Subject: Kiara's PREGNANT?!?!? Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 01:15:56 -0500 From: Rindimo Organization: L.O.S.T.--C.A.U.S.E. To: TLK Mailing List . Here's a joke where the majority that will "get it" are the "old timers" of the list. I just couldn't resist this after doing a little reflecting upon some of the few CotPL that I have read. Oddly enough, the way this story is orchestrated reminds me of some early 1900's humorous short stories I have read. ...with my own twist, of course. ;) Kiara's Pregnant. By: "Dr." Rindimo Cheetah It had been a few weeks since the union of the two feuding prides had taken place, and Simba finally had begun to act his old self again, seeing his daughter Kiara was correct about the outlanders' demeanor. He sighed happily as he watched from the promontory of Pride Rock his little daughter finally participate in the evening hunt. With the pride inside him nearly making him explode, he cheered her on as he noticed she was finally closing in on a sickly wildebeest. All that time she spent with Kovu must had really helped her skills after all. With the dust settling, Simba roared with the most heavenly delight a father could possess for his daughter. He ran with the spring of a gazelle in his steps to congradulate Kiara for her first kill. Laughing, he pounced her with a tremendous hug, and licked her on the cheek. "Way to go, Kiara! I saw you from Pride Rock! I'm so proud of my little angel!" Kiara giggled as she pushed her father off playfully. "Thanks, daddy." Simba couldn't help but sit and smile into his daughter's eyes. It took him a moment to realise everyone was looking at him with expectant eyes. The confusion was but momentary. "Tonight, things are going to be a little different," Simba bashfully grinned. "Since this is Kiara's first kill, I believe she should deserve the honors of eating first tonight." A bunch of excited whispers wafted about the pride, as Kiara's face shone brighter than the sun. "Oh, daddy! Are you sure?" "Of course, Kiara. I'm the king. Whatever I says goes." "GREAT! I've never felt so hungry in my life!" Kiara promptly licked her chops, and started to tear into the soft underbelly of the fallen wildebeest with great vigor. The rest of the pride conversed and socialized as they waited their turn at tonight's entreé. Also, a few stragglers who weren't in this night's hunting excursion came from Pride Rock to also join in the festivities. Kovu, being one of them. "Not feeling hungry tonight, Simba?" Kovu smirked his quirky smirk while he gazed on lovingly at Kiara. "That's not how you are to address me, Kovu." Simba sternly gazed back at Kovu. Kovu shrank back and bowed in shame at King Simba. "Ha! Fooled you!" Simba pushed Kovu playfully, and laughed. "You need to hang out with Timon and Pumbaa some more, Kovu. Just because you're now a prince doesn't mean you can't joke around and have fun. Loosen up a little!" Kovu chuckled, and pushed Simba back. "Sorry Simba, I guess I still have a lot to learn." "Well tomorrow, we'll have some fun or something. If you don't, you'll go insane sooner or later." "Oh, me and Kiara have fun together all the time." Kovu made an embarrassed expression the minute he realised just how misconstrued that phrase could become. Simba also looked at Kovu with a look of concern. "I didn't mean it that way, er, I mean-- I didn't MEAN it to sound like I'm doing something you wouldn't approve. Um, I mean--" "I know what you're saying, Kovu. Don't worry yourself over silly mistakes like that. Just make sure you don't mean what I thought you meant, okay?" "You bet." Kovu smiled at the benevolent king before him. "One day, I hope to be a good king just like you, Simba." "Oh shut up and go eat something," Simba chuckled with a light tint of blush as he pushed Kovu towards the kill. "Don't mind if I do!" A very familiar voice nearly made both Simba and Kovu jump out of their skins. "Holy $#*T!!" Simba turned to see a grinning cheetah smiling beligerantly in his face. "Rindimo! What the hell are you doing here! I thought you left us for a good, long time-- d@mmit!" "OOh, new words!" Kovu enthusiastically acknowldged the use of the new cursing vocabulary. Rindimo turned to see a grown Kovu before him. "Egads! Kovu, is that you?" The lion nodded his head proudly. "You know Rindimo Cheetah?!?" Simba stared amazedly at Kovu whilst he coverred a puddle of liquid fright with the surrounding sand. "Sure! Him and mom would always go off on dates