I won't say this coin has a sixth side -- so I'll just say every
die thrown has six faces. :) (You knew I had to be corny about it. :) ) As
Kiara on The Prides MUCK, I've come to have my own strong viewpoint on
this issue, and so I sat down and wrote what is probably my first real
TLK/SP fanfic... short as it is. 
	Hope everyone likes. :)

		* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
	
	Frankly, it's awful out tonight. The downpour comes in large
spattering droplets, drenching me, coming to the point where my fur is so
sodden it's dragging me down with every step that I take. The lightning
can be so close at times that it startles me out of my concentration. But
I don't mind. I need my thoughts cleansed tonight, and rain is supposed to
have healing powers. 
	I left Kovu and my father sleeping back in the shelter of the
cave, warm and dry and safe from the torrents of both life and weather.
They both look so at peace when they sleep. It's a peace I wish I could
escape to, but I know it'd only be that -- an escape. In the morning, I'd
be awake and fully aware again, full of questions and unknowns that I'm
afraid to ask, afraid to have answered. 
	I see my father with Vitani so often now. They spend many nights
together -- doing what, only Aiheu and the Great Kings know. What I do
know is that whenever I'm with the two of them, I always feel on the
outside, somehow, looking in on something I don't fully understand -- or,
maybe something I don't want to fully understand. 
	Daddy asked me earlier to give Vitani a chance, to try to get
closer to her. I'd be a hypocrite to tell him no; he gave one to Kovu. So
I agreed. And I very much want our pride to be whole again. But something
about her, about the entire situation, just does not feel right to me. 
	I hear the whispers as much as any pride member does. I know
what's being said about them, and I want to cry out sometimes at the
maliciousness of my pride sisters as they feast on the rumors much like
they so often do on antelope. I know well the hardships it takes to repair
the rent in our pride, and the intransient attitude they have is exactly
the kind of thing that sets back several seasons any progress that has
been made. 
	I try to shut out what they say, because even now, with the
lessons taught me as I've been grown, part of me doesn't want to believe. 
I've always had this idealized version of love that came from what I saw
my father and mother share. It's a simple bond, and yet plain as the
whiskers on your muzzle, with a depth that its silence belies. I always
liked to think that there was only one out there for me. After Kovu and I
spent more time together, I came to believe that we were meant to have
what my parents did. 
	As I grew up, I learned that there was more to that bond than I
knew, and that it was a king's duty to expand his pride and give the other
lionesses cubs. I understood why it was important to the future of the
pride, and accepted the logic of it, but in my heart I was able to accept
it on biological terms only; I still felt deep down that while my father
could care for all his lionesses, he should by rights only love one of
them -- my mother. Idealistic, maybe. But I never really had to contend
with it -- until now. 
	I see the way Vitani looks at my father, the way she flirts with
him. The part of me so loyal to my mother and my ideal gets sick at the
sight of it. I always want to look away when she brushes against him, runs
her tail under his chin. Doesn't she understand? 
	Kovu and Daddy. The two most important men in my life. They say
that fathers always influence, for good or for bad, what you look for in a
mate... and I've found that to be true to some extent. Kovu because is a
good blend of what I liked in my father and what I wanted to change about
him. But if what I found good in my father was a product of my own
idealism, then does that mean that it will also extend to Kovu? If love
does not mean what I have always thought it does to one, will the same
hold true for the other? Will my heart be able to stand the weight of it
if it does? 
	I want to speak to him of it, but how can I approach a topic like
this? "Daddy, do you love her more than you love Mom?" I want to ask him
that so many times, in so many ways, and yet the words always fail me in
the silences that fall, as they are wont to do in every conversation. I
can never seem to find the right time. Or the courage; if I hear the
answer that I dread, my ideal could well shatter. 
	And my mother. I want to ask her how she can bear something like
this. Is this what it means to be queen? Sitting by and watching something
you can't change, having to deal with a little demon tugging at your heart
and wondering if you truly are his chosen one? Or do you have to bring
yourself about to being detached about something like this? What a
horrible kind of detatchment that must be! If that's what it means, I'll
revert back to my stance from childhood and denounce ever becoming queen.
	Or is this just the lot in every female's life? If it comes to
*that*, I have no way of denouncing my gender. 
	I look up from watching my paws tread the ground and see that I've
come full circle back to Pride Rock. It's almost as if my heart knew that
it had enough of questions for the night. As I ascend the trail, I give my
heart up to the drops beating on my fur and feel my pain trail down my
legs with the rivulets of rain in my pelt. The heaviness of the water
drags down with it all the emotions that I need pulled out of me, and as I
come to the mouth of the cave, I shake off the remaining moisture and
anguish, padding into the dryness and safety once more. My eyes find my
mate and pick my way over my pride sisters, curling up against his warmth
once more, weary both in body and in spirit. He stirs and wakens long
enough to smile at me and run his tongue over my damp fur, then draws me
to him as his head settles back down, his paw draped over me. I smile to
myself in the darkness, and my fears are forgotten one more night.
Tomorrow is the time to remember. 
	Somehow, Kovu can always make it right.      

		* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

	To my own dark-maned one, who is all that makes my life right at
the moment.. 
	Comments welcome, but flame gently, guys. :)

Jessa "Lynxcat" Gustafik
lynxcat@lionking.org 
http://www.lionking.org/~lynxcat
EFNet Lynxcat, TPM Kiara