Subject: Zira, Warrior Lioness. ;) Date: Sun, 25 Jul 1999 23:58:13 -0500 From: Rindimo Cheeta Organization: L.O.S.T.--C.A.U.S.E. To: ziranscar@webtv.net BIG RINDIMO DISCLAIMER: Much is implied, Little is spoken. But be of good discretion, Else innocence be broken. In other words, if you want to retain a clean mindset, don't read these horrrid, raunchy stories. ;) Besides, it's a Rindimo story. What more could I say? YOU HAVE BEEN FOREWARNED. >;p' Zira, Warrior Lioness Written by Rindimo, The "Too Friendly" Cheetah. ;) It was the normal, cool morning that confronted each day. The mist acted as a blanket for the sleepy little meadow, while the sun slowy arose to pull the covers off, and waken the land to a new day. A fire barely lasted the night out, and almost inaudible cracklings would whisper out of the shining coals. Two figures slowly begin to toss and turn, as the sun's rays pry their eyes open as gently as it did with the morning mist. One fine sandy haired maiden sat up, and stretched lithely, and cheerily. The other dark haired maiden grunted as she strapped her sword onto her awesome hips. "C'mon, Vitannielle, I'm sick of these cheery woods. Let's hurry up and make it to the next village so I can kill something." "Ugh, Mother!" "Call me Zira-- Warrior Lioness!" "Mother. What's wrong with cheery woods? We're getting back to nature! We can forget the troubles of civilization, and write songs, and poetry and--" "Screw it! How am I supposed to make you into a killing machine if you keep doing that other wussy stuff?" "Mother!" "Call me Zira!" "Whatever! Look, I whack things with a big stick. Isn't that enough?" "NO! You're not a true warrior until you chew your enemy's heart out while he's still alive!" "God, you're so anti-social!" "No, I'm not! By the way, do you think my skirt is too short?" "No, not really..." "Oh," Zira said as she pulled it up a notch, "There we go." "You're such a show-off, mother!" "Oh, shut-up, and let's get going." And so it was that Zira and Vitannielle traversed towards the nearest village. Over rocks, they romped. Over streams they strode, and over cow pies they crossed. It was indeed a long trek in the days before mass transit. "Mother, how much longer 'til we get there? My feet are killing me." "What!? I thought you were leading?" "ME!? You're the one that wanted to go to the d@mn village in the first place!" "This is the last time we walk side-by-side..." But it was then that our two heroines heard a great clamor arise off in the distance, just on the other side of a dense leg of trees. Smoke could also be seen billowing above the cries of unfortunate souls. "D@MN YOU, VITANNIELLE! SEE?? We should've left earlier! Now we're missing all the action!" With a loud "YI YI YI YI YI!!!!", Zira leapt from the brush, and into a scene of terror. Everywhere, townspeople were screaming, as little balls of fur attached themselves to them, and started to eat them alive! Deftly, Zira snatched one of the creatures off of a victim, and bit its head off. Chewing thoughfully, she watched on as another wave of the furry creatures came into town. "GAK! These things taste horrible! They need to DIE!" And with that, Zira pulled out her huge sword, and joyously began hacking away. "Mother!" Vitannielle shouted as she carefully bandaged each creature she knocked unconcious, "Shouldn't we check and make sure that these creatures aren't on the endangered species list?" "Believe me, Vitannielle, this isn't the work of Nature. Some putzy Greek Mythilogical god is behind all of this!" "Oh," Vitannielle realized as she finished handing out lollypops to a few of the creatures. With Zira on the scene, it didn't take long before all the creatures ran away, and she was stuck bashing whatever remained with a lead pipe. Suddenly, from out of the heavens shone a semi- ephereal glare of light! "MY FURBIES!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY PRECIOUS FURBIES!?!?!?" A figure shouted as he materialized before zira's eyes. "Who are you, flyboy?" Zira nonchalantly growled as she continued to flail one of the furbies with a giant tree trunk. "Stop it! STOP IT!" Whined the lion as he raced towards the dying furby. "My little ones," he wept, "I came too late for you! WAAAAH!" "It's okay," comforted Vitannielle. "Here, have a cookie. As soon as you eat it, you'll feel all better." "Hey, thanks," Sniffled the Dark-maned lion. "Who are you!?" Growled Zira. The Dark maned lion composed himself, and with a scarred eye looked on to Zira.... and then rested his eyes on her face. "I am Lord Scarries-- God over small vermin." "So you're responsible for all of this.... this carnage!?" "Yes," he sighed, "I am. I was in my Heavenly pet store up on Mount Olympous, when I accidentally bumped one of the cages open. If I don't collect the remaining Furbies, and get them back to their cages, there's going to be some nasty overhead!" Zira eyed the handsome Lion before