlives. Yes, Private?" "Sir, don't you mean 'excommunicate'?" "How dare you question your orders! Give me fifty pushups! Now... unless the rest of ya want to do the same, I ask that you listen attentively." All the cubs intently leaned forward a bit... "The Grand Pumbaa has declared gratuitous acts of open violence be imposed onto anyone who, out of their anarchy... have offended many, and have divided the church. These are the symptoms you need to be looking out for: Symptom 1: *ANYONE* who says "Unsuscribe me now!" Shall be immeadiately put to death. Symptom 2: Anyone who quotes an entire message-- ESPECIALLY a digest version-- only to do a one line comment... shall be immeadiately put to death. Symptom 3: Anyone who begins to talk about Titanic... Shall be tickled until they no longer laugh, then have acorns shoved up their nostrils... then immeadiately put to death. Symptom 4: Anyone who makes an extremely small statement, or comment... and leaves their huge sig. file attached... shall have their knuckles rapped with a ruler... and given a warning... and then if I fell like it... Immeadiately put to death. Now, there are others out there, but these are the ones to keep in mind. I'll point the others out when we get there. So, any questions so far?" "SIR YES SIR!" "What is it, Private?" "What about those who haven't been giving tithes and offerrings faithfully? what about them?" "That's TUESDAY! This is an emergency! The Grand Pumbaa's e-mail server is hanging by a thread! The hope for this newly founded country is in your hands! Besides... this is testing grounds for all of you. It's your first misson. Now... on with the briefing.." "Sir! we have no briefs, sir!" "That lame joke just made you owe me a HUNDRED PUSH-UPS! Anyone else care to try me??!!" Silence. "Good. Now, does everyone remember the policy for safely flushing out an offender out of a building??" A cub meekly raises a paw. "Yes, Soldier?" "Use the Furburner 2000 to set the building of fire?" "Correct! That way, none of your team mates can get hurt entering a building that could contain potential opponents. What's next?" "Then, you put the dog poop in front of the door..." "WRONG! 150 pushups! That was training! This is the real thing! You want us to just let them escape??!! NO, you kill them! And to do that, you use either a claymore mine, or an anti-tank mine, understood?" "Sir yes sir!!" "And don't forget to use those machine guns you have! They aren't just hanging there around your neck to act like a necklace!!" "SIr, YEs SIR!" "All right troops, It's off to the GripeMore Hotel! And remember... watch out for their Spam. NOW MOVE OUT!!" As the troops marched off, those that looked behind themselves, saw a Grand Pumbaa waving a hankerchief at them from his office in the bell tower... along with a chair glued to his rump. That was the day that all will remember. For some, they became heros among their friends... a cub: Whoa, CHeck out what Steve did!! For others, it was a day of sadness.... a day of lost friends... One of the cubs: OH MY GOD!! TIMMY!!! He's been Hit! He's Been SPAMMED! Timmy? TIMMY!!! Timmy: It's... It's the big one for me! Go... Save your-s-s-self... ...Others still, it was a day of joyous plunder!! a Cub named Conan: AH! LEWK, Ev'rrrreee Buddee! Fresh CoooookIEEEEES! Krom-- er, Simba-- be praised! Oh yeah... SOmething something... lamentation of women and all that, too. Hasta la VIsta Bay-beee!!!! ..For others still... An exhausted cub: "How many more push-ups we gotta do?" tHE eND =) The Cheetah Chronicler, -Rindimo --  The Tiger is made to kill and hunt, The Lion too, but more towards fight. The Leopards and Jaguars were made to climb, And Cheetahs made for earthly flight. But there is one creature of forgotten lore: Shrouded in mystery, be that it's trade, Of other virtues, it has all four- Respect the Puma, and what God made. -Rindimo E-mail Address: Rindimo@bellsouth.net *If you can read this, then I am still an eligible bachelor!*  Founder (and only member) of: The L.O.S.T.- C.A.U.S.E. (League Of Simplistic Technology- Causing All Unforseen Solutions Evident) K.I.S.S.: Keep It Simple, Stupid. (Long neglected scientific principle)