MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 Alternate Episode 10-1 By Trey Tackett Mystery Science Theater 3000, Tom Servo, Crow T. Robot, Bobo, Joel Robinson, Mike Nelson, Gypsy, Pearl Forrester, Brain Guy, and all other related characters are property of Best Brains Inc. The Lion King, Simba's Pride, and all their related work and ideas are copyright (c) 1994, 1998 the Walt Disney Company and its distributors. This is a script written from viewing the movie, for the benefit and reference of fans. Please do not charge money for the distribution of this script. This MSTing is property of Trey Tackett. Since I try to base my MST3k MSTings in the ACTUAL MST universe, this "episode" is MY version of the Season 10 premiere. And once More, if the riffs during the music portions suck, I'm sorry. Those are complicated. Also, For those who don't know, Neve Cambell does the voice of the adult Kiara while the guy who voiced Max in "A Goofy Movie", Jason Marsden (SP?) Voices the Adult Kovu. For more MSTings, check out http://members.tripod.com/~WolfColley/main.htm Check the Library ------- In the not to distant future Somewhere in time and space Mike Nelson and his robot pals are caught in an endless chase Pursued by a woman who's name is Pearl An evil gal who wants to rule the world She threw a few things in her purse and in her rocket ship she hunts them all across the Universe! ("I'll get you!") "I'll send them cheesy movies" (Oo,Oo,Oooo) "The worst I can find." (Lalala) "He'll have to sit and watch them all (Oo,Oo,Oooo) "And I'll monitor his mind!" (Lalala) Now keep in mind Mike can't control Where the movies begin or end (Lalala) He'll try to keep his sanity With the help of his robot friends! ROBOT ROLL CALL! Cambot! ("You're on!") Gypsy! ("Oh my stars!") Tom Servo! ("Check me out!") Crooooooow! ("I'm different!") If you wonder how he eats and breathes, or other science facts (Lalala) Just repeat to yourself "It's a TV show, I should really just RELAX! For Mystery Science Theater Three-Thousaaand!" *TWANG* (SoL) (We see Tom Servo wearing a birthday hat.) Tom:Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! (Crow walks in) Crow:Hey, Tom. What's with the party hat? Tom:Why, it's my birthday. What did you get me? Crow:Your birthday? Tom:Yeah. Let me guess, you forgot. Crow:Um.. No. In fact, let me go get your gift. (Crow "runs" off screen. We hear loud crashing and clanking sounds.) Tom:He forgot. (Crow comes back) Tom:So, what did you get me? Crow:Ok, first, remember Tom, it's the thought that counts. (Crow ducks under the counter. He comes back up with one of Servo's old heads in his beak. He sets it down on the counter top.) Crow:Um, happy birthday? Tom:WOW! A BRAND NEW HEAD! I always wanted another one! Now If anything happens to my current head, I can just pop this one on and be good as new! Thanks Crow! Crow:Uh, your welcome, I guess. (To himself) Man, that was a close one. (Commercial lights begin to flash) Tom:What? Crow:I said, We'll be right back. Tom:Oh, ok. (Show revolving MST3k planet) (SoL) Tom:Now I can get blasted over and over and all I'd have to do is pop this new head on! This is the best gift I've ever received! Crow(Annoyed):It's just a spare head, Servo. Geez. Tom:I wonder what Mike got me. (Mike walks on screen carrying something behind his back.) Mike:Well, wonder no more. Happy birthday, Tom Servo! (Mike pulls out a package of underwear and sets it in front of Servo.) Tom:OH WOW! More underwear for my collection! Wait, no, these won't do at all. Mike(Confused):Why not? Tom:These are the mock-presidential-political-harrassment- scandal series. Mike:Come again? Tom:Mike, now only will these degrade the value of my collection, but they'll make me look like so bad that I'll never be able to collect anything ever again! Now, did you save the receipt? Mike:Well, I, um, no not really. Tom(Sarcastic):Way to go, Nelson. What the hell am I to do with these now? Mike:Uh, throw them away? Tom:Mike, it's rude to throw gifts away. How about I launch them out of the airlock? Mike:Well, that works to, I guess. (Mads light begins to flash) Mike:Hold on, the ghastly trio are calling. (Mike hits the light) (Castle Forrester) (Pearl has a diabolical grin on her face. Bobo walks by in the background carrying a large crate, marked "Bananas", on his back.) Pearl:Ah, hello Mike. How are you today? (SoL) Tom(Off screen; yelling):EL CRAPO GIFT AWAY! (We hear the sound of something being fire out of the airlock.) Mike:Uh, fine I guess. Why are you so cheerful today? (Castle F.) Pearl:Oh, no particular reason. I just... (She stops and watches as Bobo walks by, still carrying the crate on his back. She turns back toward Mike and the group) Pearl:Anyways, I just relized that today is a special day. (SoL) Tom:PEARL?! You remembered my birthday?! WOW! (Castle F.) Pearl:Your what? Robot's have birthdays? Wait, don't answer that. I'm better off not knowing. Anyways, it's also another special day. A few years ago, a young man escaped from his prison in space. Today's is the 5 year anniversery of his escape. (SoL) Crow:What does that have to do with us? Mike:Yeah, what makes that so special? (Castle F.) Pearl:Glad you asked. You see, he used to be on that very satellite you're on, Mike. Plus, if I remember my late Clayton's records right, he's the one who built your robot friends there. (SoL) Mike:Still drawing a blank there, Pearl. Crow:Built us? Tom:I can only think of one man who built us. Crow:WAIT A MINUTE! Do you think she's referring to.... Tom:MY GOD CROW! I think she is! Mike:What are you two talking about? (Castle F.) Pearl:Nailed that one on the head, robots! I AM referring to that man. And have I got a surprise for you. In honor of his escape five years ago, which I think Mike and Gypsy helped plan his escape, I've gotten all of you a gift. (SoL) Mike:Someone Gypsy and I helped escape? (Mike's eyes grow wide as he relizes what Pearl's talking about) Mike:You mean... (Castle F.) Pearl(Sarcastic):Brilliant deduction, Nellstonie! Geez, took you long enough, didn't it? I... (She stops and watches as Bobo walks by again, still lugging around the crate) Pearl:The hell is that monkey doing? (She turns back toward Mike and the 'Bots.) Pearl:Like I was saying, I've gotten all of you a gift. Brain Guy? (Brain Guy walks over to Pearl) Brain Guy: Yes, Pearl? Pearl:Is the gift ready? Brain Guy:Why, yes, yes it is. (Both chuckle evily) Pearl:Then let's give it to them, shall we? Brain Guy:Let's. (Brain Guy begins doing that "Using my powers" thing with his head. "Brain Music" plays.) (SoL) Tom:I wonder what it is. (Suddenly, a familiar face literally POPS onto the bridge. Everyone does a double take.) Crow:JOEL! Tom:JOEL! It is you! Joel(Confused):Where am I? Last thing I remember, I was sitting down to work on my latest invention. Then, I... TOM?! CROW?! CAMBOT?! What's going on here?! Mike:It's a long story. But to answer your question, you're back on the Satellite of Love. Joel:Oh no, that means... (Castle F.) Pearl(Diabolically):AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! YES! Once more you will be watching bad movies, but this time, there's no chance of escape! (Pearl and Brain Guy laugh maniacally.) (SoL) Joel:Who are they? Mike:Part of the long story. We'll explain later. (Castle F.) Pearl:If you survive that is. Now, your movie today is an animated feature. It's Walt Disney's "The Lion King 2:Simba's Pride". Now, I haven't seen it yet, but knowing Disney's reputation of putting out REALLY crappy sequels, well, you get the idea. Brain Guy? Brain Guy:Sending movie. (Brain Guy does that "using my powers" thing again. "Brain Music" plays once more.) (SoL) Mike:Sorry about the rushed "Welcome back", Joel, but... (Alarms begin blaring. Lights flash.) Mike:WE GOT MOVIE SIIIIIIIIIIIIIGN!!! Joel:NOT AGAIN!! (Everyone runs around panicking.) (6..5..4..3..2..1..) (Joel walks in carrying Tom. Mike and Crow come in behind him. Mike and Crow sit down in their usual seats. Joel sits down in Tom's seat and sets Servo in the next seat over.) {Sunrise over the Pride Lands. Animals of all types make their way to Pride Rock: Elephants, giraffes, wildebeest, antelope, hippos-- all very much as in the opening of TLK.} JOEL Ok, let's see if I still got it. [ He Lives In You ] BS: Ingonyama nengw' enamabala MS: Night And the spirit of life Calling CROW You had it to begin with, Joel? BS: Oh, oh, iyo MS: Mamela BS: Oh, oh, iyo JOEL (Sarcastic) Very Funny, Crow. MS: And a voice With the fear of a child Answers JOEL By the way, your voice sounds different. BS: Oh, oh, iyo MS: Oh, mamela BS: Oh, oh, iyo CROW It's a long story. We'll explain later. {Rafiki is standing on the tip of the Pride Rock promontory, exhorting the animals gathering below him.} MS: Ubukhosi bo khokho We ndodana ye sizwe sonke MIKE Try saying that three times fast. MS: Wait There's no mountain too great BS: Oh, oh, iyo MS: Hear the words and have faith TOM (Preacher) PRAISE THE LORD! BS: Oh, oh, iyo MS: Have faith BS: Hela hey mamela {Mufasa appears in the clouds; Rafiki is blown by the wind, and he gestures to all the gathered animals below, who bow down before the image.} CHORUS: He lives in you He lives in me He watches over Everything we see MIKE Even the things you like to keep private. Into the water Into the truth In your reflection He lives in you TOM Ever notice out of all the Disney flics, Lion King always had the most spiritual music? {On "In your reflection", a giraffe looks up, and Zazu flies in towards Pride Rock. Simba and Nala are there; Rafiki takes Kiara from Nala's mouth CROW Yeah, but isn't most African music spiritual? and holds her up before the assembled crowd. The animals all cheer, Mufasa looks down from the clouds and smiles} TOM (Mufasa) Another cameo, another paycheck {Third verse repeats} CHORUS: He lives in you He lives in me He watches over Everything we see Into the water Into the truth In your reflection He lives in you {Kiara struggles playfully in Rafiki's grip. TOM And he drops the kid, NOW! A gust of wind carries some leaves and small flowers through the air. They circle Simba, then Nala, JOEL (Nala) Mmm, lemony fresh. then Rafiki, and then Kiara who playfully swats at it. After much cheering from the crowd, he lowers her and puts the ceremonial "crown" on her forehead. Timon and Pumbaa stand nearby.} TIMON: Ah, Pumbaa-- look at that little guy. A chip off the old block! MIKE Block head, that is. And you gotta know who's gonna raise 'im... PUMBAA: His parents? JOEL Hey, Pumbaa's got smarter. TIMON: {pause} Okay sure, get technical. But who's gonna teach him the really important stuff? MIKE His parents. Like how to belch? {burp} JOEL Ooo, nice one. And dig for grubs? {jumps down} I'm telling ya, buddy... it's gonna be like old times. CROW (Pumbaa) But I thought you quit smoking? You, me... and the little guy. RAFIKI: {chuckles} It is a girl. TOM That's lovely. TIMON: ...Girl. TIMON and PUMBAA: Girl?! Oy! {Timon and Pumbaa collapse in a dead faint. Cut to title.} CROW The End. Let's go! (Crow get's up but Mike pulls him back down.) {Camera zooms slowly back to Pride Rock, where Kiara is playing at Simba's paws atop Pride Rock, gazing down over the side.} KIARA: Wow. TOM (Kiara) Look at all the carnage. {She giggles continuously, and Simba catches her as she comes near the edge.} SIMBA: Whoah. Where do you think you're going in such a hurry? TOM (Kiara) My doom. {Kiara wriggles in Simba's grasp as he moves her to safety.} KIARA: Daddy! Let go! CROW (Kiara) Daddy, pull out! MIKE CROW! {She keeps giggling as she tries to escape} SIMBA: Well, I just want you to be careful. {She pounces after a butterfly; Simba steps on her tail to pin her down.} Kiara... are you listening? MIKE (Kiara) Nope. Accidents can happen. You could easily get hurt, or stepped-- {Kiara says this well-practiced line along with Simba, and finishes it for him.