Subject: Hell Nin~o Date: Mon, 20 Apr 1998 21:10:51 -0500 From: Rindimo Reply-To: TLK-L@lionking.org Organization: L.O.S.T.-- C.A.U.S.E To: tlk-l@lionking.org Okay, this is an experiment... I haven't any chocolate, or almonds consumed within the last 48 hours. I'm not sure if this story will be a keeper. But I do know a good topic when I see it.... and I'm amazed no one else jumped on this one. Shame on you, list! do I have to do all the work around here? Anyway... this story is to accomodate the thread about tornadoes, El Nin~o, and the weather in general. Oh, sorry about the tilda. I don't have any foreign language fonts, other than english, so I had to do that little makeshift... If anyone can find a better story to match all this, they're welcomed to try. I'm just not in my tip-top condition without my chocolate covered almonds. Anyway... without further ado.... Hell Nin~o By: Rindimo Simba paced about the cave floor, anxiously waiting for the hunting party to return. The look on his face, was one of irritableness. He has been "under the weather" as one lioness commented. A joke that got her sent out with the others chosen for the dangerous hunt. "Simba, you're going to wear a whole in the floor if you don't find something else to do!" "And what am I to do, Nala?" She gives him "The Look." Simba gives her an incredulous glance, and whispers in her direction, "NALA! There are others around!" "So?" Nala giggles, as Simba finally decides to sit down next to her. "I don't know about you, but I love the rain. It helps me go to sleep..." "I could care less. A couple days are all right... but a month?!? And then there's the trouble with hunting... especially with all that WIND! I hope this hunting party is more successfull.." Suddenly, all of Pride Rock is shaken, as a thunderous sound enraps all of the terrified lions in the cave. "Not again!" Whispers Nala in fear, as she clutches Simba tightly. From outside, screaming and wailing can be heard, and without notice, a lioness from the hunmting party flies into the cave, while thumping noises are heard coming from the outside walls. SHe lands on her back, and slides right in front of Simba "Ah, Sire! Party Alpha reporting!" "Any luck, Party Alpha?" "No, no, none as of yet. Though I might be mistaken." "Mistaken?" "Yeah. You see, we were chasing some wildebeest, when out of nowhere comes this huge, whirling cloud thingy." "AGAIN?!!" "Yep. Sucked us all up and spit us your way. I almost got ahold of a wildebeest, but a Boabab tree got in my way." "So where's the rest of the hunting party?" "I guess they're still outside." As Simba got up to go to the mouth of the cave, the lioness finally flipped herself right-side-up, and followed Simba, along with everyone else. To their dismay, the entire rest of the hunting group was slammed against the promontory of Pride Rock. "Crap!", Simba exclaimed," that's the thirteenth time we've been unsuccessfull!" "Wait, Sire! Look! up there! we have a kill!" "What? Where?" It took them all a while to see where the lioness was pointing. High towards the very top of Pride Rock, was the herd of wildebeest, splat, and peppered across the whole rock face. "Oh, this is just great. We have a kill... but we can't even get to it! Not to mention the smell that's going to start hanging around here! This insanity must stop! Where's Rafiki when you need him?" A scream is heard above the lions. As they look up, they see a rather frightenned baboon falling towards them at a high velocity. Rafiki lands with a muffled thump. Some lionesses helped nudge him up to his feet, as he dizzily maintained his balance. Everyone waited for him to say something. "Speak, oh wise shamaan!" someone whispered. Soon enough, Rafiki began to utter something... "D**N Wind! Of all dee *****ing tings to ever happen to me, I got to be blown the **** outta my tree, all the way to ****ing hell!!! To hell with jyou, jyou ****ing weadder!" The shaman threw his broken staff to the ground and began stomping on it, until some lioness were able to restrain him. "Very peculiar, don't you think?" one lioness laughed. She was quickly cuffed by another. "Rafiki," Simba interrupted, "We need your help! We have to find out what's causing all this peculiar weather, and how to stop it!" The wizened ape calmed down-- a little-- and began to think to himself. "Hmmm... well den, I'll need my mystical shtuff equipment. But dat was een my tree, which went up in dee sky...." As Rafiki was musing... a shadow began to quickly shrink upon him. Even when the whole pride quickly got 40 feet away, Rafiki still didn't catch on. The Boabab hit him with a funny, hollow sound. As The old baboon crawled out from underneath the tree, it was eveident that he was punchdrunk. "OHHHH! Here dey are. Hee hee! OOPSY! Wait wait! Where are my Magic Gourds?" Cue falling gourds falling ontop of Rafiki. Interestingly