I came up with the original idea when eating a late, late lunch. Then, it all evolved into what you're about to read right now when I was washing the dishes. Anyway... As always, hope you all enjoy another post, with a a side dish of spam. >;p' Oh, BTW... this story doesn't follow the TLK storyline exactly... In many, many ways... Lion King Dinner Theatre With your host: Rindimo Cheetah The viewer turns on his TV... and for no apparent reason-- save for the fact there was nothing on worth watching-- changes the channel to the Annoy-o station. Unlike the regular telemarketing... Classical music reaches his ears, as the camera slowly pans from a messy room (loaded with TLK merchandise) over to a kitchen counter. Rindimo looks through the cubbards above the sink, and finds a box of extra-sugary cereal. With primal tenacity, he rips it open, and starts pouring the contents into his gaping maw. He attempts to chew some of it... though most of it is starting to pour on the floor. Suddenly, his eyes pop open, and he puts down the box with a surprised look on his face. "Hey, mom... Just thought you'd like to know... All the Poofy Sweets are stale!" "We still had Poofy Sweets?! Ew! Charles, don't eat it, and throw it away! That stuff has to be over two months old!!" "Aw, it's still good... Just needs some milk.." "No, just throw it away! And-- EEEK!! My floor!!" "What?" "You have stale Poofy Sweets all over the kitchen floor!!" "Well I already knew THAT." "Well clean it up!!!" "I will! I will... but you told me to wash the dishes first." "Charles!! You know better than that! Now clean it up NOW!" Rindimo walks over to the broom closet, and gets a broom and dustpan. He starts sweeping up the mess. Much to his mom's horror... he picks up a few Poofy Sweets, and eats them off the floor. "UGH! Charles!" His mother quickly runs away-- not being able to stomach the sight. Rindimo cackles, and crunches extra loud. Just now, He realizes the camera is focused on him. "Oh, HI! Welcome to Lion King Dinner Theatre! I'm your host, Rindimo, and I'll be presenting tonight's feature! Well..." Rindimo starts munching of more Poofy Sweets from the box, "Let's get down to business. Tonight's feature deals with power-- Who really has it? This tale that you're about to see deals with that question in a rather interesting, and unique way. By using real life instances, the creators of this film did, in my opinion, an excellent twist on just what we the people can truly do if we put our minds to it. But to what end? Well, I'll let you be the judge of that, as this movie will demonstrate. Besides..." Rindimo gestures at the huge pile of plates in the sink, and sighs heavily... "I have dishes to wash." ****** Shooting Stars Burn Out Scar was tired of being pushed around. He was tired of being spat on, his name cursed, and the general disreguard that was cast upon him. But Mufasa-- AH YES, MUFASA... Scar nearly regurgitated his scavenged meal from the thought of his brother. Him and Mufasa were equals when they were roving young adults in search of a good home. Scar recalled all the memories of Mufasa telling him many times over how he owed Scar his life. The many times Scar watched out for his brother, the many times they cheated death together. Such fond memories... until recently. Mufasa was no more. Sure, he still cared a bit about his brother, but that was it. He did absolutely nothing for Scar. All Scar got out of this rulership was a place to sleep, and then antagonizing demons will come in the day to torment him. Vile lionesses! It was then in his disgust, that Scar came across an interesting epifanny. Why was he staying here? A disgustingly loyal attachment. Why won't he just leave? The chance for some regular table scraps. Why not make life a little bearable while staying here? "Mufasa, you owe me your life... and I'm going to take it! ...And everything with it!" ****** THe viewer sees a man stuffing as many Bran Muffins as are humanly possible into himself, and as he reaches for the last muffin in the box.... the man suddenly grabs his stomach, and groans a painful groan. Problem, Friend? Then maybe you should use Cheetah Laxatives! Yes, CHeetah laxatives! Made from 100% natural substances... though some might not be as healthy as others... STILL! CHeetah Laxatives are GARRANTEED to work within SECONDS after swallowing! No matter what the circumstances! Cross out that poem always written on the bathroom wall-- "Here I sit broken-hearted..." You came to go, and by golly, with Cheetah Laxatives, you will now!! It's also great for pranks! Put some with your halloween candy, and see whose door the kids run for!! Yes, Cheetah Laxatives! Where the only thing faster... IS YOU! ****** Rindimo is washing his dishes with an angry scowl. he slowly