} KIARA: ...Hurt, or stepped on, or even get lost. JOEL (Kiara) You never said anything about plummeting to my doom though. SIMBA: And remember,... I want you to stay in sight of Pride Rock at all-- KIARA: At all times, I know. {She's testy at the repetitive warning; she continues reciting} And if I see any strangers, don't talk to them. Come straight home. CROW (Kiara) Go to your room, bend over, and.... MIKE CROW! Okay, okay. Can I go now? Please? TOM (Simba) Hmm, NO! {Nala and Zazu enter. Simba exchanges a glance with Nala, reminiscent of when they played out this same scene as cubs} SIMBA: Hmm. Very funny. MIKE (Simba) You're a regular Robin Williams NALA: Mind your father, Kiara. KIARA: {giggles} Yes, mom. CROW (Simba) How do you do that? JOEL (Nala) Girl thing. SIMBA: And stay away from the Outlands. ZAZU: Nothing there but a bunch of backstabbing, murderous Outsiders! CROW Like Scott Hall. SIMBA: Zazu's right... you can't turn your back on them. {Kiara is curious.} KIARA: Really? How come? MIKE (Simba) They'll always do run in's. SIMBA: Mmm... never mind. Just run along now. KIARA: But Dad, I-- CROW (Kiara) Gotta go pee. SIMBA: You'll understand someday. Go on. KIARA: Dad... {He runs a paw over her, then nudges her off; she resumes giggling and runs off down Pride Rock.} SIMBA: And stay on the path I've marked for you! MIKE (Simba) I had to drink a lot of lemonade yesterday. NALA: {chuckles} Simba. Who does she remind you of? Hmm? SIMBA: {cluelessly} Huh? What? Who? TOM When? Where? Why? NALA: She's just like you were when you were young. SIMBA: Exactly. Do you realize the dangers we put ourselves in? {She tackles Simba and puts him on his back.} JOEL (Nala) Pinned ya. NALA: You mean the dangers YOU put us in. {They chuckle and nuzzle for a few moments, then Nala gets up.} NALA: She'll be fine. {She moves off. Simba waits till she is out of earshot.} SIMBA: Hey, Timon. Pumbaa. Come here. CROW (Simba) I got another bag for ya. {Timon enters, on Pumbaa's back.} TIMON: Good morning, mon Capitan. SIMBA: I want you to keep a close watch on Kiara. You know she's bound to run off. MIKE (Simba) And cause this movie to go on forever. TIMON: No worries, Simba. We're on her like stink on a warthog! PUMBAA: Hey! TIMON: It's the hard truth, Pumbaa. Live with it. CROW (Pumbaa) Bite me. SIMBA: Guys, I'm counting on you. Danger could be lurking behind every rock. TOM LOOK OUT! IT'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU! {Timon looks quizzically at Simba, then takes him mock-seriously.} TIMON: Ah hah. {He and Pumbaa begin looking theatrically from side to side, scanning behind every rock...} (Crow begins humming the Mission Impossible theme) {Camera shifts out to the open savannah. Kiara is walking through the tall grass, chasing a butterfly.} KIARA: Hey! Wait! Come back! I just wanna play! TOM (Kiara) I just wanna rip off your wings! {She sees the butterfly land, and crouches to attack} Ahhh... the mighty hunter has cornered her prey. JOEL Not knowing that 2 guys and 2 robots were making fun of her. {snarls} Errrrh! {Kiara's pounce takes her up the side of a small rise, from which she can see a distance into the Outlands.} KIARA: Whoah... cool! The Outlands! I wonder what's out there... MIKE (Kiara) Wait, I can see what's out there. {A rustling in the grass behind her draws Kiara's attention. She turns, and the grass separates.} KIARA, TIMON, and PUMBAA: Eeeeek! {squeals of fright and surprise} MIKE/JOEL/BOTS GYAH! {Kiara is frightened backwards, and falls off the far side of the knoll into a pool below. TOM Eh, I give it a 6.4 {Pumbaa gets set to leap after her; Timon jumps off just as he throws himself into the pool.} PUMBAA: Oooh, don't worry, Kiara-- uh... old Pumbaa's comin'! {Pumbaa lands rear end first in the water, splashing Timon} CROW I give it a 3. TIMON: Oh, no... ohh... uh... uh... let's see, uh... {he goes in-character as though talking to Simba} Gee, Simba. The good news is, we found your daughter. The bad news is, we dropped a warthog on her. Is... there a problem with that? JOEL (Simba) None at all. Good job. PUMBAA: {looking from side to side in the water} Kiara? Kiara? TIMON: Pumbaa! Let me define "babysitting"! CROW It's not "Babyfarting". PUMBAA: {He finds Kiara underneath him, spluttering, and he gets off.} Sorry. MIKE (Kiara) Now I smell like crap..... Now, Princess Kiara... as Simba's daughter, you know better than to go off all alone. You could have been hurt! KIARA: But... but... TOM (Kiara) I like getting hurt. TIMON: Hurt! Oh... Simba would kill us! {Jumps up on Kiara's back and checks for any bruises} You didn't slip a disc, did you? MIKE (Kiara) Oo, Higher, Higher. KIARA: B-but-- {Timon checks to make sure Kiara is intact} TIMON: Catch a fever? Get a hangnail? CROW Hit Puberty? MIKE CROW! {Timon is examining her claws; she pulls her paw away.} KIARA: Nnngh! Timon... TIMON: I had one once. PUMBAA: Very painful. TIMON: Excruciating! JOEL (Raven) I feel your pain. {Timon is holding a fern branch over Kiara's head, shading her.} TIMON: Darling... with your complexion, you should stay out of the sun. {She swats the branch away} Whaaat? Do you wanna wrinkle? TOM (Kiara) YES! KIARA: Would someone please just listen to me? TIMON: I'm sorry; I wasn't listening. Did you say something, Princess? MIKE And people wonder why royal kids run away at times. KIARA: I'm not just a princess, you know. That's only half of who I am! PUMBAA: Oh, uh... who's the other half? JOEL (Kiara) Neve Cambell KIARA: Uh... well, I, uh... um... TIMON: Well, while you're figuring it out, let's eat. {He snaps his fingers, and Pumbaa lifts up a log} Grubs! PUMBAA: The other white meat! CROW (Timon) Tastes like chicken. TIMON: {offering a leaf-full of grubs to Kiara} And so high in protein! KIARA: Eww! Gross! TIMON: No? How 'bout you, big boy? PUMBAA: {sniff} Aaah. Love grubs! TIMON: Not like... TIMON and PUMBAA: Love! JOEL/MIKE (Ren and Stimpy) /~Memories~/ {Timon tosses a bug into Pumbaa's mouth; he crunches and coughs on it a little, then hiccups and spits the fragments back onto the leaf, coating them all with saliva.} JOEL (Sarcastic) Well, that makes me want to go eat. TIMON: {grossed out} Ohhh.. you always do that! You take a bite out of every one, and then put it back. It drives me crazy! MIKE Speaking of which, I need to talk to you about that later, Tom. PUMBAA: But you can't tell from the outside which are the real slimy ones! TIMON: Slimy? Pumbaa... my corpulent compadre. It's the crunchy ones that make the meal! PUMBAA: Slimy!... Slimy!... Slimy!... Slimy!... Slimy!... Slimy! ... Slimy!... Less filling!... Less filling!... Less filling!... Less filling!... TIMON: Crunchy!... Crunchy!... Crunchy!... Crunchy!... Crunchy!... Crunchy!... Crunchy!... Tastes good!... Tastes good!... Tastes good!... Tastes good!... TOM Next on crossfire! {Kiara wanders off while they argue. She crosses a river on a log, and tumbles off-- directly into Kovu, bowling him over. CROW STTTTTRIKE! He snarls at her confrontationally, and continues growling.} KOVU: Who are you, Pridelander? JOEL (Kiara) One of the movie's stars. {Kiara does not answer, but keeps jumping from side to side, staying facing Kovu at all times. Kovu keeps growling menacingly, but eventually his curiosity gets the better of him.} KOVU: What are you doing? CROW (Kiara) Confusing you. KIARA: My father says to never turn your back on an Outsider! TOM (Kiara) Especially Scott Hall! KOVU: You do everything your Daddy says? JOEL (Kiara) YES! KIARA: No! KOVU: Bet you do. Bet you're Daddy's little girl! CROW In more ways than one. WHOOOOO! JOEL Now Crow..... Ha ha! {he moves away, hopping on logs across the river} An Outsider doesn't need anybody. I take care of myself! KIARA: {awed, following him across} Really? Cool! {Kovu looks back at Kiara, and notices a huge crocodile rising up behind her with its mouth gaping} KOVU: Wuhh... waaaahh! TOM Let the carnage begin! KIARA: {turns and sees the crocodile} Aaaaahhh! Run! {The crocodile's teeth crunch just behind them} This way! MIKE (Sarcastic) Brilliant idea. Thanks Napolean! {They narrowly escape, leaping from rock to rock across the river and out of the reach of the crocodiles' jaws as more and more rise up out of the water. They rest on two unmoving "stones" further down, and begin to pant and giggle.} TOM Bet they're on a pile of Crocs. KOVU: That was a close one. KIARA: Yeah... {The stones they are sitting on rise up and reveal themselves as more crocodile heads.} KOVU and KIARA: Whooaaahhh... CROW Good call. TOM I have my moments. {Kiara runs up a tree limb, getting out of reach; however, Kovu runs past her, leaping from crocodile to crocodile down the river.} KIARA: Hey.. what about me? MIKE What About Raven?! KOVU: You gotta take care of yourself! {Kovu slips off the last crocodile into the water; as he comes up, gasping for air, the crocodiles loom over him.} KIARA: {swiping at crocodiles from her branch} Look out! MIKE Geez, she already sounds like a broken record. {Kovu is paralyzed by fright; the gaping mouth in front of him is suddenly clamped shut by Kiara leaping on top of it.} KIARA: Move it! CROW COME ON! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! {The two cubs scramble up a branch and up onto the bank, out of reach of danger. From the top, they pant and rest for a few moments, then move back to look over the edge. The crocodiles are massing below, furious at being cheated of their meal.} TOM (Croc) I WILL kill you! KIARA: I did it... I did it! {she "thhppbbts" the crocodiles below} KOVU: Hah! {The cubs move back from the edge and recount their adventure.} KIARA: Whoah, man-- did you see the size of those teeth? They were goin' "Rrrarrarrarr" .... {laughs} He was just totally eatin' you up right there, and I jumped on his head-- and I bopped him so good-- MIKE (Kovu) Do you need your medication? {The camera moves back so that we can see from next to Zira, crouching in the grass some distance away.} CROW Meanwhile, on the set of the new Janet Jackson video. KIARA: We make such a good team! And you... you were really brave! KOVU: Yeah... you were pretty brave too. My name's Kovu. KIARA: {getting closer; sly} I'm Kiara. MIKE/JOEL/CROW/TOM Ooooooo {From the bushes, Zira growls as she hears Kiara's name} {Kiara crouches down playfully, waving her tail; she reaches out and bats Kovu} KIARA: Tag! You're it! {She jumps back, laughing; instead of chasing, Kovu just looks at her silently. She tries again.} KIARA: Tag! You're it! You're it! JOEL (Kovu) You sure you don't need your medication? {Still no response; he just stares at her.} KIARA: Hello? You run, I tag... get it? What's the matter? Don't you know how to play? MIKE (Kovu) Play? That means Kill right? {Getting an idea, she crouches down and goes back to playing his style, with bared teeth and growls. He gets the idea and mock-growls back, but suddenly he finds himself growling at Simba's leg. Simba roars, and Zira jumps out of the grass and roars back.} SIMBA: Zira. JOEL Harcassle? ZIRA: Simba! MIKE McCormick? {Nala, Timon, and Pumbaa arrive behind Simba, with other lionesses.} ZIRA: Nala. TOM Chief? NALA: Zira. CROW MCLOUD! TIMON: Timon, Pumbaa. Great. Now that we all know each other.. GET OUTTA OUR PRIDE LANDS! ZIRA: Your Pride Lands? {she snarls, making Timon leap backwards over Pumbaa's head in fear} These lands belonged to Scar. JOEL (Zira) It said so in his will. SIMBA: I banished you from the Pride Lands! Now you and your young cub... get out! MIKE (Simba) NOW! ZIRA: Oh... haven't you met my son, Kovu? He was hand-chosen by Scar to follow in his pawprints... and become King! CROW OF RIVERDANCE! TIMON: Pbbb! That's not a king... that's a fuzzy maraca! TOM So let's shake him. ZIRA: Kovu was the last born before you exiled us to the Outlands, where we have little food, less water... TOM (Zira) No cable, plenty of moshpits though. SIMBA: You know the penalty for returning to the Pride Lands! MIKE It's a 500 dollar fine. ZIRA: But the child does not! However... if you need your pound of flesh... here. {She nudges Kovu toward Simba, daring him to show either ruthlessness or cowardice.} TOM I don't know guys, a little ketchup and he'd be pretty tasty. SIMBA: Take him and get out. We're finished here. {Simba picks up Kiara in his teeth.