XRazorWingX (1:40:42 AM): Sabby! Where've you been?
X Steele Fox X (1:40:47 AM): *pouncetacklehuggles* Nowhere!
XRazorWingX (1:41:09 AM): What do you mean nowhere?
X Steele Fox X (1:41:23 AM): Nowhere.,..I've been laying here drawing o.O
X Steele Fox X (1:41:46 AM): And figting with teh evilevil photoshop
X Steele Fox X (1:41:48 AM): lol
XRazorWingX (1:42:03 AM): Ahh. I figured I'd stay online for when you came
back. I decided to play some video games while I waited..
XRazorWingX (1:42:05 AM): Heh.
X Steele Fox X (1:42:30 AM): Spiffy...*in a writing mood* Methinks I'll write you an email
later :)]
XRazorWingX (1:42:55 AM): I found photoshop 5.5 at a warez site.. But its a
HUGE d/l... I'll wait until I have some extra time on my hands to d/l it...
XRazorWingX (1:43:13 AM): I'll be waiting to recieve it then!
X Steele Fox X (1:43:13 AM): Yea, that's what I'm using right now...57 megs of it...OY!
XRazorWingX (1:43:37 AM): I found some things that were 150+ megs...
XRazorWingX (1:43:47 AM): Games and movies and such.
X Steele Fox X (1:44:00 AM): I know...Allot of things are HUG. Reghat Linuv is like 650 megs
X Steele Fox X (1:44:12 AM): you can get movies that are over a gig
X Steele Fox X (1:44:27 AM): I saw the pokemon movie somewhere
X Steele Fox X (1:44:37 AM): 350 megs i think
XRazorWingX (1:44:47 AM): So did I. I was going to d/l it, but it was 350
something megs..
X Steele Fox X (1:45:11 AM): Heh, movies are huge >.< They should have them in RA format
or something
XRazorWingX (1:45:24 AM): Yeah
X Steele Fox X (1:45:44 AM): I think I watched a surgery being performed in RA once...o.O
XRazorWingX (1:45:58 AM): Oy..
X Steele Fox X (1:46:12 AM): LMAO...
X Steele Fox X (1:46:36 AM): I fell out of the chair again too...*snooker*
XRazorWingX (1:46:52 AM): You've got to stop doing that...
XRazorWingX (1:46:57 AM): Its not good for your health.
X Steele Fox X (1:47:11 AM): LMAO...I know. *gets the urge to eat ruined pizza rolls*
XRazorWingX (1:47:57 AM): Ugg. I dont think you should do that. Its not very
good for you... I dont want you to get sick..
X Steele Fox X (1:48:18 AM): I dun get sick...*Snickers remembering something funny*
Ooooh, I gotta type this >)
X Steele Fox X (1:52:28 AM): One of my ol friends, April, and her cousin pattypat and I were
in my trailer (back whenever I lived alone...I think I told you aobut that?) Anyway, we all
went up to boot leggers to get some JD (Keep in mind I had never drank anything. This
was my B-day so we wanted a treat ;>) Anyway, we all were in the bathroom (dun ask) and
taking turns on the bottle...I took a swig, Pat took a swig, and April took a little baby
sip...Notice she was the big drinker in the party ;) So I took another swig and looked at er
taking a tiny sip and I said, 'Yeah Ape, yer the big drinker only taking a little baby sip
when Pat and I are drinking more. WE know how to hold our liqu-" at that time I proceeded
to vomit in the bathtub we were sitting beside...It was one of those 'you had to be there'
things...Hilarious...
XRazorWingX (1:53:37 AM): Again, I'm forced to say 'Oy'
XRazorWingX (1:56:42 AM): Well, I'm glad your on. I was starting to miss you..
X Steele Fox X (1:57:24 AM): LOL. *Hugs* Hey, I miss you every second I'm not on ;)
XRazorWingX (1:58:47 AM): The feeling is mutual.. I need to have you on my
screen at all times.. Sometimes after you get off, I will just keep the IM
on and read what we have said to each other just to ease the lonliness.
X Steele Fox X (1:59:23 AM): I save conversations to look at later...Lol.
XRazorWingX (1:59:48 AM): Sometimes I wish I would..
XRazorWingX (1:59:53 AM): But alas.. I dont.
