Can it?
*sniff, sniff*
You're hurting my feelings you know!
Author: You know you've been watching too much ReBoot when you dye your dog's fur red and yellow...you're caught muttering "Glitch!" at odd moment's...heh heh...you block out your school's national anthem and sing "Firewall" instead...(pauses) hey, I did that once...eheh...(embarrassed, she decides to go back to writing her wacky little fanfiction.)
Dot: (mumbling to herself) Lesse, the Mitchell accounts are online, Blair's stock has leveled off, good, I don't have to worry about that again until next minute...
(Bob walks into the diner with Enzo)
Bob: I *still* don't know how you managed to beat me at Vectorball!!
Enzo: Well, maybe you've been working too hard, Bob. (Thinking: "Thank the User for cheat codes! Heh heh heh...)
Bob: Speaking of working too hard...
(They both look at Dot.)
Dot: Hmm? Oh, hi guys. (Tries to smile, then grimaces.) Ugh. I feel awful.
Enzo: Dot! You were like this all last night, too!
Bob: Yeah Dot! For just how long have you been here?
Dot: (thinking) Well...since...Bob left with Mike, I guess.
Bob: (mouth hanging open) You've been here since *last episode?!*
Dot: (kind of dizzy looking) Uh-huh...hey Bob, could you pass me my schedule?
(Bob just looks at Dot, then picks up the schedule)
Bob: (In soothing voice) O.K, Dot, here, let *me* read it for you...
Dot: (tired) Sure...
Bob: (confused) Dot, there's nothing on here.
Dot: (tired) Huh? lemme see...(she looks) Well...I guess I worked overtime for so long that I freed up about a second or two of free time...(she looks at them happily) well, I guess I can spend some time with you...
(Tries to get up, then falls over.)
Bob: Whoa! (he and Enzo pick up Dot) What you need is some time to relax. How about you go home?
Dot: (Muzzily) But Bob, this *is* my home.
Bob: Oh yeah...well, uh...I meant your room.
Bob: Well, we're going. We won't vid-window you unless it's important, O.K?
Dot: Sure. By guys. Thanks for the bottle and stuff.
Enzo: Hey, anytime sis. By the way, does this mean *I'M* in charge of the din-
Dot: No. And don't get into any trouble!
Enzo: Aww...
Bob: Don't worry, I'll keep an eye out on him for you.
Dot: (under breath) Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. You let him drink fifteen energy shakes last time.
Bob: Bye Dot!
(They leave. Dot waits a few nanoseconds, then gets out of bed and locks the door.)
Dot: Woo hoo! Yes! It worked! Suckers! I get some privacy! And I don't have to act busy!
(Apparently, Dot was faking her exhaustion. She dances around the room for a bit, then opens her fridge and grabs a bucket of chocolate ice cream and a spoon. She flops down on the couch, and turns on her radio.)
Radio: (is playing "Viral Webs" by Some Suspicion): Woahhhh....Sorry I'm not here right now, working in the viral webs, leave a message and I'll vid-window you ba-a-a-ck. A like-ely sto-o-ry, but,...
(Dot nods her head in time to the music, then starts to sing along)
Dot:-leave a message and I'll vid-window you back...
Scuzzy: "Well..."Are you two seeing the director's cut? I hear there's 23 nanoseconds of insipid love dialogue in it."Gyahh! O,K, O.K! Deal!" Right. I'll send over a couple of legions. Remember Bob-you owe me." (Sound of vid-window closing) Why do I have a bad feeling about this?"
(We realize Scuzzy is replaying the scene between Megabyte and Bob from the last episode. Hexidecimal puts on her "intrigued" mask.)
Hexidecimal: Hmmmm...Bob owes my brother a favor...and Megabyte owes *me* a favor...I can see where *this* is heading...(Puts on evil grin mask) perhaps I'll give my favorite brother a little call soon...heh heh heh...ha ha ha!!!
(breaks out into that insane laughter we all know and love.)
Announcer: ReBoot will return, after these messages!
Bob: Why did we have to come here during the commercials, anyway?
AndrAIa: Beats me.
Enzo: Me too.
(Suddenly, Mike jumps up.)
Mike the T.V: Hello people! Today during the commercial break, our producer's are trying something new, under the assumption our viewers actually like this show!
Bob: What? Hey, you never told us about this!
Mike: Well, actually, I signed you guys up.
Everyone: (shocked, angry, etc...) WHAT?!?!?!?!
Mike: We're sticking all you wacky ReBoot character's onto commercials so the kids actually pay attention to them, (instead of going to the washroom or getting a snack like they always do), and maybe even buy the stuff advertised! Won't this be *fun* everybody?
