Subject: Re: TLK Purity Test! Date: Sun, 15 Feb 1998 23:48:34 -0800 From: Rindimo Reply-To: TLK-L@lionking.org Organization: L.O.S.T.-- C.A.U.S.E To: TLK-L@lionking.org Doug Muth wrote: > > I've been looking around the net, and I have yet to find any sort > of a "purity test" for The Lion King. So, I've been thinking of writing > one and putting it up on the web somewhere. > > Anyone have any thoughts/suggestions/flames on this? > > Thanks, > Looky what I found! (forgive me, FCoS members, I couldn't help it!) (Excerpt from the dead elephant graveyard scrolls): "And it was that the tlk fan became doubting in the validity of his knowledge, and sought out the wisdom of rafiki. and Rafiki didst ponder whether that which was downloaded was indeed holy. thus, rafiki sought council with the grand pumbaa. But to no avail didst they come to, for lo, they quarrelled over church merchandise. saddenned, and lost of face and heart, didst the tlk fan slink into the cellar, to drown his troubles.... But lo! suddenly, he didst stumble upon a step, and promptly tumulted beyond where a rail guide was supposed to have been built, had construction plans beenst carried outst. But indeed! for lo, it was an act guided by our holy simba, for there was a soft spot on the opposite side of the wall that the fan's head hath struck. what was concieved a stone in the mortar, was actually a book, covered in plaster, used as cheap building material. Upon further examination didst the fan discern the title of yon book, written in the script of ancient "chicken scratch": "Burn, Baby, Burn! The Inquisition: What it can do for you, and your Lion King Troubles, You Sick Wing-nut!" Didist I just hearist yon angels sing, and percieve light of shaft shine upon yon fan? and thusly didst the book read: "Chapter one: Fire- The pyromaniac's way out. If concerning whether what thou ownst is the true thing, and thou art surely doubtful, then thou shouldst set aflame the material in question. If it burns, it was evil, If it survives, it is truly a holy article, or was made of asbestos. (Warning: the publishers of this book shall not be held accountable shouldst thou be dumbest enough to do this in thine house.) Chapter two: Loopholes in yer conscience- the weasel's way out. okay, thou dost not wanteth to burn. fine. If thou hast downloaded a picture, and is unsure of, then turn off thine computer after saving it, and turn thine computer back on to view it, saying, "If this truly is an act of Disney, then may the picture remain on my hard drive, and may there be no crashes of the hard drive so long as its here." There, ist thou jovial now? If this truly is not a logical means of deriving proof, and a means to wiggle out of ye olde lawsuits by claiming religious beliefs, then may this book be turned into cheap plastered building material!" --  The Tiger is made to kill and hunt, The Lion too, but more towards fight. The Leopards and Jaguars were made to climb, And Cheetahs made for earthly flight. But there is one creature of forgotten lore: Shrouded in mystery, be that it's trade, Of other virtues, it has all four- Respect the Puma, and what God made. -Rindimo E-mail Address: Rindimo@bellsouth.net *If you can read this, then I am still an eligible bachelor!*  Founder (and only member) of: The L.O.S.T.- C.A.U.S.E. (League Of Simplistic Technology- Causing All Unforseen Solutions Evident) K.I.S.S.: Keep It Simple, Stupid. (Long neglected scientific principle)