Subject: [pkeepers_l] Star Warped Date: Wed, 06 Oct 1999 00:51:49 -0500 From: Rindimo Cheetah Reply-To: pkeepers_l@towi.net Organization: L.O.S.T.--C.A.U.S.E. To: TLK Mailing List , "pkeepers_l@towi.net" . You have no idea just how special this post is, do you? Of course you don't. But since you're going to read this, I might as well tell you what it is. This is the 100th Rindimo Parody! Yes, I have posted exactly 100 Parodies/poems/other things to this neat-o fandom! Scary, isn't it? And here you all are, to witness this glorious event! ;) Just so you know, this is only the first part of my whole huge "celebration parody." (I must now work on part 2) And what better idea, than to be the one to actually undertake the one parody many have talked about, but none have ever done? ;) Behold! The fabled The Lion King/ Star Wars crossover! Star Warped Episode One: The Feline Menace By: Master Jedi Rindimo Cheetah ;) A long, long time ago in a savannah Far, far away.... TLK is played by Star Wars Characters! Here is who's who: TLK = Parody = SW Mufasa= Darthfasa= Darth Vader Scar= Takka the Hut= Jabba the Hut Sarabi= Amidabi= Queen Amadali Simba= Limba Skyhawker= Luke Skywalker Nala= Princess Lala Skyhawker= Princess Leia Rafiki= Roda= Yoda Sarafina= Maulafina= Darth Maul Timon= Tim Molo= Hans Solo Pumbaa= Pumbaaka the Whoopie= Chewbakka the Wookie Shenzi= Shmenzi= Shmi Bonzai= Bobba-zai= Bobba fett Ed= E2D2= R2D2 Zazu= Z-3PO'ed= C-3PO Characters not from the TLK Movie, but make a cameo appearance: The two Rith Lords-- Rindimo Cheetah= Rin Din Gin = Qui Gon Jin Nbowa Lion= X-tra Lon Nbowbi= Obi Wan Kenobi Star Warped Terms for your enlightenment: The Sith Lords= The Rith Lords= The sith Lords The Jedi= The Redi= The Jedi And Remember: Darth Maul is the Sarafina of Star Wars!!! ;) **** Every creature in the galaxy was summoned by the Empire to behold the birth of a cub that the farce was strong with. Amongst the crowd of creatures appeared the shamaan to bless this little cub of destiny. As Roda walked down the path leading to Coruscant Rock, he mumbled to himself. "Too old he is all ready! This I know! Too late to teach him the way of the Redi, he is! Yes, HRMMM!" As the green, wrinkled, blue-butted Roda floated to the top of Coruscant Rock, the proud parents were there to greet him: Darthfasa, and Amadabi. "It's about time " Darthfasa commented. "See how fast you walk when three hundred, you should!" Roda retorted. "The boy this is, Yes HRMMM?" A little cub lay in Queen Amadabi's arms. "Yes, it is he." She confirms. "Very well, get this over, we shall." Roda nodded his head, and proceeded to bless the child. Some homemade stew smeared across the baby's head, some dirt, and a little staff shaking finished the job, as Roda then used the power of the farce to lift the child in midair, and have him float off the promontory of Coruscant Rock. All the people of the Galaxy cheered. At least, that's what they thought.... **** A little mouse skittered across the floor of a cave in search of food for it's new litter of young. Though the search was fruitless, the little mouse was content. Happily, it groomed itself, as it began to think of what next to do that day. WHUMP! what appears to be a large tentacle suddenly falls ontop of the vermin, and brings it to the huge, grotesque, and hungry face of Takka the Hut. "Life no fair, huh? Huh huh huh! Ho ho ho!" With relish, Takka the Hut grabs the mouse from his tail, and throws it into his mouth. A few crunches, and the mouse is swallowed down. "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with your food?" It was none other than the Majordomo to Darthfasa, Z-3PO'ed. "What you want, bantha poo poo?" "I'm here to announce that Darthfasa is on his way, so you'd better have a good excuse for missing the ceremony." "OOO! Me quiver with fear! Ho ho ho!" Takka the hut licked his lips and