(dead silence from the ReBoot cast)
Mike: Uh, guys?
(more silence, then)
Megabyte: (eerily calm) Let's get him.
Dot: (also calm) Yes. Let's.
AndrAIa: (also calm) My, what a good idea that is. May I join you?
Dot: By all means.
Bob: I think I shall join in here as well.
Megabyte: Go ahead. Would anyone else care to join us?
(Everyone raises his or her hands)
Dot: Oh good. Well then, let us begin.
(*EVERYONE* silently turns on Mike, who has been trying to sneak away while this is going on.)
Mike: Uh oh-
(runs like hell, with an angry mob behind him)
Mike: Ack! Nononono! It was my producer's idea! Really!
Bob: But you said you signed us up!
Mike: Well, they would have made you do it anyhow! Think of it as a career opportunity!
Dot: CAREER opportunity?! (takes a swipe at Mike)
Mike: Ahhh! Back-up! I need back-up!
(Suddenly, from the sky, a van with the Mainframe Joint Venture's logo swoops down and picks up Mike.)
Mike: Yes! Safe! Oh thankyouthankyouthankyou...
Producer: Whatever.
Enzo: (looking up at Mike) You're their lackey? Traitor!
Hexidecimal: (grumbling) I could've gotten a clear shot at him if all of you idiots had moved out of the way!
Megabyte: Oh, do shut up Hex.
(The producer whips out a Megaphone)
Producer: O.K, people, you're going to have to do this anyway, so stop rioting! Bob, you're on first!
Bob: What? I want to talk to-
Bob: -my agent! Huh? Aw man, where am I?!
Little Girl: (In what the producer obviously thinks is a cute and charming voice but sounds to the rest of the world like the Olson Twins on helium)
Hello mister! We're eating Sugar Frosting Coated Corn Bits(tm)! It makes our day really fun! Tee hee hee!
Little Boy: Yeah! And it makes us tough and stuff!
Little Girl: No it doesn’t silly! (giggles in a way that makes Bob's stomach churn.)
Bob: Uh, O.K...
Little Girl: You're silly! (giggles again, this time making Bob's stomach leap up and down in ways that'll make sure he never eats cereal again)
Little Boy: Hey, want some? (tries to look tough for some reason)
Bob: Erm, no.
Producer: (voiceover) Sorry Bob, but you have to be seen eating the cereal.
(Bob tentatively puts a spoonful into his mouth and makes a face, spitting into a sink.)
Producer: Without spitting it out, Bob.
Bob: (looks down at the bowl.) I'm in hell, aren't I?
Sprite: (perkily) Hello! I'm Camice Candran, and I'm here to talk to you about why *our* long distance phone company savings plan is better than any other of our rivals, despite conflicting commercials!
Megabyte: Well that certainly sounds...uh...
Camice: (still perkily) Interesting?
Megabyte: Incredibly dull.
Camice: (STILL perkily (I hate perky)) Well, too bad! Because *you* have to sit through an *extra long* commercial just to hear all of it!
(Megabyte just looks at her for a few seconds, then turns to the camera)
Megabyte: Children, if you're watching,(and frankly I hope you're not) don't try this unless you have enough money for a trained team of professional lawyers.
Camice:(not-so perky) Um, wait a nanosecond. You can't get out of this. You *have* to do this! Megabyte: Oh, really?
(unsheathes a set of claws with an ominous *shing!* sound.)
Camice: (*really* un-perky) Uh, what are you doi-(gulps) ARGH! You can't *kill* me!
Megabyte: Didn't you hear the part about the lawyers?
(launches himself at her. The screen goes blank, but you can hear the screams. Sick? Twisted? Come on, you *know* you've always wanted Sprint Canada to just *shut up* about the stupid dimes. The scene reappears, but Camice is gone. All you can see is something that looks like blood dripping off the walls. Megabyte looks smug.)
Megabyte: Really, did you expect me to go *along* with this? (chuckles)
( Someone behind a booth is apparently selling root beer.)
Booth Guy: Barks! The one with byte!
(Another person walks up to the booth.)
Sprite: Whaddaja mean, Barks has byte?
Booth Guy: Johhny?
Johhny: Whaddaja mean, Barks has byte?
Booth Guy: Johhny?
Dot: Oh dear God...
Bob: I liked the first one better. This time the plot's kinda dumb.
AnrAIa: I agree. Game cubes dropping out of the sky, people living in a computer world, viruses coming to life...(she gulps, and goes pale)oh wait, that's *us*. Uh, nevermind
. (they glare at her.)
AndrAIa: Um...anyone want some popcorn?
Megabyte: Look, Slash, you're the blue one, and Hack is red.
