All the discussion about the Lion King sequel on the mailing list has inspired me. If you haven't read any version of Super Stress Day 2, either mail me and let me know, and I'll send you a copy, or get one yourself at http://mss175.rh.psu.edu/lionking/text/ssd22.txt . Either way, don't read any further in this letter. If you *have* read SSD 2, but it's been a while, here's a memory jog. CAST in order of appearance, more or less ZAZU as the AUDIO ENGINEER ED as the PRODUCER MUFASA as the DIRECTOR (pick one) SCAR as JEREMY IRONS TIMON as ELTON JOHN PUMBAA as TIM RICE SARABI as the CLEAN-UP ARTIST ADULT SIMBA as the CAPS OPERATOR ADULT NALA as the BACKGROUND PAINTER SHENZI as the WALT DISNEY RECORDS EXECUTIVE SARAFINA as the DIGIFILM EMPLOYEE BANZAI as the PROJECTIONIST and RAFIKI as HIMSELF And now we begin. [A Los Angeles suburb. Tuesday, May 28th, 1996, 8:00 a.m. Fade in on Simba, reading the newspaper at his kitchen table. The phone rings, and Simba gets up and answers it.] Simba: Hello? [Split the screen, with Nala in the other half. She's at an outside pay phone in the Walt Disney Studios.] Nala: Simba, it's Nala. I have bad news. Simba: Uh-oh. What is it this time? Nala: Ed, our producer, he... you know the hyenas, in TV animation? Simba: Yeah? Nala: He let them take over production of the sequel. And he made himself the director. Simba: He did? Nala: It's terrible. There are no original voices, no quality animation.... Simba, if you don't do something, everyone will hate it! Well, everyone except the kids, but who cares about them. Simba: What do you want me to do? Nala: They're showing what they have this afternoon in Screening Room A. Luckily it's still mostly line test at this point. Simba: I'll be right over. [Fade out. Fade in on the screening room, a movie theater with capacity of 100-150. It's a long shot from the point of view of the projection screen. There are two aisles in the room and exits at the back of each. Nearly all the seats are filled with hyenas, all anxious to see their work. "LATER THAT DAY" is written at the bottom of the screen for the first few seconds of the shot.] Hyenas: Start the show! Roll it! Let's see some mo-vie! Come on! (etc.) [Simba and Nala sneak in and sit down in the back row. The hyenas are too hyper to notice them. Cut to a closer shot of the lions.] Simba: Ugh. I haven't even seen it, and already I hate it. Nala: I tried to warn you.... I guess nothing can prepare you for this. Simba: You said no original voices. What about songs? Nala: They're pathetic, of course. Fortunately there are only enough of them to make the obligatory soundtrack. [Cut back to the long shot.] Hyenas: I'm sick of waiting! Roll it! Come on! MO-VIE! MO-VIE! [the chanting starts] MO-VIE! MO-VIE! [Banzai looks out one of the little windows from the projection booth.] Banzai: Hey, shut up! It's not ready yet! [Cut to Banzai, threading a projector. The chanting has died down, but not by much.] Banzai [to himself]: Boy, this ought to be great. My cousin's the production designer! [Cut to Shenzi, in the theater, talking on a cellular phone.] Shenzi: All right, but didn't you say the soundtrack is only FIFTEEN MINUTES long, total? You should be fired for that!... Oh, it's SIXTEEN and a HALF minutes. Well, that's better.... Yeah, go ahead. Start production. [Cut back to Banzai, closing up the projector.] Banzai: There, all set. [Cut back to the long shot of the theater. The house lights dim and the movie starts.] On-screen voice [vaguely like Timon]: Hiya, kids! [The hyenas burst into laughter. Simba covers his face with his paws. Fade out, then fade back in on the same scene. The projector stops and the house lights come up. The hyenas rejoice.] Hyenas: Yay! That was perfect! More! Couldn't have done better myself! Fantastic! (etc.) [Cut to an anonymous hyena talking to Ed, in the theater.] Hyena: What a great piece of future video! You're my hero, Ed! Years from now, I want to direct, JUST LIKE YOU! Ed: Oo gee wah hee kuh HEE HEE HAH HAH! [Ed breaks down into hysterical laughter. Cut to the lions.] Nala: It's awful, isn't it? Simba: I didn't want to believe you. Nala: There's no way this can hit the public. We have to stop it. Simba: I'm all with you there. And I know just the lion for the job. [Fade out. Fade in on the animation studio. Ed is in the foreground, and many hyenas are at work behind him. Mufasa approaches Ed, backed by Simba, Nala, Rafiki, Sarabi, Sarafina, Timon, Pumbaa, and even Scar. Two of Mufasa's crew are holding signs. One says "Feature Animation for Feature Sequels," and another has a picture of the "Return of Jafar" video illustration with "NEVER AGAIN" written underneath.] Mufasa: Ed, we have a problem, namely that you're directing the sequel. Ed: Buh duh dee goo ooble bee guh! Mufasa: We can't let you release inferior-quality material as a followup to a lasting classic. Sarafina: That's right. I need the work. Simba: Um, we got the Solitaire fixed. We process film in-house again. Sarafina: What? Hmmph. [Sarafina sulks out.] Scar [to Ed]: I need the work, too. Mufasa: Jeremy, your character is dead. We don't need your talent. Scar [sarcastically]: Oh! Well, isn't that good news. And put in such a friendly way! How AW-fully typical. [Scar sulks out. Zazu flies in and stands before Mufasa.] Zazu: Oh, Sire, thank goodness you're here! The sound effects they've made me dub in-- they're so trite! So overused! And they're assigned randomly, with no regard to what's happening on screen! Mufasa [to Ed]: THIS is exactly our concern. Ed: Gee huh haak aam buh HA HA HAH! (hysterical laughter) Mufasa [to his followers]: He won't surrender. [Rafiki walks forward, holding his stick in one hand and tapping it against the other.] Rafiki: All right den, who's going to be de first? [Nobody moves.] Rafiki: Come on, who isn't too SCARED to take me? [A hyena runs up to Rafiki. Rafiki swings his stick and knocks him clear across the room.] Rafiki: Okay, so who's next? [All the other hyenas, including Ed, exit in a fit of yelping. Mufasa looks around, then faces his crew.] Mufasa: Let's get to work. [The remaining characters head for their corresponding stations. Fade out.] FDC Audio Engineer TLKMuck Mzaha Sinner, F.C.O.S. -- I'd like a Web browser which, when it reads | __ _|------------ more than twenty unrecognized tags on a page,| | / |Jason Knight displays a dialog box which reads: "I'm |, |< | jdk10 really missing something here, aren't I?" |\__/ \_|@po.cwru.edu