Well, here goes yet another strange and baffling attempt at Lion King humor. This text may be freely distributed. For best results, imagine the following as a video composed of clips from the movie, with James Earl Jones narrating: NARATOR: Faster than a charging lion! CLIP: Simba, racing though the dark jungle, when suddenly Rafiki shouts "Stop!" NARATOR: More powerful than a pack of hyenas! CLIP: Rafiki clobbering the hyenas with his kung-fu NARATOR: Able to scale tall mountains in a single bound! CLIP: Rafiki checks to make sure than no one is watching, then twists a secret knob on his stick, causing it to transform into a jet-powered pogo-stick. He rockets up the side of Pride Rock just in time to meet Mufasa. NARATOR: Look, up in that tree! CLIP: Timon: "What goin' on? Who's the monkey?" NARATOR: It's Bonzo, it's King Louie... CLIP: Rafiki: "Nope, wrong again!" NARATOR: It's Super-Rafiki! CLIP: Timon and Pumbaa: "Oh." CLIP: Still frame of Rafiki pondering in his tree NARATOR: Yes, it's Rafiki, shaman of Pride Rock and protector of the Circle of Life, who, in his guise as a not-so-mild-mannered raving lunatic... CLIP: Rafiki: "Asante sana, squash banana!" NARATOR: defends truth, justice, and the Senegeti way! CLIP: Zebras and monkeys cheering at the Presentation CLIP: Timon, Pumbaa, and Zazu doing the Arsenio whoop CLIP: Scar: "I'm surrounded by idiots." Bass drum whump and screen goes black. Silence. Rafiki pokes his head up into the black screen and looks at the camera. "What are you still doing here? Go on, get out of here! Go!" Iris out.