Subject: First Assault of the FCoS Junior Marines. Date: Thu, 18 Jun 1998 20:36:23 -0500 From: Rindimo Reply-To: TLK-L@lionking.org Organization: L.O.S.T.-- C.A.U.S.E. To: tlk-l@lionking.org FIRST ASSAULT OF THE FCOS JUNIOR MARINES: BY: The infamous Rindimo "Okay, troops, fall in!" The cubs quickly got into a straight, well organized line in front of the drill master. "My name is RIndimo, and I'll be your senior officer for today. Well you yellow ear wax globs, today's your lucky day! 'Seems the big guys up in the belfrey need your help." "I told you not to play with that glue," whispered one cub to another. "What was that, SOldier??!!" "Nothing! Nothing!" "Yeah, right. GIve me twenty pushups! Now, for the rest of you. 'Seems there have been some offenders that have been going un-punished lately in the congregation. Now it's our mission to exterminate the lowlives. Yes, Private?" "Sir, don't you mean 'excommunicate'?" "How dare you question your orders! Give me fifty pushups! Now... unless the rest of ya want to do the same, I ask that you listen attentively." All the cubs intently leaned forward a bit... "The Grand Pumbaa has declared gratuitous acts of open violence be imposed onto anyone who, out of their anarchy... have offended many, and have divided the church. These are the symptoms you need to be looking out for: Symptom 1: *ANYONE* who says "Unsuscribe me now!" Shall be immeadiately put to death. Symptom 2: Anyone who quotes an entire message-- ESPECIALLY a digest version-- only to do a one line comment... shall be immeadiately put to death. Symptom 3: Anyone who begins to talk about Titanic... Shall be tickled until they no longer laugh, then have acorns shoved up their nostrils... then immeadiately put to death. Symptom 4: Anyone who makes an extremely small statement, or comment... and leaves their huge sig. file attached... shall have their knuckles rapped with a ruler... and given a warning... and then if I fell like it... Immeadiately put to death. Now, there are others out there, but these are the ones to keep in mind. I'll point the others out when we get there. So, any questions so far?" "SIR YES SIR!" "What is it, Private?" "What about those who haven't been giving tithes and offerrings faithfully? what about them?" "That's TUESDAY! This is an emergency! The Grand Pumbaa's e-mail server is hanging by a thread! The hope for this newly founded country is in your hands! Besides... this is testing grounds for all of you. It's your first misson. Now... on with the briefing.." "Sir! we have no briefs, sir!" "That lame joke just made you owe me a HUNDRED PUSH-UPS! Anyone else care to try me??!!" Silence. "Good. Now, does everyone remember the policy for safely flushing out an offender out of a building??" A cub meekly raises a paw. "Yes, Soldier?" "Use the Furburner 2000 to set the building of fire?" "Correct! That way, none of your team mates can get hurt entering a building that could contain potential opponents. What's next?" "Then, you put the dog poop in front of the door..." "WRONG! 150 pushups! That was training! This is the real thing! You want us to just let them escape??!! NO, you kill them! And to do that, you use either a claymore mine, or an anti-tank mine, understood?" "Sir yes sir!!" "And don't forget to use those machine guns you have! They aren't just hanging there around your neck to act like a necklace!!" "SIr, YEs SIR!" "All right troops, It's off to the GripeMore Hotel! And remember... watch out for their Spam. NOW MOVE OUT!!" As the troops marched off, those that looked behind themselves, saw a Grand Pumbaa waving a hankerchief at them from his office in the bell tower... along with a chair glued to his rump. That was the day that all will remember. For some, they became heros among their friends... a cub: Whoa, CHeck out what Steve did!! For others, it was a day of sadness.... a day of lost friends... One of the cubs: OH MY GOD!! TIMMY!!! He's been Hit! He's Been SPAMMED! Timmy? TIMMY!!! Timmy: It's... It's the big one for me! Go... Save your-s-s-self... ...Others still, it was a day of joyous plunder!! a Cub named Conan: AH! LEWK, Ev'rrrreee Buddee! Fresh CoooookIEEEEES! Krom-- er, Simba-- be praised! Oh yeah... SOmething something... lamentation of women and all that, too. Hasta la VIsta Bay-beee!!!! ..For others still... An exhausted cub: "How many more push-ups we gotta do?" tHE eND =) The Cheetah Chronicler, -Rindimo --  The Tiger is made to kill and hunt, The Lion too, but more towards fight. The Leopards and Jaguars were made to climb, And Cheetahs made for earthly flight. But there is one creature of forgotten lore: Shrouded in mystery, be that it's trade, Of other virtues, it has all four- Respect the Puma, and what God made. -Rindimo E-mail Address: Rindimo@bellsouth.net *If you can read this, then I am still an eligible bachelor!*  Founder (and only member) of: The L.O.S.T.- C.A.U.S.E. (League Of Simplistic Technology- Causing All Unforseen Solutions Evident) K.I.S.S.: Keep It Simple, Stupid. (Long neglected scientific principle)