} JOEL (Kiara) OW! My neck! ZIRA: Oh no, Simba... we have barely begun. CROW Cause B-b-b-baby you ain't seen n-n-n-nothing yet {She glares wickedly at Kiara, then turns and picks up Kovu in her jaws. He and Kiara watch each other dangle as they move apart.} KIARA: Bye... KOVU: Bye... {Simba and the lionesses move off over the ridge, back toward the Pride Lands, while Zira takes Kovu back to the Outlands. Once within sight of Pride Rock, Nala looks back at Simba.} NALA: Simba? TOM Chief? SIMBA: {clears his throat, with Kiara still in his mouth} MIKE (Kiara; sarcastic) Thanks a lot dad. Now I got flem on my neck. {Nala smiles back at him, understanding that it's time for The Talk. She and the rest of the pride move off back home. Simba drops Kiara, who grins ingratiatingly up at him; he glares sternly back.} SIMBA: Kiara, what did you think you were doing? You could have been killed today. CROW (Kiara) Your point being? KIARA: But Daddy, I-- I didn't mean to disobey-- TOM (Kiara) And you find out about it. SIMBA: I'm telling you this because I love you. I don't wanna lose you. KIARA: I know... SIMBA: If something happened to you, I don't know what I'd do. MIKE (Simba) Wait, yes I do. One day I won't be here... MIKE/JOEL/BOTS HUZZAH! and I need you to carry on in my place. You are part of the great Circle-- KIARA: Circle of Life. I know. CROW Cause it moves us all. SIMBA: Exactly. And you need to be careful. As future Queen-- KIARA: But what if I don't wanna be Queen? It's no fun. TOM (Kiara) I don't like riverdance. SIMBA: That's like saying you don't want to be a lion. It's in your blood... as I am. We are part of each other. {He smiles and playfully shoves her off the rock. She lands with a soft "OOF!", her tail flopping down ontop of her head.} CROW CHILD ABUSE! [ We Are One ] {Simba grins back down at her, MIKE (Simba) I use Crest. And she smiles back up at him. TOM (Kiara) I use Colgate. They nuzzle as Simba begins singing.} SIMBA: As you go through life you'll see There is so much that we Don't understand JOEL (Simba) Like what 2 plus 2 is.. {A mother bird sternly prevents one of her chicks from trying to fly} JOEL (Mother Bird) Don't make me clip your wings! And the only thing we know Is things don't always go The way we planned { a wildebeest calf gets up for the first time as they watch.} MIKE (Simba) You're a prime example of that. But you'll see every day That we'll never turn away When it seems all your dreams come undone We will stand by your side Filled with hope and filled with pride TOM Cause lions always have a lot of that. We are more than we are We are one MIKE (Goliath) Now and forever. {Kiara sings to her reflection in the river during her verse.} KIARA: If there's so much I must be Can I still just be me The way I am? TOM Hell no. Can I trust in my own heart Or am I just one part Of some big plan? JOEL (Kiara) Contrived by some conglamorate. {Wind blows during this verse by Simba, underscoring the reference to Mufasa's spirit.} SIMBA: Even those who are gone Are with us as we go on Your journey has only begun CROW So get use to it! Tears of pain, tears of joy One thing nothing can destroy Is our pride, deep inside We are one TOM (Demona) Now and forever. {They run through groups of curiously unafraid animals, approaching Pride Rock.} We are one, you and I We are like the earth and sky One family under the sun {Monkeys grooming each other, hippos jumping and playing.} MIKE They never show this on Discovery Channel.... {Running back up Pride Rock. He indicates it to her.} All the wisdom to lead All the courage that you need CROW (Simba) Is in my pants. MIKE CROW! You will find when you see We are one MIKE/JOEL/BOTS Now and Forever {Simba pulls Kiara in close} SIMBA: As long as you live here, it's who you are. {She seems unconvinced. He smiles and licks her face.} You'll understand someday. {He bounds off. Stopping to look at her once more.} JOEL (Simba) Now I must disapear back into the shadows. {A bird flutters by and circles her. She smiles. It then flies off over the Pride Lands. She sits down and lowers her head. TOM (Kiara) What was that all about?! Fade to black.} {Outlands. Vitani is tugging on a root, growling. Nuka approaches from behind.} NUKA: Oh hey, Vitani. Where's the little termite, Kovu? {sarcastically} The "chosen one". CROW I thought Kovu was African for "Scar"? {Nuka touches the root with a claw; it snaps, and Vitani tumbles backward. Nuka guffaws.} VITANI: Nuka! TOM Chief! Where's Kovu? Did you leave him out there on his own again? JOEL (Nuka) Maybe. NUKA: Hey-- it's every lion for himself out here. That little termite's gotta learn to be on his own. {Nuka is ridden with vermin and termites. He is continually scratching himself.} (Tom and Joel lean to their right as the vermin and termites are thrown, stage left, off Nuka) VITANI: Mother's gonna be mad. She told you to watch him! NUKA: Oh, who cares? CROW Yeah! I should've been the chosen one. {he begins scratching his back against the tree trunk} I'm the oldest, I'm the strongest, I'm the smartest-- Ooogh! These termites! MIKE (Nuka) I just Love'em! {Vitani looks self-satisfied at Nuka's condition.} NUKA: {scooting along on his rear} I could be a leader, if she'd just give me a chance! JOEL (Nuka) But Nooooo, I get stuck at a radio station. VITANI: Yeah right. Why don't you tell that to her? NUKA: Yeah? Don't think I won't! VITANI: Oh yeah? Here's your chance. {Zira walks slowly by Nuka, carrying Kovu in her mouth. She ignores Nuka entirely.} NUKA: What? Oh... Mother! Mother, hi! {laughs nervously} Mother, I caught some field mice for your dinner, I left 'em by the, um... by the... okay. TOM (Nuka) She's gonna kill me during my shower....... {Zira drops Kovu. Vitani pounces next to him.} VITANI: Hey, Kovu. You wanna... fight? {She mock-snarls; he looks earnest.} ZIRA: You were supposed to be watching him! JOEL (Zira) You stink, Nuka! KOVU: It's not his fault! I went off on my own! {Zira turns on Kovu, backing him along the ground with her words.} ZIRA: What were you doing? KOVU: N-nothing! MIKE (Kovu) That you need to know about. ZIRA: Who has made us Outsiders? CROW (Kovu) Bischoff! KOVU: Simba! ZIRA: Who killed Scar? TOM (Kovu) The Hyenas! KOVU: Simba! ZIRA: And I told you about them! TOM (Kovu) Yeah! They're fun loving creatures! KOVU: Sorry, mother! ...Sh-she didn't seem so bad. I thought we could be-- ZIRA: Friends? You thought you'd get to the daughter. And Simba would welcome you with open arms? What an idea! ... {she reconsiders} What an idea! You brilliant child-- I'm so proud of you! TOM (Zira) You live tonight. {She kneads the frightened Kovu with unsheathed claws} You have the same conniving mind that made Scar so... powerful. NUKA: Yecch. {Zira glares and snarls at Nuka, then picks up Kovu. She carries him into a cave, as Nuka glowers.} NUKA: {disgustedly} Ugh. The "chosen one". {Zira deposits Kovu in a hollow tree trunk; he lands with a grunt.} ZIRA: I now see the path to our glorious return to power! KOVU: But I don't want-- ZIRA: Hush! Hush, my little one. You must be exhausted. CROW (Kovu) Actually, I'm wide awake. [ My Lullaby ] ZIRA: Sleep, my little Kovu Let your dreams take wing One day when you're big and strong You will be a king JOEL OF RIVERDANCE! {Zira tucks Kovu in.} KOVU: Good night... ZIRA: Good night, my little prince. Tomorrow, your training intensifies. TOM (Kovu) Wow, you mean I can finally watch Full House? {Zira's dancing in this scene is very reminiscent of Scar's in "Be Prepared". She leaps up onto rocks to emphasize lines, and punctuates her graphic points by beating up on Nuka. Lionesses leap as she musters her forces.} ZIRA: I've been exiled, persucuted Left alone with no defense When I think of what that brute did I get a little tense TOM She owns many Wigwams But I dream a dream so pretty That I don't feel so depressed 'Cause it soothes my inner kitty And it helps me get some rest MIKE/JOEL /~Nytol helps you get your Z's~/ The sound of Simba's dying gasp His daughter squealing in my grasp His lionesses' mournful cry That's my lullaby TOM You sick, sick woman Now the past I've tried forgetting And my foes I could forgive Trouble is, I knows it's petty But I hate to let them live NUKA: So you found yourself somebody who'd chase Simba up a tree ZIRA: Oh, the battle may be bloody, but that kind of works for me CROW (Zira) I love pain. The melody of angry growls A counterpoint of painful howls A symphony of death, oh my! That's my lullaby Scar is gone... MIKE/JOEL/BOTS HUZZAH! but Zira's still around To love this little lad Till he learns to be a killer CROW /~Just like his dear old dad!~/ With a lust for being bad! NUKA: Sleep, ya little termite! Uh-- I mean, precious little thing! VITANI: One day when you're big and strong ZIRA: You will be a king! TOM Of RIVERDANCE! The pounding of the drums of war MIKE/JOEL/CROW/TOM Gooooldberg. Gooooldberg. The thrill of Kovu's mighty roar NUKA: Joyus vengance VITANI: Testify! ZIRA: I can hear the cheering MIKE/JOEL/BOTS PACKERS! WHOOOO! NUKA and VITANI: Kovu! What a guy! ZIRA: Payback time is nearing And then our flag will fly NUKA: Against a blood-red sky ZIRA: That's my lullaby! CROW Yeah whatever. {Fade to black.} (Everyone gets up and leaves the theater) (1..2..3..4..5..6..) (SoL) (Everyone is gathered around the counter as usual. Gypsy is also there.) Joel:And after I landed in the outback, I immediately set up shop and began work on something that would help me get you guys off here. Gypsy:That's so sweet. Joel:Things stayed like that till some guy in a monkey suit came to my door. Next thing I know, I'm trapped in a prison cell, then up here. Crow:That explains where Bobo was last week. Joel:I like what you've done with the place. Looks nice. Tom:Actually, Crow did it all. Crow:With help from the nanites. Joel:Nanites? Tom:YEAH! Wanna see them? Joel:Sure. (Mike pulls down the magna-scope. Everyone looks in.) (Counter top) (We see what looks to be a small scale microchip version of Pride Rock. The view enhances. We see Ned the Nanites Standing on the edge of the protruding rock. Two more nanites and a baby nanite are behind him. We hear the roar of the crowd "below" him.) Ned:Ladies and Gentlemen! It is time for the ceremony! (SoL) Mike:Hey, it's Ned Nanite. Hey, Ned, what's happening? ("Nanite Rock") Ned:Not much, we're just about to crown the new Nanite king. Feel free to watch if you want. (SoL) Tom:Nanite King? Geez, and I thought Crow got to involved in the movies. Crow:Bite me, ok?! (Joel turns toward Mike) Joel (Pleased):Some things never change. ("Nanite Rock") (A weird African-like chant has started in the crowd below. Ned is holding up the baby nanite over the edge of the rock.) Ned:Behold the future ruler of the nanites, Mitch! May he upgrade to be a powerufl leader in out eternall quest for peace, happiness, and bigger hard drives! (SoL) Joel:Wow, this is so...so... (Joel sneezes on the counter top.) ("Nanite Rock") (A sudden powerful gust of wind causes Ned to lose his grip on Mitch. The baby nanite plummits over the side the rock's edge.) Ned:OH NOOOOO! (SoL) (There is a small explosion, think firecrackers, on the counter. Everyone stares in horror.) ("Nanite Rock") (The two nanites behind Ned are crying.) Ned:This is horrible! The future ruler fell to his death! He landed in the fireworks display and set of a chain reaction! He was completely destroyed along with everyone around the display! Oh the humanity! (SoL) (Everyone glares at Joel) Tom(Sarcastic):OH, GOOD ONE ROBINSON! Crow:How could you do that, Joel? Joel:I didn't mean to. Dust got in my nose. ("Nanite Rock") Ned(Angered):You have killed our future ruler! You have angered us beyond imagination! Beware Humans! We shall have our revenge! Yes, revenge! (SoL) Crow:I don't like the sound of this, guys. (Commercial light begins to flash) Mike:We'll be right back. Tom(Sarcastic):First day back on the job and you're already alienating the Nanites. (Show revolving MST3k planet) (Everyone walks in and sits back down.) CROW Your such a clutz sometimes, Joel. JOEL Will you knock it off? {Scene opens on Rafiki's tree. He is doing a new picture of Kiara as she grows into adulthood.