began to slither towards Z-3PO'ed. "Now Takka... Uh Takka! Put me down! I'm inedible! HELP! My circuits are being shorted out!" "Huh huh huh! Ho ho ho!" "TAKKA! " "Huh?" "Drop the protocol droid," Darthfasa commanded Takka the Hut obeyed, and spit Z-3PO'ed at a metal gong that was sitting nearby. Somewhere off in the distance, podracers could be heard driving away... "Why it big brother, Darthfasa! Say hello to Bantha fodder!" Darthfasa took a deep breath. "Queen Amadabi and I didn't see you at the Presentation of Limba Skyhawker. " "Dat today? Oh boo-hoo! Me feel bad! Huh huh huh! Ho ho ho! Me forget! Ha ha ha!" "Yes, well," Z-3PO'ed began, "As slippery as your fat butt may be, as the king's brother, you should have been first in line!" "Me was first in line! Until little poo poo born!" "That 'poo poo' is my son ," Darthfasa interrupted, "and your future king! " "Me go practice curtsy." "Don't point your fat butt to me, Takka the hut! " "Bah! Poo poo!" Darthfasa raises his paw, and begins to close it, while concentrating on Takka the hut's jugular. "Is that a challenge?" "GAK! Me no challenge you! You not tasty enough!" Darthfasa gave a pitious sigh, and let Takka the Hut go. "What am I ever to do with him? " "He'd make a lovely garbage scow," Z-3PO'ed chimed in. "Perhaps," Darthfasa kweeped out of his helmet. **** The years went by, and Limba grew to be a healthy young cub, full of life, and ready to whine at a moment's notice. "DA-AD!" Limba whined one particular morning, "You Promised!" "Huh? Wha? oh yeah... Fine! Follow me. " Limba followed his father to the top of Coruscant Rock to behold a beautiful sunrise. "Look, Limba! Everywhere the light touches, our Empire has a tentacle in it! " "Wow! And this'll all be mine?" "Some day, when my time comes. " "WHAT? But I want to rule it _NOW_," Limba whined. "No. Wait your turn. " "But DA-AD!" "I SAID NO! " Dejected, Limba looked off towards a distant shadowy place. "Well," he whined, "what about that distant shadowy place?" "We don't give a dead rat's @$$ about that place. Stay away from it. " "BUT DA-AD!" Darthfasa began to clech his fist... "Okay, okay! I'll be quiet!" Limba whined. **** Takka the Hut sat in the shade gnawing on what was left of another unlucky creature. He happily spied Z-3PO'ed walking underneath him. The bone flew quickly in the direction of the majordomo Protocol droid. BONK! "Good heavens! What the hell was that!?" "Ha ha ha! "Takka laughed to himself, as he leaned over to grab a rock... WHAP! "OUCH! D@MMIT!!! Who's doing that!!??" "Ho ho ho!" "Hey Uncle Takka!" A whiny voice shouted. "Whuh?" Limba ran up to Takka and bounced around. "Guess what?" "Aw, me busy! Go away!" "I'm going to be king of Coruscant Rock!" "Yeah yeah, whoop dee doo. " "Hey, what'll that make you, Uncle Takka?" "Big fat worm. " "Ha ha! You're so wierd!" "Yeah yeah, whoop dee doo. So you see all galaxy?" "No... dad wouldn't let me see that distant shadowy place." "Good. Stay away from Tatooine shipyard. It mine." "A what? Ooh! Neat!" "Yeah. Go away before me eat you." Limba happily obliged as he ran off towards his mother, who just so happened to be talking to her friend, Maulafina. And it just so happened, that Maulafina was there grooming her own cub, Princess Lala Skyhawker-- Limba's friend and half-sister. "Hey Lala," Limba happily greeted, "I just heard about this really cool place!" "Limba! I'm kinda getting my butt licked right now..." "So," Queen Amadabi spoke up, "where is this really cool place?" "Oh! Uhm..." Limba thought real hard. "Around the Death Star!" "The Death Star!?" Lala asked. What's possibly over there?" "I'll show you when we get there..." Limba whispered. "Pervert! I'm your sister!" "No! I didn't mean that!" "Oh." Lala turned to her mother. "Mom, can I go with Limba?" "At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi!" Maulafina cackled. Both the