sing the tune "I Just Can't Wait to Be King", as he tediously scrubs a huge, grime-ridden pot to the rythm of the song. "So there it is... A brother forgotten by the king. Tormented by the lionesses... no wonder Scar wants to kill Mufasa! As king, he'll get his revenge, since according to law, all the lionesses are subject to whatever his little heart would desire. Heh... But does he have what it takes to become king? Actions speak louder than words, you know..." As a nearby microwave dings, Rindimo quickly drops the pot back into the sink, and pulls out a steaming plate of canned ravioli, and sits down at the table in the dining area. "Charles! Why aren't you washing the dishes??!!" "I was getting hungry, mom! Sheesh..." "Hungry?! You just finished that whole box of stale Poofy Sweets! I KNOW you did! And we ate dinner a little over an hour ago!" "So? Don't worry... I'll wash the dishes! I won't forget!" "Yeah, whatever. With the way you eat, all the dishwater will be cold! And then you'd have to refill the sink with hot water-- which is very wasteful-- not to mention-- CHarles! WHat're you doing??!!" All along, Rindimo would jab a ravioli with a fork, lick the sauce off, then, with one of his front teeth, separate the bottom of the ravioli from the top, and licking all the meat out before devouring the noodle-- common Rindimo eating habits when it comes to ravioli's.... "Nothing, Mom... I'm just eating. Sheesh..." "THAT IS DISGUSTING! Who taught you to eat like THAT??!!" Rindimo proudly pats his chest. "Self taught." "You're SICK! How the hell can you eat like THAT?!" "Here mom, it's real simple... Look!" "Stop it stop it STOP IT! Now wash those dishes! Eat later!" Rindimo quickly guzzles some soda from the bottle before walking back towards the sink. "--AND STOP DRINKING FROM THE CONTAINER!!" A low belch utters the words: "YEs, mOM..." As Rindimo's mom runs away ranting something about babies being switched at the hospital... Rindimo goes back to scrubbing the pot. "Oh yeah... Back to the show! WHoops! I hope we didn't skip anything that was plot-building-wise with all this jabbering!" ****** "Scar! Brother! Help ME!" "Oh-ho-ho! It's always you, isn't it?! YOU YOU YOU!! Well, Mufasa, perhaps you should have thought about your own brother more often! You owe me, and now, you're going to repay me-- ROYALLY!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Mufasa tumbled to his crumpling doom. Every bump-- every tear-- every poke on the way down enthralled Scar. No more uncaring. Now, the spotlight has finally shifted to include Scar! The law states so! It was all he could to conceal the grin from his face, as he scatterred Simba, and his destiny, to the winds. He hadn't the heart to kill him, since Mufasa was the main target. "Now, to my kingdom! I shan't treat you all like I was-- No, I won't be like my brother. I'll care! I'll listen to the distraught! I'll be what a king was intended to be! ****** Does your car have no "Pick-me-up"? WHat you need, Is some Warthog Gas! Most people who want to boost their car's power output tend to use a Nitrous Oxide gas system. But not us at Warthog Productions. We discoverred a far more powerful, and potent concoction! Not even Hyena's laugh when exposed to this! All natural... Warthog Gas is by far, the strongest stuff out there! The next time you race, you won't be downhearted. No, you'll be having a gas! Literally! Also fun for Pranks! See what happens at the Prom when you turn on a can of THAT stuff!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!! Warthog Gas-- What a BLAST! Warning! DO NOT INHALE! Warthog Gas May be a major cause of the Ozone depletion. Use with extreme caution, and good judgement. In some tests, WG has been prone to cause deaths. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! ******* Rindimo casually chews on some beef jerky as he continues to clean the piles of dishes. "So Scar finally got his wish.... But what will become of the Kingdom? We didn't get to see if he ever did really PLAN on how he was going to rule it (no thanks to someone forgetting to stop the tape of the movie....) Not to mention, what of his new royal subjects?" Rindimo stops, looks around, and breathes a sigh of relief. "Whew! No Mom!" Quick as could be, Rindimo starts eating his now-cold ravioli... ******** Time has passed on the savannah a great deal. Scar had held true to his vows. Many lionesses found themselves greatly attached to him. he was so kind and all. New lionesses came from other broken prides, and before Scar knew it... the pride had grown to a huge number of loyal souls! And with the latest recruits came the surprise of his life-- Zira. Zira, Zira, Zira... He could say that name forever. It was almost instantly that he made her his queen. SHe was