Last night, on The Prides MUCK, I had one of the best writing
experiences of my life. When I accepted my role as Kiara, I looked at it
as an incredible opportunity to grow as a writer and take part in creating
a whole new story with my interactions with others. 
	I faced off with a friend and fellow creator and took on what was
to become one of the most emotionally complicated pieces I've ever had a
hand in creating. After we finished, we sat back and wondered at what we'd
just written...
	...and decided to post the scene to the list. 
	A few little unimportant snippets were cut out, and the roleplay
was put in paragraph form so it's easier to read... but the log is 99%
intact. :)
	Many, many kudos to Dave Morris for his excellent portrayal of
Simba (I'll have the chocolate bars delivered to you ASAP ;) *ducks any
flying objects*), and many thanks also to him for being a shoulder I can
always cry on. :) This was a team effort, and what a turnout. :) Much love
from your little-sister-turned daughter :) 
	Hope you enjoy.

		------------------------------------

	"If there's so much I must be,
	 Can I still just be me,
	 The way I am?
	 Can I trust in my own heart,
	 Or am I just one part
	 Of some big plan?"

			--Kiara, "We Are One"

		------------------------------------

	Kiara emerges from the Royal Cavern, her gait slow and measured.
She glances around the room. Noticing her father and Vitani, she mumbles,
"Hi," and heads for the exit to the caverns.
	Simba trots out behind Kiara, slowing his pace a bit as he draws
nearer. "Hey...got a minute?"
	Kiara pads up the promontory, slowly making her way up to the
edge. She sits down on the edge of the rock, looking out over the
Pridelands. After a moment, she looks dully over her shoulder at her
father. "I guess."
	Simba blinks at the colorless tone in his daughter's voice.  
Hesitantly, the lion makes his way up the slope, seating himself just
behind her and to one side; the rock narrows at this point, allowing no
more room.  "I...we need to talk, Kiara."
	Kiara sinks down onto her belly, resting her head on her forepaws,
her glassy eyes roaming out over the lands stretching before her. Her
thoughts are few; today is not the day she feels like thinking. She shrugs
slightly, not looking at her father. "Why?" she replies in the same dull
tone. "I already found out what I needed to know. You don't need to talk
with me any more. Problem solved, you're off the hook."
	Simba's muzzle twitches, and he pulls his chin in toward his
chest.  "I'm not trying to find an excuse, Kiara.  I'm trying to get
something straightened out between us before it's too late."  His eyes lid
themselves for a moment, and he looks down at the stone between his paws.
"I've already put it off too long."
	Kiara half-laughs; the sound would be bitter if it had more
feeling behind it. "No kidding."
	Simba sighs softly, the sound barely heard over the breeze that
courses over them, sending a ripple of motion across his mane.  
"Kiara...I'm sorry.  Things kept coming up...and I'm not very good at
explaining stuff like this."  He peers up at her, his tail curling about
him.  "I guess I just...assumed that you knew what was going on."
	Kiara raises her head slightly, just enough to cast an unbelieving
glance over her shoulder at her father. "Yeah. You assumed I knew that you
and Vitani were mating and having cubs, and that you love her and she
loves you." She snorts a bit and lays her head back down on her forepaws.
"And that I'd deal with it all fine."
	Simba flinches at the accusatory tone in her voice, but he remains
still. "We are having cubs," he says, nodding.  "In that you're right.  
And I do care about her...just like I do any other lioness in the pride."  
He exhales slowly, his cheeks pooching out for a moment.  "And she does
care about me, too...I may be the first person in her life she's really
felt anything for."  He glances at his daughter again.  "But that's not
all of it, is it?  Did...do you think I'm replacing your mother, Kiara?"
	Makini gingerly picks her way up the rock and over to Simba's
side. Her face is full of fear as she looks at him.
	Simba moves a short distance away from Kiara, the shivering form
of Makini huddled beside him.  The lion's expression is grave and worried
as he speaks quietly to the lioness.
	Kiara looks over at her father and Makini and immediately notices
their body language. Understanding pierces her blurred mind enough to
force her back up onto her paws, and she silently slips past the two forms
back into the caverns.
	Kiara pads through the main space and into the Royal Cavern,
picking her way over to the far corner. She down with an effort and curls
up, chuffing once as she lays her head on her forepaws.
	Simba peers inside the cavern a moment, then slips inside, seating
himself alongside his daughter quietly.
	Kiara raises her head from her paws momentarily and watches her
father enter, then lowers it back down, closing her eyes halfway.
	Simba utters a low sound...a dull *mrrrr* that fills the cavern.  
"You never did answer my question back there," he says softly.
	Kiara blinks slowly, her eyes lifeless as they shift momentarily
to her father, then back to staring at the cavern wall. "I don't know what
to believe," she replies in a dull mutter. "Or who to believe, or if
there's anything to believe in any more."
	Simba pads around to her other side, lowering his head and nosing