cubs sighed at the only line Maulafina got to say in this parody, and turned to Amadabi. "It's all right by me," She shrugged, "Though I don't condone acts of ruckus that will lead to boo boos. Z-3PO'ed will go with you." "WHAT!?" Limba began to whine until he saw his mom start to clench her fist... "Never mind." "Good," Amadabi smiled, "I'm glad we could reach a negotiation." **** "Step lively now," Z-3PO'ed commanded, "The sooner we can get to the Death Star, the sooner we can leave." "So where are we really going?" Lala asked. "Tatooine shipyard." "WOW! "SHH!" "Oops," Lala giggled. "SO how're we going to ditch the MMX?" As the two children whisperred to themselves, Z-3PO'ed mistook their plans to be love talk. "Oh just look at you two," He chimed in, "Little seeds of Romance blossoming in the savannah. Your parents will be thrilled! What with your being betrothed and all." "WHAT!?" The two children screamed. "One day you two are going to be married!" "Don't you dare even say anything, Limba!" Lala scoffed as she ran ahead of a grinning Limba. "What? Lions don't have a problem with it! W-wait! Princess Lala! Come back!" Z-3PO'ed ran after an angry Lala, who just so happened to cross a road. WHAM! A group of podracers run into Z-3PO'ed with no warning, and he is scattered across the racetrack. "POODOO!" Shouted a disgruntled podracer as he climbed out of his destroyed machine. "All right Lala!" Limba shouted as he ran up to her. "That worked a lot better than what we planned!" "Of course," She sighed, "There'd be no way in hell a musical would work." The two children laughed as they headed off to the tatooine shipyard. **** The shipyard was a scary place filled with sharp objects, and broken Nabooian Hyper drives. here and there, a pocket of old rocket fuel would burst into flames, due to faulty wiring of the special effects team. Both the skyhawker kids thought it was cool. As they walked through the hazy area, a giant robot head loomed before them. "OOh," Lala oohed, "Do you think it's brains are still in there?" "If it's anything like you," Limba retorted, "We should look in it's butt!" Suddenly, the whole area burst out with maniacle laughter as three creatures loomed out of the giant head. "Well well well," Said the lady, "WHat do we have here, Bobba-zai?" "Yeh tu, Shmenzi. Ghet'toh, E2-D2?" The helmetted bounty hyena turned to face another hyena waddling around with a funky looking trash can over his head. "BEEP BEEP BEEP!" E2-D2 shouted. "Wait up! Wait up!" Everyone turned to see who said that. It was none other than Z-3PO'ed hopping towards the group on one leg, while he carried the other. "Sorry I'm late. Traffic." "Where were we?" Shmenzi asked." "BEEP BEEP BEEP!" Shouted E2D2 "Oh Yeah." The trio of the Shipyards growled, and faced the trio of the Empire and growled. "GRRR! " "My my! Look at the atomic clock! It's time to go!" Z-3PO'ed shouted as he started to hobble back towards the direction of Coruscant Rock. Quickly, Limba and Lala ran away, while Shmenzi and her gang crashed through Z-3PO'ed-- sending him to pieces all over again. For a while, it seemed the kids had lost their pursuers-- until they came to a dead end. "See, Lala? This is the Robot's butt!" But Limba couldn't get the last laugh. The hyenas found them, and they were trapped between teeth, and a lard place. Desperate, Limba started to close his hand, and concentrated on Shmenzi's jugular. "OOH!" she giggled. "That tickled! Do it again!" Limba tried harder. "HEY!" Shmenzi shouted as she ran up and slapped Limba, "Watch what you're groping!" Suddenly, a light saber cut through a wall, and Darthfasa appeared. Though the Hyenas fired their laser pistols at him, he deflected all their shots away, and even cause a few to hit the hyenas back. "D@mnit! He's too good!" Shmenzi shouted as the trio ran off in defeat. "Dad!" Limba shouted as he ran up to