} RAFIKI: Oh, Mufasa... CROW (Rafiki) I'm running out of papers. every day Kiara grows more beautiful, into a Queen that will someday make us all very proud. {He paints a mane on Kovu, next to Kiara.} This cub Kovu... stronger. Zira fills his heart with hate. I am very worried, Mufasa. Things are not going well. TOM (Rafiki) My stash was raided by someone last night. {Wind blows, rattling Rafiki's gourds.} RAFIKI: Hmm? You have a plan? MIKE Who's he talking to? {One gourd falls, splitting in half. Rafiki holds up the two halves against the painting of Kiara and Kovu, and brings them together until they join.} JOEL Wait, I think that was supposed to be Mufasa. RAFIKI: What? Kovu... Kiara... together? This is the plan? TOM Probably. (Pause) Are you crazy? MIKE (Mufasa) Yes. This will never work! Oh, Mufasa, you been up there too long. Your head is in the clouds! CROW And the puns continue. {Wind blows hard at Rafiki} MIKE (Mufasa) Sorry, I got gas. RAFIKI: Okay, okay, okay! Okay! All right-- okay! I don't think this is going to work... but I trust you. I just hope you know what you are doing! JOEL (Mufasa) When have I ever known what I was doing? {Camera trucks back, upwards, away from Rafiki. Scene shifts to Zira's rocky home, where the grown Kovu is sitting on a rock while Zira slinks around him.} ZIRA: You are ready! {chuckles} Nice... very nice. CROW (Zira) Meet me in my room later. MIKE CROW! You have the same blackness in your soul that Scar had. What is your destiny? TOM (Kovu) Another Goofy Movie. KOVU: I will avenge Scar... take his place in the Pride Lands. JOEL (Kovu) I will get some deoderant. ZIRA: Yes! What have I taught you? MIKE (Kovu) Bad is Good. KOVU: Simba is the enemy. ZIRA: And what must you do? CROW (Kovu) Bone his daughter MIKE CROW! KOVU: I must kill him! {Lionesses roar in reply. Scene switches back to Pride Rock, where Kiara is emerging to take part in her first hunt.} RANDOM LIONESSES: Wow, her first hunt! You must be so proud, Nala. Here she is! RAFIKI: Kiara. CROW McLoud. {Zazu alights nearby. Timon and Pumbaa embrace goofily.} MIKE (Timon) I love you man! JOEL (Pumbaa) You're not getting my BUGlight, Timon. RANDOM LIONESSES: Good luck, Kiara! She'll be great. CROW Her dad says she is. JOEL Crow, cut it out. Her first hunt! You can do it! It's your day, Kiara. My, how you've grown! Good luck, Kiara! {Nala and Kiara nuzzle. Simba is looking vaguely glum.} NALA: You'll do just fine. KIARA: Daddy... you have to promise to let me do this on my own. Promise? {Simba glances at Nala, who raises her eyebrows at him. He rolls his eyes upward acquiescently.} SIMBA: All right... I promise. JOEL He'll break it too. {They rub heads; Timon and Pumbaa break into tears. Kiara looks back, and then runs off into the fields. Simba moves surreptitiously over to Timon and Pumbaa.} SIMBA: {quietly} Make sure she doesn't get hurt. {Timon and Pumbaa begin humming in a show of nonchalance, and sidle away off the rock until they drop over the side and out of view.} JOEL Told ya. {Kiara is hunting. Trying to be quiet, she steps on a branch, which cracks and sends a herd of antelope running. Kiara runs frustratedly after them. CROW (Kiara) This makes me wanna SCREAM! Scene switches to a burst of steam; we are back in the Elephant Graveyard. Nuka and Vitani are standing on a ledge.} NUKA: Yeecch. This place is even creepier since the hyenas ran off. JOEL Guess they knew the sequal was coming VITANI: {mouth full of kindling} Mmmh. Gee. NUKA: {annoyed} I'm not scared, okay? CROW (Sarcastic) Suuuuuure. {They jump down next to one of the spouts; Vitani drops the kindling against the edge.} NUKA: I just don't know why we have to be here, that's all. If Kovu was so special, why does he need us?... I never even had a CHANCE! Yaaah! {he gets his butt burned by a jet of hot gas from the ground} MIKE Volatile contents, do not strike a match. {Vitani watches him with amusement, then her face lights up as the near spout bursts, lighting the sticks ablaze.} VITANI: That's it! Now come on... Kiara has started her hunt. We have to move quickly. {Nuka grabs his burning stick, and leans his head over the vent's edge; it goes off, scorching his face.} NUKA: Oooh! Fire! {he laughs and bounds off after Vitani.} CROW The first Pyro lion, people. {Scene switches to the open fields, where Timon and Pumbaa are following after Kiara. We see Pumbaa's tail sticking up above the grass. Timon rises up next to it, TOM Bad place to be, Timon sees the tail, yelps in surprise, and ducks back down. The two cross a clearing military-fashion, sniffing the air, and they dart from tree to tree with SWAT-team-style "Hup! Hup! Hup!" noises. Timon leaps into a hollow log and gestures as though with a two-way radio.} TIMON: Tango-Charley-Alpha. What's your position? PUMBAA: Upright... head turned slightly to the left... tail erect. MIKE (Sarcastic) I needed to hear that. Thank you. TIMON: Why do I bother? {he scans the horizon, framing Kiara in his fingers} Ah hah. {Kiara is stalking the antelope again. CROW Lions, PARTY OF FIVE? Good. She carefully steps over some stones with her front feet, but knocks them over with her hind feet, alerting the antelope into running yet again. The herd turns and dashes away from her, directly toward Timon and Pumbaa, who shriek in fright.} TIMON: This must be where the deer and the antelope play! {The antelope pass; Timon and Pumbaa shriek again when they turn and see Kiara standing there, panting.} KIARA: {sternly} Timon... what are you doing here? MIKE (Timon) Uh, nothing. TIMON: Uh... shopping! We thought a nice pelt for the den... some throw pillows, a little potpourri... CROW (Timon; then normal) Rolling papers, wait, that's Rafiki KIARA: My father sent you. I-- but he promised to let me do this on my own; he lied! MIKE And you're surprised? TIMON: No... he just doesn't want you to get hurt! KIARA: I should have known he'd never give me a real chance. {Kiara runs past them, still breathing hard.} KIARA: I'll do this on my own. Away from the Pride Lands! JOEL (Kiara) I don't need you! NONE OF YOU! TIMON: Hey! Wait! Come back! Oh... who can keep track of her? Kiara-- come back! {He hops up on Pumbaa, and they run after her-- but she's far ahead already.} Oh... she's gone again! Somebody's got to get this kid a beeper! JOEL Why? So a satellite malfuction can disable it? (Crow whistles innocently) {Scene switches to where Kiara has run, toward the edge of the Pride Lands. Nuka and Vitani are standing above, with their flaming sticks.} NUKA: Let's light fire! {they run down the slope, Nuka laughing madly} Roasty toasty princess... roasty toasty princess... {he lights the grass in several places, hopping around in circles. Soon he is standing in flames} TOM (Nuka) I'm not a pyro, HONEST! Hey, is it hot in here, or is that just me? {realizes} Fire! Yowww! {Nuka rockets into the air and lands a good distance away, where he resumes laughing maniacally. Vitani jumps in and drags him off.} VITANI: Come on! JOEL (Vitani) We gotta get you back in your jacket. {Scene switches to the antelope grazing in the valley, along with various birds. They become aware of the Kiara nearby and begin to turn and gallop off. Kiara gives chase. CROW (Kiara) I just wanna play! Soon, though, she notices the fire burning on the horizon, and the antelope turn and run back in her direction. She panics, turns, and begins to run back the way she came; antelope and birds follow her. MIKE For crying out loud, we need a new way to kill lions instead of stampedes. Scene changes to a high knoll above the flames, where Zira and Kovu sit watching.} ZIRA: The plan is in motion. Go! JOEL Come one! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! {Kovu runs down the slope, toward Pride Rock. Camera switches to Pride Rock, where Simba is pacing with Zazu several steps away.} ZAZU: Don't worry, Simba. She'll be fine. What could happen? CROW (Simba) She could get caught by MGM.... {Simba looks up and gasps as he sees the smoke rising.} SIMBA: No... no! Kiara! {he turns to Zazu} Zazu! Fly ahead. Find her! TOM (Simba) I'll go get Rafiki's stash! {Kiara is following a pair of zebras away from the flames, but finds herself trapped and hemmed in on all sides. She sees a high stone overhang above the flames; she leaps up and tries to climb up the side, (Everyone begins singing the AMERICAN GLADIATORS theme) but she falls unconscious upon reaching the top. Kovu appears from the smoke and looms over her; she wakes for a moment and sees him baring his teeth down at her, then loses consciousness again. JOEL (Kiara; drowzy) Five more minutes ma..... Kovu uses his paw to see if she's still breathing, a nonconcerned look on his face. MIKE (Kovu) Hmm, she uses Colgate. grabs the nape of her neck and throws her body on top of his, and begins to carry her away from the fire. TOM (Kovu) Girl, you need to go on a diet. He leaps across chasms with flames roaring, and then tumbles with Kiara down a slope into a pool of water, where Kiara begins to sink. JOEL (Kiara) My heart....Will go on..... Kovu gasps, then dives for her and drags her to shore. Zazu, flying overhead, watches the event.} ZAZU: {gasps} I must tell Simba! {Zazu flies back to Pride Rock. CROW Yes, you tell him. But you'll leave out certain parts, won't you? Kovu drags Kiara to shore, and she wakes up, gasping for breath.} KIARA: Where am I? KOVU: You're safe... in the Pride Lands. KIARA: {bewildered} The Pride Lands... no! Why did you bring me here? Who do you think you are? MIKE (Kovu; nervous) I uh...er....um.... KOVU: I think I'm the one who just saved your life! KIARA: Look! I had everything under control! KOVU: Not from where I'm standing. KIARA: Then move downwind. CROW (Kiara) You'll smell what the Rock's cooking. {The lions confront each other. Kiara begins jumping from side to side, as she had done in their earlier encounter as cubs. Soon Kovu's interest is piqued.} KOVU: What are you doing? KIARA: {recognizing him} Kovu? CROW McLoud? {Simba and the lionesses from Pride Rock arrive.} NALA: Kiara! You're all right. SIMBA: Kiara! {he begins snarling at Kovu} KIARA: Father... how could you break your promise? SIMBA: It's a good thing I did. I almost lost you. No more hunts for you; not ever! KIARA: But I was doing just fine! Even before Kovu-- SIMBA: Kovu? {he roars at Kovu again} TOM Chief? NALA: {surprised at his ferocity} Simba? MIKE McCormick? {Rafiki has arrived, and is standing on the hillside behind Simba.} RAFIKI: You! How dare you save the King's daughter? JOEL (Rafiki) Just what the hell did you think you were doing?! SIMBA: You saved her? Why? KOVU: I humbly ask to join your pride. SIMBA: No! You were banished with the other Outsiders. JOEL (Scott Hall) Hey yo. KOVU: I have left the Outsiders. MIKE (Kovu) I couldn't stand Scott's breath. I am a rogue. Judge me now, for what I am... or am I to be blamed for a crime I didn't commit? {Simba snarls and paces around. JOEL (Simba) Turkey or ham.....ARG! I Can't decide! Nala looks hard at him.} NALA: Simba... you owe him your daughter's life. TOM But is that really worth much? ZAZU: Mmm... yes, sire. Clearly we are in his debt... and royal protocol demands that all debts be paid. Though in this case you might want to make an exception. CROW I say we fry the birdie up with some barbeque. {Simba paces a few moments more, then comes to a decision.} JOEL (Simba) I'll have ham! SIMBA: My father's law will prevail. For now, I reserve judgment. We'll see who you really are. MIKE (Kovu; nervous) Oh man, he knows I'm really Goofy's son..... {Kovu smiles inwardly and looks sidelong at Kiara, who smiles back at him. Zazu turns his back on Kovu.} ZAZU: Hmph! Riffraff. MIKE So where's Hector and Wordsworth? {Zazu flies off. All make their way back to Pride Rock, with Kovu walking behind Simba and growling to himself.} TOM (Kovu) Stupid camera men. {As night falls over Pride Rock, Simba notices Kovu about to go into the inner cavern with the lionesses; he jumps in front of Kovu with a growl CROW (Simba) Only *I* can Pimp here, buddy boy. and intimidates him away from the cavern opening as he goes inside. Kovu walks out onto the rocks to sleep. Kiara goes out to speak to him.