so captivating... He'd do anything for her! "Zazu! The Morning report!" "Yes sire...." Zazu sighed, "the morning report." "Zazu? What's the matter? You seem a little down hearted. " "Well, Sire... It's nothing, really..." "Oh, come on! Do tell!" "Well.... if you insist... It's her majesty the queen. I know how she loves to participate in things and all.... But it's been a month... and I still haven't gotten my paycheck. Neither have the rest of the secret police..." "REALLY?! Oh my... Why haven't you told me sooner?!" "I've been telling you for two weeks straight. I hate to be the one to tell you.... but you must have someone else do the paychecks, sire. We are all getting agitated over it." "Now Zazu.. you have been an exellent, loyal subject. Don't worry, I'll fix the problem right now!" As Scar ran off towards his cave, a gopher pops up next to where Zazu was standing. "Any luck, Captain?" "She's got him wrapped around her little dewclaw. I tell ya, Cheech, even the hyenas are getting restless. If this keeps up, we'll have no choice but to--" "Don't say it!" SHouted the gopher, "..To Form a--" "I'M NOT LISTENING!!" the Gopher put his paws to his ears and began humming. "FORM A UNION!" Screamed Zazu, as he pried the gophers paws off off of his ears. "Now go assemble the rest of the troops, and meet me at noon in front of Pride Rock!" Scar did his best to try to tell Zira about it.... Honest, he did! But when he looked into those eyes... His heart melted, and he lost all train of thought. "Look honey! I figured out how to work the computer! See me turn it on? Now I can try to write out those paychecks!" "You're doing an excellent job, my love." "Tee-hee! Thanks, sweety! Maybe tonight, you and I can work on some other things, hmm?" Suddenly, a ruckus is heard coming from outside. To Scar's horror... all the loyal Pride Land subjects held little protest signs proclaiming that Scar was a Ninny nincompoop, and was unfair to servants! Down with Scar! An there sat the leader of it all-- Zazu. "Zazu! What are you doing!?" "I'm doing what must be done! All these people need their paychecks to buy food for their families... and you and your little love kitty are just sitting around, playing "House" all day! It's time for some order!" "Fine! If you want to go that way! what are your demands?" "We, the Organization Of Pi$$ed Servants (OOPS for short) Do hereby demand all of our pay that has been held back all this time..." "I was working on that." "...We also want Christmas off. You kept promising us that, too." "Oh yes... Sorry about that. I didn't know what I was thinking When Me and Zira left for the Swiss Alps unannounced...." "And Finally... We demand that all your queen do, is sit there, and look pretty (if possible). She botches up everything! For heavens sake, Sire, say "no" for once! None of this would have happened if you had left everything as it was before she came." Zira was hurt, and began sniffling. Her hurt feelings tore at Scar's heart. Against his better Judgement, Scar stood by his mate. "No. Sorry Zazu... I love her dearly, and will do anything for her!" "I meant say "No" to her!!" Zazu sighed, "So be it." THe hornbill turned to face the rest of the picketers, "The Strike is on!" ****** D@%^! woman! Did an elephant stomp your face, or were you just born that ugly??! Now now... No need to fear! YOu were just using all the wrong products. WHat you need are some Zira products! Zira Calling! Yes, Zira Makeup products! THey make anyone beautiful! WHy, just look at Zira! Isn't she the gem of the Pridelands? You get to choose your own personal size paper bag, and over 20 differrent colored magic Markers to choose from! Also, if paper isn't to your liking... we have rubber masks. Look like someone famous! Madonna! Marylin (Manson)! Jaja Gabour! Michael Jackson! Nixon! Fran Dresser! And many, many other choices to choose from... mostly from that Hanson band, and the Power Rangers! Excuse me ma'am... who's your hairdresser? Who's your personal makeup artist? I must really get their numbers! What modeling school did YOU come from? THanks, Zira! ******* Rindimo happily finishes the last of all the dishes, and slumps into a chair at the kitchen table. He stares at his cold food for a while-- realizing he washed everything, including his fork. Not wanting to dirty another piece of silverware, he just puts his face into the plate, and begins slurping away... "Charles! Good GOD! STOP THAT! For the Love of decency!! Use a fork!" "But MO-OM! I just finished washing everything!" "Good! Now you can put away all the dishes, as soon as you're done drying them, that is." "RRRRGGGHH! Let me finish my meal, at least, okay?!" "FIne. Fine, go ahead, and be a disgusting, filthy pig!" "Cheetah." "Whatever. See if I care!" "It's