greet his father. "I KNEW you were the cause of this great disturbance in the farce! " "Dad, I--" "Let's go home! " **** It was a quiet, terror-ridden walk back to Coruscant Rock for the young ones. Even more for Limba, once his father ordered that Z-3PO'ed would take Lala home, so Darthfasa could teach his son a lesson. "Limba, I'm very dissapointed in you! You could've been killed, and what's worse, you put Lala in danger! Not to mention, you stil haven't succumbed to the power of the Dark Side of the Farce. " "I was just trying to be like you," Limba whined. "Really?" "Nah. I'd have to wear a bucket over my head to do that." "Limba,I'm going to punish you like my father punished me. Hold out your hand." Limba complied, wondering just how bad of a rap on the knuckles he was going to get this time. ZZZZZT! Darthfasa used his light saber to cut off Limba's hand. "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Limba whined. "Sorry," Darthfasa explained, "I didn't have a ruler on HAND. Ha ha! Get it? HAND? " "You're not my father!" Limba shouted. "Stop your whining! We'll get you a nice robot hand. You'll be good as new. " "But it'll never be the same!" "Of course! This is punishment, you cry baby!" **** Back at the Tatooine Shipyard, things were just as painful. "Man that lousy Darthfasa! I'll tell him where he can stick that Light Saber next time!!" "BEEP BEEP BEEP!" "Shut up, E2D2!" "Huh huh huh! Ho ho ho!" The Hyena trio turn to look at a large sillohuette ontop of a big pile of junk laughing at them. "Ha ha! Look at stupid poo poo heads! You no good for what me want! Bah! Me want cubs medium rare!" "Yehk, wopf muffag, Takka," Bobba-zai said. "Whut he say?" "YEHK, WOPF MUFFAG, TAKKA!" "Me still no understand..." Bobba-zai growled as he pulled his helmet off. " I *SAID* you can kiss our A--" "Never mind," Takka the Hut interrupted, "put helmet back on!" "So what do we do now?" Shmenzi asked. "Order Pizza. Me hungry!" "No!" Shemzi cried, "I mean, what to do about those meddlesome kids, and Bucket head over there?" "Oh. Hrmmm...." Suddenly, E2D2 beeped furiously. "Yeah," Takka commented, "What he said." "Hrm, that does SOUND good! Ha! Get it? SOUND?" Bobba-zai chortled. "Poo poo head!" Takka chastised. "Okay, we do what 'Beep beep' say over there. Talk to you later." "Wait!" Takka the Hut turned his attention towards the shouting Shmenzi. "What about a song for us?" "Me no think you really deserve song, but here goes: Me know dat me lower intestine, Is whet, for a good salad! But nice as dat sounds, beef is me confection. And birds taste like Colnel Sander's Insides. It clear from fragrant elicitations, The chihuahua is near somewheres, And the pizza girl got me invitation, So me eat them when un-aware! So be prepared, for once in the oven! Prepare the veal in sauce of cream! An empty plate now, seem not too far now And where you feature? Bring me wine in picher! Duck bills discarded, pig greased and larded At last me drink yoo-hoo. And this juice just delicious like pear, Eat Meat Rare!" "Never mind," Shmenzi shudderred. "Hey, you asked for it! Me go now." And with that, Takka the Hut slithered out of the tattoine Shipyard, and into the night. **** The morning light shone brightly. Bright and hot. Deep in a gorge, a very large figure and an very small one could be seen from afar by the resident vultures. "Uncle Takka! It's hot out here!" Limba Whined. "When will I get to see this surprise? WHEN?" "Okay, me really hate you now." "Hate me? But WHY?!?!?" "Here, stay on this rock, and me go get surprise." "Okay, but--" "NO BUTS!" "All right," Limba sighed. Happily, Takka slithered away with visions of Prince patties dancing in his head. It wasn't an easy climb out of the gorge, especially for a huge fat worm thing. But the thought of dashing Limba's body to bits, and Darthfasa along with him made it all worth it. The