The Road to El Dorado (Unofficial, possibly incomplete script) **=possible dialog cut from final version ~~=a replaced word [Scene opens up in an ancient exotic style illustrating how the gods made El Dorado.] Song: El Dorado (Elton John) Our glorious city was built by the divinities, by gods who saw fit to bestow... The gift of a paradise, peaceful and harmonious upon us mere mortals below... And made El Dorado, the magnificent and golden, one thousand years ago... El Dorado, El Dorado, El Dorado... *[Enter El Dorado] Tzekel-Kan- [shouting out over the well] For a thousand years, the gods have blessed this city with peace and happiness! But now that time is coming to an end! The gods will come and cleanse this city with blood! And sacrifice! [Brings forward two bound natives. One is Chel. Tzekel-Kan prepares to sacrifice them both.] Chief Tannabok- Enough! We do not know that the gods will demand sacrifice! [Solar eclipse takes place, plunging El Dorado into darkness] Tzekel-Kan- The omens are clear! Behold! Do not doubt the prophecies! Chief Tannabok- I don’t. I doubt you. If the gods have a problem with the way I’ve ruled this city, then let them appear and speak for themselves! [Tzekel-Kan releases the “sacrifices” and cuts his own hand instead, sending drops of blood into the well that soon float upward in a mystical orb] Tzekel-Kan- And so they shall! I, Tzekel-Kan, summon the gods to El Dorado!* [Enter Spain] Cortes- Today we sail to conquer the New World! For Spain! For glory! For gold! [Crowd cheers for Cortes. Rifles are fired and they spook his war-horse, causing him to spill his glass of wine.] Cortes- Aargh! Altivo, eyes forward! [Enter the dice game] Tulio- Seven! Miguel- All right! Tulio- Yes, partner! [laughs] Miguel and Tulio- Tons of gold for you, huh! Zaragoza- Hey! Miguel and Tulio- Tons of gold for me, whoo! Zaragoza- Hey! Miguel and Tulio- Tons of gold for we- Zaragoza- [shouts] Hey! One more roll! Tulio- Uh, guys...you're broke! You've got nothing to bet with! Zaragoza- Oh yeah? I've got this! A map... Miguel- A map? Tulio- A map? Zaragoza- A map of the wonders of the New World. Miguel- Well! Let's have a look! [stammering] Tulio! Tulio- Excuse us for one moment, please. Miguel- Tulio, look! El Dorado...the city of gold! This could be our destiny...our fate! Tulio- Miguel, if I believed in fate I wouldn't be playing with loaded dice! [Miguel is making sad puppy faces] Tulio- Not with "the face". No, no, no, no, no...nope...no...no! Zaragoza- I said one more roll! My map against your cash. Tulio- All right, Peewee, you're on. Zaragoza- Not with those! This time we use my dice. Tulio- Uh... Zaragoza- Got a problem with that? Miguel- Hmm? Tulio- [grabs the dice, tries to get a señorita to blow on them, she huffs away, so he blows on them himself, grumbling at Miguel] I am going to kill you! Come on, baby...Papa needs the ~crummy~ map! Show...me...seven! [covers his eyes nervously while one die spins around then stops] Seven! Miguel- All right! Tulio- Seven! Miguel and Tulio- [laughing] Miguel- There it is! Tulio- Well, nice doing business with you! [loaded dice fall out of his shirt] Zaragoza- [grunts and pounds on the ground three times] Bystanders- [exclaiming] Oohhh! Zaragoza- I knew it! Bystanders- Oohhh! Zaragoza- Your dice are loaded! Tulio- [to Miguel] What? Y-you gave me loaded dice? [Tulio tries to walk away, but runs into a guard] Tulio- He gave me loaded dice! Guards! Arrest him! Miguel- You dare to impugn my honor? He was the one who was cheating! Arrest him! He tricked these sailors and took their money! Tulio- Oh, now I'm the thief? Miguel- Yes. Tulio- Take a look in the mirror, pal! Miguel- You'd better give that money back or I'll--En guarde! Tulio- En guarde yourself! I will give you the honor of a quick and painless...death! [pulls out a very small dagger] Hmm? But not with that! [pulls out a saber] Ah-ha! I prefer to fight fairly! Well, any last words? Miguel- I will cut you to ribbons! Tulio- Fool! Such mediocrity! Let your sword do the talking! Miguel- I will and it will be loquacious to a fault! Ha! Take that! Tulio-Ah-ha! Miguel- Ah-ha! Tulio- Ah-ha-ha! You mincing, prancing twit! Miguel- Ha, you fight like my sister! Tulio- I fought your sister! That's a compliment! Miguel- Blackguard! Tulio- Heathen! [Tulio slips on a broken roof tile and loses his footing. Miguel swings his sword a little too close to Tulio’s face.] Tulio- Ah, not the face! Not the face! [Miguel knocks Tulio’s sword out of his hand. The fight stops.] Tulio- Ladies and gentlemen, we've decided it's a draw! Miguel- Thank you all for coming! You've been great! See you soon! Tulio- Adiós! [Both disappear over a wall] Miguel- Congratulations! Tulio- No, that was good! Very good! [Both are face to face with an angry bull that bellows in their faces] Tulio- [yelps] Miguel- Uh, we...should've kept those swords, I think. Tulio- Uh, Yeah...yeah...I've got a plan... Miguel- What is it? Tulio- Well, uh, you...pet him... Miguel- Yeah? Tulio- And...I'll...run! Miguel- Oh, thanks a lot! [Both go running up a wall, the bull rams it and sends it flying into a building. Miguel and Tulio jump down and take off through the streets, turning a corner and almost running into an angry crowd] Guard- There they are! [Miguel and Tulio dodge the crowd by running through two ladies' houses] Ladies- [scream] Tulio- Bye! Thank you! [Both grab a clothesline and swing right over some guards, causing clothing to fall on their heads. The two then end up at a dead end-it's a long way down to the two barrels below] Miguel- I'll bet we can make that. Tulio- Two pesetas says we can't! Miguel- You're on! Tulio- Whoa! [Both land in the barrels] Miguel- You lose! [Two gold coins flip from Tulio's barrel to Miguel's before the barrels are hoisted into the air] Miguel and Tulio- Whoa-oh-oh! Tulio- What's happening here? Miguel- We're both in barrels. That's the extent of my knowledge. [The barrels are rolled onto a ship] Tulio- Miguel? Miguel! Okay Miguel, we gotta move fast. On three, we jump out and head for the dock. Miguel- Good, good! Okay! Excellent! Miguel and Tulio- One, two, [sailors place a large, heavy trunk on top of the barrels] three...[straining] ...three...[straining, trunk creaks] ...three...[straining, trunk creaks] ...three...[straining, trunk creaks] Miguel- [sighs] Well, you ready? Tulio- What? All right, one more...Let's go... [The trunk has been removed] Miguel and Tulio- One, two, three... [Both pop out of barrels to find a bunch of grumpy sailors staring at them] Tulio- Excuse us... Miguel- We're out of here. Tulio- Uh, okay...Uh, who ordered the...uh...