ReBoot S 2

Zoicite: My HAIR!!!
Beryl: What the HELL happened?
Sailor Jupiter: My head hurts!
Zoicite: Oh-you've been using it lately then? (To hair) I'm getting split ends! No!
Jupiter: Yeah and-hey!
Tuxedo Mask: Gasp! Queen Beryl! No!
Beryl: Huh? Oh, hello Darien-sweetie.

(Darien blushes and Jupiter throws him an odd look)

Beryl: Zoicite-you weren't performing any odd sort of experiments lately, were you?
Zoicite: Not to MY knowledge.
Jupiter: Well, time to kick ass. Hey-(pauses) I said a swear. What happened?
Phong: (adjusting glasses and answering the question because he has no idea where to begin) The BSn'p has been removed from ReBoot. We are not under the influence of sensors anymore.
Jupiter: So slowly but surely all the DIC influence is leaking away. Yes!
Zoicite: (perking up) Really? No DIC censors? Malachite is Kunzite-sama again? Excuse me for a moment, I have to go check something...

(Goes off into a far corner and peers down his shirt.)

Phong: And may I ask who in the Net are you?
Zoicite: (offstage) Woo hoo!!! I'm a guy again!
Tuxedo Mask: (snapping up head) Oh no-Usa's in trouble!
Jupiter: Oh sure, call out her name in public! And people call me dumb...
Tuxedo Kamensama: That coming from the person who failed everything but cooki-say, look at my name. It's back to the original Japanese.

(Tux flies off in search of Usagi.)

Beryl: That's it-I'm calling an immediate meeting in the Dark Kingdom. Zoicite, Kunzite-come along. (also vanishes)

Jupiter: (To Phong) Well, since I'm the only one left...we're a bunch of people from Japan who were sucked in here for some strange reason. There. That explains it. Is there anyplace to eat here? I'm starved!
Phong: Um...there's always Dot's Diner...here, you'll need a zip board...(hands her one)
Jupiter: Wow, thanks! (flies off.)
Phong: And everyone thinks I make these things up...

Hexadecimal: Oh! Visitors! My, how nice. Who might you be?
Sailormars: What the-who are YOU? Some weird sort of yoma?
Hexadecimal: Yo-ma?
Artemis: A sort of wacky looking demon thing. Sucks energy.
Luna: (Swatting Art) Hey! Explanations are MY job! You have no personality requirement except to be goofy or supplement my ramblings, remember?
Artemis: Sorry.
Hexadecimal: Why in the NET would I be a-yo thing?
Mars: Well you're certainly DRESSED like one.
Hexadecimal: (Not liking Mars' tone of voice) How DARE you insult me!!! (anxious for a moment) What, is it not my color? Do you think I should go for a deeper red?
Mars: (sweatdropping) Um, no, the color is fine. Really.
Hexadecimal: (intrigued) What's that tear shaped thing on your head?
Mars: That? That's used in anime to show someone in disbelief at what's happening.
Hexadecimal: Disbelief?!

Sailormoon: Owowowow owwwieeeeee...(sniff)
Sailormercury: Oh *no*! We're stuck in another dimension! Again! Remember the LAST time this happened?
Moon: Um...no. Owie. I hurt my head.
Nephrite: Well, no loss then.
Moon: (brightening up) Say, you're right! (pauses as it sinks in) Hey!
Nephrite: Sorry. It was too easy to pass up.
Mercury: (sighing) Isn't it always? (punches up her mini-computer and tries to figure out where they are.)
Moon: (looking at Nephrite) Hey, is this happening *before* or *after* the episode where you turn good?
Nephrite: Uh-your guess is as good as mine.
Mercury: Got it! I'll contact the others. (takes out communicator) Mina?
Scouts: Hai?
Mercury: (turning her head away for a moment) Uh, Moon-chan, I'm right here. YOU don't have to use the communicator...
Moon: Oh? Oh yeah! Eh heheh! Gomen. (puts it away)
Mercury: (Sweatdropping) Listen up everyone...
Nephrite: (under his breath) Sushi for brains.

(A portal appears and Jadeite sticks his upper body out of it.)

Jadeite: Hey, Neph-sama. Dark Kingdom meeting. Come on, let's go.
Nephrite: Fine.
Jadeite: And for the love of Mettalica change back into uniform. I stand next to you and whenever Beryl chews you out she tends to spit. (grabs Neph and pulls him in)

(Mercury finishes telling all the Sailors to meet them at the Dinner, which seems like a good landmark to head towards.)

Mercury: Come on Sailormoon...let's duck behind that car and use the rather dubious plot device that lets us de-transform without anyone guessing our civilian and sailor identities are the same.
Moon: Okie-doke!

(They transform back to Usagi and Ami and stand outside the Diner. Makoto and Minako show up.)

Ami: Hai Mako-chan, Minako...where's Rei?

(They're standing inches apart. Obviously Hex and Mars aren't really getting along. Luna and Artemis have long since fled to the relative safety outside of Hex's lair. Mar's teeth are slowly grinding together while Hex is silently summoning up a huge fireball. They both break away at the same time shouting out their respective battle phrases)

Hexadecimal: Die whelp!
Mars: Akroyu Taisan! Fire...SOUL!

(A giant fireball slams into Mars who goes back to Rei from the energy loss but not before throwing out a few dozen "Evil Begone" wards and her trademark attack. They whiz past Hex, which she skillfully dodges but unfortunately gets hit by the Fire Soul. Luna and Artemis reappear from where they were hiding.)

