A note from the authors: This story may be short, but it was a heck of a lot of fun to write! Send feedback to us, please! If you have any ideas for the next episode, don't hesitate to contribute!
***
(The scene opens on a set with a stage. AndrAIa is standing behind a microphone in a little apron marked "Key Tool Time")
ANDRaiA: Does everyone know what time it is?
(Silence, a few crickets chirp in the background, a one binome gives AndrAIa the exact time, a few coughs)
ANDRaiA: Uh, guys… It's Key Tool Time
BINOME: Oh. Right, I knew that!
ANDRaiA: *sigh* Let's try this one again, shall we? Does everybody know what time it is?
AUDIENCE: KEY TOOL TIME!!
ANDRaiA: That's right, it's Key Tool Time, with our host, everyone's favorite Sprite, the Guardian formerly known as Matrix!
BOB: *AHEM*
ANDRaiA: Oh, right. I mean, Guardian Bob! Woohoo!
(Music starts to play as Bob, in a suit, comes out on the stage, and slams the door. A huge CRASH is heard as an imprint of Matrix's massive body is left in the metal door. Matrix, clad in flannel, stumbles out of the doorway.)
MATRIX: What are you laughing at?
BOB: Anyway, today's focus is going to be on… fixing my car!
(The audience goes silent as everyone marvels at what BOB just said)
BOB: This time it's gonna work!
MATRIX: I don't think so, Bob.
BOB: Well, we're going to *try* anyway…
(A couple of snickers come from th audience)
BOB: First we're gonna start with the uh, the uh…
MATRIX: The odometer?
BOB: Right, the odometer. We're gonna start by taking it out--
MATRIX: No we're not.
BOB: We're not?
MATRIX: No, we're not. If we do that, you'll wreck you car for GOOD! (If that already hasn't happened)
(Matrix fixes the odometer somehow: we're not quite sure how. In fact, neither is Bob.
BOB: Well what Matrix is doing is, uh, well, he's turning that little crankamabobber into the thingamajig and is putting it into that tube thingy. And that's how we fix an odometer.
MATRIX: Next we have to fix the interociter. Bob, will you do the honors?
BOB: Sure. First we'll start by… removing it?
(BOB is interrupted by a loud crash as DOT hits her head on the wall)
DOT: Why am I going out with such a JERK?
BOB: Heh heh heh. Great acting, Dot.
(Bob removes the interociter.)
BOB: We don't need this… *tosses the thingamajig over his shoulder*
MATRIX: Uh, Bob? You might want to keep that.
BOB: Quiet. I know what I'm doing. Ok, now that it's fixed, let's rev up the engine a bit.
Matrix: We are?
BOB: Yes. You've seen those CF-18 fighter jets, haven't you? Beautiful creations. Anyway, back to my car. As I see it, we may have to fix the hood a little bit. Hey! What are these spark plugs doing here? *tosses spark plugs over his shoulder*
(BOB revs up the engine as a huge spark appears and electrocutes him. MATRIX steps in front of the car.)
MATRIX: And now a message from our sponsors.
(Commercial break)
SPONSOR: G'day mates, today I'm going to talk to you about Ever-Sprite, the anti-aging formula for Sprites! Get rid of those unsightly liver spots and wrinkles with Ever-Sprite! Because….you age.
(And now back to the show.)
MATRIX: Now that Bob has returned from the emergency ward of the Mainframe General Hospital, we're ready to continue with fixing Bob's car. Now that it looks closer to the Batmobile than a 262 Convertible, we're going to give it a new paint job. After all, it doesn't match anyway, seeing as it's red over there and grey over there…. Anyway…
BOB: Red? I wanted black!
MATRIX: Okay… black it is.
BOB: Yes! The Batmobile!
MATRIX: Doesn't the Batmobile have a hood?
BOB: I knew I was forgetting something! Alright AndrAIa, bring it in!!
MATRIX: Oh no…
(ANDRaiA enters the set directing a crane carrying the hood of Bob's new car)
ANDRaiA: Here you go, Bob, the Bobford 2000 genuine car hood! Designed, built, and shipped by Bob Industries.
BOB: This is the best car hood ever created!
MATRIX: I don't think so, Bob.
BOB: Stop stealing my lines!
(BOB installs the hood on the car and revs up the engine, AGAIN)
BOB: Hey! It's working, it's WORKING!
MARTIX: Yeah, give it wings and it can fly too.
BOB: That's not a bad idea.
MATRIX: Oh NO!
BOB: AndrAIa, the wings!
MATRIX: You do realize if you give the car wings, you'll have to increase the size of the tires.
BOB: AndrAIa, the tires!
(Several milliseconds later….)
MATRIX: Now that we're finished constructing Bob's new car ( which has none of the pieces it originally had)…
BOB: The Batmobile. It's the Batmobile. It can even fly!
MATRIX: Whatever. Hey! What are you doing?!
(BOB gets in his plane/car, dragging MATRIX along with him, and crashes out of the building. The "Batmobile" explodes into a billion pieces several million feet off the ground, sending MATRIX and BOB careening downward. MATRIX's parachute opens saying, "I don't think so, Bob". Bob's opens in turn saying "Bobford 2000 parachute". It pops a hole and Bob falls downward into a forest of pine trees. **Authors' note: OUCH**)
MATRIX: And now a word from our sponsors.
SPONSOR: Mainframe General Hospital. Because…you hurt. *drives away in an ambulance carrying BOB to the emergency room AGAIN)
ANDRaiA: Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode. Will it be:
BOB's return from the hospital,
OR
MATRIX takes over!
END