[sniffs the barrel lid]...pickles? Eh-heh... [Both get chained and shackled and brought before Cortes] Miguel- Cortes! Cortes- My crew was carefully chosen and I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged and when we put into Cuba to resupply you will be flogged some more and then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig! Miguel- All right...Cuba! Tulio- [gasps] [The sailors drag them off] Sailor- [whistling] Heh-heh...hey Altivo...Ah! Apples are not for you! You're on half rations...orders from Cortes. [An apple falls from the sailor's bowl and through the grate in the floor leading to the brig, landing on Miguel] Miguel- [gasps] [Rhythmic thumping as Tulio pounds his head against the wall] Miguel- So, um...how's the, uh...how's the escape plan coming? Tulio- [pauses] All right...all right wait! I'm-I'm getting something! Yeah...[resumes pounding, does it three times, then flops down on the floor to explain his plan to Miguel] Okay...here's the plan: in the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those, uh, longboats and then we row back to Spain like there's no mañana! Miguel- Back to Spain, huh? Tulio- Yeah. Miguel- In a rowboat? Tulio- You got it! Miguel- Great! Sensational! And that-that's your plan, is it? Tulio- That's...pretty much it. Miguel- [hesitates] Well, I like it! So, how do we get on deck? Tulio- Hmm...in the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those...longboats... Miguel- [sighs] Great... Tulio- [shouts] Oh well, okay what's your idea, smart guy? Miguel- What-what-what do you mean? D-don't ask me that! You're the one with the plans! [Altivo whinnies] Miguel- Wait! I have an idea! Uh, come on g-g-gimme a boost. [whispering] Hey! Altivo! Altivo! You want the nice apple? Come and get it! But you have to do a trick for me first... [Altivo snorts] Miguel- All you have to do is find a pry bar...a long piece of iron with a hooky thing at the end, yeah... Tulio- Miguel, you're talking to a horse! Miguel- Shush! Shush! That's it Altivo! Find the pry bar! Tulio- [mockingly] Yes, find the pry bar...[growling]...He can't understand pry bar! He's a dumb horse! There's no way-- [Altivo drops the keys in front of Tulio and whinnies] Tulio- Well, it's not a pry bar... [Both climb out on deck and Altivo bumps Miguel with his nose] Miguel- [gasps] Oh Altivo! Oh, thank you old boy! Listen, if we can ever return the favor... Tulio- For Pete's sake, Miguel! He's a ruthless war-horse not a poodle! Come on before he licks you to death! Miguel- Adiós! [Altivo whinnies] Miguel- Sh! Sh! Shhh! Quiet please! Tulio- What's the matter with him? Miguel- Oh, he wants his apple! Tulio- Well, give it to him before he wakes up the whole ship! [grabs the apple and throws it] Fetch! [Altivo whinnies and watches the apple ricochet off things on the ship before it plops in the water. A few seconds later, the horse jumps in after it] Miguel- Altivo! Tulio- Miguel! Miguel- Altivo! I'm coming! Tulio- Miguel! Miguel- Hang on! I'm right here, old boy! Help is coming! Tulio- Have you lost your mind?! [A huge ship heads straight for the rowboat, causing a huge, violent wake] Tulio- Holy ship! [The rowboat capsizes and all three are under it. Tulio grabs a rope and hands it to Miguel] Tulio- Loop the rope under the horse! Miguel- Yes. [Miguel takes the rope under Altivo then the two men climb on top of the capsized boat] Tulio- On three, pull back on the rope! Miguel-What? [A ship is coming straight at them] Tulio- Aah! Three! Pull! [The boat flips back over with the horse in it] Miguel- Tulio! Hey, it worked! [Both climb in the boat] Tulio- Did-did any of the supplies make it? Miguel- Well, um...yes and no... [Altivo is eating all their food] Tulio- Oh great! Miguel- Tulio, look on the positive side. At least things can't get-- [Thunder cracks and rain starts pouring down] Tulio- Excuse me, were you--were you gonna say "worse"? Miguel- No... Tulio- No? Miguel- No. Tulio- You're sure? Miguel- Absolutely...not. I revised that whole thing. Tulio- Yeah...We're at least in a rowboat. Miguel- We're in a rowboat. Exactly...you miss nothing... [Another storm blows up and knocks them around some more then it clears. They have been lost at sea for at least a week and are delirious with hunger and Tulio’s getting sick of Altivo.] *Tulio- Ah, ditch the horse! Miguel- Oh, I like the horse. Tulio- Ah, he’s too heavy. Miguel- Oh, he’s cute.* [A seagull lands on their boat, but just when they're about to grab it for food, a shark jumps out of the water and gets it first] Miguel and Tulio- [moaning] *Tulio- I want my mommy!* [Fade out, fade in] Miguel- [hoarsely] Tulio? Did you ever imagine it would end like this? Tulio- [hoarsely] The horse is a surprise. [Altivo snorts.] Miguel- Any...regrets? Tulio- Besides dying? Yeah...I never...had enough...gold. Miguel- My regret besides dying is...our greatest adventure is over before it began and no one will even remember us. *Where’s the glory in that?* Tulio- Well, if it's any consolation, Miguel, you...made my life...an adventure...[sobs] Miguel- And if it's any consolation, Tulio, you made...my life...rich...[sobs] [Both crying and moaning, they let their hands flop out of the boat. Altivo snorts. Miguel picks up a handful of dry sand and moans, letting it drop, but Tulio recognizes it for what it is] Tulio- Hmm... Miguel- Is it? Tulio- It is! It's... Miguel- It’s... Miguel and Tulio- Laaaaaaaaand! [All three jump out, drop to their knees and start kissing the ground...until Miguel kisses a skull, then they all scream] Tulio- All in favor of getting back into the boat say "aye". Miguel- Aye! Tulio- Aye! Let's go! [Tulio and Altivo head back toward the boat, but Miguel stays behind, studying the surroundings. He pulls out the map and studies it, then the surroundings again] Tulio- Hey! Miguel! I could use a little help! Miguel! Hello! Miguel- [turns around suddenly] Tulio! Tulio- [startled] Aah! Miguel- We've done it! Tulio- What's that? The map? Miguel- It's all right here! Tulio- You still have the map? Miguel- The whistling rock! The stream! Tulio- You kept the map, but you couldn't grab a little more food?! Miguel- Even those mountains! You said so yourself! It could be possible and it is! It really is the map to El Dorado! [breathing heavily] Tulio- You drank the seawater, didn't you? Miguel- Oh, come on! Tulio- I am not coming on! I wouldn't set foot in that jungle for a million pesetas! Miguel- How about a hundred million? Tulio- What? Miguel- I just though that after all, since El Dorado is the city of gold... Tulio- What's your point? Miguel- You know, dust, nuggets, bricks...a temple of gold where you can pluck gold from the very walls, but you don't want to go so let's get back into the boat and row back to Spain...after all it worked so well last time-- Tulio- [sputters] Wait! Hmm...wait a minute...new plan! We find the city of gold, we take the gold, and then we go back to Spain! Miguel- And buy Spain! Tulio- Yeah! Miguel- That's the spirit! [grabs an old sword from the ribs of a skeleton] Come on, Tulio! We'll follow that trail! Tulio- What trail? Miguel- The trail that we blaze! [cuts away a wall of vines to reveal...a solid rock wall] [Altivo snorts] Miguel- [points the other way] That trail that we blaze! Tulio- Oy! [Altivo tries to walk away] Tulio- Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! [grabs his bridle] Oh, no