Hack: So I am blue-
Slash: And I am red. O.K, you got it!
Hack: Sure thing boss.
Megabyte: No, no, Hack, YOU'RE red and-oh nevermind, this is just making me depressed again.
(Suddenly, Hexidecimal appears on a vid-window)
Hexidecimal: (cheerfully) Why hello, brother "dear".
Megabyte: (unenthusiastically) Hello, Hex.
Hexidecimal: Well, well. I hear you have Bob right where you want him. And, by an astonishing coincidence...
Megabyte: (realizing where this is leading) Yes, yes, I know, I owe you a favor, so you want me to give you *Bob's* favor. (thinks about it) Hmm...you'll probably think up something even more depraved than I ever could...very well.
Hexidecimal: Oh *good*...send the guardian over, won't you? (signs off)
Megabyte: (sighs) Why couldn't *I* have been the psychopathical one with the incredible powers?
(He vid-windows Bob, who's in the middle of shouting out plot-holes. Cecil had to go and pay some bills Dot left him, and AndrAIa and Enzo left after 30 nanoseconds to play Vectorball.)
Bob: *What*?! These people are trained mercenaries, and don't even notice a class six, energy sucking, three ton virus 2 bits *away* from them?! Hello! Plot hole here! PLOT HOLE!!!
Megabyte: (Starring at Bob) You know, it's not as if there's anyone there, Bob.
Bob: (falling off stool) Ahh! Don't DO that!
Megabyte: It turns out that I owe Hex a favor from a while ago, and she's decided that she'll just take yours instead. She wants you to go over to Lost Angles immediately.
Bob: WHAT?! Oh no, you've *got* to be kidding!
Megabyte: *Bob*...
Bob: This is not good...just let me vid-window Dot for a nano. I want to check on how she is.
(He tilts Megabyte's vid-window so that Dot won't see him, but Megabyte can see Dot. Don't ask me how. Maybe there's a mirror or something shiny there, or something. Bob punches Dot's vid-window number.
We see Dot, dancing and singing along *very* enthusiastically to a song. She's *completely* letting loose here, swinging, bouncing, and head banging along to the music, thinking no one's watching her. The carton of ice cream is on its side, empty. It's pretty obvious where she got her energy from.)
Radio: (has that same "announcer quality" voice Mike does) And now, the smash hit, "User Girl" by Turquoise!
Dot: (singing along) Hello! I'm the User!
Wanna play a game?
*I* sure do!
I'm a User girl,
In a User wo-orld,
life in 64 bit,
it's terrific!
I can change my clothes and hair,
to match anywhe-e-re,
imagination, game life is my creation!
It's the User, don't loose to her.
I am a, User girl,
in a fantasy world,
You ReBoot,
sort of like playing dolly.
You Reboot,
rock and roll,
feel the glamour and pain,
better win,
or else, you'll be sorry.
I can touch,
I can play.
I can interact, in every wa-a-ay,
I'm a User girl,
In a User wo-orld,
life in game mode,
it's an interesting code!
I can play to loose or win,
and against guardians-
I'll tell you what's a real pain,
everytime I play my looks change!
I can walk, I can talk,
do whatever I please,
I can play like a star,
make you beg on your knees.
Come on in, binome friend, let us do it again!
Hit the net, do the web,
let's go pla-ay!
(Bob and Megabyte are stunned, looking at Dot with their jaws hanging open. Finally, Bob speaks.)
Bob: (amazed) Dot?!
(Dot finally notices him, and freezes.)
Dot: Bob?!
Bob: I just wanted to check up on you and...um...
(Dot blushes, and looks *very* embarrassed.)
Dot: Uh...(acting angry to cover up her embarrassment) Hey, you said you wouldn't interrupt me! I need some time off you know!(closes the vid-window)
(Megabyte and Bob just stand there in silence for a while, contemplating the general weirdness of this whole event.)
Bob: Uh...
Megabyte: (sort of shocked) I never knew Ms. Matrix could so...unrestrained.
Bob: (very shocked) Neither did I.
(Hexadecimal’s lair. We see Hexidecimal sitting on her throne, peering intently at her mirror which is shows a nervous Bob flying through the Gilded Gate Bridge.)
Hexidecimal: Well, well, well...looks like my brother kept his promise...for once. It'll be nice to have some company. (Scuzzy growls) I mean someone who can speak, dear. (puts on a sad mask) sniff...it's not like I'm such an unpleasant virus to be with...I might be a totally unpredictable and chaotic but I still have feelings...why don't I get any visitors? (she notices Scuzzy is wandering away, and whips out the angry mask) Pay *attention* to me when I'm talking!!! (makes Scuzzy fall through the floor.) Hrmp. How rude.