X Steele Fox X (2:00:49 AM): Aww...*hughugs* Z'oki...Oy, more mail from my stalker person
wanting me to give him another chance...Freak >.<

BTW...Thankyou for the instakiss..
XRazorWingX (2:01:29 AM): It is my pleasure to serve you..
X Steele Fox X (2:01:53 AM): I don't want you to serve me...Just be yourself.
XRazorWingX (2:02:19 AM): But serving you is being myself..
X Steele Fox X (2:03:07 AM): Chris, I'm no goddess...Even though I act like one ;)
XRazorWingX (2:03:49 AM): You are a goddess to me..
X Steele Fox X (2:04:58 AM): I'm no goddess as I said...I'm ME...THat's all I'll ever be, it's all
I CAN be...And you have no idea howhappy it makes me to have someone for once in my
life to love me for me...For who I am, not the facade I put up...
XRazorWingX (2:06:58 AM): I know.. You make me happy by doing what none other
ever has.. By loving me.
X Steele Fox X (2:08:01 AM): Chris, I will always love you...Remember that. Wherever our
lives take us, we will always be one of heart.
XRazorWingX (2:11:51 AM): I know.. I can not wait until I get to speak with you
next. I will not be so nervous next time.. Or afraid.
X Steele Fox X (2:12:23 AM): You shouldn't have been afraid the first time...You have nothing
to fear of me.
XRazorWingX (2:14:11 AM): I know that. But I was still afraid to utter those
three little words over the phone.. I almost brought myself to say I love
you, but I just couldnt.. I dont know why. You seemed quite uncomfortable
too when we began to speak of such things.
X Steele Fox X (2:15:48 AM): Well...I can't say I wasn't...Then again I'm a nervous natured
perso-Oh heck you got me there...Lol. Yes, I admit I was scared out of my wits...I guess I
should practice what I preach, huh?
XRazorWingX (2:16:49 AM): I could tell you were uncomfortable.. We both were.
But next time, I will not hold back. And neither should you.
X Steele Fox X (2:17:33 AM): I never hold back...I just take time to think of the way to word
things...I'm to critical of myself I guess...But ither way, you know how I feel...
XRazorWingX (2:18:35 AM): Yes. I do know how you feel.. And I feel the same.
But you have no reason to be so critical of yourself. You are greatness.. To
all who survey you.
X Steele Fox X (2:19:39 AM): I can't help it CHris...So many truely look up to me...But they
look up to a mask, and not to me...I guess I use the same precaustion IRL as online...
XRazorWingX (2:22:10 AM): IRL I try to stay as far away from my feelings as
possible.. I dont want to be hurt... But apparently I am not so cautious
online..
X Steele Fox X (2:24:36 AM): Online and off...i am hurt easily...Too easily perhaps...That's
why I always want to know the truth...If anything then to prevent anymore injury to m
heart. Once you experience true love, and true, utter heartbreak, you watch every move
you make....Once bitten, twice shy. The scariest part is when you don't trust yourself
anymore...That's why I never told you my feelings before...I was scared...Not of your
reaction, but of myself...Afraid that I would hurt someone I loved...
XRazorWingX (2:27:18 AM): I too am easily hurt.. I am not afraid that I will hurt
someone though.. Because I did not ever believe that anyone could truly love
me.. Until I met you.
X Steele Fox X (2:29:24 AM): And I do love you...More than each breath I take. Now looking
ack, I see that my fears were vain...I realize now that I could never hurt you...iloveyou too
much...And some things I wish I could do over...But I can'. noone can undo the past...But
you can mold the future.
XRazorWingX (2:30:38 AM): And I truly believe that my future is with you. I shall
try as hard as I can to intertwine my future with yours.
X Steele Fox X (2:31:37 AM): As do I...Things, nature has a way of joining two hearts, creating
one...And I believe that is our destiny. Call me selfish for wanting the world, but I hope so
too.
XRazorWingX (2:32:31 AM): I truly believe that I have found my soulmate... And
that is you.
X Steele Fox X (2:33:53 AM): As strange as it sounds hearing this myself, I believe I have
found mine in you...I've loved and lost, I've had the word at my fingertips and I have
thrown it away...but fate has a funny way of fixing things...When you think they are looking
down, soon you will be soaring once more...And you know, I don't think I could be higher
than I am with you.