her, then looked back at his face to reply to him. "Well... you look cute enough... Sure, we'll help." "You fill your armour pretty well yourself, Miss Zira." "Make me blush again, and you're dead." "Great," Vitannielle mused as the trio began to leave the tattered village, "Now we're off to go kill some more poor creatures!" "Thanks for saving us, Zira!" Shouted the few living village people. "Yeah, yeah, don't make me give you the bird," Zira replied as she started off into the forrest. ***** On the other side of the forrest loomed a massive force of warrior cheetahs, dressed in the most fearsome of armor. They surrounded an immense, and heavily defended castle, where down in a dark dungeon, trapped in a chamber, were the remaining furbies. Every now and again, the prison guard would throw some poor prisoner into the chamber to feed their voracious appetite. That's what you get when you think Whinnie the Pooh is better than The Lion King. Up above the carnage in the basement, in one of the highest towers overlooking his huge army, was Lord Rindimo Cheetah. Ruler of the Phut Kingdom. Minions of rulers have learned to fear his genious, and diabolical intellect. No matter what, he is paid with the greatest respect for fear of instant death being administered if he doesn't like you. Only his trusted aides can tell him if he has some food wedged between his teeth. "Ah, at last! Another evil, diabolical plot has come to fruition!" Rindimo cackled. "Oh, I see you've been practicing your evil laugh, Lord Rindimo," Commented an aide. "Why, of course! The only thing more evil than actually being evil, is being SHALLOW-LY evil!" "Oh, sir..." an aide pointed to his mouth. "Yes? OH!" Rindimo quickly used a claw to scrape some of his last meal out from behind a huge, menacing canine tooth. "MMm! Mom sure makes some good minestrone! Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes! As soon as this second batch of Furbies stops breeding, we'll launch another wave onto the next available village of some other neighboring kingdom! Hee hee hee! This is going SO much better than that Tribble escapade last year! Only... these furbies taste nasty..." "I'm sure, sir," comforted another aide, "But now with others knowing we have these Furbies, won't Zira try and stop his royal spotted-ness?" "I'm positive she'll try and stop me," Rindimo growled as he scanned the horizon, "She always shows up consecutively, on a weekly basis anyway." ***** Even as the astoundingly handsome Lord Rindimo Cheetah spoke, Zira Warrior Lioness returned from a scouting foray near the edge of the forrest. "I knew it! Rindimo has been using the Furbies for his own evil plot!" Zira hissed. "Who's Rindimo?" Lord Scarries asked. "Aside from being her arch-nemisis, mom says he's got a cute butt." "Vitannielle!" "What!?" "So how are we going to get my furbies back?" "Don't you have some sort of godly powers?" Vitannielle asked. "I can throw hairballs great distances, and I'm a certified public accountant for the Gods." "Riiiiiiiiight...." Zira commented. "Look," Scarries countered, "I'll summon my cashier, and stock boy. We can take the cheetah army head on, combined with your forces." "No, no," Zira spoke up, "you'd be better at creating a distraction, while me and Vitannielle sneak past the guards." "I dissagree," Scarries objected, "I'm still a god, and I deserve something better than just being a distraction." "Whatever! You're all ready distracting me right now from killing something!" "Look, the only way we're ever going to reach an agreement," Lord Scarries surmised, "Is if we negotiate it peaceably, like two mature adult warriors, here." "Fine with me," Snorted Zira. "Vitannielle, would you excuse us?" "Why can't I join?" "Because you're too young! This is important business," Zira chastised as her and Lord Scarries walked off towards a secluded grove of trees. Vitanni slumped down on the ground, and tried to write some poetry as she waited out the negotiations. ***** "Pardon me, while I get comfortable," Lord Scarries coughed. "Oh, no trouble at all. Do you mind if I do so, too?" "Not at all!" "So where were we?" "About the situation at hand..." Zira lithely hissed. "Oh yes! I say we expose our flanks..." "Ohhh?" "MMm-hmmm, and then, while the two strong arms attack--" "OOh!" "--I say we send our combined forces to meet head on-- straight down the middle!" "OOoh, I see your POINT!" "It's a good one, I hope?" "Oh, yes! Most definitely! More!" "Now here where there's these two large hills," "YES? YES?" "Here's where we'll keep our eyes and ears," "Yes, oh yes!" "And when the moment's right--" "Yes?" "We DIVIDE.." "YES!" "..and CONQUER!" "YES, OH GOD, YES!!!" "We'll HIT THE ENEMY WITH GREAT FORCE!" "OH GOD! OH GOD! YES! OH GOD!" "We'll SHAKE him TO THE BONES!" "OH! OH! OH! OH MY GOD! OH! OOOOOOHHHHH UUUUGH!!!! UGH!