Subject: You Gotta Plan These These Things... Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1998 21:37:36 -0500 From: Rindimo Reply-To: TLK-L@lionking.org Organization: L.O.S.T.-- C.A.U.S.E To: tlk-l@lionking.org Yep. Another Rindimo Classic in the making. This is what would have probably happened if Disney got rid of the "Be Prepared" musical piece, and made me the script writer. To Kill a Lion King.... After Mufasa left with Simba, and Nala, Scar awaited for the hyenas to return to their hallowed romping grounds. His wait was but for a short while. As the hyenas bickered, and expressed their dissatisfaction with their current status on the food chain, Scar quietly listened on to their speaking out their minds-- curious as what hyenas say when he's away from them. Their words only vindicated his cause for overthrowing the monarchy. That is, until they started making fun of lions... He tells the trio they had better be prepared. "Yeah, be prepared! We'll be prepared. --For what?" "For the death of the king!" "Why, is he sick?" "No, fool, we're going to kill him. And Simba, too." "Well, how are we going to do that?" "Why it's quite simple... Well, you see... Um... It's right on the tip of my tongue... ehm..." "What, you don't know, Scar?" "Shutup! Of course I know! It's just that... well... there's SOOOO many ways to kill a king, you know. I'm trying to wonder what may be the best way to do it..." "OOh! OOOh! I know! I know! you could poison a kill, and Mufasa'll eat it and die," Bonzai cackled. "Nice idea... if I want the entire pride to unknowingly die with him!! I won't be able to slap Sarabi around, or anything then! Why don't I just pass out vanilla pudding, and Kool-Aid?" "Okay, okay, I got one!" Shenzi croons, "How about we get him to chase us into the elephant graveyard, and we push him into a vat of molten lava!" "An excellent idea, if only I could believe in your abilities," Scar groaned. Suddenly Ed laughs out, "EEEHEEEHEEHEE! muwha hahaha!!! heheh heee aooga! KABOOM!!" "What did he say?" Scar positions himself away from the flinging saliva. "He said, "Why don't we make Mufasa carry a bowl of nachos at a party, and trip him so he falls face-first into 'em?"" Banzai translated. Scar's face lit up. "Whoah! Now that's a good one! But wait... I want him to die a painful, agonizing, really strung-out death." Once again, Ed laughs out an answer. "What did he say?" Shenzi translates this time: "He said, "How about we lock him in a room, and force him to watch Barney, and Hanson music videos both at the same time?" Again, Scar's eyes lit up. "OOOH-HOO-HOO, EDDIE! You're an evil son of a gun! Almost as evil as me! But, unfortuneately, I'll have to say no again. /I/ want to kill /him/. None of this assisted suicide stuff." Silence filled the cave for a while as everyone tried to think of a long, painful death. "Well, how about tainting the waterhole with amoebic dysintery?" "Banzai, you dolt! Do you realize the mess it'd make?" "Well, I thought it was funny..." "How about we push a boulder on top of him?" "Nice try, Shenzi, but there aren't any boulders around here. Ed, can't you think of anything?" Ed Shakes his head. "Crap! Well, let's just have him trampled in the gorge like we did those tourists awhile back." "Yeah! we still have all the moves down pat! It'd be a breeze!" "Too bad," Banzai snickered, "we don't get any free t-shirts." "I swear, as soon as I'm king, I'll get you some "I kicked Mufasa's butt." T-shirts. Just please, don't botch it up!" "Don't worry, boss. Hakuna Matata!" "What does that mean?" "I don't know... It just sorta pooped into my mind." "Funny," Scar began... "...I didn't know you had a mind!" Shenzi hysterically finishes in laughter. "Hey hey hey HEY! I didn't think it funny!" "Allright, that's enough. Tomorrow, I want you three to be at your respective places at high noon, understand?" The hyenas nodded. "Good. I'm glad I thought of all this." And Scar walked away with a little bounce in his step... The End. --  The Tiger is made to kill and hunt, The Lion too, but more towards fight. The Leopards and Jaguars were made to climb, And Cheetahs made for earthly flight. But there is one creature of forgotten lore: Shrouded in mystery, be that it's trade, Of other virtues, it has all four- Respect the Puma, and what God made. -Rindimo E-mail Address: Rindimo@bellsouth.net *If you can read this, then I am still an eligible bachelor!*  Founder (and only member) of: The L.O.S.T.- C.A.U.S.E. (League Of Simplistic Technology- Causing All Unforseen Solutions Evident) K.I.S.S.: Keep It Simple, Stupid. (Long neglected scientific principle)