XRazorWingX (2:35:56 AM): I never thought it possible to find my eternal mate...
Especially not at such a young age.. Especially not meeting over the
internet.. It seems a bit farfetched when you think about it, but it is
true.. I feel it in my heart.
X Steele Fox X (2:36:55 AM): *chuckles* See, those mean old parents didn't know what they
were talking about when they said the 'net was bad....It has changed my life.
XRazorWingX (2:39:23 AM): My life has been changed as well.. And all for the
better. Nothing bad has happened because of the net.. Only good things.
X Steele Fox X (2:41:05 AM): Well...'bad' things have happened to me...But they were all
connected, comeing together into one great thing...WHich is you.
XRazorWingX (2:42:05 AM): I can not wait to lay eyes upon you.
XRazorWingX (2:42:11 AM): To feel your satin touch.
XRazorWingX (2:42:14 AM): To hold you close to me..
XRazorWingX (2:42:25 AM): To feel your lips upon mine...
X Steele Fox X (2:43:34 AM): And I cannot wait to see the one who's words warm my soul,
who's face is ever on my mind. What I would not give jsut to have you in my arms right
now...I wnat nothing more than to finally meet the one...My one and only love...
XRazorWingX (2:47:01 AM): We shall meet.. But we must wait until the time is
right. That time is moving slowly towards us. Until then, we have to bide
our time. We can at least speak on the phone until that time comes..
X Steele Fox X (2:48:13 AM): Once more, I'm not a patient person ;) However, for you, I will
wait forever, until the sun's final set over the ocean. Soon...
XRazorWingX (2:48:50 AM): Soon we will be together..
X Steele Fox X (2:49:24 AM): Never soon enough...But compared to the time we have waited,
it is not long...
XRazorWingX (2:51:42 AM): I will wait for you. No matter how long it takes..
X Steele Fox X (2:52:16 AM): As I will for you. But something bothers me...
XRazorWingX (2:52:51 AM): What is that?
X Steele Fox X (2:53:18 AM): Have you ever felt bad for feeling good? Right now I am in a
state of euphorium I have never in my life experienced...But I feel like I am betraying
another of my best friends...Ashley. I dunno...i just feel like...I dunno how to explain i.
XRazorWingX (2:55:07 AM): I know.. I feel the same way.. I never thought it
possible to love two people at the same time.. But I have proven myself
wrong. It is possible.. I love you both. But my feelings for you are
stronger... I dont know what to do... I am stuck.
X Steele Fox X (2:56:03 AM): I can't imagine how horrible this is for you Chris...It's a wicked
circle right now...
XRazorWingX (2:57:34 AM): It is terrible.. There is a strain upon me.. It is very
difficult for me, but I manage... I just dont know what to do though..
X Steele Fox X (2:58:37 AM): Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up...But it's been lurking in
the back of my mind...I dunno really. We all need to get together adn talk it out.
XRazorWingX (3:00:52 AM): No.. It is good that you brought it up.. I was too
afraid to.. You had more courage than I in this.. I have been thinking about
it.. Very hard. But I still can not come up with an answer.. And yes, I too
believe that we should all get together and speak... It would be wise.
X Steele Fox X (3:03:47 AM): To tell you the truth, I'm suprised myself that I had the courage
to bring it up. It's jsut not something I do...I'm not really shy but...It's an awkward subject. I
can truthfully say I've never been in a situation like this before..Or at least one I know that
I'm being honest to...I jsut feel like the bad guy, the mistress coming in to create an
uproar...I only want you happy Chris...I'll never want anything more...
XRazorWingX (3:06:24 AM): I know that is what you want.. And I want the same
for you. But I also want the same for Ashley.. But the problem is, you two
will only be happy with me.. So I know that I have to hurt somebody.. And
that is the most difficult decision anyone could make. Deciding who they
would rather hurt... And no, you are not the bad guy.. You are someone
who is following their feelings. There is a world of difference.
X Steele Fox X (3:09:02 AM): But when following your feelings makes you feel like you are
betraying yur friends...In's a lose/lose situation...Strange, this has never happened
before...In other rlationships I could truely care less...Maybe that's because no real love
was involved...But this is quite real...It's not he childish stuff it use to be...I know I'm
stating the obvious but...I am really as confised as you. Only I don't have as much pressure
on me...