} KIARA: Hey... uh, thanks for saving me today. KOVU: What kind of hunter are you, anyway-- Princess? You almost got yourself killed out there. KIARA: What? KOVU: You wouldn't last three days on your own. JOEL (Sarcastic) Oh yeah, thats gonna get you her love. KIARA: {provoked} Oh... and I suppose you could teach me? KOVU: Heh... yeah. {Simba shouts from the cavern entrance.} SIMBA: Kiara! CROW MCLOUD! KIARA: Coming! {She turns back to Kovu.} All right-- impress me. We start at dawn. TOM (Bold) We attack at noon! {Kiara walks back to the cavern; Kovu continues speaking to himself.} KOVU: {chuckles} I look forward to it. CROW (Kovu) And I look forward to getting you alone. {The camera pulls back to where Nuka and Vitani sit watching from a nearby hill.} NUKA: Oh... oh... d-d-did you see that?! He let her go! If that were me-- CROW (Nuka) I'd be haucking loogies off at the people below me. ZIRA: Hush. The fire-rescue worked perfectly, and Simba fell for it. Now, the closer Kovu gets to the daughter, the closer he gets to Simba! MIKE (Disturbed) But what happens when he gets REAL close to Kiara? And once he has Simba alone... rraaagh! {she emphasizes her point by swatting a young tree from its trunk} (Mike and Crow duck to avoid the "splinters") {Camera shifts to Pride Rock, midnight. Simba is dreaming of the moment when his father died. He is at the top of the ledge, reaching down for Mufasa, who is just out of reach.} MUFASA: Simba! Simba! Help me! JOEL (Mufasa) I'm stuck in this crummy flashback! SIMBA: Father! TOM Chief! {Scar is above Simba, laughing on the rocks against the moonlight.} SIMBA: Dad... just... a little... farther... CROW (Simba) UUUUUNGH! DEEPER! UUUUUUUNGH! {Scar latches on to Simba's upper foreleg with his claws.} SCAR: Gotcha! ...Trust me. JOEL (Simba) Ok! MUFASA: Simba! MIKE MCCORMICK! {Mufasa slides down and into the gorge.} SIMBA: Noooo! {Simba turns on Scar, above him; Scar, laughing, slowly morphs into Kovu.} SIMBA: Kovu...? CROW McCloud? {Kovu suddenly lets go, throwing Simba down after Mufasa. He is still laughing. At the moment of impact, he wakes, panting. TOM It was one of THOSE dreams. CROW Heh heh heh He looks around in fright, calms himself, and goes back to sleep next to Nala.} {The next morning. Simba stretches, and then descends to the valley floor, where he walks slowly toward the water hole. MIKE (Simba) Man, maybe I shouldn't eat twelve Zebras before bedtime anymore.... Kovu is above him, hiding behind a rock; his teeth and claws are bared, ready to strike. Suddenly, Kiara jumps in front of him, from around the front of the rock.} KIARA: G'morning! {laughs} I'm ready for my first lesson. {Kovu is stunned; he takes several moments to disguise his previous mindset and intentions.} KIARA: Surprised ya, huh? JOEL (Kovu) Um, yeah. I need new pants. Excuse me. {Kovu looks back toward the water hole; Simba is gone.} KIARA: {laughing} Hey, c'mon. Let's go! {Kovu is still dumbstruck. He turns and follows Kiara.} MIKE Come on! Get it over with! {Scene switch. Kovu is attempting to teach stealth to Kiara. We hear her saying "Ow" in the underbrush a few times; Kovu is smiling bemusedly to himself.} KOVU: {anticipating the pounce} Three... two... one... {he ducks} MIKE/JOEL/BOTS HAPPY NEW YEAR! KIARA: Gotcha! {Kiara leaps full over Kovu's evasion, and tumbles over on the ground.} KIARA: You could hear me... huh? KOVU: Only... a lot. You're still breathing too hard. CROW That's what her dad says. MIKE CROW! Relax... feel the earth under your paws... so it doesn't shift and make noise. {Kiara tries to follow his example, but manages to scare a flock of birds into flight} Ssshh. Watch the master... JOEL (Kiara) So who do I watch? and learn. {Kovu runs silently down into a gully, then up the other side. Leaping over the ridgetop, he pounces with claws fully extended right down on top of Timon, who is foraging for bugs there.} TIMON: Aaaahhhh! MIKE/JOEL/BOTS GYAH! {Kovu freezes in the position in which he hits the ground, with his mouth open; he skids to a halt with Timon between his forelegs.} TIMON: Don't eat me! Please! I... I... I never really met your tyrant. I mean, uh-- Scar. Scar. Oh, heck of a guy. A little moody, but, I... KIARA: Timon! What are you doing here? MIKE (Timon; nervous) Um, nothing. TIMON: Kiara! Thank goodness! Ohh! Hey... for once, we're not following ya. This just happens to be the best smorgasbord in the Pride Lands. Bugs everywhere! {he indicates the field of bugs, with the flock of birds eating contentedly away} But, you don't call for a reservation, and-- yeesh! Get outta here, ya scavengers. Go on! Shoo! Shoo! {Timon tries to scare away the birds; he waves his arms at one unconcerned bird, who bites Timon's nose.} CROW (Nelson) HAHA! TIMON: {in pain, nose glowing red} Oh!... oh!... oh. {Pumbaa rushes down the hill, and back up, scattering birds, who come back to land right where they were. TOM (Timon; whispering) Shh, just let him think it's working. Kiara watches with amusement, Kovu with bewilderment. Camera switches back to Pumbaa, who is standing with a dozen or so birds sitting on his back.} PUMBAA: Ohh... Timon, I'm getting tired. I gotta lose some pounds! JOEL (Pumbaa) Got any slimfast? TIMON: {trying to scare the birds off Pumbaa} Shoo! Go on! Shoo! Shoo! {Kiara and Kovu trot back down the hill, Kiara laughing.} PUMBAA: Hey! Maybe he can help. Ya think? TOM (Timon) Pumbaa, when have I ever thought? TIMON: Oh! Yeah... there's an idea. Right. Let the vicious Outsider-- Hey! Wait! I have an idea! What if he helps? PUMBAA: What? MIKE (Pumbaa) Timon, are you stealing my ideas, AGAIN? TIMON: {to Kovu} You wanna lend a voice? Huh? {not getting through to him} Grrr. Guh... Roar! Work with me! MIKE (Timon) I'm going to my trailer. Someone get me a motivational tape. KIARA: Like this. {she roars, scattering the birds} TOM (Bold) MGM! TIMON: Wooo hoo! C'mon, do it again! Do it again! CROW Hehe! That's what she said to Sim....(Muffled as Mike clamps his beak shut) {Kovu roars this time, sending the birds into a rout.} TIMON: Yee-haa! MIKE (Timon) I'm a cowboy! {Kiara and Kovu run down the hill, sending birds flying in every direction. Kovu is still clueless.} KOVU: Why are we doing this? What's the point of this training? KIARA: {laughing} Training? This is just for fun! KOVU: {as though he's never heard the word before} Fun? JOEL (Kovu) That means kill right? {Timon and Pumbaa run by; Timon is hanging on to a bird's leg, getting carried up into the air.} TIMON: Ya gotta get out more often. Fun! Yeee-haa! Ha ha ha ha... Woooo-hoo! KOVU: {slowly getting the idea} Yeee-haa! Yeee-haaa! JOEL (Redneck) I'M A COWBOY! {The group runs down between a row of rocks; it is blocked at the end by a number of rhinos.} TIMON: That's it, Pumbaa! Oh, boy! KOVU: Yeeeee-haaa! {They notice the rhinos and come skidding to a halt; they notice the birds all sitting on top of the rhinos' heads.} KIARA: Uh-oh. BIRDS: {thhhpppbbt!} {The lions, Timon, and Pumbaa turn tail and run back the way they came; the rhinos are in hot pursuit. Timon and Pumbaa round the corner, MIKE (Announcer) Earnhardt takes the lead! followed close behind by Kiara, JOEL (Announcer) Jarrett's coming up close! then Kovu, TOM (Announcer) With Martin in third! And finally the angry Rhinos. CROW (Announcer) With Gordon in DEAD LAST! The lions turn sideways into a crevice in the rocks, where they hide while the rhinos pass by. They're laughing with delight as the camera trucks in.} KOVU: What a blast! PUMBAA: Oh... sorry. MIKE D'OH! TIMON: {giving Kovu a noogie} You're okay, kid... you're okay. {They now try to squeeze out of the crevice. Amid "'Scuse me, pardon me" from Timon, Kiara's muzzle brushes up against Kovu's. They look at each other, both quite embarrassed.} KIARA: Um... s-sorr-- uh... MIKE (Kovu; sly) Can we do that again? {Timon and Pumbaa have extricated themselves and are some way up the pathway.} TIMON: Hey! Are you two comin' or what? CROW (Kovu) Give us a minute. TOM (Kiara) Make it ten. {The lions walk off, side by side.} {Scene switch; Kiara and Kovu are lying on their backs, watching the clouds and giggling.} KOVU: See that? See that? Look at that! KIARA: What? Oh yeah! Um-- look... there's one that looks like a baby rabbit. See the fluffy tail? {She points to the star arrangement. It looks somewhat like a rabbit} MIKE Looks more like Crow in the morning. CROW Hey! KOVU: Yeah... hey! There's one that looks like two lions killing each other for a scrap of meat! {Kovu points at the star arrangement. It looks very much like he described} JOEL (Tilting his head) Oh, I see it now. {Kovu laughs; this isn't Kiara's cup of tea, and she grimaces.} KOVU: Ah, I've never played this before. KIARA: Really? My father and I used to do this all the time. He says all the great Kings of the past are up there. KOVU: You think Scar is up there? JOEL (Kiara) No, he's below us. {They look at each other; Kovu gets up and moves off.} KOVU: No one here thinks he's very great... do they? CROW Nope. KIARA: My father said there was a... a darkness in Scar that he couldn't escape. KOVU: Maybe there's a darkness in me too. JOEL (Kiara) I like darkness. {Kiara puts her paw on Kovu's, and they nuzzle. The camera trucks back, and we see Simba watching from a hill some distance away. He addresses the sky.} (Mike points up at the stars) MIKE Look, Hidden Mickey. (Everyone "Oooooh"s and looks for it) SIMBA: Father... I am lost. Kovu is one of them. Scar's heir. How can I accept him? MIKE (Mufasa) Tap a keg, my son. {Nala approaches from behind.} NALA: Simba? JOEL John Boy? SIMBA: I was... seeking counsel from the Great Kings. NALA: Did they help? SIMBA: {sighs} Silent as stars. My father would never-- JOEL (Simba) acknowledge I was his son. NALA: Oh, Simba... CROW (Nala) You're such a mook. you want so much to walk the path expected of you. Perhaps Kovu does not. SIMBA: {surprised} What? How do you know what-- CROW (Nala) I read the script. NALA: {chuckles} I can see them down there just as easily as you can. Get to know them and see. {She turns and walks off; JOEL Well, at least she got more lines than her mom did in the first movie. after a moment of hesitation, Simba follows. Camera moves back down to Kiara and Kovu. She is nuzzling him, but he pulls away.} KIARA: What's wrong? KOVU: Nothing. KIARA: Kovu... MIKE (Kovu) I think I hit puberty. KOVU: It's just that... my whole life I've been trained to... {he stops} Nothing. I gotta go. {turns and walks off} KIARA: Kovu-- wait. {Kovu pauses a moment, then moves to continue... but he is stopped by Rafiki's finger pointing up from the grass.} MIKE Hiya Thing! RAFIKI: And where are you going? KOVU: Nuhh... nowhere. RAFIKI: {springing up} That's what you think! {Rafiki slips under Kovu and vanishes in the grass.} KOVU: {confused} Who was that? KIARA: Uh... friend of the family. TOM (Kiara;Whispering) He's a stoner. {Kovu looks back and finds Rafiki lying on his back. JOEL (Rafiki) Hmm, Comfy. He slips off and darts away, tugging Kovu's tail and laughing.} RAFIKI: Come on! You follow old Rafiki; he knows the way! KOVU: {hesitating} The way where? CROW (Rafiki) To the Kegger! MIKE/JOEL/CROW/TOM WHOOOOOOOOO!! RAFIKI: You follow-- you'll see! Hurry now! KIARA: {giggling} Kovu, c'mon! MIKE Come on! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! {The lions run after Rafiki, who is swinging Tarzan-like from tree to tree and laughing eerily. They turn a corner and stop. A waterfall is in front of them.} KOVU: Where's he taking us? {Rafiki lowers himself from above their heads. The camera does a full 180 degree turn as Rafiki talks.} RAFIKI: To a special place in your heart... called Upendi! TOM Whoah, I think I just got dizzy. [ Upendi ] {He pushes their muzzles together. As he narrates the song, monkeys of various types dance to illustrate it. Hundreds of animals of all kinds surround them, sweeping the lions up in the spirit. The scene takes on the appearance of a Tunnel of Love, with the two lions being swept down a jungle stream with the matchmaking Rafiki orchestrating the atmosphere.