joy he contained could hardly be hidden, as he finally made it to the base of Pride Rock. "Oh Darthfasa! Limba in big poo poo!" "Now what? " Darthfasa quipped with a rather annoyed edge in his voice. "Limba in gorge! Pod racers headed that way!" "Well, why didn't you do something then, instead of coming to me!? " "Uh... Um... Me not know..." Darthfasa gave the most sickening gutteral growl Takka the Hut ever heard as he began to head off in the direction of the gorge. "I hate it when I have to play the good guy and save him," he grumbled. **** Limba was bored out of his skull. Nothing could be worse than just sitting on a rock waiting for some stupendous surprise. Well, maybe getting killed, but we'll consider that at a later time. The fact remains that Limba was bored to the point of comatose, when he noticed a Tribble crawling along the ground. "A Tribble!?" Limba exclaimed, "They don't belong here! What *idiot* is writing the script to this story?" After thinking about it for a while, Limba remembered who was writing the script, and was filled with immense fear for his life. But having the attention span like he did, Limba quickly forgot about that (...Little rotten bugger!), and ran off to investigate the Tribble. "Grrrroar!" He groared at the tribble fiercely! But sadly, Tribbles couldn't care less-- even if they were being run over by a steam roller. So Limba decided to practice his powers that dealt with the mystical Farce. Concentrating fiercely, Limba tried to envision the furry tribble crushing like an aluminum can. Tens of minutes he stood there, hoping that sooner or later the tribble would suddenly crush and die. Either that, or he'd suffer an aneurism. The tribbled continued on its slow path to the wall of the gorge much to Limba's dismay. "Hey, come back here!" Limba shouted, as he followed suit after the tribble. **** "Limba! LIIIMMMMBAAA! LIMBA! GET YOUR @$$ OVER HERE! " Darthfasa called without success as he trudged down the middle of the gorge. "Takka, do you see antything from up there?" Takka the Hut was slithering along the top of the gorge wall scanning for any sign of Limba as well. "Me no see little poo poo either! This stink!" Takka gritted his teeth angrily, and whispered under his breath. "Me even told him to stay on d@mn rock!!" "Well, keep looking..." Darthfasa kweeped. As the two continued to trudge along the gorge, a faint sound could be heard coming towards them. "Do you hear that?" Darthfasa asked as he quickened his pace. "Yeah! Me hope it Limba," Takka happily replyed. "Me hope me hope me hope!" As the two rounded a corner, Takka squealed in joy as he saw a giant group of podracers head toward Darthfasa... **** "GOTCHYA!" Limba happily squealed, as he continued to belt the Tribble into a bloody pulp with a rather large rock from the gorge floor. Suddenly, in midstroke, Limba looked down the gorge to see a group of podracers headed his way. "Cool!" he shouted. Limba watched from a safe distance on the side of the gorge floor, as the podracers zoomed past him with terrifying speed. A few more seconds staring in the direction the racers went, and Limba returned to his Tribble-pulping fiesta. Finally, a half hour later, Limba became tired, and suddenly, tribble beating was no longer any more fun. Seeing he's waited far longer than he normally would, Limba justified his return back to Coruscant Rock in a heart beat. As he began to turn one particular bend in the gorge, Limba's ears suddenly detected loud cursing. His expectations of a podracing crash ran high, as he ran towards the ever increasing swearing. What he saw next, would shock him. A Dud was beating Darthfasa with the few surviving parts of his podracer! Limba hid behind a rock, as he watched the extremely irate racer continue to vent his anger on a smashed-up Darthfasa. Finally, two hours later, the Dud did his worst, and with