about time!" Rindimo happily puts his face back into the plate of food. "CHARLES!" "But you just said..." "I didn't mean it!! You knew I didn't!" "Hmmph! Could've fooled me..." "Enough! Now wipe off all that sauce from your face!" Quickly, Rindimo's tongue slithers out, and licks all the sauce off and around his mouth. "AAACCCKKK!!!" Rindimo's mother runs off... screaming something about exorcism... "ANyway... where were we?" Rindimo thought aloud. "Oh yes! I remember! Well, the Strike got only uglier from there. The pridelands-- without the services of the paid workers-- turned from a lucious green... to a poopy brown. It was beginning to get ugly. Even with their leader captured, the strikers continued their quest-- while Scar was forced to listen to a captured Zazu sing horribly annoying songs to try and drive the King to insanity. Still, through it all... Scar maintained a positive attitude, and kept up the morale... ******* "SA-RA-BIIIIIII!!!" "Yes, Scar?" "Where is your tax attorneys? They're not doing their job!" "Scar, the Computer has all the documents in it. We need it online in order to do taxes! We have only one choice-- we must give in to OOPS's demands-- Have Zira do something else!" "NO! We're not doing anything!" "Then you have sentenced us to being auditted!!" "I'm the King. I can do whatever I want." "If you were half the king Mufasa was--" "I'M TEN TIMES THE KING MUFASA WAS!!" Sarabi promptly flew a far distance into a group of other lionesses-- knocking them down like a bunch of bowling pins. Suddenly, Simba appears on the scene. "Scar, you weenie! Picking on old women! You wuss!" Suddenly, Simba gets cuffed real hard, and sent into another group of lionesses with the same effect. "How DARE you talk about your mother like that!!" snarled Sarabi, "Old Woman my @$$!!" "Sorry mom..." "Ten seconds back home, and this is the way you treat your mother??!!" "Look, I didn't mean it..." "SIMBA! How could you! You don't know all the pressure I've been through!!" Sarabi began to cry. "Mo-om.... You're embarrasing me!" "My Son doesn't LOVE me anymore!!" "There there... It'll be all right mom... Just stop crying... I still love you." "Then Hug, and kiss your mother." "Mo-om! In front of everybody?" More sobs from Sarabi elicited the desired response. "Now where was I?" Simba gazed towards scar. "Oh yeah, now I remember. COme here, Scar, you Poopy Head!" Simba chased Scar up to the top of Pride Rock-- taunting him all the way. As scar reached the edge of Pride Rock, and turned around, He saw Simba fly through the flames, and land in front of him. "Momma's Boy..." Simba growled. "AM not!" "Are too!" "Am Not!" Scar Pushed Simba. "ARE TOO!" Simba Pushed Scar-- over the edge, unfortuneately... "SORRY!" SImba shouted, asn Scar bounced off of the jagged rocks... "Simba!" Nala ran up to her mate's side. "You did it! You defeated Scar! The Kingdom's all yours to rule!" SHe looked at Simba with concern. He just remained staring down at the extinguishing flames... "WHat's the matter?" "I'm going to miss Uncle Scar. He was kinda cool. He taught me how to burp the alphabet, you know." "I'm Sorry..." "Strange... in the beginning, from what you've told me, He was an excellent King in the beginning... and then, he let his mate control him, and destroyed everything... Sounds like a shooting star to me." "Yep... shooting stars burn out. Pretty good, from the looks of down there...." "Welp," SImba sighed... I know I'm never going to let myself be controlled like that!" "Good for you!" Nala exhorted. The two sat there for a little while longer before Nala spoke up: "Come on, SImba, let's get out of this rain." "Okay!" "Oh yeah, and banish that Zira. Man, she's Ugly!" "ANything you say, dear." The End. ********* "And there you have it! First, there was Mufasa, then Scar ruled, Then Zira ruled scar, but she herself was ruled by emotion... and Zazu and OOPS had a hand in ruling things... And then Simba ruled for about two seconds before Nala stepped in... OY! WHere does all the power go?!" Rindimo finishes licking his plate perfectly spotless, and being the lazy person he is... sets it by the sink next to the clean dishes he didn't put away. "Ah well... Just remember, only YOU can make the differrence! Until next time, this is Rindimo on Lion King Dinner Theatre, saying, 'until we meet again!' ****** After Rindimo left the kitchen, his mother walks in to see all the plates still sitting on the counter. "THAT BOY! I thought i told him to put away all the dishes!" She promptly puts all the dishes in their respectve places. "And Look! he didn't even bother to dry this one off!" Rindimo's mother wiped the spit-coverred plate dry, and puts it with the rest of the dishes. THE END! So... Questions? Comments? Death threats? ;) -Rindimo