To the Editor,
I should like to say that I am one of those devilish homosexuals of whom some of your correspondents are so wary.
Who am I? I lead a quiet life by day. But in the evening I am an avid recruiter for the homosexual cause. I maintain an exhausting schedule of discussion group meetings, social nights, dinner parties and shopping expeditions - all aimed at utterly destroying the moral fabric of as many righteous Christians as possible. And I'm good at it! My female counterparts (known as "agents de lesbiannage") are equally adept.
How, you may ask, did I become so skilful? Well, I took my training at the knee of the Great Tempter Himself. It was there that I learned that recruitment is not really necessary, since the homosexual lifestyle is so glamourous that many young Christians will try it out of boredom, or just to annoy their parents and church elders. Nonetheless, Lucifer encourages us to recruit, since it's a sin of commission rather than omission, and He loves those Deadlier Sins.
And why is our lifestyle so seductive to so many otherwise pious young people? One theory is that for a significant portion of them, it offers them the possibility of getting a life of their own, rather than having one shrink-wrapped on them.
In any case, there are many things that recommend our way of life. It's not just the wild uninhibited sex. Far more seductive than that are the brilliant dinner parties, the glittering wit, and the shopping - did I mention the shopping already? What do the Fundamentalists have to offer? Barbecues and sing-alongs... Puhleeze! I think we all know what kind of quiet desperation that can lead to.
In closing, I must say that I am completely bewitched by the comment by one writer that sex is intended for procreation alone. Granted, I am no great expert on the mating habits of heterosexuals, but it had never occurred to me that once every nine months should suffice. If that's the case, then it's no wonder that heterosexual recruitment is doing so badly these days. P.S. Lucifer sends His love, and reminds us that one Messiah in ten is gay.--Jim Parrott
Send comments to: kovu at lionking point org