by David Morris This is a parody based on characters from Disney's "The Lion King," copyright 1994 Walt Disney Corp. Fade in on an apartment living room. The sound of keys rattling in a lock is heard. The door opens and a man walks in, carrying a bag from the local video store. Setting the bag on the table, he disappears down the hallway. He emerges a few minutes later dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants. Opening the bag, he removes a videocassete titled "Claws of Steel: Simba and Nala's Aerobic Workout." Removing the shrinkwrapping, he opens the box and plugs the tape into the VCR. After ten minutes of boring previews, the actual workout begins. Fade in on a typical workout room, complete with fake wood floor and cushiony mats. Simba and Nala pace into the camera view. Nala sports a fancy pink sweatband on the crown of her head. Simba: "Hey, there! Thanks for joining us. Since you picked *our* tape to exercise with, we know you're serious about getting in shape. Because with Simba and Nala's Workout, you're gonna get fit..."(he looks at Nala, smiling) Nala:(taking her cue) "...or get bit! All right, let's go!" They seperate, one on either side of the TV screen. Nala: "Okay, let's do it right. Start off with a few warm-ups." She extends her left rear leg. "Stretch that leg and hooold..." The man watching the tape nods to himself. He puts his left leg out behind him, foot flat on the floor. He winces, then relaxes as the calf muscles stretch. "Yeah. I got it. easy stuff. What else have you got?" Simba and Nala repeat the exercise for the other leg. Nala: "Okay! Let's all flex our tail muscles!" The man frowns. "Whaaat?!" On screen, Nala begins to flip her tail slowly from side to side. Nala: "Left, then right, left, then right,..." Shrugging, the man tries to comply, and succeeds in looking like he has a mosquito bite on the rump and is trying desperately not to scratch. Nala is really getting into this exercise. She flicks her tail from side to side, adding a little twist at the end which is totally ruining Simba's concentration. Nala glances over and sees him eyeing her intrestedly. Nala: (out of the corner of her mouth)"*Simba!* Get with it!" Simba flinches, embarrassed, and jerks his head back to face the camera. Simba: "Okay, enough of that." The man stops wriggling his rump, relieved. Simba: "All right, let's work on that lateral pounce." The man's eyes shoot up alarmingly. "Huh?" On screen, the two lions begin to leap gracefully from side to side in tandem, with Simba counting cadence: Simba: "One, two. One, two. One, two." Nala breaks in: "This is great for your haunch and shoulder muscles." His forehead furrowing in determination, the man begins to leap from side to side, a resounding THUMP issuing from the floor each time he lands. On screen, Simba is still counting cadence. Simba: "One, two. One, two." A shout issues from the next door apartment: "HEY! Hold it down!" Startled, the man slips and loses his balance, tripping over the coffee table to land on the floor in a heap. On screen, Simba and Nala end the exercise. The camera does a close-up on Simba. Simba: "When doing that exercise, always be sure to have an open area to leap in . Saftey first!" The man can only groan in reply. He slowly rises to his feet as the camera centers on Nala. Nala: "Okay, everyone, it's time to stretch our claw retractor muscles!" The man's eyes cross as his brain struggles to digest this. On screen, the camera zooms in on Nala's forepaws as the claws extend. Nala: "Extend-2-3-4, retract-2-3-4, extend-2-3-4, retract-2-3-4,...ooh! Feel the burn!" The man gamely tries to comply and groans as his fingers cramp. Nala: (concluding the exercise)"There! Now doesn't THAT feel better?" The camera zooms out as Simba joins her. Simba: "Thanks for joining us. And always remember to consult your physician before beginning any workout program." He fades out as the crdits begin to roll. The man sinks to his knees, and collapses with a thud. Eyes bulging, his moth gaping mutely, he stares at the screen as words appear in bright red block letters: "WARNING! THIS TAPE IS A PARODY AND IS NOT MEANT TO BE USED FOR FITNESS INSTRUCTION!" His eyes roll up in his head as he passes out.