XRazorWingX (3:11:43 AM): We must all get together and talk it out. It is the
only way we can solve this dillema... I know all either of you want is for me
to be happy... Which makes it all the more difficult...
X Steele Fox X (3:13:27 AM): As much as I want to help you in this...I can't. it's something
only you can do...Maybe i shouldn't have returned...Maybe, but I did...I don't regret it, to
be honest, but I feel awful for imposing...It was really my fault in the first place...But the
past is just that- past.
XRazorWingX (3:15:54 AM): No.. It is not your fault. And this did not happen
because you returned. It would have happened anyways. And you should not
feel bad at all... Like I said. It is not your fault.
X Steele Fox X (3:17:52 AM): No, but I was the one who started it by leaving...I shouldn't have
done that. I just thougth I was in Ashley's and your way...I just thought that...Well, you
know the story from the letter I wrote. I just don't know...
XRazorWingX (3:19:56 AM): Nobody knows.. But we will find out. We will have to
do this together. All of us. We will figure it out.
X Steele Fox X (3:21:19 AM): Yes...We've been through this once...But I think it'll be rougher
on us all the second time around...But que sera sera. Everything happens for a reason...
X Steele Fox X (3:21:25 AM): BRB gonna start some pizza
XRazorWingX (3:21:36 AM): ok
X Steele Fox X (3:26:43 AM): *chose a poptart instead*
XRazorWingX (3:27:02 AM): Welcome back
X Steele Fox X (3:27:07 AM): Thankies *hugs8
X Steele Fox X (3:27:08 AM): *
XRazorWingX (3:28:14 AM): It is a difficult time we are having.. And it will only
be getting more difficult with time.. I.. We, must figure this out soon..
X Steele Fox X (3:29:47 AM): Yes...We must. It's the only way any of us will get any
rest...Tomorrow, I guess, we'll all have to get together...It seems soon, but before anyone
gets hurt more deeply, we need a conclusion...So we can all have closure, for good r bad,
better or worse...
XRazorWingX (3:31:00 AM): This is going to hurt.. I know it will be more pain than
I have ever had to feel... I know that for a fact. But it must be done. I
dont know what I'm going to do... But like I have said, it needs to be done.
X Steele Fox X (3:34:03 AM): *goes into her psychiatrist mode* Chris, look at it like this...you
may hurt someone. You may scar them for the rest of their lives...But they will live. it will
not be the first time they have had their hearts broken (though I'm not sure if Para has, I'm
speaking generally) But if you don't..Then you will be hurting everyone so much
deeper...What may hurt like a burn now may be an inferno in a week. Either way, a
decision needs to be made...As hard as it is, it's something that HAS to be done...like
growing old.
XRazorWingX (3:35:15 AM): I can not.. I am sorry. I can not make this decission.
Not so soon..
X Steele Fox X (3:39:43 AM): That is your choice...Don't think for a moment I am pushing
something on you that you are not ready to make...But the facts are that whoever you hurt,
it will hurt less the sooner time can start the healing process...heh, I took a year of
psycology my Freshman year...Wonder why I failed ;) This decision will effect the rest of
your life...Which makes it harder than just deciding what to wear, etc. And not only that, it
will be effecting others. Though one will move on eventually, after the pain subsides, the
other will feel the burden of knowing they helped contribute to it...It's a lose/lose situation
like I said...And other than that, I don't know what to tell you...

XRazorWingX (3:43:03 AM): I dont know what to tell me either. I feel like I am
not strong enought, nor will I ever be strong enough to make a decision like
this.. I am a coward. A weakling. I am not suited to having to make
decisions that would affect others. Especially not decisions of this
magnatude... That is why I could never be a leader. I am too weak.
X Steele Fox X (3:44:23 AM): You aer strong to have lasted this long...Under the pressure I know
you efel right now, I would have cracked long ago. Just follow your heart. It will never lead you
wrong. It sounds cony, but it's true...
XRazorWingX (3:46:30 AM): I am afraid I cant believe that.. My heart has led
me wrong before.. And I know it will lead me wrong again. I just hope that
if I do follow my heart, this isnt one of those times..
X Steele Fox X (3:49:07 AM): It is such a sad situation we have...And I have no idea how to
cure it...I uess I'm not as smart as people think, huh? But just remember that everythingis
connected...THings happen for reasons...THough you may be blind to them now, in the end
things turn out right.