you don't! [Altivo takes a bite out of...Tulio?] Tulio- Yeow! Your horse bit me in the butt! [An armadillo is about to become a snake’s dinner when Miguel cuts the branch and the snake falls to the ground] Background Song (Elton John) The Trail We Blaze: Look out New World, here we come...Brave, intrepid... Tulio- [yells in pain] Song: And then some...Pioneers of maximum...Audacity whose résumés show that we are just the team to live where others merely dream... Tulio- [to the armadillo] What're you looking at? Song: Building up a head of steam... [Altivo runs up behind Tulio and rams him, throwing him on board] Tulio- Whoa! Song: On the trail we blaze...Changing legend into fact, we shall ride into history...Turning myth into truth, we shall surely gaze... [Tulio wades through a lagoon and gets covered in leeches. Miguel pulls them off him one by one.] Song: On the sweet unfolding of an antique mystery...All will be revealed on the trail we blaze... [They cross a river and a piranha jumps up and bites Tulio's rear] Tulio- Oh, oh, oh, oh! [Miguel pulls it off] Miguel- Dinner is served! [hands Tulio the fried piranha] [The armadillo grabs it and goes to eat it] Tulio- [groans] [Both go skinny-dipping in a hot spring] Song: Paradise is close at hand...Shangri-La, the promised land...Seventh heaven on demand...Quite unusual nowadays [Curious monkeys come and put on Miguel and Tulio's clothes then run away with them. Tulio and Miguel chase after them, running through the jungle naked] Song:...Virgin vistas undefiled...Minds and bodies running wild...In the man behold the child... [They get their clothes back but start itching as soon as they get them on. Altivo wanders off and Miguel and Tulio shout after him.] Song: On the trail we blaze...The trail we blaze is a road uncharted...Through terra incognito to a golden shrine...No place for the traveler to be faint-hearted...We are part of a sumptuous Grand Design...Changing legend into fact, we shall ride into history...Turning myth into truth, we shall surely gaze on the sweet unfolding of an antique mystery...All will be revealed...On the Trail we blaze... [The song ends as they walk across a thin ledge that collapses under their weight and sends them falling through the jungle. Miguel is knocked unconscious, but Tulio remains awake. The map floats down and lands on his face. He gets up and studies the map, then the huge engraved rock standing before him. He walks from one side to the other then steps back, scratches at the rock with a fingernail and finds no gold] Tulio- Hmm...[snaps his fingers]...Miguel! Miguel! Wake up... Miguel- [moans] Tulio- We're there... Miguel- We found it? Tulio- Oh yeah, we found it... Miguel- Oh, fantastic! Where is it? How far? Tulio- Right here. Miguel- Where? Tulio- Here. Miguel- Behind the rock? Tulio- No, no...this is it. Miguel- W-we...Gimme that map! What? This can't-- Tulio- Apparently, "El Dorado" is native for... "great...big...rock"!!! [voice echoes] [Altivo glances back and forth] Tulio- Hey, but I'll tell you what, I'm feeling generous so you can have my share! Miguel- You don't think Cortes could've gotten here before us and-- Tulio- And what? Taken all the really big rocks? The scoundrel! Miguel- Tulio, you--we, we have to think about this. I mean, we've come all this way and we--we should--we should really-- Tulio- [growling] Get...on...the horse! [Miguel sighs and makes a sad face] Tulio- Ah, not with "the face"! Stop it! [clears throat] Looks like there's, uh, a pass right over there. Chel- [panting] [A bunch of natives come charging after Chel from deep in the jungle. Altivo rears up in fright. Chel is holding a golden face and she throws it to Tulio who throws it back. They toss it back and forth for a few minutes, the natives watching, until Chel hits Tulio in the head with it] Tulio- Uh, hello...Is this your rock? Sorry, we were just...looking. We're, um...we're tourists...[enunciating] Tour-rist...We, we, we lost our group... Miguel- Mm-hmm, yes. Tulio- May we go now? [Leader shoves a spear in Tulio's face] Tulio- Eh-heh-heh...Spears... [Natives grab Chel] Chel- Hey! Hey! [Natives lead them through a waterfall, escort them into a boat and pole it down some dark tunnels then some gates open and...] Miguel- It's...it's... Miguel and Tulio- El Dorado... [They gaze around at the exotic beauty. The natives gasp and turn to watch them as they pass] Tulio- [sighs] Well, it was nice working with you, partner. Miguel- Tulio, I just want you to know...I'm sorry about that girl in Barcelona. Tulio- What? You...you-- Tzekel-Kan- Behold! As the prophecies foretold, the time of judgment is now! [Miguel and Tulio look at each other with worried expressions] Tzekel-Kan- Citizens! Did I not predict that the gods would come to us? [Miguel and Tulio look around and, seeing no one else Tzekel-Kan could be referring to as "gods", they relax a little] Miguel and Tulio- Hmm... Tzekel-Kan- (chuckles) My lords, I am Tzekel-Kan, your devoted high priest and speaker for the gods. Tulio- Hey. Chief Tannabok- I am Chief Tannabok. What names may we call you? Miguel- I am Miguel... Tulio- And I am Tulio... Miguel- And they call us Miguel and Tulio. Tzekel-Kan- Your arrival has been greatly anticipated. Chief Tannabok- My lords, how long will you be staying in El Dorado? Tzekel-Kan- [grabs Chel] Ah-ha! I see you have captured this temple-robbing thief! How would you have us punish her? Chel- Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! My lord, I am not a thief. Uh, the gods sent me a vision to bring them tribute from the temple to guide them here. My only wish is to serve the gods. [looks to Miguel and Tulio for help] Tulio- Release her...don'tcha think? Tzekel-Kan- [to Chel] Then you may begin by returning this to its rightful place. Chief Tannabok- My lords, why now do you choose to visit us? Tzekel-Kan- Enough! You do not question the gods! Miguel- That's right! Do not question us or we shall have to unleash our awesome and terrible power and you don't want that! Tzekel-Kan- Well, yes, we do! Miguel- You do? Tzekel-Kan- Of course we do! Visit your wrath upon this non-believer! Show us the truth of your divinity! Tulio- Divinity! One moment... [Tulio takes Miguel aside] Tulio- Miguel, you know that little voice that people have that tells them to quit when they're ahead? You don't have one! Miguel- I'm sorry! I just got carried away! Tulio- Way away! Miguel- Maybe we should tell the truth and then beg for mercy. They might-- Tulio- Are you nuts? We'd be butchered alive! Miguel- Yes, but they’re getting suspicious and if we don't come up with some sort of mega cosmic event, my friend, in the next five seconds, I think we‘ll-- [A volcano rumbles in the distance as it prepares to erupt. The armadillo is driving Tulio crazy.] Tulio- I'm trying! I'm trying! Miguel- Faster, Tulio! Think, think, think! [starts hitting Tulio in the head] Tulio- [thinking of the answer to their last problem] Horse! Horse! Miguel- No, no, no! Tulio- [to the armadillo] Stop! [The