My mother always told me I should never trust a male, that males are a
only a paw-width above hyenas.  Males always lie, she said.  Males always
kill.  Males always leave.  And yet, she must have ignored her own advice
at least once, because here I am.

	I am an Outsider.  I /was/ an Outsider.  I was born just after the exile;
my mother was heavy with us as she followed Zira into the wastes.  I had
two brothers.  One was stillborn.  The other died within a week.  I was the
oldest, the largest; in the Outlands, only strong cubs survive.  There
isn't any comfort for the weak.

	I have never had cubs.  I think that I never will.

	Never trust a male, my mother said.  She died when I was thirteen months
old.  An infection.  Never trust a male.  Then again, there were only two
males in the Outlands anyway, both Zira's sons.

	Kovu was the chosen one, of course.  The king to be.  Everyone knew it.
Everyone knew, too, that Zira would be the one to choose who would be
Kovu's queen, and even though, I sometimes fantasized about it, I knew it
would never be me.

	I'm not beautiful.  Even before the scars, before the battle that took my
eye, I wasn't beautiful.  I'm too big.  I'm bony and ugly.  I'm not clumsy,
but I'm not graceful either, and I *look* awkward.  I know I do.

	That's why I liked Nuka so much.  He was just as ugly as I am.  I don't
think he noticed me much at all, though, really, except that I'd always
listen and agree with him when he'd gripe and complain about not being the
one chosen to be King.  But he was always focussed upon impressing Zira,
his mother, and I hated her for that.  She ignored him, or she'd yell at
him, or she'd abuse him, and Little Miss Mommy's Girl Vitani would just
smirk and smirk until I wanted to hit her.

	Vitani.  Yes, I see you down there, with /him/.  From the peak of this
great big rock, I can see the whole Pridelands.  But mostly, I can see you
with Simba.  The way you look at him.  The way he looks at you.

	Never trust a male, Vitani.

	Sometimes, when I was younger (and I know this is both stupid and silly,
which is why I've never told anyone this), I'd imagine that Nuka and I
would run away and form our own pride, or at least that I'd get him to
notice me rather than his thrice-damned mother.  Stupid, stupid, adolescent
fantasies, but by the time I was an adult, by the time Zira pronounced that
Kovu was ready to fulfil his destiny, I'd convinced myself that my fantasy
could be a reality.  Maybe once Kovu was king of Pride Rock...

	And then, of course, everything fell apart.  I didn't know how to feel
when word came that Kovu had turned traitor.  Part of me raged along with
the others.  The other part was vengefully glad, and screamed, _Yes!  Break
that old witch's heart!_

	A smaller voice inside me said, then, _Maybe now Nuka will be king._

	And then... and then... and then Nuka died.  The image is burned within my
memory, of his half-hysterical, half-desperate voice crying out, "Look,
mother!  I'm doing it for you!  Look, mother, look!"  And the logs... the
logs...

	My heart broke.  It's stupid, I know it's stupid.  _He_ was stupid.  He
was a fool, a fool, a cub inwardly, forever and always.  He was ugly and
uncouth and full of parasites.  He was clumsy and probably almost as insane
as his mother.  But I loved him, even though it was as useless and as
unrequited as his love for his mother.

	Stupid, stupid, stupid.

	I hated them all.  I hated the world.  I wanted to kill everything.  I
tried to kill.  At one point I had three of them on me at once, and I lost
my eye.  Blood and pain; I thought I was going to die.

	And then it stopped.

	Well... the rest is known by everyone.  Zira died (some say she killed
herself), and the prides joined.  This looks like a good land, I guess...

	But I'm still ugly.  I'm still big and awkward and now scarred as well.
Nuka is dead, Zira is dead, and you, Vitani... you're as bad as Kovu now.

	Never trust a male, my mother said.

	They'll always leave you.  They'll always let you down.  They'll always
break your heart.

	Vitani, I hope he breaks you heart.


-- Iggan, aka Ukame of TPM.

* Iggan (iggan@lionking.org)
* http://www.lionking.org/~iggan/

* Nuka's Portrait Artist (http://www.io.com/~nuka/)
* King_Nuka @ FurryMUCK (furry.org 8888)