XRazorWingX (3:49:55 AM): I just hope your right...
X Steele Fox X (3:51:04 AM): Have I ever been wrong about these things before? It makes
me sound full of myself, but I am far from that...You know that. But it's true...Strange but
true...
XRazorWingX (3:52:41 AM): I just dont think I will ever have enough courage to
make a decision like this.. I am too weak of a person..
X Steele Fox X (3:53:27 AM): Making a decision is easy...It's just making the RIGHT one
that's difficult.
XRazorWingX (3:54:43 AM): That is true with most situations.. But a decision like
this is not easy.. If you had to choose to hurt someone you loved.. Could
you do it with ease?
X Steele Fox X (3:55:07 AM): Do you really want to know what I would do?
XRazorWingX (3:55:20 AM): Yeah. I think I do.
X Steele Fox X (3:56:46 AM): I would run from it all...I would hole myself up like a ostrich with
it's head in a lampshade...Ignoring the problem because I couldn't make such a
decision...All my psychosis BS helps others...But if it were me, I would bail...I'm not as
strong as I seem...
XRazorWingX (3:58:29 AM): I want so much to do that... But I know I cant.
Because if I did, I know I would hurt not only one of you, but both of you..
X Steele Fox X (4:00:15 AM): You are moreso brave than I Chris...And that is where my
greatness ends and yours shines...I flee...I fear...You FIGHT. I cannot stand where I
cannot fall...
XRazorWingX (4:01:54 AM): I know that there is a price to pay for love... But
I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to pay this price. It is too much for me
to handle alone. But I know that nobody can help me... I am stuck in a
corner with no way out... I feel like running. Like hiding and never coming
out..
X Steele Fox X (4:02:47 AM): Whatever the outcome is, Chris, you know I will always be here
for you. And I will always love you, and do whatever I canto ensure your happiness.
XRazorWingX (4:03:37 AM): I know.. And that makes this so much harder.
Because I know Ashley is the same way. I know she does not want to lose
me. And it would hurt her more than you can imagine if she did..
X Steele Fox X (4:04:07 AM): ..No. I can imagine...I've been there head on...
XRazorWingX (4:05:37 AM): I know you have.. Which also makes this more
difficult. Because I know how it affected you.. And if it happened again you
wouldnt be able to handle it.. But if it happened to Ashley, she might do
the same things you did.. And I couldnt handle either of those scenarios.
X Steele Fox X (4:06:51 AM): I'm not going to argue with that...But you don't know the entire
story...Only one knows it. But it's not going to get any easier I'm afraid. On either of us. :(
XRazorWingX (4:07:23 AM): It just hurts so bad.. I cant take it much longer.
X Steele Fox X (4:08:44 AM): *winces in inner pain* Chirs I'm sorry for this...I really am,
more than you can imagine...but I had no other choice than to tell you the truth...It hurt too
much otherwise..."The most apinful tears are silent"
XRazorWingX (4:11:13 AM): I know.. I'm glad you did tell me though. I'm in
extreme pain right now.. And I dont want you to try to take any of it for
yourself. I dont want you to be in pain. You need to just sit back and
watch. I can and will handle this myself..
X Steele Fox X (4:11:42 AM): No one person can handle that Chris...It's too much of a
burden...
XRazorWingX (4:13:58 AM): Burden or no burden, it is something I must do.
X Steele Fox X (4:14:19 AM): But I don't like to see you worrying so much...
XRazorWingX (4:14:54 AM): I am sorry.. I must go for now..
X Steele Fox X (4:15:12 AM): *Hugs* Okay Chris...Please, don't beat yourself up over this..
XRazorWingX (4:15:19 AM): I have to sleep on this. Think it over...
XRazorWingX (4:15:35 AM): Goodnight Sabby. I'll see you tomorrow.
X Steele Fox X (4:15:52 AM): *weak smile* things will be better in the morning I'm
sure...Goodnight Chris...
XRazorWingX (4:16:16 AM): Goodbye for now
X Steele Fox X (4:16:33 AM): Noo goodbye's...Only see you laters...
XRazorWingX (4:16:49 AM): Then see you later.
X Steele Fox X (4:17:10 AM): 8hugs* You too...Sweet dreams.