} RAFIKI: There's a place where the crazy moon Makes the monkeys sing and the baboons swoon And the sultry scent of the lotus bloom Will carry you away CROW I KNEW IT! I KNEW HE DID DRUGS! Where the hippos swing from the jungle vines And the rhino rhumba in a conga line And the pink flamingoes are intertwined As the stars come out to play In Upendi CROW /~We'll use Servo as a Bong!~/ TOM HEY! Where the passionfruit grows sweet CROW Passion fruit my hard drive. And it's so divine That you lose your mind As it sweeps you off your feet In Upendi JOEL /~Come on and take a hit!~/ Without a worry or a care It just takes two To make it through Your heart will take you there KIARA: Where is it? RAFIKI {Giving her a "Wet Willie"}: No place you don't take with you. You better watch your step 'cause the path is steep Better hold your breath cause the water's deep It's a long way down off of Lovers' Leap But falling's half the fun! CROW (In sync with next verse) /~WHEN WE'RE STOOOOOONED!~/ In Upendi Where the passionfruit grows sweet And it's so divine That you lose your mind MIKE But they never had one to begin with. As it sweeps you off your feet In Upendi TOM /~Where we'll all eat Scooby Snax!~/ Without a worry or a care It just takes two To make it through Your heart will take you there You can beat the bush CROW (Butthead) He said "Beat". Huh huh huh. like there's no tomorrow From Tanganyika to Kilimanjaro But you'll find Upendi wherever you are Oh underneath the sun KIARA: Upendi-- it means "love", doesn't it? MIKE No, it means "bong". RAFIKI: Welcome to Upendi! RAFIKI and CHORUS: In Upendi Where the passionfruit grows sweet And it's so divine That you lose your mind As it sweeps you off your feet {Kiara and Kovu join a "chain" of Conga-ing animals, with Kovu bringing up the rear.} TOM And Kovu cops a feel. In Upendi Without a worry or a care {Kiara and Kovu leap into a stream and are carried, on their backs, up and over a series of small hills} It just takes two To make it through Your heart will take you there {They reach the end of the stream, a cliff, and fall off toward the ground. A heart shaped "Parachute" springs up and they float down. Other animal couples can be seen floating behind them. Rafiki floats down on a large leaf as if it was a magic carpet.} JOEL Man, what did the animators get ahold of?! KIARA: Upendi! RAFIKI and CHORUS: Down In Upendi Way down In Upendi! CROW Way down, in my pants. JOEL Crow.... {The last few lines repeat and fade away. The song ends with Kiara and Kovu still singing "In Upendi". They are alone out on the savannah again.} KOVU: Good night... MIKE (Kovu) Sweet prince. KIARA: Good night. {Kiara walks off to the main cavern, and Kovu goes back to his standing stone on the promontory; Simba appears in the direction Kiara is walking, and he approaches Kovu.} SIMBA: It's... kinda cold tonight, huh? JOEL (Kovu) Not really. Come on. {Vitani watches from a distance as the two lions make their way back into the cavern.} VITANI: Get him! What are you waiting for? Kovu, get him! {She lies down and stares with despair as she realizes Kovu is not going to attack Simba. CROW (Bold) NO! She hisses and jumps up, rushing back to report to Zira. Scene changes back to Zira's location.} TOM I see she neevr out grew her "I'm Telling Stage". ZIRA: {snarling} You're sure? JOEL (Vitani) No, I use Degree. VITANI: Affirmative. CROW (Snickering) Affirmitive? I saw it with my own eyes. ZIRA: Kovu cannot betray us! JOEL (Zira) Wait, yes he can. {Fade to black.} MIKE Ok, let's go. (Everyone gets up and leaves the Theater) (Show revolving MST3k planet) (SoL) (Joel and Mike walk in. The bots are knowhere to be seen.) Mike(Confused):Where'd Tom and Crow go? Joel:Beats me. Probably on some weird activity. (Crow and Tom come on screen. Crow's eyes are flashing red and making weird sci-fi noises, and Tom's dome is painted black.) Tom:Joel Robinson, you have angered the nanites. Joel:What the? Tom:By destroying our nanite prince, you have sentenced yourself to death. Mike:Oh No! Joel:What? Mike:The nanites have assimulated Tom and Crow! Joel:Definitely not good. Tom:Not good for you, Robinson. Not good for you. (Tom and Crow tackle Joel. They disapear behind the counter. Fights sounds insue. Mike watches in shock.) Mike:GYPSY! COME QUICK! HELP! (Gypsy comes on screen. Her usually yellow "eye" is now red.) Gypsy:I'll help alright. This is for destroying our carnival and making us battle the organisms on your eyelashes! Mike:Not you too! (Gypsy tackles Mike and they to disappear behind the counter. Joel pops back up, Crow clinging to his arm with his beak, and Tom clinging to his chest. They disappear back behind the counter.The fight sounds increase, and we occasionally hear glass shattering. Mike and Joel scream in terror.) Tom:FOR THE NANITES! Gypsy:DESTROY! DESTROY! (Gypsy pops back up over the counter. She appears to be trying to eat Mike, head first. Mike repeatedly hits her head trying to get free. They disappear back behind the counter and the fight continues.) (Castle F.) (Pearl and Brain Guy watch the fighting) Pearl:COME ON! Fight back! You two are, sadly, representing all of humanity! Brain Guy:I could help them, Pearl. Pearl:No, they need to learn to defend themselves. COME ON! I WANNA SEE BLOOD! Both:BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! (SoL) (The fighting continues. Tom is tossed into the air over the counter. He lands on the other side. He gets up, shakes his head and charges back into the fight.) Joel:It's no use! They're to strong! Mike:Try apologizing! Joel:I'm sorry for destroying your nanite prince! Ned(Over speakers):Ok, you're forgiven. (Tom and Gypsy pop back up behind the counter. Tom's dome is back to normal, as is Gypsy's "eye". Crow, gets back up, his eyes still flashing and making noise. Mike and Joel stagger back to their feet.) Tom:Whoah, that was weird. Gypsy:I'll say. Sorry, guys. Mike:It's ok, Gyps. Joel:Yeah, you didn't have control of yourself. Crow:Actually, the Nanites only took over Tom and Gypsy. I just went along for the hell of it. (Mike and Joel glare at Crow) Mike(Angered):Why you little.. (Alarms blare, lights flash) All:MOVIE SIIIIGN! (6..5..4..3..2..1..) (Everyone walks in and sits down.) {Reopen on Pride Rock, with Kovu walking out onto the promontory.} KOVU: Okay-- I have to tell her today. Oh... where do I start? TOM At "go" "Kiara... Zira, had a plot-- and I was part of it. But I don't wanna be, because-- it's because I love you. {sighs} Oh, she'll never believe me. But I gotta try. MIKE Unfortunately he fails. The end. {He goes into the cavern, where Kiara and Simba are waking up.} KOVU: Kiara... I need to talk to you. CROW (Kovu) I've been called away and must leave. SIMBA: {sternly} Kiara... I don't want you talking with him. JOEL (Simba) He went Hollywood last night. {softening} I want to talk with him. {Kiara's face brightens; Simba winks at her, CROW (Simba; sly) See you in my room later. MIKE CROW! and he and Kovu go out onto the promontory and down onto the savannah. Scene switch to where they are walking through the area that was burned by the fire.} SIMBA: Scar couldn't let go of his hate... and in the end, it destroyed him. MIKE (Simba) Much like greed will eventually destroy Bill Gates. KOVU: I've... never heard the story of Scar that way. He truly was a killer. JOEL (Simba) And a damn good one. He will be missed. SIMBA: Fire is a killer. Sometimes, what's left behind can grow better than the generation before... MIKE (Simba) Unless it's on the WB. {He puts his paw down and raises some dust; when he lifts it, a young plant is there.} SIMBA: ...If given the chance. {We hear an evil chuckle from the dust surrounding them. Kovu gasps as he realizes what's happening. Many dark lionesses appear from the clouds of dust, surrounding them.} TOM Uh oh, I see a run in. KOVU: No... oh, no... no.... MIKE (Kovu) Not now, stay down! DOWN! ZIRA: Why, Simba... TOM (Zira) You dirtied your diaper. SIMBA: Zira. CROW McCloud! ZIRA: What are you doing out here, and-- so alone? JOEL (Zira) Oh wait, I didn't notice Kovu. Sorry. {the lionesses encircle Simba and Kovu} Well done, Kovu... just like we always planned. SIMBA: {turning on Kovu} You. KOVU: No! I didn't have anything to do with this! TOM (Kovu) Except everything! ZIRA: Attack! KOVU: No! JOEL/MIKE/BOTS (Bold) NO! {The lionesses attack. Simba is fighting off several at once. TOM/CROW STUNNER! STUNNER! Kovu tries to help Simba, but is battered off. He slams head first into a rock and slumps to the ground, motionless. MIKE (Kovu) I think I'll take a nap right here. Simba is thrown to the bottom of a ravine; lionesses slide down the slope towards him.} ZIRA: Yes! We've got him! JOEL (Zira) Now we have a pimp of our own! {Vitani and the other lionesses attack again, forcing Simba to flee down the canyon.} ZIRA: Remember your training! As a unit! TOM (Lioness; distant) Metric or Square? {Simba is trapped; he tries to climb up the wall of the canyon, and gains purchase on the walls; Kovu is above him on the ledge.} KOVU: Simba! TOM CHIEF! ZIRA: Get him! Kovu! Get him! Do it now! {Kovu bounds off away from the scene} CROW (Kovu) I don't wanna! {Nuka jumps from the crowd} NUKA: I'll do it-- for you, Mother! TOM (Norman Bates) Oh god! MOTHER! Mother-- are you watching? I'm doing it for you... and I'm doing it for me! JOEL (Nuka) and the Benjamins. {Nuka chases Simba up a slope with several broken logs strewn across it. Just as Simba reaches the top, Nuka grabs his ankle.} NUKA: This is my moment of glory! TOM (Nuka) I WILL KILL YOU! {The logs break and Nuka losesa his grip. TOM Maybe not.... Simba reaches the top, but the pile of logs rolls down the slope with Nuka among them; they all land in a heap at the bottom of the ravine. JOEL Ouch, that's gonna need a whole bottle of Asprin... Kovu rushes to help free Nuka, MIKE (Kovu) Dibs on his Stereo! but he is swatted aside by Zira, who pulls enough logs aside to see Nuka's face.} ZIRA: Nuka... CROW (Zira) You stink! NUKA: I'm sorry, Mother... I tried... ZIRA: Ssshh. NUKA: Well... I finally got your attention, didn't I... {Zira smiles tenderly at him, cradling his face in her paw.} NUKA: Didn't I... JOEL (Zira) Not really. {Nuka dies. Vitani appears next to Zira on the edge of the logs.} VITANI: Nuka... TOM (Upset) Chief..... {Scene switch to the middle of the Pride Lands, where Simba is walking wearily back to Pride Rock. CROW (Simba; Dazed) Oh man, what a party..... Kiara sees him from a distance off.} KIARA: Father... Father! TOM CHIEF! CHIEF! Zazu, get help! ZAZU: {flying off} Oh yes! Help... at once! Of course! CROW And Zazu returns with a small band-aid. {Simba is walking with great pain. Kiara, Timon, and Pumbaa reach him.} KIARA: Father...? MIKE Harcassle? TIMON: Simba! Talk to me! What happened? SIMBA: Kovu...Ambush MIKE (Simba) Shatner....speach....... {Simba collapses on his side.} KIARA: No... {Timon grabs Simba's tail and hugs it; JOEL (Timon) This'll make a good throw rug. Pumbaa hoists Simba on his back, and they start to drag him back to Pride Rock.} TIMON: It's all right, buddy... we're here for you. {Scene switches back to the canyon. Zira bows her head as she stands in front of the log wall.} ZIRA: Scar... watch over my poor Nuka. TOM (Scar) Why? What he ever do for me? {she turns on Kovu} You! {Zira swats Kovu across the face with outstretched claws.} KOVU: Eeaugh! MIKE (Zira) I do this because I love you! {Zira recoils at the sight; Kovu now has a scar over his left eye just like Scar's.} MIKE/JOEL/BOTS BUM BUM BAAAAAAAAAA! ZIRA: {menacingly} What have you done? KOVU: I-I-I didn't mean to... it-it-it wasn't my fault, I... {forcefully} I did nothing! CROW (Kovu) Except Kiara. ZIRA: Exactly! And in doing so, you betrayed your pride... betrayed Scar! KOVU: I want nothing more to do with him! ZIRA: You cannot escape it! Nuka is dead because of you! KOVU: No. ZIRA: You've killed your own brother! TOM And your basing this on? KOVU: No! {Kovu turns and runs out from among the pride.