volcano shudders and just puffs out a cloud of harmless smoke. As Miguel and Tulio turn around, they find the whole city population bowing to them. Miguel and Tulio raise their arms in triumph. Miguel stops near a grouchy guard] Miguel- [to the guard] Don't make me start it up again...because I will! [Guard passes out] Tzekel-Kan- Oh, mighty lords! Come, let me show you to your temple. Miguel- All right! Temple! Tzekel-Kan- [to the chief] Step aside. [They all march up a very long flight of steps and Miguel and Tulio are exhausted when they reach the top, but as the chief and high priest turn around, they put up a front] Tzekel-Kan- To commemorate your arrival, I propose a reverent ceremony at dawn. Chief Tannabok- Ah, then perhaps I could prepare a glorious feast for you tonight. Tzekel-Kan- Which would you prefer? Miguel- Both? Tulio- Both. Miguel and Tulio- Both. Miguel- Both is good. Chief Tannabok- My lords... Tzekel-Kan- My lords... [The chief and high priest step outside the temple and look out over the city] Tzekel-Kan- And so dawns the age of the jaguar...Happy new year! [chuckles] Miguel- Hey. Tulio- Hey, hey! [Both burst out laughing] Miguel- They actually think we're gods! Tulio- It's an entire city of suckers! We just have to keep this up long enough to load up on the gold and then get outta here! Miguel- Tulio, we'll-we'll be living like kings! Tulio- Miguel and Tulio... Miguel- Tulio and Miguel... Miguel and Tulio- Mighty and powerful gods! Chel- Hello! [Miguel and Tulio turn around and scream. Chel giggles] Tulio- Depart mortal! Before we...strike you with a lightening...bolt! Chel- [hums, unafraid] Miguel- Beware the wrath of the gods! Be gone! Ck, ck! Chel- Save it for the high priest, honey. You're gonna need it. Miguel- Ck, ck! Tulio- Miguel, it's not working. Miguel- Ck, ck! Tulio- Miguel, we've been caught! Miguel- [weakly] Ck, ck... Chel- Oh no, don't worry about me, boys. "My only wish is to serve the gods"...remember? Tulio- How? Chel- Well, if you guys want the gold, but you don't want to get caught, right? You're going to need my help. Miguel- Puh, what makes you think we need your help? Chel- "Ck, ck"...Are you serious? [Altivo "laughs"] Miguel- Okay so, uh...who are you? Tulio- Yeah, and what's your angle? Chel- [scoffs] No angle. I want in. Tulio- In? Chel- On the scam. Tulio- [forces a laugh] Heh...heh-heh...There's no scam! Why would you think there's a--why? Chel- [snickers] So I can get out. Miguel- I thought she just said she wanted "in". Tulio- She wants "in" so she can get "out". Miguel- Ah-ha! Got it! Uh...why? Chel- Think you're the only ones who dream of better things? Of adventure? You've got your reasons and I've got mine. Let's not make it personal, okay? It's just business. Miguel and Tulio- Oh. Chel- So when you guys are ready to go back to...wherever you came from, I'm going with you. Tulio- [laughs] No, don't think so. [coughs and starts whistling] Chel- All right, fine. [laughs and shoves Tulio] After all, I'm sure you know the proper rituals for blessing a tribute, the holiest days on the calendar...oh, and of course you know all about Xibalba...hmm! [pinches Tulio’s cheek] Okay! Good luck...see you at the execution. Tulio- [sputters] Wait! Whoa! Hold it! Chel- [chuckles] Deal? Tulio- Hmm... Miguel- Deal! Tulio- Not yet! [blocks their handshake] Let's just see how this works out. [pinches Chel’s cheek] Chel- Ah-ha...well then I suppose that means you'll want these back? [holds out Tulio's loaded dice] Tulio- How'd you get those? Miguel- Where was she keeping them? Chel- Call me Chel, your new partner. Tulio- Uh, that's partner in training! Chel- [throws some clothes at them] Now put these on! Your public's waiting...[hums and giggles] Tulio- [is changing his clothes, speaking to Chel] Do you mind? Chel- No...Oh! Oh! Oh! Eh-heh! Right! [giggles] Bye! Oh...bye! Miguel- Mm-mm-mm! Maybe they should call this place Chel Dorado! Tulio- [chuckles] She's whoo-oh...Whoa! She's trouble! Wait a minute! Miguel- What? Tulio- The little voice? Remember the little voice? Just-just for a second imagine that you had one...What would it be saying about Chel? Miguel- Hmm...[purrs] Tulio- No! No! Listen, we are partners... Miguel- We're partners. Tulio- We have a plan, remember? Miguel- Get the gold, go back to Spain. Tulio- Yes, and we are pretending to be gods, now put Chel in the mix. What does the voice say? Listen carefully. Miguel- Chel is...off limits? Tulio- Bravo! Chel is off limits! Shake on it! Miguel- Off limits! [Secret handshake] Miguel- Besides, we're supposed to be gods. We must avoid...giving into temptation. Tulio- Gods? Oh, this is gonna be tougher than I thought! Miguel- Tulio, relax! All you have to do is smile, act godly, and follow my lead. Chief Tannabok- Big smile...like you mean it! A one, two, three! [strikes up the band] Song: It's Tough to be a God Tulio- I hardly think I'm qualified to come across all sanctified...I just don't cut it with the cherubim... Miguel- [speaking] Tulio, what are you talking about? [singing] There again they're on their knees...Being worshipped is a breeze which rather suits us in the interim... Tulio- The interim! The interim! It's me and him! Oh, my god! Miguel and Tulio- It's tough to be a god... Tulio- Tread where mortals have not trod...Being deified when really you're a sham...Be an object of devotion...Be the subject of psalms... Miguel- It's a rather touching notion, all those prayers and those salaams... Tulio- And who am I to bridle if I'm forced to be an idol? If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am...What's more, if we don't comply with the locals wishes I can see us being sacrificed or stuffed... Miguel- [speaking] You have a point. That's very good thinking, so...[singing]...Let's be gods! The perks are great! Tulio- Yeah! Miguel- El Dorado on a plate... Tulio- Thank you! Miguel- The local feeling should not be rebuffed... Tulio- Never rebuff, never rebuff the local feeling, no my friend! Miguel and Tulio- It's tough to be a god, but if you get the people's nod...Count your blessings! Tulio- Yeah! Miguel and Tulio- Keep 'em sweet! That's our advice... Tulio- It's great advice! Miguel and Tulio- Be a symbol of perfection...be a legend...be a cult...Take the praise...Take a collection as the multitudes exult... Miguel- Gone on supernatural habit... Tulio- We'd be crazy not to grab it... Miguel and Tulio- So sign on two new gods for paradise...paradise... [Song ends as Miguel, Tulio, and Altivo start staggering around, drunk] Miguel and Tulio- [snoring] [Tzekel-Kan pops in and gets right in their faces] Miguel and Tulio- [startled] Aaah! Tzekel-Kan- Good morning, my lords! Miguel- [whispering] He's back! Tulio- [muttering] Oh no... Tzekel-Kan- And now it's my turn! [Walks outside] Tzekel-Kan- [shouting] The gods have awakened! [Crowd cheers] Tulio- Whoa! Psst! Hey, Chel! What's going on? Chel- It's not gonna be good. Tulio- Hmm...Thank you. Tzekel-Kan- This city has been granted a great blessing and what