her shoulder worriedly.  "Kiara, I love you.  I love your mother more than
anything.  No one can change that, and I wouldn't want anything else." His
tail flicks about behind him in agitation.  "Please...I want you to trust
me."
	Kiara flinches at her father's touch. "You want me to trust you,"
she repeats, a flicker of anger crossing her eyes, penetrating her
pain-saturated, colorless demeanor. "You avoid the topic for so long that
Vitani has to tell me, and you want me to trust you."
	Simba pulls back slowly.  "Yes," he says quietly.  "I do."  His
eyes flick up to meet hers.  "Kiara...I have no reason to lie to you.  I
just...I didn't know how to talk to you about it."  He sits down with a
low sigh.
	Kiara raises her head, the ember of anger inside her glowing
hotter now. She stares at her father for a long moment before she speaks.
"I just don't understand it," she says in a tight voice. "I don't
understand how you could do this to me." She chokes on her last word, hot
tears stinging her eyes against her will. "I don't understand how you
avoid me like that, how I had to learn from Vitani of all people, endure
news like that from her lips."
	Simba backs up a pace, his eyes wide with shock at the fury in his
daughter's voice.  "I...Kiara, I didn't...I didn't know you'd take it like
this."  He stares at her, her words spiraling through him with barbed
thorns that dig deep.  "Kings...I...I didn't know you thought I'd do
something like that to you on purpose."  His voice wavers, totally robbed
of its regal power.  "Who do you think I am?"
	Kiara chokes back a sob, shaking her head fiercely as her tears
stream down her face. "That's the problem! I don't know who you are any
more! I thought I did, but after all this, I don't know what to think!" A
tight sob escapes past the wall in her chest. "It's completely unfair! I'm
so sick of growing up! If it means watching everything I believe fall to
pieces in front of me, I don't want to even deal with it!"
	Simba's own eyes fill with tears.  "Kiara...don't do this.  
Please."  He pads across the empty space between them.
	Kiara shoves her muzzle under a paw, her claws flexing in and out
involuntarily as she tries hard to suppress her emotions.
	Simba looks to his daughter.  His paws feel leaden as he paces
across the cavern to her side, lowering his muzzle until his eyes are
level with hers.  "Kiara...please, look at me.  Please..."
	Kiara raises her golden eyes a fraction so that they're staring
into her father's, the eyes she inherited, a mirror of her own. "Why,
Daddy?" she chokes out, unsure of her own meaning even as she asks. "Why?"
	Simba swallows, wanting to close the gap between them desperately.
"Kiara...I love you.  The day you were born was the most special day your
mother and I ever knew."  His own muzzle is stained dark in twin streaks
below his eyes.  "You mean everything to us, and not because you might
grow up to be queen.  This place is just a rock."  He lifts his muzzle to
touch her cheek gently.  "My pride...my family...is what matters to me.
Your mother is special, and so are you...you both fill my heart with
something that can't be replaced."
	Kiara shuts her eyes against her father's, her pain still too
great to begin to understand him. "I've been wandering around for a week,"
she grates out, her voice a mixture of tears and anger, "trying to figure
out what was going on between you two... I thought it had something to do
with diplomatic matters... then I hear what the others say... that Vitani
is your new 'thing'... and I don't want to believe it... for so long, I
saw you and Mom and held that as what love should really be, that it was
*the* love... I understand you have to give other lionesses cubs, but
that's different... and I thought that Kovu and I had the same... and now
I just don't know any more. I don't know what 'special' means to you. I
don't know what it means to Kovu. Love seems so much more shallow than it
used to. Life seems so much more shallow." She rakes her claws over the
ground once, then opens her eyes a bit, staring down at her paws
obstinately.
	Simba drops his head and stares at his own paws...so like hers.  
"Vitani was never my new 'thing," he says slowly.  "She's young,
frightened of all this..."  He looks up slightly.  "She took the chance to
do something with her life when she led the Outlanders to our side...she
risked everything on a gamble to make things better for all of us.  I
*have* to respect that."  He backs off somewhat, sitting down.  "I also
didn't simply mate her for the politics of joining the prides...that would
have been a slap in the face of the Circle of Life to use it for my own
purpose."  Simba draws a deep breath, forcing his head up to look at
Kiara.  "I've got to make a decision now, in a few days, as to wether or
not Vitani stays with us because of her killing of Kivulu'moyo.  She could
be exiled...or even put to death."
	Kiara looks up momentarily. The words come slowly from her, each
with an effort, almost as if she can't believe they are falling from her
own muzzle. "Don't do that."
	Simba's whiskers twitch.  "I may not have a choice, if it's what
the pride wants.  I have my duty to think about, and my pride, and I can't
let my own emotions get in the way of that."  His voice wavers again as he
stands up.  "You asked me about love...what it really means, or if it
really means anything."  He strides a pace or two across the cavern, then
stops and looks at his daughter.  "What it means is that I'd go out there