} ZIRA: Let him go. Simba has hurt me for the last time... now he's corrupted Kovu! MIKE Which wasn't that hard if ya think about it. Listen to me... TOM (Caesar) Lend me your paw! Simba is injured and weak. JOEL Like always. Now is the time to attack! We will take his entire kingdom... by force! MIKE (Zira) Contact Bischoff and get him to send reinforcements! {The Outsiders all snarl and roar in reply. Scene switch back to Pride Rock, where Simba is just waking up.} KIARA: Daddy... it can't be true. CROW (Kiara) 2 plus 2 HAS to equal 5! {Camera shifts down to the valley floor, where the animals are all gathered.} CHEETAH: It's Kovu. What's he doing here? GIRAFFES: That's Kovu. RANDOM ANIMALS: Look at that scar... I can't believe he's here. That's Kovu? TOM (Random animal) He looks GOOFY. KIARA: Kovu! CROW MCLOUD! {Simba snarls and jumps forward, cutting her off. Kovu approaches down the narrow aisle between the congregated animals.} RANDOM ANIMALS: I never trusted him... It's the Outsider... it's that little troublemaker... JOEL (Random animal) Just like Hall. TIMON: Why I oughtta... let me at 'im! Let me at 'im! {holding his tail in front of Pumbaa} Here; hold me back. PUMBAA: Okay! TIMON: {held back by the tail} Let me at 'im! Let me at 'im! JOEL (Scrappy Doo) I'll splat him good, Uncle Scooby! PUMBAA: Okay! TIMON: {lurching forward; turning back to Pumbaa} I think you're missing the basic point here. PUMBAA: Uh... MIKE (Pumbaa) I'm confused, as always..... RANDOM ANIMALS: What's he doing here?... He doesn't belong here... He looks just like Scar... CROW SEE?! He IS Scar's son! SIMBA: Why have you come back? MIKE (Kovu) I forgot my wallet. KOVU: Simba... I had nothing to do with-- JOEL (Kovu) Getting you drunk last night. SIMBA: You don't belong here. TOM (Simba) But neither do I..... KOVU: Please... I ask your forgiveness. KIARA: Daddy, please... listen to him! JOEL (Bold) NO! SIMBA: Silence! {to Kovu} When you first came here, you asked for judgment... RANDOM ANIMALS: Give him what he deserves! CROW/TOM An Emmy! SIMBA: ...And I pass it now. JOEL Thought I smelt something rank. RANDOM ANIMALS: Kick him out! That's right! Judgment day is here! SIMBA: Exile! MIKE Damn, Simba's turning to a Heel. KIARA: No! RANDOM ANIMALS: Exile him! Exile! Exile! JOEL Bullshoi! KIARA: No! ...Kovu! [ One Of Us ] {Kovu is driven from Pride Rock at hornpoint.} ANIMALS: Deception Disgrace Evil as plain as the scar on his face CROW Oh come on, enough is enough. ZEBRAS: Deception (An outrage!) GIRAFFES: Disgrace (For shame!) HIPPO {VERY deep}: He asked for trouble the moment he came (Mike burts out laughing. Everyone just stares at him.) ZEBRAS: Deception (An outrage!) TOM (Megatron) Decepticons! Transform! GIRAFFES: Disgrace (For shame!) HIPPO {VERY deep}: He asked for trouble the moment he came {Kovu is hounded from the Pride Lands. CROW Is it just me? Or does this movie seem like a varitation of Romeo and Juliet? As he runs, he sees his reflection in a pool change to that of Scar.} MIKE/JOEL/TOM/CROW GYAH! ANIMALS: Born in greed Raised in hate Help us to defy his fate Let him run Let him live But do not forget What we cannot forgive TOM The guy makes one batch of sour lemonade, sheesh. And he is not one of us He has never been one of us He is not one of us Not our kind {Kiara tries again to chase after Kovu, but is blocked once more by a group of lionesses.{ CROW Ok, here's what you do. JUMP OVER THEM! Someone once lied to us Now we're not so blind For we knew he would do what he's done And we know that he'll never be one of us TOM Yet, no one really cared. He is not one of us {Kovu glances back one last time at Pride Rock. He wanders into the desert; the overlaid images are of the antelope and zebra as they speak and then one of Simba's face turning away.} ANTELOPE: Deception ZEBRA: Disgrace {The image of Simba fades away.} ANTELOPE: Deception {Rafiki watches Kovu leave, from a distance.} RAFIKI {Puttign his head in his hands}: Oohh... CROW (Rafiki) I have such a hangover..... {Scene switches back to Pride Rock.} KIARA: Father... please reconsider! TOM (Angry) Yeah you stupid piece of flesh! SIMBA: You will not go anywhere without an escort from now on. KIARA: No! That's not-- MIKE (Kiara) ..Butter! SIMBA: He used you to get to me! KIARA: No! He loves me... for me! MIKE/JOEL/BOTS YEAH! SIMBA: Because you are my daughter! CROW You know what, Simba? GO TO HELL! You will not leave Pride Rock. You will stay where I can keep an eye on you... away from him. MIKE (Sarcastic as hell) Why don't you just sentence her to death? KIARA: You don't know him! TOM (Kiara) You never partied with him! SIMBA: I know he's following in Scar's pawprints... and I must follow in my father's. KIARA: You will never be Mufasa! CROW GO GIRL! {Simba is stung, but silenced... (Mike and Joel began applauding) Kiara sobs and goes back into the cave. She lies down and begins crying. TOM (Kiara) Now who'll play Scrabble with me? She then notices a light shining from above her. JOEL (Kiara) Obi Wan? She pushes some rocks aside revealing a hole to outside. She climbs out and then runs down away from Pride Rock, CROW (Cartman) SCREW YOU GUYS! searching for Kovu. She tracks the same path Kovu took while fleeing Pride Rock, but cannot find him.} KIARA: Kovu? Kovu... Kovu... CROW McCloud? McCloud... McCloud... [ Love Will Find a Way ] {The song is sung by voice-overs. Kiara reflects on Kovu and their time together, all they have seen and been through.} KIARA: In a perfect world One we've never known We would never need to face the world alone They can have the world TOM (Kiara) I don't want it! We'll create our own MIKE (Kiara) We'll use LEGOS. I may not be brave TOM Nope or strong or smart JOEL Nuh-uh But somewhere in my secret heart CROW (Kiara) I have 7 you know. I know Love will find a way MIKE Step by Step, Day by Day Anywhere I go I'm home If you are there beside me JOEL (Scorpion) GET OVER HERE! Like dark turning into day Somehow we'll come through Now that I've found you Love will find a way {Kiara is sitting on a hill in the dessert, with her head bowed. The scene moves to Kovu, who is approaching Kiara from behind her.} CROW And POUNCE! KOVU: I was so afraid Now I realize Love is never wrong And so it never dies MIKE It's like a diamond. {Kiara turns and notices Kovu; she smiles lovingly. TOM (Kiara) I farted! Kovu smiles back at her. JOEL (Kovu) I farted too! they come together and nuzzle lovingly.} JOEL/TOM (Kovu;Kiara) We both farted! There's a perfect world Shining in your eyes KIARA and KOVU: And if only they could feel it too The happiness I feel with you They'd know Love will find a way TOM Step by step, day by day! Anywhere we go We're home If we are there together Like dark turning into day Somehow we'll come through Now that I've found you Love will find a way I know love will find a way CROW Step by Step, Day by Day. {Wind begins blowing blowing away the patch of snad they're sitting on and revealing that their is grass and flowers beneath it.} TOM (Touched) That was beautiful you guys. (Tom sniffs. Joel hugs him close. Everyone gets up and leaves the theater) (1..2..3..4..5..6..) (SoL) (We see a large poster board covered up by a sheet. Everyone walks up to the counter.) Crow:Um, Mike? Mike:Yes? Crow:Help me out with this. Scar is Simba's uncle, right? Mike:Yeah. Crow:Which makes Kovu Simba's nephew and Kiara's cousin, right? Mike:Pretty much. Although Disney doesn't want to come out and say it. Tom:Yeah, I mean. Come on. He's the SPITTING image of Scar. Crow:I know. But the two are in love. Isn't that incest? Mike:Kinda. Joel:But that's the way things go sometimes in the wild, Crow. Tom:Plus, Nala had to come from somewhere, and she didn't look anything like Scar, if you catch my drift. Joel:Actually, Tom. That's not entirely true. Tom:It's not? Joel:Nope. Here's my theory. (The instrumental to the "Godzilla Geneology Bop" begins to play. Joel uncovers the large board. It has various pictures of the characters on it.) *Note, all parts are sang unless otherwise stated* Joel: Now let's take a look at the Lion King Family Tree Mike: It started with King Ahadi And his Queen you see Joel: Mufasa and his brother came next in the geneology Mike: The brother's name was Taka Know as Scar to you and me. Tom: Then Mufasa met Sarabi! And they began to spawn! Crow: And their lives became the subject of stories by Burkitt, first name John! Tom(Spoken):Gotta love the Chronicles. Joel: Meanwhile Sarafina met Ugas A king from a different Pride. Crow: Then they went behind the bushes and Sarafina gave Ugas a ride! WHOOOOOO! Mike(Stern;Spoken):Crow. Joel:And from that love came the baby cub named Nala Tom: Who then became Disney's Highest selling Doll-a! Mike: Uh huh, Then Mufasa and Sarabi Gave birth to little Simba Crow: Who technically got raised By both Timon and Pumbaa Mike(Spoken):That didn't rhyme to good. Crow(Spoken):Bite me. Joel: Further down the line Back at good'ol Pride Rock Tom: Zira and Scar began to wish that the cave had come with locks! Joel: Then Simba and Nala reunited and Instantly fell in love. Crow: I'm not touching that one. I'm not wearing gloves. Mike: And from these couples came The cubs Kiara and Kovu Joel: Now there's nothing else to say except All: IS THAT ALL THOSE LIONS DO?! (Commercial light begins to flash) Joel(Spoken):We'll be right back. (Show revolving MST3k planet) (Everyone walks in and sits down) {Two butterflies flutter around Kovu and Kiara. CROW (Kovu) Let's rip their wings off! Kovu brightens up at the sight of them, and laughing, rushes off after them, with Kiara in pursuit. They wrestle briefly, MIKE (Announcer) And Kiara goes for the cover. (Crow snickers) then catch sight of their reflection in a small pond.} KOVU: Hey, look... JOEL (Kovu) Beer. {Kiara look at their reflection. The light has caused the two to blend together, one side being Kiara's reflection and the other Kovu's.} MIKE That's one butt ugly lion...... we are one. {they smile at each other briefly. Then Kiara's face lights up as if she just relized something. JOEL (Kiara) I left the oven on... Kovu stands up and stretches.} Let's get outta here. We'll run away together! And start a pride... all our own. MIKE Can you feel the love tonight? CROW Cause it's where we are. KIARA: {chuckles} Kovu... we have to go back. JOEL To the future! KOVU: You're kidding. But we're finally together! TOM (Kovu) All that glue, wasted! KIARA: Our place is with our pride. If we run away, they'll be divided forever. MIKE So? {Kovu considers, then smiles.} KOVU: Race you back! {They run off together, laughing.} {Scene switches back to the Outlanders, it is rainign hard and they are crossing a river on the way to attack Pride Rock.} MIKE (Ultimate Warrior; whiney) WARRIORS SPEAK TO ME! {They Outlanders come out on the other side of the river, mud covering the majority of their fur.} TOM Well, that's one way of taking a bath. {Scene switches again; now back at Pride Rock, where it is still raining. Timon and Pumbaa are talking.} TIMON: I can't believe we lost her again. This is the eight thousandth time! JOEL (Nerdy voice) Eight thoudand and one, sir. PUMBAA: Ooh! TIMON: I thought you were gonna watch her! CROW (Timon) Undress. PUMBAA: Me? You were gonna watch her! TOM (Pumbaa) Undress. TIMON: I thought you were gonna watch her! PUMBAA: No, you were gonna watch her! TIMON: You were gonna watch her! PUMBAA: Aah, watch this! {he leaps onto Timon} MIKE Timon pancakes, nummy. TIMON: Oww! {Lightning flashes outside the cave. Simba walks in, soaking wet. Timon has grabbed ahold of Pumbaa's ears and it tugging on them. Take that, you creepy warthog! Say it! Say it! PUMBAA: Aaah! Fatty fatty fat fat fat! {Timon and Pumbaa are all-out wrestling when Simba approaches. When he speaks, they leap to attention.} SIMBA: What are you doing? MIKE (Timon, nervous) Um, nothing. TIMON: Good question! Now let me ask one. PUMBAA: Hippo-thetically... JOEL And another word gets butchered. TIMON: Very hypo-thetical, there's this guy... PUMBAA: But he's not a lion... MIKE (Pumbaa) He's a panther. TIMON: No! No, he's not a lion... yeesh. Definitely not a lion. TOM Yup, He's more of a jerk who treats his daughter like crap. And, uh... uh... his daughter, um, say... vanished. SIMBA: Kiara is gone? TOM (Timon) No, she ran off. {Zazu flies into shot.