one last "POODOO!", he went his way. **** "DAD!" Limba shouted as he ran to his wheezing father, "What happened!?" "You're what happened!" Darthfasa Growled. "I knew I should have just let the Podracers run over you!" "But... but Uncle Takka said there was a surprise down here for me!" "He did? Crap! I should have known! That ugly worm has been trying to kill me for years! " Darthfasa gave a sad sigh. "I feel he finally succeeded this time... Look, Limba-- do me a favor will you?" "Um.... Okay..." "Will you take this darn helmet off my head so I can see you with my own eyes? " "Sure, I guess so..." Limba carefully unbolted the helmet, and cast it aside the old Rith Lord. "Um.... On second thought... Put the helmet back on." "DAD!" "Sorry... Well this favor was a bust. Can I ask another favor?" "I guess so," Limba shakily answerred. "Let me give you something to remember me by. here, hold out your other hand..." "NO!" Limba shouted. "Aw, come on, son! Okay, how about just a finger, then? I'll just cut off a little finger... Or how about a leg? Huh? HUH? What do you say? " Suddenly, from out of nowhere came a large boulder that crushed Darthfasa not unlike a tribble. "Ha! Me win! Ho ho ho! Ha ha ha!" "Uncle Taka!" Limba exclaimed, "Did you just kill my father?" "Yeah," Takka the Hut chuckled, "FINALLY!" "But... but WHY?" "Simple. Me couldn't eat you while he was still alive." Taka began to lick his lips as he started to slither towards Limba. "Oh yeah, and now me can rule Coruscant Rock, too!" "I'M TELLING!!!!" Limba shouted as he ran with all his might towards Coruscant Rock. "Hey, you three!" Takka shouted towards the hyena Trio, "Stop him!" **** Tracking Limba was all too easy for the hyena trio. I mean, what other moron in a gorge would keep screaming after he hid behind a rock? "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I'LL DO ANYTHING! *ANYTHING!*" Limba whined with all his might as the hyenas restrained him from escape. "If you'd stop wetting yourself, we just might consider it," Shmenzi growled. That sort of helped the situation. "Shouf Weg Ka Hem?" Bobba-zai asked. "What!?" "SHOUF WEG KA HEM!?" "Oh," Shmenzi acknowledged, "'Should we kill him?' I'm still considering it. Hrm... I GUESS we don't HAVE to kill him..." "BEEP BEEP BEEP!" "Yeah," Shmenzi replied to E2D2's suggestion, "We could do that, instead." All three nodded in agreement. "Okay, kid!" Shmenzi chuckled, "We'll let you live, but ONLY if you can catch a snipe!" "A snipe? What's that?" "It's a very illusive creature. It lives off in the east, in a remote jungle. If you can catch it, you're off the hook." "Oh! Okay!" Shmenzi grinned evilly. "WELL? What are you waiting for???" "Oh yeah!" Limba shouted in alarm as he started to run off into the sunset. "Du Ya Thag Eh Wi Falc Fa Rit?" Bobba-zai asked. "Of course he'll fall for it!" Shmenzi chuckled. "He's the son of Darthfasa, for crying out loud!" And with that, the Hyena trio laughed heartily. **** That night, amidst all the mourning for the loss of Limba, and Darthfasa, Takka the Hut threw a huge party for him and his minions as he usurped the throne. He claimed it was to boost moral. --To be continued in Episode Two! ;) -- -Rindimo Cheetah (rindimo@bellsouth.net) +Founder, and only member of L.O.S.T.-- C.A.U.S.E (League Of Simplistic Technology-- Creating All Unforeseen Solutions Evident) +FCOS Lost & Found Clerk ICQ # : 12915153 +Amateur Artist/Writer/Musician AOL IM : Rindimo1 +Bachelor ? <=7 Webpage: http://www.lionking.org/~rindimo/index.shtml + Honorable Member of the Pride Keepers. "One thing nothing can destroy, is our pride deep inside we are one!" ********************************************************************* Well don't stop. Whatever you do, don't stop. Because as soon as you stop, you're forgotten. - Mageuzi *********************************************************************