enough, the last bump on the head helped Rafiki snap back to reality... with some more dark words, however. Before he did anymore searching, he had to find his pain relievers first... Finally, Rafiki had all his tools of the trade organized, and proceeded to try to figure out what all this weather was a manifestation of. He got himself his old tortise shell,and proceeded to crack a gourd over his head. He then began mixing all sorts of powders and junk-- anything he could grab. As he continued to stir, a small cub started to play with one of his small bags of powder. A small cloud crept to Rafiki's nostrils. He sneezed right into the mixture. "Ooh, even bedder!" he cooed, while he continued his mixing. "Tanabi!" Simba scolded, "That wasn't nice messing up the shamaan's things! What did you get yourself into?" "Thowwy, mummy. Woo hoo hoo hoo!" Tanabi was all googly eyed. Simba handed him over to Nala. "Here, he's your son at the moment." Rafiki looked hard into his concoction with as much concentration as a baboon could come up with. "What do you see?" prodded Simba. "Snot, and some small shtones and Shticks... OOh, a bunny rabbit! And you?" "Hey, you're the expert here, not me." "Well, den I guess I'd bedder try someting else..." He tried staring at a static TV screen for a couple hours... but all he did, was come up with next week's lotto numbers. After that, he bonked himself on the head with a rock, and tried to read the stars encircling his head (it wasn't dark enough for the real things to come out.)... but all he kept saying were hot stock tips. As he continued doing all his "Mystical Shamaan Shtuff", the lions began talking amongst themselves what the problem could be. "Maybe it has to do something with that top-secret government army base?" "Nah, perhaps it's because of what happened last summer, the God's are angry with us." "What? What did YOU do last summer?" "I... I... er, uh... just went to a party at another pride's place. Yeah! That's it!" "Yeah, she didn't summon Scar's soul with a weegie board, or nothin'!" Chimed in another lioness. "Shut up, stupid!!" "Maybe it's that curse someone spray-painted on the back of Pride Rock." Everyone turned towards the lioness. "What?! It wasn't me!" Around this time, an object flew over the heads of the pride, following more curses coming from Rafiki. "Shtoopit Magic Eight Ball!" "What, what'd it say?" Simba prodded. "Eet said dat my chances with getting a date thees year are slim!!" "What about this weather?" "Oh. Hold on one second." Rafiki grabbed his cell phone, and dialed a long phone number. The setting was stagnating with silence as they waited for someone to speak. "Halo? Ees dees dee psychic hotline? Yes, I'm curious to know-- no, I already know about my future. What I want is-- no, I already know about what's going on wit my loav life. I want to know-- NO! I don't want Lotto Numbers! I want to know what's going on wit all da weather!! WHAT?!!? Jyou don't know!!! Well, to heck wit jyou!" Rafiki threw his phone to the ground, and kicked it away. "Five bucks a minute for DAT! PBBBBT! Even I could do better dan dat!" "Is there any way at all to figure out why this stuff is happening?!" Simba was getting agitated. "Well, since everyting else failed, dat can mean only one ting!" All the lions pressed closer to hear what Rafiki had to say. "El Nin~o!" "Of course! why didn't I think of it!" everyone said at once. "Well..." explained Rafiki, as he secretly uncrossed his fingers, "Dat's what separates da common folk from dee shamaans." "So what can be done to fix this problem, Rafiki?" Simba prodded, yet again. "Pbbah! Nutting! We will just have to wait eet out." A burning glare from the pride caused Rafiki to change his answer. "Ehm... I will start working on eet..." "Good. Welp, we'll see you later then, Rafiki." "Yep. Goodbye." As Rafiki rolled his boabab tree off into the distance, life in the pridelands went back to its semi-normal life. "Okay, who wants to be in Hunting Party Beta? Or should we draw straws again?" The End Geez, that's on the borderline of spam! Well, please, nobody flame me at once. After all, I am going through chocolate withdrawal. The... CRaZY... CHeetah... Chocolate...must ... have... -Rindimo --  The Tiger is made to kill and hunt, The Lion too, but more towards fight. The Leopards and Jaguars were made to climb, And Cheetahs made for earthly flight. But there is one creature of forgotten lore: Shrouded in mystery, be that it's trade, Of other virtues, it has all four- Respect the Puma, and what God made. -Rindimo E-mail Address: Rindimo@bellsouth.net *If you can read this, then I am still an eligible bachelor!*  Founder (and only member) of: The L.O.S.T.- C.A.U.S.E. (League Of Simplistic Technology- Causing All Unforseen Solutions Evident) K.I.S.S.: Keep It Simple, Stupid. (Long neglected scientific principle)