and stuff." "MMmmmmm, Yeah! Stuff..." Rindimo smirked to himself, and dreamily floated back to reality with a pressing question. "By the way, How is Zira-honey-buns doing lately?" Kovu hanged his head in sadness. "Oh. Oh, man! Oh geez..." Rindimo slung a forearm over Kovu, and tried to comfort him a bit. "Yes, well," Simba coughed between dry heaves, "knowing Rindimo was with your mother , he should leave now, to end the sad memories ." "No, that's okay," Kovu cheerily piped up, "I want Uncle Rindimo to hang around-- and meet Kiara!" "NO NO N--!!" "Kiara? You mean you got a girlfriend? Whoa, Kovu! Ho ho ho! You sly devil, you! So have you kissed her yet?" Kovu smirked as he looked away. "AHA! I knew it!" Simba gritted his teeth and started to count to ten. "So," Rindimo prodded, "Where is this little 'hotty' you've found?" "HEY! That 'Hotty' is my daughter!" Simba growled defensively at the cheetah. "OOh! Royal hotties! Even better!" Rindimo winked and nudged Kovu. "So where is she?" "That's Kiara with her head in the chest cavity of that wildebeest." "Hrm... Nice catch, Kovu!" "...But you don't know what her face looks like!" "Does it matter?" Rindimo laughed and elbowed a tensing Simba. "Ha ha! Just kidding, Simba ol' buddy!" The cheetah finaly clears his throat and settles out of his humorous mind frame. "So what's the occasion? How come Simba hasn't eaten first?" "It's my daughter's first kill!" Simba instantly replies with a puffed chest. "Oh, hey! Congrats, Simba! A celebration should be in order!" Rindimo slyly winked at Kovu without Simba's noticing. Kovu smirked back. "Oh, don't you worry, I've been planning for this special occasion for months!" Simba smiled. "OOh, I can't wait to get my invitation!" Rindimo clapped his front paws together. "Yes, well..." Simba cleared his throat, "It won't be tommorrow-- that's for sure. We'll need to gather food, organise some entertainment-- you know how it goes, don't you?" "Oh yes, of course!" "I was talking to Rindimo, Kovu..." "Hey, how long has Kiara been 'pigging out'?" Rindimo had an incredulous look about him as he gazed at Kiara. "You'd think she was eating for the whole pride!" "I don't know," Kovu mused, "She's been acting kind of strange, lately. I guess she's so hungry because of all the training she does before she hunts." "Oh, is that all?" Simba had that concerned look again. "No, not really," Kovu continued. "She's been kinda moody lately. She doesn't like to play tag all that often anymore either. She keeps running off saying she has to 'make water' or something." Kovu shrugged, "I thought that was just how girls were." "Hrm," Rindimo suspiciously mused as he turned his attention towards Kiara. "Well, kinda," Simba uneasily began, "I'll tell you-- uh-- when you get a little older." "Crud!" Kovu scowled a bit, "That's what Uncle Rindimo always said when I'd ask who my father was." "H-he knows!?" Simba frightfully looked at Kovu, and then at Rindimo-- who was examining Kiara's engorging technique-- unaware of the discussion at hand. "Yeah! He says both him and mom know. But I don't really care about it anymore. I just wish that you were my father, now." Kovu hugged a nervous Simba who shakily embraced him, with sweaty paws. "Egads! Kiara has got to be PREGNANT!" Everyone stopped what they were doing, and turned to see a cheetah in their midst pointing at Kiara with a bemused look upon his face. "WHAT!?" Kiara, Kovu, and Simba all shouted in unitary fear. "SURE!" Rindimo began to chuckle as he continued to point at Kiara's bloodied face with fragments of Wildebeest on her face, "She has to be pregnant! Can't you see she has the *LIGHTS* in her eyes!?!?!?" The End. ***Note: "Lights" was an old term used in the butcher shops earlier this century that meant nothing more than the lungs. Go figure. ;) -- -Rindimo Cheetah (rindimo@bellsouth.net) +Founder, and only member of L.O.S.T.-- C.A.U.S.E (League Of Simplistic Technology-- Creating All Unforeseen Solutions Evident) +FCOS Lost & Found Clerk ICQ # : 12915153 +Amateur Artist/Writer/Musician AOL IM : Rindimo1 +Bachelor ? <=7 Webpage: http://www.lionking.org/~rindimo/index.shtml + Honorable Member of the Pride Keepers. "One thing nothing can destroy, is our pride deep inside we are one!" ********************************************************************* Well don't stop. Whatever you do, don't stop. Because as soon as you stop, you're forgotten. - Mageuzi *********************************************************************