Rei: Did I win? Mother...(passes out.)
Luna: Sigh...let's get her out of here before the yoma-lady wakes up...(she and Artemis pull Rei away since Hex seems merely inconvenienced instead of hurt and is already getting up, snarling.)

(Just then an exhausted Luna and Artemis drag up a scorched Rei.)

Makoto: Whoa! What happened? Little miss Pyro lose control of her powers again?
Rei: (weakly, coughing) I heard that...
Minako: Well after the picnic incident...
Rei: That wasn't my fault! Who said it was MY fault? How was *I* to know lighter fluid would burn so...quickly?
Usagi: Someone who bothered to READ the LABEL?
Rei: You can read by now Usagi? You must be proud.
Usagi: Just as proud as you were when you managed to get rid of a certain something that ruined your career as a priestess!
Rei: Why you-
Ami: (wearily) Please. Not the insults *already*.

(They walk in, Usa and Rei squabbling all the while. Cecil, carrying a large tray, doesn't see them.)

Usagi: (grandly gesturing and storming in) And furthermore there is nothing WRONG with odango's on your head!

(Not looking where they're going Cecil and her collide and shakes go flying everywhere.)

Cecil: Sacre bleu! Watch where you're GOING you dipswitch!
Rei: Hey! No one gets to insult moron-girl there except me!
Usagi: Thank you flame-freak.
Dot: Cecil! Watch out for the customers!
Usagi: (getting up and looking at the mess) Oh...gomen. That was my fault. I'm a bit clumsy sometimes.

(Tries to wipe off all the energy that spilled on her skirt. Makoto picks an energy-shake off her head)

Dot: (noticing the spill of course) Well please, all of you have a drink on the house to make up for this.
Usagi & Minako: (brightening up) Really? Arigato!
Usagi: I'll have one of those shake things...they look tasty. (sits down at a table with everyone else except Ami and waits expectantly)
Ami: (smacking her forehead) Oh no, you offered her free food. Now she'll NEVER leave.
Dot: (looking at Usagi's grinning face) I get the feeling you may be right...

Jadeite: (mimicking Queen Beryl) "I'm calling an immediate assembly in the Dark Kingdom! Don't keep me waiting!" HER waiting! Bah!
Nephrite: Nice impression.
Jadeite: Thanks. I can also do Sailormoon.
Zoicite: Since when do YOU do voices?
Jadeite: Let's just say I had a lot of spare time in that crystal. Lots and lots of spare time. TOO MUCH spare time.
Nephrite: Do Sailormoon!
Jadeite: Alright. Ahem. (clears his throat) "Stop right there! I will not allow you to do such a wicked thing even though just by myself a three-year old armed with a stick could take me down! And-OW! I hit myself with my scepter! Owie! WAAAAAAAAH!"
Nephrite: Whoa! Goosebumps. I felt like she was right here.
Zoicite: Hey Jed-if you grew out your hair, shaved the right places and stuffed a few socks down your front you could be a great Sailormoon impersonator!
Jadeite: Zoicite!
Zoicite: What? I could lend you the dress.
Jadeite: Ehh...um, no thanks. Really.

(Beryl appears in a puff of impressive-looking smoke, which unfortunately makes her immediately cough.)

Beryl: I-(cough) see-(choke)-you're all-(gag) he-(doubles over, choking, appearing to be near death.)

Kings: (Inside their minds) Please oh please oh please...

Beryl: (standing up and waving away the smoke) Phew. (cough) I'll be fine.

Kings: (Inside their minds) Damn.

(Beryl sits down and does the really annoying "wave my hands around the crystal to make it look mystical" thing.)

Beryl: So...it appears our portals to Earth have been blocked and instead lead to a strange new world. Have any of you found any information about it that could be useful to us?
Jadeite: We're inside a computer.
Nephrite: (not to be outdone) A PC I'd say.
Kunzite: What's a computer?

(Jadeite, Zoicite and Nephrite sweatdrop.)

Zoicite: (to Kunzite, whispering) Ask later honey. Not in front of the court.
Beryl: So Zoicite, Jadeite, Nephrite...how is it you know of this?
Nephrite: (laying on the flattery) As you know my Queen, during my period of time when I lived on Earth I researched many possible ways of leaching energy and I found computers were an excellent source.
Jadeite: Yep. The Internet, online gaming, chatrooms, offers of free web pages...
Zoicite: (snidely) Of course YOU must have had enough of a lack of a social life to have time for them.
Jadeite: Oh yeah? Then why were you registered on your ICQ account as "single and available"?
Zoicite: I um...er...eh heh...
Kunzite: Zoicite!
Zoicite: I'll explain later Kunzite darling...
Jadeite: (raising an eyebrow) And under the name "Lookin4luv" as well.
Zoicite: And what were YOU doing spying on me?
Jadeite: (smugly) I'm the system op. You asked me to install Win98 remember? No one else around here knows how to work it but me! I get to control all your accounts!
Zoicite: Geek.
Nephrite: Really? Could you get me operator status on IRC? Those newbies are really starting to piss me off and-
Beryl: Enough! Ahem. It is apparent that this place seems a good enough city to drain energy from...

(All the Kings groan. Nephrite mumbles "Can you say, "We're in a rut"?)

Beryl: Silence! Also the sailor brats are here-THIS time with ALL FOUR of you do you think you can GET THEM ALREADY?!
Kings: (hastily) yes my Queen!
Beryl: Exellent...dismissed.

(All the kings teleport out.)

Beryl: Ah...silence. Thank you God.

(takes out a remote and flips on a TV she conjures up with a snap of her wrist.)

Beryl: Let's see what's on FOX...oh, Springer!