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHGGGGG!!! RRRR!!! YESSS!!!! OH GOD! OH! MORE! UUUGGGHHH!!!! GIMME MOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEE!!! OH MY GOD! MORE!! YES YES YES YES YES YES AH-YIIIIII YI YI YI YI YI!!!!!!!!" "Oh," Lord Scarries panted, "You are wonderful to work with, Zira, warrior lioness!" "Your suggestions helped soften my own stand, Lord Scarries. and for that, I am greatful." "I bet you are. We really should negotiate more often." "Yes, lets! Say... in about thirty more minutes?" "Sure! Now let's not keep Vitannielle waiting..." ***** "...Cripes!" shouted out an impatient Lord Rindimo Cheetah, "What's taking her so long?!?" ***** Sheepishly, Zira and Lord Scarries reappeared a few minutes later, fumbling with their armour, and weapons. "Man, what the heck were you two doing over there?" Vitanni asked. "It sounded like you were uprooting the forrest with a hernia!" "We reached an agreement," Scarries replied. "Yes, we'll just use the back door, as always," Zira explained with a wink in Lord Scarries direction. "It took fifteen minutes to come up with THAT?" "Uhm... we're wasting time," Scarries proclaimed, "Let's get a move-on." Carefully, Zira, Scarries, and Vitannielle sneaked up to the secluded back door of Phut Castle. Two huge, overpowering cheetah guards stood like stone obelisks guarding the screen door. "Wait here," whispered Zira, "I'll take care of those two." "No, it's too dangerous!" Scarries cautioned. "She knows what she's doing," Vitannielle dryly remarked. Without warning, Zira shouted a war cry as she dropped down off of the roof above the entrance, and landed between both of the guards. Quickly, she gripped the throat of the guard on her left, and gritted her teeth as she preceeded to choke him. The guard smiled as he looked at Zira, and gave her a wink. Zira winked back in acknowledgement, and the guard let himself fall limp to the ground. Taking his cue, the other guard suddenly dropped his spear to the ground and exclaimed, "Oh my. Look out, it's Zira-- warrior lioness. I had better get out of here before she kills me just like my friend here." And with a wink, the remaining guard preceeded to trot off into the forrest. "That was too easy!" Lord Scarries commented as he and Vitannielle crawled out from under the bushes. "No, I just make it LOOK easy," corrected Zira. "Now come on, so we can go after Lord Rindimo Cheetah!" ***** "Ah, Zira! I've been expecting you," Lord Rindimo spoke as Zira hopped down from a skylight. "You know, sweety, you could just use the stairs next time." "Bah! stairs are for losers!" Zira laughed as Vitannielle and Lord Scarries just made it to the top of the tower. "Give me back my Furbies!" Scarries shouted. "YOUR furbies?" Rindimo couriously stared at the strange lion before him. "Yes! They escaped from my pet store! I must have them back!" "Haven't you ever heard of 'finders keepers'?" "What? Oh..." Lord Scarries began to sniff, and pout as he realized the salvage laws did exist even way back then in mythical times. "No offense, Rindimo," Zira mused, "but they do taste horrible-- unlike the tribbles..." "Taste is fickle. Besides, Zira, I'm not into eating the things, I'm into conquering the world! MUWAHAHAAAA!" "OOh, I love your laugh! Have you been practicing?" "Why yes. Does it show?" Zira nodded her head with a goofy grin on her face. "Excuse me!" Vitannielle looked cross as the two military leaders looked her way. "We're here about getting this putz his Furbies???" "I'm sorry, Vitannielle, but I won't give the furbies up until my 'Rule the World' campaign is over with!" "Zira, you promised!" Scarries bawled. "Yes, and I always keep a promise," Zira acknowledged. "Rindimo, give the whiny god his Furbies back. This world just isn't their rightful place. "No! They're my new toy! They're cool!" "Rindimo," Zira sternly gazed at the Handsome cheetah-- then looked him in the eye, "We must reach a mutual agreement. I propose we hold a negotiation between the two of us as soon as possible." "Hey, wait a minute!" Lord Scarries looked at Zira suspiciously. "Don't fret, Lord Scarries, it's not like what you and me went through," Zira comforted as she was being escorted by Rindimo to some other part of the castle, "I'll get your Furbies back by tomorrow morning!" The End. -- -Rindimo Cheetah (rindimo@bellsouth.net) +Founder, and only member of L.O.S.T.-- C.A.U.S.E (League Of Simplistic Technology-- Creating All Unforeseen Solutions Evident) +FCOS Lost & Found Clerk ICQ # : 12915153 +Amateur Artist/Writer/Musician AOL IM : Rindimo1 +Bachelor ? <=7 Webpage: http://www.lionking.org/~rindimo/index.shtml + Honorable Member of the Pride Keepers. "One thing nothing can destroy, is our pride deep inside we are one!" ********************************************************************* Well don't stop. Whatever you do, don't stop. Because as soon as you stop, you're forgotten. - Mageuzi *********************************************************************