have we done to show our gratitude? A meager...celebration. The gods deserve a proper tribute! The beginning of a new era...the dawning of a new age demands...sacrifice! [Tzekel-Kan prepares to sacrifice a living human being] Tulio- I don't like this. Miguel- Tulio, we've got to do something. Tulio- Stop! This is not a proper tribute! Tzekel-Kan- You do not want the tribute? Miguel- No, no, we want tribute! Uh, it's just that, um...Tulio, tell him. Tulio- The stars are not in position for this tribute! Miguel- Like he says...stars...can't do it...not today. Tzekel-Kan- [disappointed] Oh...well, perhaps it is possible I misread...the heavens. Miguel- Don't worry about it. To err is human...to forgive-- [Tulio slaps him] Chief Tannabok- My lords, may the people of El Dorado offer you our tribute. [A bunch of native women bring out a ton of gold. Miguel and Tulio drool] Chief Tannabok- My lords, does this please you? [Miguel and Tulio straighten up] Miguel- Yes, very nice! Certainly acceptable. Tulio- Lovely...Yes, it'll do. Chief Tannabok- The gods have chosen! To Xibalba? Chel- [to Miguel and Tulio] No, no, no! Miguel and Tulio- To Xibalba! Chel- Oh, great! [All the natives chant “Xibalba” start throwing the gold into a deadly whirlpool while Miguel and Tulio look on helplessly] Miguel- Hey Chel...um...What are they doing? Chel- They're sending it to Xibalba...the spirit world! Tulio- Spirit world... Chel- I'll handle this. Ahem, excuse me, Chief, the gods have changed their minds about Xibalba. They wish to bask in the reverence that has been shown them. Chief Tannabok- [shouts] Stop! [The natives stop. Tulio puts his foot out to block a gold plate from rolling over the edge] Chief Tannabok- They wish to bask! Take the tribute to the gods' temple! Chel- [humming confidently] Tulio- Nice going! Chief Tannabok- [chuckles at Tzekel-Kan] Tzekel-Kan- Smile while you can. [Cortes and his men hit land and spot Miguel and Tulio's rowboat] Cortes- Well, well, well...What have we here? [sinister chuckle] [Miguel and Tulio are basking in luxury] Tulio- Aye-aye-aye! Miguel and Tulio- Tons of gold for you--huh! Tons of gold me--whoo! Tons of gold for we--ha! Tulio- Hee-hee! Not bad for a days work, eh? Miguel- No, not bad at all! Tulio- Yeah, we just became richer than the king of Spain! [laughs] Miguel- Speaking of kings, the chief and high priest seem a bit, uh...tense. *You know, I’m not sure they get along.* Tulio- Buenos dias! Listen, all we have to do is keep playing the one against the other. You know, do a little god dance, chant some mystic mumbo-jumbo, dazzle 'em with some smoke and mirrors, and get back to Spain! Miguel- Um, Tulio, how are we gonna get all this back to Spain? Tulio- Uhhh... Chief Tannabok- A boat? Tulio- Yeah. Miguel- Uh, we really...hate to be ascending so soon, but, uh, some urgent business has come up. You know, family matters... Tulio- Yeah. Yeah, family. Miguel- And you know...Bada bing, bada boom, you know what I mean? Chief Tannabok- Oh, we expected you to be staying with us for the next...thousand years. Tulio- Well, as we say in the spirit world there's your plan and then...there's the gods' plan and our plan, uh, calls for a boat, 'cause we're gonna ascend kind of in a horizontal pattern at first and then we're gonna go vertical, uh, as we get, uh, further out to sea. Chief Tannabok- Ooh, to build a boat large and glorious enough would take...about a week. Tulio- A week? Miguel- Uhhh... Tulio- Hmm, uh, I wonder how long it would take Tzekel-Kan to do it. Chief Tannabok- But, for the gods, uh...three days. Tulio- Ehhhhh... Miguel- Well, if that's the best you can do. Chief Tannabok- Or perhaps if you were not burdened with so much tribute, you could leave sooner. Tulio- Hmm...I like it here. Miguel? Miguel- Yep, yep! Three days is just...fine. [Miguel and Tulio are back in the shrine. Chel is looking at the gold] Tulio- No, three days is not fine. This is a real--[sees Chel looking through the gold and hands her a pair of earrings he's selected for her himself] No, these! These are the ones. Chel- Oh! Thank you! Tulio- No problem. Miguel, how are we gonna keep this up for three days? Miguel- [scoffs] You worry too much! Tulio- No, I worry exactly the right amount! You can never worry too much! We just have to lie low. Miguel- But Tulio this place is amazing! I mean I wonder what's over-- Tulio- No! Don't even move! Miguel- Tulio-- Tulio- You're moving! Miguel- [stutters] Tulio- Ah-ah! Hey, hey, hey! Miguel- But I just- Tulio- Stay! Uh-uh! Down! Miguel- But I just-- Tulio- Just stand there! Miguel- [is balancing on one leg] For three days?! Tulio- Yes! [slams his hand on the table] Exactly! For three days--don't even breathe! All right? Miguel- All right, we lie low. Tulio- Ah-ah! Promise? Miguel- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right, all right! Tulio- [sighs] Great! Good. Okay. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to...gloat over my gold. [kisses the gold] Mmm...oh, yum, yum, yum! Chel- [to Miguel] It's beautiful, isn't it? Miguel- Yeah. *Are there really jeweled caverns here with walls of jade?* Chel- *And so much more...*You know, you really shouldn't miss it. Miguel- I know, but...I couldn't. Chel- Go ahead. [whispering] I'll cover for you. Miguel- Oh, good! Thanks! [clears his throat] So, what happened to Altivo? Chel- I don't know. Tulio- [singing] So, sign on two new gods for paradise. [to Chel] Hey, what happened to Miguel? Chel- I don't know. Tulio- Oh, my god! He's gone! Miguel's gone! He's loose! What am I gonna do? Aaah! Oh, no, no! [crying] Chel- Ah, Miguel is right...you worry too much. [Chel starts massaging Tulio's shoulders] Tulio- Oooh...Ahh...Oh yeah...Down, down, down...Oooh...[snaps out of it] Whoa! No! Oh, big trouble! Oh! Look, sweetheart, we're in the middle of a con here, walking the razor's edge. On the one hand, gold! On the other hand, painful, agonizing failure! [clears throat] I can't afford any tempta-uh, distractions. So, I'm sorry. Soooooo sorry. Uh, but perhaps another time? Another place, hmm? Chel- [laughs] Too bad. I'm free now. Tulio- I'm...not really...sure I trust you. Chel- Well, I'm not really asking you to trust me, am I? Tulio- 'Kay. Uh, yeah. [Miguel is walking the quiet streets of El Dorado. He walks up to a guard] Miguel- Excuse me! Excuse me! Hey, where is everybody? Guard- Oh, they've been cleared from the streets, my lord. So the city can be cleansed...as you ordered. Miguel- Cleansed? Guard- Yes, so the age of the jaguar can begin...as you ordered. [Guards start yelling at and beating up a young man] Miguel- Hey! Hey, stop that! Hey, stop that! What are you doing? Stop that! Guard- But, my lord, anyone who disobeys your orders must be punished...as you ordered. Miguel- Seems I've been giving a lot of orders haven't I? Guard- Tzekel-Kan has made your commands clear, my lord. Miguel- Really? Here's an order: take the day off! [to the young man] Are you all right? [Young man fearfully hands him his gold