and do whatever the pride calls for to keep the peace.  I'd do it to any
member it I was called to."  His eyes brim over finally.  "Except you...or
your mother.  Kiara...I'd rather die myself than ever do that."
	Kiara remains mute for a time, torn between a wild urge to run to
her father and sob in his mane, as she would do when she was small, until
she has emptied herself of the festering pain inside her... and the part
of her still so unsure, the part which still feels like an abandoned cub
left to fend for itself in the fearsome night. She ventures as much of a
response as her voice will dare allow. "Duty? With as much as Vitani seems
to think that you love her? The way she speaks of it, it looks about on
par as to what you feel for Mom."
	Simba swipes at his eyes angrily.  "Vitani and I are very much
alike, Kiara...way down inside, even if we don't show it much...we're both
trying to find out who we are.  I...I've never been able to relate to
anyone else about that except your mother."  He shakes his head slowly.  
"Vitani's a good person inside...and I do care for her very much.  I hope
she comes through this all right.  But I owe your mother part of my
soul...we grew up together.  Nala was all I thought about when I was in
exile.  And if she hadn't found me in the jungle..."  He sighs and lies
down slowly, stretching out on the stone floor.  "I'd still be like I was
then.  Alive, but dead inside."
	Kiara's eyes shift to her father, a glimmer of understanding
penetrating the pain, but not enough as yet to stem her torrential
emotions. "I still don't understand," she says quietly. "When I hear the
word 'love' from someone the way I heard it from Vitani... I think one
thing. I think of the love I saw you and Mom share."
	Simba smiles wanly.  "It's not an easy thing to explain."  He
licks a forepaw idly.  "Think about this.  Timon and Pumbaa are our
friends...you like them, right?"
	Kiara smiles wryly to herself, almost in spite of her feelings.
"For the most part, yes... when they're behaving themselves."
	Simba nods slowly.  "If they were walking along with you, and
something jumped out and attacked them...would you help them?"
	Kiara shrugs. "Of course."
	Simba perks an eyebrow.  "You'd risk your own life to defend them?  
Why?"
	Kiara, quirking her own eyebrow in an unconscious mirror of her
father, replies in a drawled, 'well, duh' tone, "Because... they're my
friends?"
	Simba nods...then inclines his head slightly forward.  "You'd do
the same for Sarafina, wouldn't you?  Or your mother?"
	Kiara stares at her father, slightly irritated, wondering where
this line of questioning is going. "Uh... yeah..."
	Simba leans back, scrubbing at his cheek absently.  "Because you
love them.  Now tell me...where did 'like' turn to 'love?' Where do you
draw the line, Kiara?  It's not blood...Scar was my uncle, and my own
blood." He peers at her intently.  "Where do you decide that?  How do you
make that decision?"
	Kiara thinks a moment, then shrugs. "You go with what you feel, I
guess... there's no real line."
	Simba leans back...nodding gently.  "Exactly.  There's no right
answer...because each of us is different.  We're all unique, and we make
our judgements about others the only way we know how...with our hearts."
His eyes gleam a soft amber in the dimness.  "I can't tell you how to make
that decision either...all I know is that what I feel for Nala...and
you...is different from how I feel about Vitani, Makini, Makali, or anyone
else in the pride.  I don't question it...I just accept it, because there
comes a time when you have to trust yourself."  He sighs.  "Please...all I
ask is that you trust in me.  Because I do love you, Kiara.  I always
will."
	Kiara screws her eyes shut tightly at her father's words, his
gentleness breaking through the last of her walls. Tears smart at the
corners of her eyes yet another time in the course of the long night, and
she no longer can hold down the sobs that she had been fighting to keep in
check. "I don't know how, Daddy," she chokes out. "I wish I could, I just
don't know how..."
	Simba stands up and quietly paces over to Kiara's side, lying down
beside her and drawing her close with a forepaw.  "Shhh...."  He presses
his chin to her head, nuzzling between her ears tenderly.  "Don't think
about it anymore tonight...we're both tired, and you've got a hunt coming
up."  He purrs softly and licks her cheek in a kiss.  "Get some sleep,
Ki."
	Kiara finally gives in to the voice inside her crying out for her
father. Letting her pain overcome her, she presses hard against him and
buries her face in his mane, her sobs coming uncontrollably, shaking,
racking her body.
	Simba closes his eyes, feeling the sting of tears, and curls his
head down protectively, pressing her close against the bulk of his mane
with his chin.  "Shhh...it's okay.  It's okay..."  The lion sits quietly,
a low, unsteady purr rumbling from him...not sure of his own words, but
content to be where he is, for the moment, with Kiara beside him.  And for
him...that's enough.
	Kiara slowly calms as her emotions dwindle, her body quietly
understanding that it can handle no more. She closes her eyes, her face
still buried against her father's shoulder, and gives herself up to the
peace of sleep for the night.

		------------------------------------

Jessa "Lynxcat" Gustafik
lynxcat@lionking.org
http://www.lionking.org/~lynxcat
EFNet Lynxcat, TPM Kiara