by: Mirri

O, to be a feline


To run around blissfully and play all day
To have fun without ever having to pay
There is no one to tell you where to sleep
No one to yell for you to come home and eat
Always someone to scratch your furry back
And feed you whenever you feel like a snack

And you can safely bet your precious fur
They will do their best to make you purr
Try it by prodding them for attention
Or just by casually try and mention
That the couch is gonna be pretty messed up
If you don't immediately get your belly rubbed

Every day you can go out and have fun
Rest with the other kitties and licking sun
And at night when the heat is on
And all the humans to bed have gone
That's when the real fun starts
With the speeding up of beating hearts

If on another cute kitty you have a crush
No need to stammer, stutter and blush
Tonite there are more kitties than you can count
Actually, it is hard to decide which female to mount
Any male here in town can just pick and choose
Unfortunately not all kitties here can reproduce

However, the job of a house cat is not easy to learn
There are birds and mice to catch, and paws to burn
Life with humans towards which this kitty is leaning
Is not necessarily a life with any meaning
But who needs a meaning anyway
When you can enjoy yourself everyday

Humans like your soft fur, but not the sharp claws
Hey, what can you do, they're attached to your paws
Besides, you need them for climbing and hunting mice
Cutting them off would be rude and not very nice
And if the house should be haunted by a rat
It won't be around for long, not with this cat

All the scritches are a misunderstood attempt
At cross-species love with the cats consent
But kitties are restless and bow to no owner
When will they see that a cat is a loner
But a little love is needed once in awhile
To dig yourself out of the depression pile

Just the last few pieces of advice before we go:
Always be curious, cute and when hunting stay low
Never say no to a few loving head-pats
And never trust the neighbourhood tomcats
Remember, a cat should be forever vigilant, and
When stepping out of the litterbox, shake off the sand

When you want kittens, just lift your tail up high
Just be sure you're ready for a lot of grooming *sigh*
When the male has done his job, quickly give him the boot
If he sticks around, he might think the pink things are food
To keep them entertained, just roll the ball of yarn
And beware of the geese if you let them play in the barn

The humans will feed you all kinds of weird stuff
It's all you're gonna get, so eat till you've had enough
Don't ever let them carry you around in their pocket
And occasionally they'll want to bathe you in a bucket
All you gotta do is claw wildly and make sure they fail
Hah, you can clean your own whiskers, ears and tail

Other than that, just be sure to keep yourself clean
No telling when you'll have to be a fighting machine
If you follow this advice you should be doing fine
No need to panic till the death count reaches nine
But if you've been faithful every day, yep all seven
Know this: all nice kitties go to kitty heaven


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