earrings] Miguel- [chuckles] Oh, no. It's all right. Please, sir... [Young man runs away, knocking over some things. Miguel picks up a loom the man knocked over and makes himself a mandolin] Miguel- Hey, Altivo! There you are! [starts playing the mandolin while children laugh and play] Background Song: (Elton John) Without Question The more I learn...The more I see...The less the world impassions me...The hungry heart...The roving eye...Has come to rest, do not apply...The frantic chase...The crazy ride...The thrill has gone...I step aside...I'd believe in anything, were it not for you...Showing me by just existing...Only this is true...I love you...I love you...Without question...I love you... [All throughout the song, Miguel is playing with the children and mingling with the natives] Song: I'd believe in anything...Were it not for you...Showing me by just existing...Only this is true...Oh, I love you... [Song ends and Miguel starts playing ball with some native children] Tzekel-Kan- Hmm...This is not what I expected. Perhaps lord Tulio will enlighten me. [chuckles] How do I look? Acolyte- Oh! Uh...well, you-- Tzekel-Kan- Oh shut up. Tulio- Whoa! Whoa! Tzekel-Kan- My lord? Hello? Chel- [gasps] The high priest! Tulio- Ow! Chel- [gasps] What's he gonna think if he finds one of the gods like this with me? Tulio- Uh...lucky god? Chel- [groans and smacks his face trying to get him to snap out of it] Ooh! Tzekel-Kan- Hello? [Chel kicks Tulio across the room] Tulio- Whoa! Oh! Tzekel-Kan! What brings you here? Tzekel-Kan- I-I-I-I humbly request an audience with you, my lord. Tulio- Lord, yes. What can I do for you? Tzekel-Kan- My lord, I have just seen lord Miguel out among the people... Tulio- Really? *Well! Tzekel-Kan- Ah, then you’re aware of the problem? Tulio- Oh, for quite some time now.* Tzekel-Kan- If I may be so bold as to over some advice? Tulio- Mmm, all right...shoot. Tzekel-Kan- [clears his throat] My lord, you are perfect. Tulio- Well...go on. Tzekel-Kan- But in your perfection, you cannot know how imperfect humans are...Like snakes they are spineless and slippery. They are as untrustworthy as rats, stealing and cheating with no remorse. Spinning webs of lies like spiders! Tulio- Stop it! That is disgusting! Tzekel-Kan- They're beyond disgusting. Tulio- Yeah, yeah...Way beyond. Tzekel-Kan- Then we're in agreement? I'll begin the necessary preparations immediately. Now do you wish to have your victims bound to an altar? Or do you prefer them free range? Tulio- Hey... Tzekel-Kan- And will you be devouring their essence whole or piece by piece? Tulio- Tzek, you've lost me. Tzekel-Kan- My lord, these people will not respect you if they do not fear you. Tulio- And of course, we'll make them fear us by-- Tzekel-Kan- A sacrifice! As it is prophesized! The history of the age of the jaguar will be written in...? Tulio- Ink? Tzekel-Kan- Blood! Tulio- Blood! Oh right! Of course, I should probably consult, uh with lord Miguel. This is very important stuff. I shall discuss the entire blood...issue...right away! Excuse us, won't you? [to Chel] Let's go! Tzekel-Kan- [sighs] Finally...we're connecting. [Cortes is still following Miguel and Tulio's trail] Cortes- [to his men] This way. [Miguel is still playing ball with the children...until the ball beans an angry Tulio] Tulio- Oof! What...do you think...you're doing?! Miguel- Pfft! Lying low. Tulio- Ooh! Look, change of plans. We have to grab what we can carry and get out of here now! Miguel- What? Why? Tulio- Because the high priest is nuts! He wants-- Tzekel-Kan- [shouting] This is unacceptable! Tulio- Yeah, yeah! Like he said! Tzekel-Kan- [still shouting] The gods should not be playing ball like this! Tulio- Well, exactly! Tzekel-Kan- [gestures to a huge court with two golden hoops suspended in the air on high stone walls and continues shouting] This is how the gods should play ball! Miguel- [to Tulio] Well, don't blame me! Tulio- I blame you! [to Chel] What is the object of this game, pray tell? Chel- Gotta knock the ball through the hoop. Tulio- What hoop? Chel- That hoop. Tulio- That's impossible! We're gonna lose! Chel- Gods don't lose. [A team of fifteen warriors come charging in] Warriors- Heep-ha! Tzekel-Kan- My lords, Chief Tannabok's warriors are the finest ball players in the city. Fifteen mere mortals against two gods. Miguel and Tulio- [gulp] Tzekel-Kan- I realize it's a bit uneven, but I hope they challenge you enough to make the game...interesting. Play ball! [to Miguel and Tulio] Crush them into the dust! Enjoy! [The warriors send the ball rocketing at a deadly speed toward Miguel and Tulio who duck just in time] Warriors- [watching the ball bounce] Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Tzekel-Kan- [clears his throat] My lords! Were you not supposed to put the ball into play? Tulio- Oh! Heh! Well, no, no, no, no, no, no. We were merely demonstrating the, uh, traditional, uh...uh, first-avoidance maneuver. Tzekel-Kan- Ah...I've never heard of such a thing. Miguel- Excuse me! Who invented this game? Tzekel-Kan- Why, the gods! [chuckles] Of course! Tulio- [to Miguel] I'm warning you, don't push your luck with this guy! Miguel- But Tulio, we're the gods! [Miguel kicks the ball into play and the warriors are all over it, shooting hoops like there's no mañana. Miguel and Tulio don't stand a change] Chel- Tulio! Your hip! Your hip! [pounds the armadillo on her hip] Tulio- [panting] This...is impossible! Miguel- [to the warriors] Excuse me! Warriors- [chanting] Heep-ha! Heep-ha! Heep-ha! Heep-ha! Heep-ha! Heep-ha! Chel- Foul! That was a foul! [Ball gets thrown out of bounds] Warrior- New ball! Tulio- [panting] How long does this go on anyway? Chel- The game is over when the shadow touches this line. Miguel- We need a miracle! Tulio- No, we need to cheat! [Chel grabs the armadillo and shows Miguel and Tulio that there is a way to do this] Miguel and Tulio- Yes! Chel- Whoo-hoo-hoo! Miguel and Tulio- Olé! Tzekel-Kan- Hmm... Chel- Yes! Ho-ho! Miguel- Who's da god? Tulio- You da god! Miguel- No, you da god! Tulio- No, you da god! Fine! [The armadillo gets thrown out of bounds and Chel accidentally throws a real ball back in, but Miguel and Tulio aren't aware of this] Chel- It's right here! It's right here with me! [Miguel and Tulio panic and fumble the ball. Tulio accidentally hits Miguel in the face, but Miguel just manages to kick the ball up into the hoop, where it stops midway. Altivo looks to make sure no one is watching then kicks the wall, causing the ball to fall through the hoop. Everyone cheers for the "gods"] Tzekel-Kan- I love this game! Miguel and Tulio- Yes! Chel- Whoo-hoo-hoo! Tulio- Well done, partner! Chel- Yes! Yes! Yes! Tzekel-Kan- My lords, congratulations on your victory. And now, you will, of course, wish to have the losing team sacrificed to your glory! Miguel- Not again! Look, Tzekel-Kan... Tulio- Uh, Miguel? Miguel- Forget the sacrifices! Tulio- Miguel! Miguel- We don't want any sacrifices! Tzekel-Kan- But all of the sacred writings say that you'll devour the wicked and the unrighteous. Miguel- Well, I don't see anyone here who fits that description. Tzekel-Kan- Well, as speaker for the gods, it would be my privilege to point them out. Miguel- [shouting] The gods are speaking for themselves now! This city and these people have no need for you anymore! There will be no sacrifices! Not now! Not ever! Now, get out! [Tzekel-Kan notices a small drop of blood on Miguel's forehead and knows the truth, but pretends he knows nothing] Tzekel-Kan- As the..."gods"...command. [Crowd laughing and cheering] Tulio- Whoa! Miguel- [to Tulio] Hey! Not bad for my first commandment, huh? Tulio- Uh, Miguel...the little voice...just-just...