} ZAZU: Sire! The Outsiders are on the attack... heading this way! It's war! JOEL (Zazu) They're bringing the nWo! SIMBA: Zazu! Find Kiara! We'll assemble the lionesses. Move! Now! MIKE Come on! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! {A storm continues as the two prides close on the field of battle; rain mats Simba's mane as he advances. Kiara and Kovu rush home as fast as they can. CROW/TOM VROOOOOOM! The two prides face each other across the field; Timon and Pumbaa step forward and moon the Outsiders.} TIMON and PUMBAA: Nah nah nah nah nah nah! MIKE (Sarcastic) That's an image I needed. (Waves)Thanks movie. ZIRA: It's over, Simba! I have dreamed of nothing else for years! TIMON: Boy... does she need a hobby. MIKE So do you. SIMBA: Last chance, Zira: Go home. ZIRA: I am home! JOEL (Zira) My heart's here. {Lightning flashes and thunder cracks.} ZIRA: Attack! CROW MORTAL KOMBAT!!! {The two opposing lines advance toward each other, first walking, TOM (Outlanders) The power's with Hollywood! CROW (Pridelanders) WOLFPACK! then picking up speed until they hit at a full run. MIKE/JOEL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLLE! Zira coaches her pride from a high rock.} ZIRA: Go for the eyes! Break his jaw! Hit him low! Get them! Do what you must! CROW/TOM (Singing) /~High~/~Hit'em high~/~hit'em high~/~hit'em high~/ {Kiara and Kovu approach from a distance, but the dust of the battle is already rising; they're worried, but they rush towards the battlefield at full speed anyway.} MIKE (Kovu) MAXIMUM THRUST! (Crow begins laughing uncontrollably.) PUMBAA: What do we do? What do we do? TIMON: There's only one thing we can do, Pumbaa: "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." That's our motto! TOM It is? PUMBAA: I thought our motto was "Hakuna Matata"! TIMON: Pumbaa, stop living in the past! JOEL (Pumbaa) But my behind's there. We need a new motto! {Timon and Pumbaa run screaming into the battle, trying to appear as menacing as they can. They are stopped short by a snarling lioness; they turn and run back the way they came.} TIMON: Like I said: Let's get going! TOM (Monty Python) RUN AWAAAAAAAAY! {Kovu and Kiara run down an embankment covered with fallen logs; Kovu nearly slips, MIKE Didn't notice the "slippery when wet" sign, huh? but catches onto one of the logs and jumps down safely.} {Vitani appears on a ledge above Nala.} VITANI: Where's your pretty daughter, Nala? NALA: Vitani! TOM CHIEF! {Vitani leaps down onto Nala; the two roll down the hill, fighting fiercely.} CROW (Vitani) Give me that weave! {Timon and Pumbaa are being chased by a number of lionesses. They get backed up against a wall, surrounded; Pumbaa puts his face to the wall and covers his eyes. Timon jumps up on his back, "pumps" Pumbaa's tail like a shotgun, bends it, and aims it around like a gun.} TIMON: Don't anybody move! This thing's loaded. I'll let you have it! (Mike and Joel raise their hands in a surrender fashion) {The enemy lionesses all shriek and turn tail, fleeing over the horizon.} TIMON: Yeah! Yeah... talk about your winds of war! (Crow makes a farting sound) TOM (Pumbaa) Sorry.... {Back on the battlefield, Zira is laughing as she views the battle turning in her favor.} JOEL (Zira) I WILL kill you all! ZIRA: Simba... you're mine! {She and her two backup lionesses approach Simba, who is fighting off several enemies at once. MIKE (Simba) NO! They're my hamdingers! The lionesses part, making way for Zira and Simba to fight one-on-one. JOEL (Mills Lane) Let's get it on! Just as they are about to land the first blows, Kiara and Kovu leap, in a super hero-ish style, into the scene, MIKE/JOEL/CROW/TOM BATMAN! and stand between the two enemies.} SIMBA: Kiara? JOEL McCormick? ZIRA: Kovu! ...Move. SIMBA: Stand aside. CROW (Kovu) Um.... No. KIARA: Daddy, this has to stop. TOM Yeah! Ya stupid feline. ZIRA: You're even weaker than I thought. Get out of the way! CROW (Optimus Prime) GET OUT OF THE WAY, HOT ROD! KOVU: You'll never hurt Kiara... or Simba. Not while I'm here. ZIRA: {gasp} JOEL (Zira) You're not wearing any pants! SIMBA: Stay out of this! KIARA: A wise King once told me, "We are one." I didn't understand what he meant... TOM (Kiara) Hell, I still don't. now I do. SIMBA: But... they... KIARA: No... us. Look at them... they are us. What differences do you see? TOM (Simba) They're grey, we're brownish gold. Aren't we all part of the Circle of Life? JOEL Or better yet, the circus of Dr. Low? {Simba pauses; the battle has stopped. As Simba and Kiara look at one another, the clouds part and the rain stops. MIKE (Simba) I'm gonna cuff you so bad, missy.... Finally, Simba and his daughter nuzzle.} MIKE (Simba) But I'll do it later ZIRA: Vitani... TOM Chief! now! VITANI: No, Mother! Kiara's right. Enough. JOEL (Vitani) I wanna be tawnish gold. ZIRA: If you will not fight... then you will die as well. {Vitani and some of Zira's lionesses begin to move over onto Simba's side. MIKE (Zira; sarcastic) Well, this was a bright idea. Zira's eyes begin to panic as her whole pride leaves her.} CROW (Bold) NO! ZIRA: Wh-wha... Where are you going? Get back here! JOEL (Zira; pleading) I have cookies! SIMBA: Let it go, Zira. It's time to put the past behind us. TOM (Pumbaa) Put your rear there too. ZIRA: I'll never let it go! MIKE (Jack from Titanic) I'll never let go, never let go. {The dam of logs breaks; the river suddenly swells to many times its normal flow. It floods the canyon.} CROW Halftime during the super bowl. ZIRA: This is for you, Scar! {Zira leaps at Simba, but Kiara catches her in mid-flight and rolls over with her; JOEL FEAR THE SPEAR! the two lionesses tumble down the embankment.} SIMBA: Kiara! TOM CHIEF! KOVU: Kiara! CROW MCLOUD! {Simba jumps down the slope, trying desperately to reach Kiara, but she and Zira have already fallen down to far for him to reach. The two kareen off rocks and down a slope. Zira slides off over the edge, but Kiara comes to a stop.} NALA: Hold on, Kiara! CROW Kovu says that a lot. {The jam of logs hits the bottom of the ravine, sending up a huge cloud of mist. Simba leaps from rock face to rock face, trying to reach Kiara. Below, Zira hangs precariously from the rock face. Kiara is above on the ledge.} KIARA: Zira! Give me your paw! JOEL (Aladdin) Do you trust me? TOM (Jasmine) Hell no! {Zira swipes at Kiara, growling. MIKE (Zira) Scar! I've been a moron! She slips further down the rock face; she glances at the tumbling water and logs below.} ZIRA: Ahh... ahhh... KIARA: Zira, come on... I'll help you... CROW (Kiara; evil) Come on, trust me. {A change comes over Zira's face; she grins slowly up at Kiara.} Joel (Zira) What's your favorite Scary movie, Kiara? {She lets go, and falls back-first TOM (Zira; distant) I just remembered I can't swim! into the churning water below. The water and logs carry her under, and the flow in the canyon gradually subsides.} MIKE Geez, guess she DIDN'T know how to swim. {Simba is waiting on the rocks near Kiara.} SIMBA: Kiara... TOM (Touched) Chief. KIARA: Daddy. I tried. JOEL (Simba) But you failed. YOU SUCK! {Simba offers her a paw and she takes it. They climb back up to the top of the canyon where everyone is waiting.} NALA: Kiara... oh. PUMBAA: Wow... that was really brave! TIMON: Yeee-haaa! Mike (Timon) I'm a cowboy! {Kiara and Kovu approach each other.} KIARA: Kovu... CROW (Touched) McCloud. KOVU: Oh, Kiara. SIMBA: Kovu... I was wrong. MIKE (Simba) Two plus two IS four. You belong here. Joel (Simba) In my stomach. {Kiara leans into Kovu.} SIMBA: Let's go home... all of us. CROW Geez, Simba's gonna be pimping from now on. {The two prides slowly walk back to Pride Rock, with "Circle of Life" playing in the background. Switch back to Pride Rock. Rafiki blesses the union of Kiara and Kovu with a gesture of his staff.} CROW (Rafiki) I disignate both of you as addicts. PUMBAA: I love moments like this. JOEL (Pumbaa) I need a camera. TIMON: Yeah... TIMON and PUMBAA: ...Love. Not like... love! {Timon and Pumbaa burst into tears. Zazu shields himself with his wings.} MIKE But the tears turn out to be acid and Zazu is melted. JOEL/BOTS HUZZAH! {Simba and Nala lead the procession through the rest of the pride, flanking them with bowed heads; Kiara and Kovu follow. CROW And now they leap to their deaths. Both couples make their way to the tip of the Promontory; first Simba roars, and then Kovu does. Finally all four roar together. The rest of the pride roars in answer.} TOM MGM has nothing on these guys. {The clouds part, and Simba is illuminated by a sunbeam; we hear the voice of Mufasa from the clouds.} MUFASA: Well done, my son. Mike (Mufasa) You may have a cookie. TOM (Simba) YAY! {Rafiki smiles and nods as the prophecy comes to completion.} Crow (Rafiki) Guess I owe you that beer. MUFASA: We are one. {Cut to black screen. The words "The End" appear in the center in the same style as the logo.} Joel (Mufasa) Can I go home now? {Cut to credits. An extended version of "Love Will Find a Way" plays.} CROW Hey, that wasn't half bad. MIKE Nope. What's say we get out of here? JOEL Works for me. (Everyone gets up and leaves the theater) (1..2..3..4...5..6..) (SoL) (We see a large banner hanging over the theater door that reads "Welcome Back Joel!" Everyone has on party hats.) Crow:This is great! We survived another movie, and now our entire moch-family is together! Tom:Yeah! Joel:You know what, I've realized something. Mike:What's that. (Joel places his hands on Tom and Crow's shoulders.) Joel:Things are pretty dull without you two goofballs around. Mike:Yeah, they have that effect on you. Can't live with them, can't live without them. (Mads lights flashes. Joel instinctively hits it.) (Catle F.) Pearl:So, you think that things are gonna get better now that Robinson's there, huh? Well, I've got different plans, boys. Different plans for all of you! (She is about to continue when she sees Bobo walk by, still carrying the banana crate on his back. She arches an eyebrow and turns back toward the SoL gang.) Pearl:Brain Guy? Brain Guy:Yes Pearl? Pearl:Select another movie for a Satellite crew. (SoL) Crow:ANOTHER MOVIE?! Tom:NOO!!!! (Mike and Joel moan) (Castle F.) Pearl:That's right! As long as Joelie-Polie's there, you guys get two movies instead of your regular one. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Brain Guy:Pearl? Will a Joe Don Baker movie do? Pearl:Hell yeah! (SoL) Joel:Joe Don Baker?! All:ARRRRRRRRRRRRRG!!!!! (Castle F.) Pearl:Send the mov.... (They watch as Bobo walks by again.) Pearl:BOBO! Get your measly red butt over here! (Bobo goes over to Pearl) Bobo:Yes, Lawgiver? Pearl:What's with the crate? Bobo:Don't you remember? You told me to take it with me wherever I was going. (Pearl rubs her head.) Pearl:I meant take it and put it up somewhere, you moron! Not take it all over the castle! Bobo:Sorry, Lawgiver! Pearl:Brain Guy, send the movie. Bobo, put that crate down somewhere. Bobo/Brain Guy:Ok. (Brain Guy is about to send the movie, but Bobo drops the crate on his foot.) Brain Guy:AAAAH! MY FOOT!! (SoL) (Joel suddenly disappears.) Tom(Confused):Joel? Mike:Where'd he go? (Castle F.) Pearl:THE HELL?! (Suddenly, Joel "Pops" in behind them.) Joel:What the? (SoL) Mike:OH NO! He's back in the castle! Crow:RUN JOEL! SAVE YOURSELF! Tom:HURRY! (Castle F.) Joel:I'll be back for you guys! All of you! I'll get you off that ship yet! Pearl:GRAB HIM! (Bobo charges at Joel. Joel grabs a conveniently located parachute and dives out the castle window. Pearl runs over and looks out. She slams her fist on the stone.) Pearl:DAMNIT! He got away! (SoL) All:HURRAAAAAAAAY! (Castle F.) Pearl:SHUT UP! You're still gonna watch a second movie today. Brain Guy! (Brain Guy limps over to Pearl.) Pearl:Send the movie! Brain Guy(Annoyed):Fine, Fine, Fine. (Brain Guy concentrates. Pearl begins to laugh maniacally. Suddenly, they are splashed by a tidal wave, think bucket of water, from off camera.) Pearl:This is not a good day to be evil... Brain Guy(Confused):Where did that come from? FADE OUT ------ STINGER: {The two prides face each other across the field; Timon and Pumbaa moon the Outsiders.} TIMON and PUMBAA: Nah nah nah nah nah nah!