[sighs] Fine... Tzekel-Kan- [to his acolyte] Do you know why the gods demand blood? Acolyte- I don't know. [Tzekel-Kan cuts his own palm and smears blood over the face of a carving of Miguel] Tzekel-Kan- Because gods...don't...bleed. It's time to take the future into my own hands and the city will be cleansed...even if I have to do it myself. Acolyte- Uh, how? Tzekel-Kan- [flips through his little book] There are dark magics here...and power! And-Ooh! Oh, my, my, my, my, my! It's not called the age of the jaguar for nothing. [sinister chuckle] This will be a delightful way to bid the false gods...goodbye. [Miguel is off having fun with the people of El Dorado while Tulio spends time with Chel] Tulio- Adiós muchacho! Chel- [giggles] [Tulio hands her a flower with purple birds disguising themselves as the flower's petals. The birds take flight and Chel smiles] Miguel- Well, it's um...uh, nice. Chief Tannabok- Nice? Miguel- Yes, nice. Chief Tannabok- But? Miguel- Uh, but, um...is it really fit for the gods? Chief Tannabok- My lord? Miguel- [chuckles] I have been around boats, believe me, and that, um...that pointy, tall...the-the long up and-up and down thing... Chief Tannabok- The mast? Miguel- The mast, yes, yes, the mast. That’s good, but look at it. I mean, there's not nearly enough uh...um...rope. Chief Tannabok- Rope? Miguel- Yes, a rope. Exactly my point. Vertical ascension requires a lot more, uh, rope. Chief Tannabok- My lord-- Miguel- And look at this...[tries to prove how unsteady the boat's walls are, but the don't even shake. Miguel hurts his hand as he tries to make it look weak] Eh-heh-heh...This doesn't look at all secure! Chief I'm sorry, I'm sorry, uh, but all in all it is a complete do-over. Chief Tannabok- You know, lord Miguel, if you wish to stay, you only need to say so. Miguel- You mean forever? Chief Tannabok- Of course. Miguel- Oh, but I...I can't. I have to go back with Tulio, we're-we're partners. Chief Tannabok- Big plans in the other world, huh? Miguel- Yep, big plans. Chief Tannabok- Well, then I better go get some more rope. Miguel- Oh, chief, um, forget about the rope...um...my mistake. Chief Tannabok- Hey, to err is human. [Back at the temple, Tulio and Chel are trying to evenly divide the gold] Tulio- Half?! Chel- Mmm-hmm. Tulio- [chuckles] I don't think so. Uh, I'll tell you what. Uh, I'll let you come back to Spain with us--like you wanted--and, um, yeah, I can see my way clear to throwing you...mmm...ten percent? Chel- [scoffs] You know, maybe I won't go back to Spain with you and take a third. Tulio- Oh, oh-ho! Like you don't want to go to Spain. Chel- Oh, like you don't want me to want to go to Spain! Tulio- I want you to want... Chel- Mmm-hmm? Tulio- What you want... Chel- Mmm-hmm. Go on. Tulio- All right, cards on the table...uh...I want you to come to Spain with me and Miguel. Mostly me...especially me...only me...forget Miguel. Chel- Well, as long as that's what...you want...me too! Tulio- Okay. Deal? Chel- Deal! [They start kissing, unaware that Miguel is watching and he heard the whole thing. Altivo snorts with disgust] Miguel- "Forget Miguel"? Well, forget Tulio. [Enter Tzekel-Kan’s temple where the acolyte is stirring a green liquid in a steaming vat.] Tzekel-Kan- Well, is it ready yet? Acolyte- Oh! [puts a little party umbrella in and some lime Tzekel-Kan's potion] Tzekel-Kan- [sniffs] Aaah! [throws it away in disgust and starts flipping through his little book] Hmm...it seems to be missing something...Ah, that's it! It needs more...body! [Tzekel-Kan kicks his acolyte into the brew and it explodes and gives him control over a huge stone jaguar] Tzekel-Kan- Do as I command! [chuckles] Child 1- The gods deserve a proper tribute! Child 2- Stop! There will be no sacrifices! Tulio- [chuckles] That kid does you better than you do! Ah, some send-off, huh? We’re finally at the go-back-to-Spain-and-live-like-kings part. [waves shyly to Chel] Miguel- [sighs] Well, isn't king kind of a step down from god? Tulio- [sputters] What? Whoa, whoa, whoa, Miguel! [chuckles] We can't stay here! We have a plan, remember? Miguel- *No one said you have to stay.* How about...we forget the plan, hmm? [The jaguar bursts out of Tzekel-Kan's temple, causing Miguel and Tulio to double take and then shriek like little girls] Tzekel-Kan- [cackling] Now everyone will know the truth of your "divinity"! [The jaguar storms through the city, terrorizing the citizens. The warriors try to stop it with their spears, but to no avail. The jaguar picks up a warrior in its stone teeth and shakes him, then throws him down] Warrior- I'm okay! [The jaguar stomps on him] Warrior- I'm still okay! Chel- [to Miguel and Tulio] Come on! Get on! [gasps] Tulio- Altivo! Ya! [The jaguar roars after Altivo until the horse kicks out on of its emerald eyes then it roars in pain and hits the horse, sending his riders flying] Chel- Tulio! Tulio- Hey, over here, you big Tzekel-Kan cat! Altivo, get Chel outta there! [Altivo whinnies and charges to rescue Chel while Tulio and Miguel lead the jaguar to a lava field] Tulio- Whoa-oh-oh-oh! [The jaguar starts sinking down in the lava] Miguel and Tulio- [as they slide back and forth across a chunk of floating rock] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Tulio- Move! Move! Jump! [Just when they think the jaguar is gone, it comes back out of the lava and stares them in the face] Miguel and Tulio- Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!! [They run until they are cornered at the edge of the ceynote well] Tulio- Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh! Tzekel-Kan- I know what you are and I know what you are not and you are not gods! Tulio- [to Miguel] Y-you're not a god? You lied to me? [clears throat] How dare you? Miguel- [to Tzekel-Kan] Hey! It was his stupid plan! Tzekel-Kan- Oh? Tulio- Oh-ho-ho! My plan was that we should lie low! But your plan was to run off and be all "Oh, look at me! Look at me! I'm a god!" Miguel- That's not true! Tulio- No? Who're you kidding? You're buying your own con! Miguel- At least I'm not dating mine! Tulio- I--ooh! Low blow! Listen, Mr. High-and-Mighty we'd both be sailing out of here with a mountain of gold if you had just listened to me! Tzekel-Kan- Hmm... Miguel- Well, now you've got all the precious gold and Chel, so what do you need me for? [shoves Tulio] Tulio- Well, maybe I don't need you anymore! [shoves Miguel] Miguel- Well then, why don't you just go back to Spain and I'll stay here and we'll both get what we want? [shakes Tulio] Tulio- That's fine with me, pal! [shoves Miguel] Miguel- Fine with me, too! [slaps Tulio] Tzekel-Kan- Ooh! Tulio- Fine! [slaps Miguel] Tzekel-Kan- [chuckles] Miguel- Okay! [slaps Tulio again] Miguel and Tulio- All right! [both punch Tzekel-Kan in the face] Tulio- Tie him up! [Jaguar comes back to life and starts to lunge] Miguel- What? Tulio- Whoa! Jump! [Miguel and Tulio jump off the ledge and hang under it by vines while both the jaguar and Tzekel-Kan plunge into Xibalba. Tzekel-Kan surfaces at the waterfall and Cortes appears] Tzekel-Kan- [gasps] My lord...[bows to him] Cortes- [indicates a gold earring on Tzekel-Kan's ear] Where did you get this? Tulio- [laughs] That was good! [chuckles] Miguel- [strains as he pulls himself over the ledge, refusing to speak to Tulio] [The crowd cheers and embraces Miguel] Tulio- Hey! A little help, please? Miguel- Chief Tanni? Chief Tanni! I've decided to stay! Chief Tannabok- Oh, this is wonderful news! What a glorious day for El Dorado! Lord Miguel has decided to live among us! [Crowd cheers] Chel- Tulio! Is everything okay? [Tulio sadly watches the crowd carry his friend away] Tulio- Everything is...fine... Song: (Elton John) Friends Never Say Goodbye There isn't much I haven't shared with you along the road...And through it all there'd always be tomorrow's episode... [Tulio pauses in packing for his departure without Miguel to rip up the map before his friend's eyes] Song: Suddenly, that isn't true... [Miguel purposely knocks over a golden figure of Tulio] Song: There's another avenue...Beckoning the great divide... [Tulio swings a heavy bag over his shoulder and hits Miguel in the face] Song: Ask no questions...Take no side...Who's to say who's right or wrong? Who's course is braver run? All I know is all we had is over...Said and done... [Tulio descends the right side of the temple steps while Miguel descends the left] Song: Friends never say goodbye...Never say goodbye... [Tulio approaches to bid goodbye to the chief and citizens. The chief laughs and nearly crushes Tulio in a huge hug] Tulio- Aarrgh! Aah! Song: Friends never say goodbye... [Kids laugh as they exchange high fives with Tulio] Girl- We'll miss you! Tulio- Thank you! Song: Never say goodbye... [Altivo slurps Tulio upside his head] Tulio- Ew...Aarrgh! Song: Friends never say goodbye...Never say goodbye... Miguel- Well, good luck. Tulio- Yeah, you too. Song: Never...say...goodbye... [Altivo snorts and whinnies alarmingly] Miguel- Whoa boy! What is it? [Miguel looks up and sees a cloud of smoke following the sound of a gunshot in the mountains] Miguel- Cortes! Chief Tannabok- My lord, what is it? Sentry- Chief Tanni! Chief Tanni! [pants] Approaching the city...is an army of strangers! Chief Tannabok- We are safe here. They'll never find the gate to the city. Sentry- But sire, they are being led...by Tzekel-Kan! Chief Tannabok- He survived? Warriors! Prepare yourselves for battle! Miguel- Chief! *They’ve got weapons of thunder and lightening! Of terrible destruction!* We cannot fight them! Chief Tannabok- Then how can we stop them? Miguel- We can't. Tulio- Hmm...Uh, [clears throat] one moment please! [He sets up some small supplies to help him figure a plan] Tulio- Okay, here's the gate, here's the boat... Chel- Uh-huh. And? Tulio- [growls] Here's the gate... Chel- Okay... Tulio- Here's the boat... Chel- Got that. And? Tulio- Well, here's the goat and here's the bait- Chel- Tulio! [Chel smacks him and he bumps into the armadillo who spills his cup of water across the table, washing Tulio's "boat" into two stacks of gold coins] Tulio- Ah! That's it! We'll crash the boat into the pillars! Chel- That's it? I mean, but...what about the gold? Tulio- Well...[crying, voice cracks]...Chief!...[clears throat]...Chief? I've got a plan! [Warriors brace themselves to break the pillars under the cisterns to set the plan in motion] Chief Tannabok- Hold the lance steady! They're almost in place! Cortes- [to Tzekel-Kan] It better be there...for your sake. Tulio- Okay Chief! On my signal...Ready? Hit the pillars! Chief Tannabok- Now! [The warriors ram the pillars with a battering ram and they begin to break] Tulio- They're breaking too fast! Chel- Tulio! The sail! Tulio- [straining] It's stuck! [The cistern starts coming down with Tulio and Chel directly under it. Tulio starts climbing up the mast to try and untangle the sail.] Miguel- They're not gonna make it! Altivo! [Miguel jumps aboard Altivo and races toward the boat. The horse jumps on deck and Miguel leaves his back in midair, flying toward the sail.] Tulio- Are you crazy? [Miguel grabs it and swings, unfurling it as he lands on deck] Miguel and Tulio- Whoa! Tulio- Get off the boat, Miguel or you'll never see the city again! Miguel- I know. You don't think I'm gonna let you have all the fun, do you? Come on! We've got a wave to catch! [The cistern falls, creating a huge wave that sends the boat flying through the tunnel leaving El Dorado] Tulio- Whoa! [to Chel] Get out of the way! Chel- [gasps] Miguel- Hold on! Tulio- We're gonna have to hit it broadside! Miguel- That's your plan? But the gold-- Tulio- I know! Just turn the boat! On impact, everybody jump! [The boat crashes, Miguel, Tulio, Chel, Altivo, and the armadillo jump clear, and the gold spills into the river as the pillars crumble and close the entrance forever] Tulio- [gasping] Miguel- [panting] Tulio- [breathlessly] We made it...[laughing] It worked! It worked! Chel- Quiet! [grabs Tulio by his ear] Get down! Tulio- Ow! Ow, ow! Ow! Chel- There they are! Tzekel-Kan- [gasps] No! Cortes- You lying heathen! There is nothing here at all! Tzekel-Kan- No! Wait! Wait! Cortes- Men, seize him! Tzekel-Kan- [yells] Cortes- There is no El Dorado here! Onward men! Tzekel-Kan- [struggles, sees Tulio and Miguel and the others and gasps] Wait! No, wait! Wait!!! [Altivo snorts and the armadillo squeaks] Tulio- [sighs] Chel- [laughs] Miguel- Now, that was an adventure! Tulio- Yes, yes, it was and uh...[sobbing]...It was so much gold! [sniffles] I'm fine. Chel- Good...[kisses Tulio]...Let's go. Tulio- [sighs] Miguel- [extends his hand] Partner? Tulio- [shakes it] Partner! [Secret handshake] Chel- Hey guys! Come on! You don't wanna stay here forever, do you? Miguel- But, uh, we don't have a map. Tulio- We don't have a plan! Chel- Well, that's what makes it interesting! Tulio- You're right! Miguel- What are we waiting for? [Miguel and Tulio jump on Altivo behind Chel] Chel- Let's follow that trail! Yee-ah! Song: (Elton John) The Trail We Blaze On the sweet unfolding... [Altivo rears and leaves Miguel and Tulio on the ground on their rears] Tulio- Oof! Chel- Come on boys! [giggles] Song: Of an antique mystery... Tulio- Hey! Altivo! Song: All will be revealed... Miguel- Sit boy! Sit! Tulio- Chel! We're not on the horse! Chel- [laughs] Song: On the trail we blaze! [THE END]